Time Stood Still
by Latenightmom
Summary: She couldn't breathe. Will was alive? It wasn't possible. He'd died eight years ago. She'd been at the funeral. But the evidence that he was still living, lay right in front of her. Now she had to decide what to do with the information. Try to contact him, or let it go. Follows the shows timeline through mid-season 6.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N; Hello Readers! Just a quick summary. What if Will's death had been faked? What if Alicia found out several years into the future? Would she try to find him? Would he want to be found? And if their paths were to cross, would they be willing and able to change their lives again to be with each other? This follows the shows timeline until mid-season 6. It is somewhat of a sequel to my One Year Later story, but you don't need to have read that one to follow this.**

 **Please let me know if there is interest in continuing this. As always, your feedback is welcome and helpful to me. I hope you all enjoy!**

 _One of these days the sky's gonna break_

 _And everything will escape, and I'll know._

 _One of these days the mountains are gonna_

 _fall into the sea, and they'll know…_

 _That you and I were made for this._

 _I was made to taste your kiss._

 _We were made to never fall away…_

 _Never fall away._

 _Letters from the Sky_

 _Civil Twilight _

_**Washington D.C. 2022**_

 _ **Alicia**_

 _"I want to be with you, and only you, forever...forever...forever..."_

 _Forever_ – the words echoed through her mind, waking her from sleep. With perspiration on her brow and a racing heart, she inhaled deeply, blinking to allow her eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room around her.

 _Eight long years since Will died. It feels like forever_ , she thought, glancing at the clock on the bedside table next to her. 4:45 am. Sighing, she shifted beneath the soft sheets to gaze at the sleeping form next to her.

It had been a long time since she'd dreamt of Will. Whenever it happened she wondered why her dreams of him were so vivid – seemed so real. None of her other dreams were like this, or could wake her in a heated sweat. Dreams of him always did. Some of the dreams were good - _very good_. Others were not. Some were memories of times they'd spent together. Others were of things she'd dreamt up in her mind of what might have been if he hadn't died, if they'd ended the war she'd started - or if they hadn't.

 _It's the stress of the new job,_ she thought, sitting up. Or perhaps it had been going through some of her old things over the weekend. She'd finally found time to unpack a few boxes that had been piled up in the coat closet since her move. While unpacking she'd found the box that held her memories from Georgetown, and the time she'd spent with Will years later.

She quietly climbed out of bed making her way to the closet. Dreams like these were difficult to shake sometimes. The vivid memories filling her with so many emotions she felt like she was drowning. She'd moved on from Will, had accepted the fact that he'd loved her, but that being together would never be possible. He was dead after all.

She'd long since reconciled the memories that had once plagued her with heavy-laden guilt. But that didn't mean that sometimes when she thought of him, or saw the back of someone that looked like him, that she could ignore the emotions that ran through her, feel like a tiny piece of her heart was missing.

A few minutes later, she sat on the edge of the bed lacing up her running shoes. There was only one way to kick the sting that gripped her heart at this early hour, a fast paced, muscle aching run. After all, she loved the man who now shared her bed, and he deserved her full attention. He had been patient with her when she'd explained what had happened to her first marriage, and why she may never want to marry again.

James was someone real. Someone she could touch, and kiss, and had found happiness with. He was better than she deserved, she told herself sometimes, because he'd even accepted the fact that she would always hold a small place in her heart for a dead man. He understood that the distant looks she sometimes held were not meant to hurt him, but a reminder of how she didn't want to repeat her past.

Yes, a good long run would rid her of the suffocating emotions, so that when she returned home she'd be able to give James her complete attention and affection.

She stepped out of the Victorian style townhouse and headed in the direction of the Georgetown campus. She'd taken up running a few years back while living in New York. The bustling city had been her home for six years, up until her move to D.C. three months prior.

The crisp spring air did wonders for her mood. She was feeling much better as she neared the end of her chosen path. She'd run this trail past the campus numerous times since her move. It was quiet in the mornings, and passing the college campus always brought on a bit of nostalgia.

She never would have imagined eight years earlier, during some of her darkest days that she'd end up in D.C. as one of the nation's top attorneys. She had landed the Associate Attorney General position three months prior. The position placed her as the third highest ranked attorney in the country. Her name had been on a short list of qualified candidates that had crossed the President's desk six months prior, thanks to Peter and some of the old political ties he'd held, along with the legal work she'd done in recent years.

She'd moved to New York two years after Will had died once her divorce had been finalized. She'd done well in the six years she'd spent there. Her name, and Cavanaugh, Agos, and Lockhart, had landed near the top of numerous top firms, and most qualified attorneys lists. Taking on a fair number of pro-bono cases, along with her wealthy clientele, had given her the reputation of being a representative of the people, not just the wealthy.

Heart pounding, her lungs about to give way, she rounded the last corner of the trail just as the sun decided to show its face over the horizon. She slowed to a walking pace, when another runner across the way caught her attention. She couldn't keep from turning around, being struck by the familiarity in his features.

 _"Stupid,"_ she whispered, turning back around to head for home. Twenty minutes later as she showered, allowing the hot water to sooth her aching muscles, the sun shining in her eyes during her run would be her excuse for thinking the other runner had been Will.

She shook her head. She knew it was ridiculous and pushed the image out of her mind as familiar, strong arms wrapped around her middle. She smiled and turned to face him, pressing a kiss to his lips. She loved it when he joined her in the shower.

"How was your run?" James asked, reaching for the bar of soap on the small shelf just above her.

"Good. It cleared my mind for the day," she replied, rinsing the rest of the soap out of her hair.

James was tall, with dark brown hair, green eyes, and nearly always carried a smile that sent flutters through her body. They had been together for two years now. They'd met in New York at a charity ball. He was a professor of History. He was intelligent, funny, and incredibly calm.

In her mind, he was the perfect balance for her. They had plenty to talk about, had much in common as far as their interests. But one of the things she enjoyed most about him, was that he wasn't involved in the law on a daily basis. He kept up in her legal conversations, but when she was home with him the law wasn't the focus of their discussions. Since she'd met him, she'd had a life that existed outside of the law. Something that up until that point, she hadn't realized she'd wanted.

James made her happy. She'd finally opened up her heart and allowed herself to feel loved again. They'd both been married before, and when she'd finally agreed to allow him to move in with her a year after they started dating, she'd insisted that no matter how serious things became between them, she had no intentions of marrying again. That even if they decided at some point they wanted to spend the rest of their Ives together, they'd do just that. But she'd never be _Mrs._ anyone again.

That was a year ago. She'd softened her thoughts a bit on marriage in recent months, even though there was no indication from him that he wanted to make changes to their current arrangement. James had provided her with love and stability without making her feel she was losing her identity. He'd followed her to Washington after she'd accepted the Associate AG position, and took on a teaching position at Georgetown.

Everything was working for her at this point in her life. She was happy, successful, and would soon be adding Grandmother to her list of titles.

"How does your day look?" he questioned, as they continued to get ready for work.

"Not too busy. I'm filling in for John at FBI headquarters this morning to cover a deposition."

"Your first time at headquarters right?" he said, smiling at her through the vanity mirror.

"Yes. I hope I don't get lost. I've heard that building is like a maze. Afterwards, the rest of my day is filled with meetings."

She stood in front of the full-length mirror straightening out her dress. "I have loads of paperwork to do. It will take weeks to get through all the files on my desk. So, I can probably leave the office around seven-thirty if that's why you're asking." She turned to face him.

He placed his hands on her waist, smiling down at her. "Good. I'll make dinner reservations for eight-thirty then." He pressed a lingering kiss to her lips, and grabbed his suit coat to head off for work.

/

The idea of being at FBI headquarters was a bit daunting. The AG's office was the governing body within the United States Justice Department. The FBI was one of several governmental agencies that fell under their jurisdiction. They were to supervise and oversee many of the bureaus operations. Alicia's job this morning was to oversee the testimony of a woman who had information that would help take down a high-profile criminal the government had been trying to catch for a few years.

Since she was filling in for her colleague, she'd only learned the previous night that this witness would be entering the witness protection program once they had a sworn statement on record. The FBI would erase her identity, and help her disappear.

She wondered if this job would become less surreal overtime, people in real danger, testifying against high profile criminals, and then their identities being completely erased. It seemed more like the makings of a movie plot, than her real-life work.

What an awful reality, she thought, as she entered the building. To have to sever ties with everyone you know. Luckily this woman had no significant other, or children that would need to be relocated with her, or left behind.

Three hours later, she was packing up with everyone else. The U.S. Marshall in charge of protecting the witness was explaining to her what would happen next. Only that he, and another agent, would be escorting her to a safe-house. No one in the room, other than the U.S. Marshall, was privy to the location of the safe-house. Alicia knew there were safe houses all over the country, but she didn't know where any of them were. That kind of information was above her security clearance. It was safer for everyone that way.

Paying little attention to what was going on around her, Alicia pulled her bag over her shoulder, and grabbed a few files off the table while trying to read through some email on her phone. Just moments later, the door to the conference room opened.

"Agent Maxwell," the U.S. Marshal, commented.

The familiarity of the voice that returned a kind greeting caused Alicia to look up from her phone.

A wave of recognition and confusion rushed through her body as her eyes rested on the man across the room from her – Finn Polmar. She and Finn had kept in touch over the years, but...

"Finn?" she questioned, taking a few steps towards him. "What are you doing here?" She furrowed her brow.

Finn met her gaze, looking as surprised as she was. But she immediately became aware of the worry and hesitancy she saw in his eyes.

 _"Oh no,"_ he breathed, under his breath. "Alicia…hi," he said, guardedly. "I didn't know you'd be here," he said, glancing over at another agent in the room, as Alicia stepped closer to him.

"Yeah, it happened last minute. I'm filling in for a colleague. But…" she was trying very hard to figure out what was going on. "I didn't know you were working for the FBI now. When did that happen? It's only been what, four or five months since we last talked?"

He seemed nervous, and she couldn't understand it. No one else in the room seemed to be aware of the awkwardness that now surrounded them.

The U.S. Marshall was ready to leave with the witness. "We need to head out Agent Maxwell," the man said, over Finn's shoulder.

A knot formed in Alicia's stomach. "Agent Maxwell?" she said, in a lower confused tone.

"I'll be right there," Finn called, keeping his eyes on Alicia. He reached for her arm, and led her away from the others in the room.

"Finn, what's going on?" She was still in shock over even seeing him here. Let alone, hearing others call him by a different name.

He sighed nervously, running a hand through his hair. "Alicia, I knew once you started working for the department of justice there was a chance this might happen. I don't have time to explain right now. I'm not," his hand went to his chin, and he looked away trying to decide what he should or should not say to her.

She waited patiently for a few seconds before he responded. "I'm not who you think I am." The words hung in the air. A torrent of emotion came over her. She was confused, but even more she felt a hint of anger coming over her.

"I don't have time to explain right now. I'll be back in D.C. next week. I'll call you. We can get together, and I'll explain." He looked at her as if this would be enough information until he got back into town.

She stood there dumbfounded, staring at him trying to comprehend what was going on, her head spinning with all kinds of thoughts.

He moved closer to her. She stepped back a bit. "Alicia, I know this is confusing, I'll explain when I get back. I promise."

"Confusing? Yes, this is confusing, Finn. Is that even your real name? We've known each other for eight years. Are you telling me that when we met you were really this, this, Agent Maxwell?" she said, with a hint of anger, keeping her tone down as best she could. They were still surrounded by colleagues. She wanted to scream, but managed to stay composed, something she'd perfected over what seemed like a millennia, out of necessity. She was upset. Finn had lied to her – for years. Of all the things she disliked, being lied to by people she trusted, was at the top of her list.

"Alicia, I'm sorry, but I have to go." He turned and walked in the direction of the door.

At least he'd looked sincere and apologetic when he'd said he was sorry. She leaned back against the wall, pretending to be distracted with her phone so she could compose herself before leaving the building.

She tried to block everything out of her mind as she made her way back to her car. Once safely inside the vehicle, she leaned back against the seat and closed her eyes taking in a few deep breaths. It was all so overwhelming she couldn't do anything but laugh out loud for a few seconds.

Maybe it wasn't fair, but she felt betrayed, and angry. She'd shared a lot of personal things with Finn. She'd trusted him. She'd considered him a good friend, and now this? Shaking her head in frustration, she turned the car on and headed back to her office.

Skipping lunch, she sat at her desk scrolling through the FBI personnel database for Agent Maxwell. There were quite a few Maxwells to go through. Thanks to personnel photos it didn't take long to find Finn's.

His real name was Steven Finn Maxwell. As she read through his information she realized Finn hadn't lied to her about everything. He was from New York. He had been married, and he did have a son. Her nerves calmed a bit thinking he probably hadn't lied to her about his wife's miscarriage all those years back. He had also been a licensed attorney prior to his days with the agency. This information made her feel a little better until she saw his hire date.

March 2011. Three years before Will had been killed. Not that his false name hadn't already given it away, but that solidified her suspicions that he'd been working undercover when they'd first met on the day of the shooting. The thought sent shivers down her spine.

Suddenly she remembered something the judge had said to her that day when she'd gone to the courthouse to see the crime scene. The judge had mentioned Finn, and when she questioned him, not recognizing Finn's name, he'd said, " _ASA Polmar. He's new, brought in from New York."_

She leaned back in her chair, staring across the room. If Finn had been working undercover at the time, what had he been investigating? Peter's voter fraud? Had he been in court so he could keep an eye on Will? Had the investigation into Peter really gone that far? No, she thought. The voter fraud investigation had gone away after Will died. And Finn had stayed in Chicago for nearly another year afterwards. It had to be something else. Maybe he had been there investigating the judge, or other ASA's at the State's Attorney's office.

Noticing the time, she sighed. She had a meeting in five minutes. She stood, gathering the items from her desk she would need. She was dying to know what Finn had been investigating all those years back. Hopefully her new-found security clearance would be enough for her to gain access to some old files, and figure it out. But it would have to wait. Her plate was full for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, she knew her other tasks would do little to ease her curiosity and the overwhelming feeling that discovering Finn's identity was merely the tip of the iceberg.


	2. Start From the Beginning

**A/N; Wow! Thank you all so much for the overwhelming response to this story! I very much appreciate all the follows, reviews, and gentle prodding's for updates! They all keep me motivated. I'll do my best to update this every two weeks. Sooner if I'm able. It's nice to know there are still so many Willicia fans out there. This chapter begins to give a little insight into what happened around the time of the shooting. I'll be curious to see what you all think. Enjoy!**

Still reeling from her encounter with Finn earlier in the day, Alicia sat on the couch in her pajamas in the darkened front room. It was the middle of the night, she couldn't sleep. Leaning back against the soft cushions she took another sip of warm tea. She'd been tempted to grab the wine when she'd gotten out of bed, but decided against it.

Staring at the window on the other side of the room, she heard soft footsteps coming down the stairs and padding over the wood floor towards her. James sat down next to her placing a gentle hand on her knee.

"Did I wake you?" she asked, setting the mug of hot liquid on the coffee table.

"No. How long have you been down here?"

"Awhile," she said, with a hint of exhaustion.

"Alicia, what's wrong? You hardly said anything at dinner, or all night for that matter. I don't mind it, but if there's something I can do to help…"

She peered over to him, a sad little smile on her lips. He knew her well, she thought, scooting closer to him, finding comfort in his nearness.

"I'm upset." She reached for his hand entwining her fingers with his. "Not at you." She sighed, shifting so she could rest against him.

"You want to talk about it?"

"I don't know if I can talk about it."

"Because it's work related?"

"No, it's not work related." She hesitated. "Not exactly."

"Okay." He kissed the top of her head. "If you decide you can talk about it. I'm here."

Reaching for his free hand, she pulled his arm more securely around her. "I know. Thank you."

They sat in silence. Any minute she knew he'd suggest they go back to bed. Squeezing his hand, and against her better judgment, she said what was on her mind.

"I found out that Finn is a federal agent today."

He furrowed his brow as she looked up at him. "Finn Polmar?"

"Yes."

His gaze moved across the room. "I can't even picture that."

She smiled, and almost laughed. "I couldn't either. But it's the truth. I ran into him today at FBI headquarters. He's been an agent for eleven years."

Second guessing her decision on not getting out the wine, she continued. "Please don't tell anyone. After seeing him today, I'm pretty certain it was something I wasn't supposed to know, let alone you."

Obviously still trying to wrap his mind around the news he shook his head. "I won't. It's just that mild tempered, soft spoken Finn, is a federal agent?"

"Yes, and apparently a good one. He had me fooled for eight years," she said bitterly.

"This is why you're upset?"

"Yes, wouldn't you be? What if five years from now I told you I really worked for the FBI? That everything I'd told you about my career had been a lie?" She stood up pacing back and forth in front of him. "Aside from the fact that I feel like he betrayed my trust. I don't understand why he formed a friendship with me that he's kept up for so many years. Unless he was using me to get information for whatever case he was working on." She stopped pacing. Hands on her hips, she looked at him.

"You don't know what the case was?"

"No, I didn't have time to search through the files today. And I can't access the FBI server from home."

"Do you really think he would have stayed in touch all these years if your relationship had simply been for the benefit of a case?"

A thin line formed on her lips. "So, you're taking his side on this?"

He stood and moved to her, placing his hands on her arms. "Alicia, I'm not taking anyone's side. I understand you're upset, you have the right to be. But you have to keep his side of things in perspective. If he was working undercover when you met, he couldn't just come out and tell you who he really was. Especially before he got to know you. What if you said something to someone that jeopardized his case? The risk would have been too great."

"I understand that. But why keep up the charade for so many years? He left Chicago after a year. Why didn't he tell me who he really was after that?"

"Does it really matter what his job title is?"

She sighed heavily, her shoulders slouching, and turned from him. "No. I don't care what his job is. I'm just tired of men in my life lying to me. I thought I'd finally gotten past all of that."

He looked down at his feet. He knew all too well what she meant in her statement. He stepped behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders.

She wiped at the few silent tears that had escaped her eyes. "It just hurts. Finn was there in some of my darkest moments. He's the only one other than you and Diane who really know about the feelings, and mess, and heartbreak I went through over Will."

She turned in his arms to face him. "I hate to think that our friendship's been one sided all these years."

He leaned over and kissed the top of her head. "I honestly don't think it has been. I think the friendship's genuine. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Let him explain, and then you can decide what to do."

She nodded, feeling slightly better, and rested her head against his chest. Exhaustion coming over her again, she reached her arms around him for support.

"Let's go back to bed. Sleep on it. I bet you'll feel better in the morning," he said, pulling her closer.

She wasn't so certain she would feel any better in the morning. But had to admit that lying in bed within the warmth of his embrace was appealing.

Moments later, she looked up at him, reaching her hands to his face she pulled him to her for a lingering kiss.

/

A few days later she sat at her desk buried deep in paperwork. It still amazed her the amount of cases for review that crossed her desk in any given week. She enjoyed her job, but admittedly sometimes missed the focus of only a few cases at one time, and prepping for trial. Her new job was more about overseeing cases, controlling some of the chaos, than actually defending in court. In fact, she had yet to step foot in a courtroom since she'd moved from New York.

Her phone buzzed across the desk, alerting her to a new text message. She glanced at the screen over the brim of her glasses, and sighed. She'd been ignoring Finn's attempts at contacting her since yesterday afternoon.

While she was eager for an explanation from him, she couldn't seem to rid herself of the anger that crept up whenever she thought about him. Some of the resentment wasn't fair, she knew it. It was the nature of his job, just as James had said. He hadn't intentionally misled her – she didn't think so anyway.

She grabbed the phone, and typed a message agreeing to meet with him in an hour.

It was a chilly night as she walked the few blocks from her office to the bar where they were going to meet. Just inside the door she glanced around looking for Finn's familiar face amongst the D.C. business crowd. Everyone there was still dressed as she was, in expensive suits, and dresses, buying overpriced drinks in an attempt to take the edge of a long day of work.

Not seeing him, she took a seat at the bar, and ordered a drink. A few minutes later as she glanced at her watch. Finn sat down next to her ordering a drink of his own.

The tension was palpable between them as she glanced over to him. The once familiar tall, dark haired figure next to her, now seemed like a perfect stranger. Within a matter of seconds, she wondered what she'd missed, how she'd allowed him to lead her on for long, questioning everything he'd ever said to her. But then he spoke, said her name in that calm tone, looked at her with those caring eyes, and she knew exactly why she'd trusted him. Everything about him screamed nice, honest gentleman.

 _It was no surprise he could work undercover. No one would ever suspect a guy like him. He'd perfected the art of false identity,_ she thought to herself.

"Do they train you to be this way? Or is it a trait they look for when recruiting?"

He smiled, taking a sip of his drink. Her tone was bitter, and nothing he didn't expect. "They do train us. But before we get into any of this, I want you to know that my behavior towards you, our friendship, was never an act. I've always been honest with you on a personal level. I value our friendship. The things I've kept from you, my real name and profession, were only to protect us."

"To protect your case?" she shot back.

"Yes, and to protect lives."

She was sorely tempted to ask, _"What lives?"_ but she knew full well it was probably his own and the criminals or victims he'd been investigating.

She looked away, downing another shot of tequila. "I want to believe you. I really do. But you have to understand what a shock this is. I trusted you with some of my deepest, darkest, secrets. And I feel like that trust has been shattered into a million pieces."

His hands fidgeted with the glass he held. "And I don't blame you for feeling that way."

"So what name do I call you by now? Finn, Steven, Steve?"

"You looked at my file?" he sighed. "Of course you did." Pushing the glass aside, he stood from his stool. "We can't talk about anymore of this here. There are too many eyes and too many ears."

The thought that whatever he was going to tell her might put one or both of them in some kind of danger, unsettled her. "Is it safe for me to be around you?"

"Yes, you're perfectly safe. The case I was working when we met has long since closed. But that doesn't mean we should discuss it in public."

She nodded. He paid for their drinks, and they walked back outside into the cold air. Once they were about a block away from the bar, he spoke up again.

"How much digging did you do?"

Shoving her hands into the pockets of her jacket, her gaze met his. "Enough to find out the file has been sealed and that I can't access it without a court order. Which I found odd because I was able to view several other cases you've worked on over the years." She stopped walking and turned to face him. "Now it's your turn. You haven't answered a single one of my questions yet. If you want to regain my trust, hold onto some semblance of the friendship we've had, I need to know the truth – from the beginning."

He nodded and they began walking again. "You should still call me Finn. Most people who know me use that name. I am a trained, certified lawyer. Which is one of the reasons I was chosen to work the case in Chicago. It was easy to slip me in at the State's Attorney's office because there is so much turnover."

She pondered this for a few moments breathing in the cool evening air. "So, what was the case you were working? Or can you not say?"

If he were truly honest he'd rather not discuss the case with her. Partially because his original case and placement at the State's Attorney's office, had caused trouble in more areas than the FBI anticipated. This was where he would have to start being careful. Tell her too little and she wouldn't believe him. Tell her too much, and she'd figure out the reason the file was sealed, and her whole world might blow up right in front of him. No, he probably shouldn't have formed a friendship with her all those years back and continued on with it. But he never imagined she'd find out he was an agent. Not until nine months ago.

"We were investigating Lamond Bishop. The feds had been trying for years to put him behind bars, as you well know. In early December of 2013 we got word that Bishop was planning on selling his drug smuggling business to the Gerraghty crime family. We hoped to stop it before it happened, catch Bishop and the Gerraghtys, send them all to prison.

"Bishop was really trying to go clean?" she asked, skeptically.

"Supposedly, but once you're a part of that business it's nearly impossible to get out. Especially if you were the head of the drug ring. There will always be someone after you, or someone wanting the control. And these kinds of human beings will go as far as they need to get what they want."

"How were you going to catch them? You were playing the role of a lawyer."

"We found someone who we thought could get us information on Bishop and the Gerraghty's without either side finding out. I was the handler."

"You hand an informant?"

"Yes."

"And did it work? Bishop went to prison."

"It did work eventually. But there were several complications along the way. In the end we managed to put all those involved behind bars. Bishop was killed in prison a few years ago. Gerraghty himself died of old age last year in prison."

"Does the smuggling ring still exist?"

"Not among the Gerraghtys. There are other smuggling rings in Chicago, but none have seen fit to associate themselves with the former two."

They reached the Potomac and stopped at the rail to take in night view.

"So, I had nothing to do with the case? It wasn't about Peter or the voter fraud?"

He bent over to rest his elbows on the railing stalling for a moment. The case had involved so many things that indirectly impacted her because of Will's role in everything, it was hard to know just how to answer her question. "You weren't directly involved. But you did have dealings with Bishop, he was your client during that time."

She laughed under her breath. "Well, Cary and I were fighting Lockhart Gardner during that time for his business. I wouldn't go so far as to say he was solely our client."

"Maybe not, but we gained some useful information from the wire taps on your phone." He watched as her expression changed again. A thin line formed on her lips.

"It seems there were a lot of agencies that took advantage of the NSA's wiretap. Is that why you stayed in contact with me? You'd gotten some sort of useful information from them and had to figure out how much I did or didn't know?"

She looked hurt, and he thought she probably felt very used in the moment.

"No, Alicia. We became friends because I was with Will when he got shot, and you came to see me in the hospital. Then I came to your apartment that night because the State's Attorney had decided he needed a fall guy for the shooting. But when I got to your place I realized the struggle you were having, and the clear connection you'd had with Will. I wanted to help. Not because I thought it would get us more useful information." He turned to look at her again, surprised to find her eyes already on him. "But because, despite the fact that I hunt down bad guys as a living, I actually am a nice guy who cared. I still care. I hope you understand that. I meant what I said earlier. I value our friendship. I never meant to hurt you."

She sighed, and leaned her back against the railing, furrowing her brow. "Was Castro in on it? He must have been. You told me you two went way back. Although I was surprised at how hard he came after you if you two were old friends."

He sighed heavily. "I lied about that. I told you that on our first interaction after I'd seen you at the hospital, and the last thing I needed was another person who had dealings with Bishop involved. We didn't know Castro's investigating was going to turn into such an issue."

"If you were worried about my involvement, why did you end up coming back to me?"

"Because, you'd offered to help, and when I asked around about the tough defense attorney's I wouldn't want to go up against in court, your name came up several times."

It was the first smile she'd shown all night. "Okay." she said, quietly. "I believe you. But it's going to take some time for me to get used to the idea that you're a federal agent. And we're going to have to work at me being able to fully trust you again. I've been crossed one too many times in my life to let all of this disappear into the past without reservations."

"I think I can live with that." He was relieved in many ways. Hopefully he'd satisfied her curiosity, and she wouldn't go digging into the matter any further.

"Can I ask you a few more questions?" she said.

"Sure."

"I told James about you. Was that okay?"

"Yes, it's fine that he knows. But it would be best if it were something you two keep to yourselves."

"We won't tell anyone. I'm just glad you said yes. I don't keep secrets from him."

"I know," he said, honestly. She looked to still be thinking very deeply about everything.

"Is your informant the reason the file is sealed?"

"Yes, and I can't tell you any more about the informant, because someone did find out who it was."

"And the informant died because of it?"

"Alicia," he said, warily.

She nodded slowly. "You live in D.C? Not New York?"

"I have apartments in both. I've always been honest with you about my ex-wife and son. As you know they live in New York. It makes shared custody easier that way."

She smiled. "He'll be a senior next year?"

He relaxed a little, the mood between them seemed to be changing, easing some. "Yes. Then I'll need some advice on college age children."

She laughed. "I don't know that I'm an expert on college age children."

"I'm sure there's a thing or two you could tell me either way."

She simply nodded, the light wind blowing her dark locks across her face. They became silent, both peering out at the water. He knew there would likely be many more questions she'd have for him, but hopefully more about things that happened in the months and years after they met, instead of his case.

However, he knew Alicia. And he knew if she got to thinking about it much, she'd realize she had more questions than he'd given answers.

She pulled her phone out of her coat pocket. "It's James. I need to go."

"I'll walk you back to your office."

They turned and headed in the direction of the DOJ building in silence. As he was about to leave her, she looked at him one last time. "I'm going to have more questions. I'm still trying to wrap my head around all of this. I'm still a little angry."

"I know. And I'll do my best to answer all of your questions."

"No more lies?" she asked, with raised brow.

"No more lies."

She turned and went into the building.

Once he was home he sat down on the sofa with his laptop and typed.

 _\- She knows who I work for now. There may come a day when she figures it out, no matter how hard I try to divert her from the truth, and from trying to dig into it further. Be advised, because if that day comes there will be hell to pay, and you'll have to decide what to do. -_

He printed the page, stuck it in an unmarked manila envelope, addressed it to a Po Box number with no return address, and set it aside. He'd mail it from one of the train stops on his way back to New York this coming weekend.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Two Months Later**_

She glanced at her watch as she left the courtroom. The judge had taken them well past six, in an attempt to hear all arguments on her case before the weekend. He had no desire to drag this bench trial on into the next week.

She'd be late no matter what she did. No time to stop by the house and change. She found the women's restroom and ducked inside. Brushing through her hair, and touching up her makeup, she thought it would have to do. She turned to look at her reflection in the full-length mirror, and decided to remove the blazer. The blue sleeveless dress she wore beneath seemed more fitting for the summer social being held for the faculty of Georgetown's history department.

She hurried back out of the restroom and headed for her car, pulling out her phone to call James.

"I should be there by seven-thirty. If traffic's not bad, a little sooner."

James chuckled. "Traffic from downtown D.C. to Arlington not bad on a Friday night?" They both knew the twenty-five minute commute would take her closer to forty, if she was lucky.

"I know. I'm sorry. The judge held us much longer than I expected." She could almost hear him smile through the phone.

"It's all right Alicia. Dinner isn't until eight. And I know how much you dislike these things anyway."

"I don't dislike dinner invitations like these. I dislike formal events where I'm a topic of conversation because of the man I'm with."

"So, I should keep some of my more _out there,_ I think is what you call them, thoughts to myself?"

She laughed this time as she reached her car. "No, I'm guessing nearly everyone there shares some of your same views. I don't think anything you say would make me the topic of conversation. I need to go. I'll see you soon."

"Okay, love you."

"Love you too."

She parked along the street with numerous other cars in front of the large Victorian house. She followed the tree lined driveway, then walked along the brick path that led to the backyard. There were several people on the large patio, and around the perfectly manicured yard. Spotting James across the lawn she grabbed a glass of wine off the tray one of the catering staff was taking around and went to stand next to him.

James's free hand slid across her back, his hand resting on her hip, as he introduced her to the people he was speaking with. Shortly after he took her elbow, excusing them, and led her towards a couple across the lawn.

"I'm so glad you're here. Gave me an excuse to leave their company. Dr. Murray is one of the faculty that I don't care for much." His slight English accent came out a bit in his statement, and it made her smile. James was American born, but his mother was English, and had influenced his speech quite a bit as a boy. She rarely noticed it, but every so often when he was excited or flustered about something the accent was more pronounced.

After being introduced to the Dean and his wife, they mingled amongst his co-workers until it was time to sit down for dinner.

"What do you think of the house?" James asked, leaning close to her ear.

"It's beautiful. It reminds me a bit of the house we raised Grace and Zach in. The size, the yard, the furnishings," she responded.

He nodded, but clearly this wasn't the answer he was looking for. "This house is nearly two-hundred years old," he said, glancing up at the intricate molding's around the room.

"Really?"

"Yes. This room, and the front part of the house are the original structure. It's one of only a few that still stood after the Civil War," he said, enthusiastically.

She was always amazed that no matter where they were James could come up with some bits and pieces of the history about the place. It had almost been like watching a child on Christmas morning since their arrival in D.C. surrounded by so much of the country's early history around almost every corner.

"Just think Alicia," he said, lifting a glass of wine to his lips. "You're eating in the very same room as the people who lived here in the nineteenth century."

It was a tiny bit surreal, she had to admit. The dinner conversation was interesting. It usually was when you were surrounded by historians. The first time it happened, when they were in New York and James had invited a few friends over for dinner, she wondered if she'd tire of it eventually. But she hadn't. It seemed there was a never-ending string of things she'd never known. If she had she'd long forgotten them. Even more interesting were the conversations of history covering anything that occurred outoutside of the United States.

After dinner they were all back outside talking casually, enjoying drinks, and the warm summer air. Feeling completely relaxed, and glad the weekend was finally here, she settled more comfortably next to James.

One of his colleagues, whom she'd met a few times, came and sat across from them.

"Did you hear the news today?" David asked. "The feds finally caught the attorney working for the Chicago crime families. Claims he hasn't done anything illegal over the years. But the feds say they have mountains of evidence to the contrary."

At the mention of Chicago and crime families, Alicia's ears perked up.

"I'm going to see if I can get an interview with the man once they've convicted him. See if I can get any good material out of him for my book."

"David is writing a book on the history of crime families in the United States," James added to give Alicia some context.

"Wait, Alicia, James mentioned you were from Chicago. Did you ever come across this guy?"

"I don't know. What's his name?" she asked, now wondering if it was Charles Lester, Lemond Bishop's attorney.

"Damian Boyle," he replied.

Alicia choked on her drink at the mention of his name. James turned to her, offering her a handkerchief, she coughed a few times.

"You okay?" he questioned.

"Yes, I'm fine." She turned her attention back to David. "Damian Boyle, brown hair, Irish accent?"

"Yes, I think he is Irish," David responded.

She couldn't help but laugh. "Yes, I came across him. He and a few other attorneys came to my new offices a few weeks after I started my own firm during lunch one day. They had all of my new, expensive furniture moved out of my new offices as some kind of childish prank." She said it with an air of sarcasm, and roll of her eyes. "I went up against him a few times in court. He was co-council to one of the partners of the firm I'd left." As the words left her mouth, a shot of realization rushed through her. Damian had worked with Will, but she hadn't known he'd been involved with the sketchy crime families.

"I bet that's some story," David commented.

"It is, and one too long to share tonight." She felt James's hand squeeze her shoulder. "What crime families did Damian work for? I didn't know he was involved in that."

"He worked for the Gerraghty crime family for years. But once the feds took them down, he supposedly disappeared for a while, and resurfaced five years ago working for the Boronno family."

A chill rushed over her. She wasn't certain if it was from the cool breeze that suddenly brushed over her back, or the mention of Gerraghty that had caused it.

The men continued to talk, but she wasn't paying much attention getting, caught up in her own thoughts. Her mind was spinning. Finn had been trying to take down the Gerraghtys. Damian worked them, and he'd also worked for Will and Diane. Had Will and Diane known about his background? There's no way Diane would have allowed Damian to work for them if she'd known. But Will? He had gone a bit off the deep end after…everything, Diane had told her so. Then another unsettling thought occurred to her. Will had been shot to death. But that had nothing to do with Finn's business. Or had it?"

"Alicia, will you have a chance to prosecute the case? It's federal."

Being suddenly jerked back out of her thoughts, she cleared her throat. "Probably not. If Damian was arrested in Chicago the case will likely be handled there." It was the truth, but it was a federal case and apparently a big one, she could probably gain access to the files. Even if she wasn't personally involved. And if Damian had been working for the Gerraghtys would they unseal Finn's files during the trial? She'd realized in the two months since they'd discussed his case, that she had a lot more questions for Finn. Maybe none of this had anything to do with her, as Finn had tried to tell her, but she was curious to know what was going on in the background during that time. She'd give Diane a call, she thought. It had been awhile since they'd talked.

They stayed at the social for another half-hour before heading home. She thought about calling Finn on her way, but decided against it. She would invite him over for dinner in a few weeks. She could talk to him then.

As she continued to drive, what she really wanted was a distraction from her thoughts. The way James's hand had slid over her back, and the kiss he'd given her as they were parting, told her she wouldn't have to worry about being distracted once she reached home.

* * *

The following day Alicia and James sat down for dinner with Zach and his wife Allison. They'd come down from New York for the weekend.

"Allison and I have something to tell you," Zach said, in the middle of the meal.

Alicia couldn't imagine what it could possibly be. These two had thrown more curve balls to her than she'd thought possible in the past two years. They had dated for two years. One day Zach called her to have lunch and told her he and Allison were getting married – in three months. Not a lot of time to plan a wedding. Especially one they were planning on doing in Europe.

After a year of marriage, the two had announced they were having a child. Another huge surprise since the two had told her it would be years before they gave her a grandchild. They had all kinds of things they wanted to do before starting a family. Alicia understood. They were still young only twenty-five when they'd married. The baby had been a surprise to both of them. After getting over the initial shock, they were both thrilled, and very excited to become parents.

Alicia liked Allison quite a bit. She was smart, witty, and clearly loved Zach. And she'd always gotten along with Alicia very well.

"We're moving to Portland," Zach said, putting his arm around his wife.

Alicia set her fork back down. "You're what?"

"I got a new job there. It pays double what I'm making now. And we'll be able to move into a bigger place. Which will be good with the baby coming."

"That's great news!" James cut in.

"It is," Alicia added. "All except for the part that you're planning on taking my only grandchild all the way across the country." She smiled as she said it, and everyone laughed.

"Yeah, we know. That's why we wanted to tell you in person," Zach said.

"And we'd still love to have you come visit after the baby comes," Allison said, a bright smile across her lips.

"You're moving before the baby comes?" Alicia asked.

"Yes, in two weeks actually," Zach said, taking another fork full of food into his mouth.

"I'm happy for you. But Allison, make certain he doesn't let you work too hard with the move. We don't need my grandson making an appearance too early. The last two months of pregnancy are difficult enough without the extra strain of carrying around boxes, and setting up a new house."

"We've hired movers, and Zach barely lets me lift a finger as it is right now," Allison said, raising her brow to her husband. "I'm sure that won't change when we move." They all chuckled and continued with their meal.

Late that night Zach sat on the couch with his laptop, finishing up a work project. Alicia watched him for a few moments from the stairs before coming all the way into the room to sit next to him.

"Do you want me to make a snack, or some coffee?" she asked.

"No, Mom, I'm good. Thanks." His eyes remained fixed on the screen in front of him.

She sat and looked at him again for a few moments. It still felt strange sometimes to be the parent of grown children. It made her a little sad sometimes when she thought about it. Her babies, out in the world living their own lives. In Zach's case, having his own child soon.

Feeling her eyes on him, he smiled, turning his attention to her.

"How's your father? Have you told him about the move yet?" It had been nearly two years since she'd seen Peter at Zach's wedding. Although things had ended between them sixnearly seven years before, there was still a place in her heart that cared for Peter, which led to her occasionally asking about him.

"He's good. And no, I was going to call him when we get home tomorrow night."

"What is Allison going to do when you move? For work I mean."

"She said she wants to stay home with the baby, at least for now. Which will be fine. I'll be making plenty to support us."

"That's great, as long as it's what she wants."

"It is," he responded, raising his brow as though to question his mother. "I asked her several times."

"Then that's good," Alicia responded.

"But?" he questioned.

Alicia shifted, gathering her thoughts. "It's just that a year ago you two had all these plans, things you were going to do before you had kids. Travel, careers, hobbies. And then the surprise with the baby. Having children changes things."

"I know. But we can still do all those things. This new job is exactly what I want. We can still travel, and do thethose things with a child."

"I know. All I'm saying is don't forget all of that. Allison is very good at what she does. She loves art. She loves teaching it. Don't let her forget it. I'm thrilled she wants to be home with the baby. But make sure she has a place to keep painting. Encourage her to keep up her skills."

He nodded. "Are you telling me this because you weren't planning on getting pregnant with me when you did, just like Allison and me, and you regret staying home with Grace and me? I'm not going to do to Allison what Dad did to you."

"Honey, I know. And no, I don't regret the time I had at home with you and Grace. But looking back, I do regret not doing more of the things I was passionate about during those years. Especially once you and Grace were in school. I lost a part of myself during that time, and I didn't realize it until years later. Make certain that both of you keep doing the things you enjoy once the baby comes." She wasn't trying to be critical. Maybe she shouldn't have said anything. He and Allison were adults, and free to make their own decisions. Just as she and Peter had done.

"Okay, Mom, we will."

She held a little smile on her lips, before leaning over to give him a hug. "I love you. You and Allison are going to be great parents."

A few moments later she released him and sat back again. "Are you sure you won't need help with the move? I bet Owen would come out and help for a few days. He's not teaching this summer. And he used to live in Oregon."

"Yes, I'm sure we'll be fine."

"Okay. I'm going up to bed. Don't stay up too late."

He laughed, shaking his head. She'd always be his mother, worrying about how late he stayed up. "I won't. I'm almost done."

She went back upstairs, closing the door to she and James's bedroom. He looked up from his book at her. "Everything all right?"

"Mmhm," she mumbled. She climbed into bed next to him resting her head on his shoulder, placing a hand to his chest. "Everything's all right."

 **A/N; Thank you so much to those of you who took the time to review the last chapter. And welcome to the new followers. I know some of you are anxious to know about Will's current circumstances. There will be a little glimpse of him in the next chapter.**


	4. Chapter 4

Alicia sat in the den at the back of the house in the late afternoon. Glancing up from her work, she could see James through the French doors, sitting on the couch completely engrossed in the book he was reading. She sometimes envied his free time during the summer. No classes to teach, only research for his current projects. She'd been so busy in the past six months, she couldn't remember the last time she'd sat down and read a book for pleasure.

After finishing up a few notes for work, she dialed Diane. After a bit of small talk, she asked Diane about Damian.

"Did you know he worked for the Garreghtys when you hired him?"

There was an audible sigh from Diane's end of the line. "No, not when he started working for us. Will was the one who hired him. He did it without consulting anyone else. I knew Damian worked for some sketchy individuals, but I didn't find out about his crime family connections until after Will died. Damian was one of the individuals going along with David Lee attempting to push me out because of my desire to merge with you and Cary. Kalinda found the information that connected Damian to the Garreghtys, and we were able to use that information to force Damian out of the firm."

"Did Will know about his background?" Alicia asked, leaning back in her chair, staring out the back window.

"I don't know. Will was adamite about hiring him. He wanted someone _out of the box_ , probably someone willing to make decisions without taking the time to consider the consequences before acting. Damian fit that bill, and did what Will wanted. It drove me crazy. Will always turned a blind eye to whatever Damian was doing as long as he was winning cases for us. It was reckless. But that was how Will proceeded with everything after you and Cary left. He was stuck on the fast track. Why all the interest in Damian?"

"No particular reason," she lied. "I was just wondering since he's been in the news the past few weeks. Quite frankly, Damian really irritated me."

Diane laughed. "Damian either irritated, or charmed everyone. There was no middle ground. Except maybe for Will. Will seemed to like the bad guy side of him. And his little flirty antics with staff members didn't seem to bother him. Let's just say that I never would have hired Damian given the choice."

"Do you think the feds will have any reason to question you, or look at the cases he was involved with while he worked for you?"

"I wouldn't imagine. He was barely here six months. Cary and I looked at his case files. We didn't find any dealing with crime family connections except for that case he and Will worked on involving Lamond Bishop."

"I remember." Alicia rolled her eyes thinking back to the case with Lemond Bishop, where they figured out their phone lines were being tapped.

"How is Kurt?" Alicia asked.

"Very good, now that he's cut back on the number of cases he takes. He works far less than I do these days. He wants me cut back so I can spend more time with him."

Alicia smiled. Kurt had decided five years previous, that he'd only work on cases in Illinois so that he'd be closer to home and Diane.

"Well, you should think about it. Cutting back your hours."

"Are you trying to tell me something?" Diane countered, with a hint of laughter.

"No, but you and I have had this conversation before. About what's really important in life, and how quickly it can all be taken from us." There was a little pain in her heart when she said it. No better example of what she was telling Diane than Will's death, and her fear of telling him how she really felt before he was taken from her. Diane knew exactly what she was talking about.

"I know. I told Kurt to give me two more years, and then I'd seriously consider retiring."

"Really? That's great!"

"You wouldn't want to come back and join Cary again when I do retire would you?"

Alicia laughed under her breath. "Ask me in two years. I may have had enough of this by then."

"Are you enjoying it?" Diane asked.

"I am. It's challenging, and very interesting work. At least once I get through the mountains of paperwork every week. It's energizing to work so closely with government officials, and agencies."

"And the President I'd imagine," Diane added, with questioning tone.

Alicia chuckled, turning back around to look at James again. "Other than the President offering me the job, I haven't had the fortune of meeting with her since. But I do get briefed by the Attorney General periodically after her trips to the White House."

The two women talked awhile longer before hanging up. After getting off the phone, Alicia sat still remembering some of the good times they'd had. She and Diane had become quite close once they'd joined forces and formed their firm. They hadn't always agreed on everything, not by a long shot. But the bond between them now was unbreakable. Alicia would credit some of that to Will. Diane had stayed up half the night on the one-year anniversary of his death, talking her through the mess with Peter, and her feelings for Will that had blown up inside of her that day. Having Diane around during that time had been immensely helpful.

A few hours later, Finn knocked on the door. Alicia had convinced him to come over for dinner. Whether it was an attempt to repair their relationship, or to simply see if she could get any more information out of him about his undercover work, she hadn't decided yet.

The three of them talked casually over the meal for a while before Alicia got down to business.

"Were you involved in bringing Damian Boyle in a few weeks ago?"

"I wasn't there, but yes, I've been working on that case in the background. I couldn't be there when they arrested him. It would have blown my cover. He knows me as Finn Polmar the ASA." He was worried she was going to bring this up. He'd need to be very careful in answering her questions. Damian had played a major role in the case he'd been working. And while the FBI had been unable to prove it, Damian was suspected of having a hand in the attempted hit that had gone down on Will.

Alicia had finished her meal, and sat back in her chair. "So, you've been investigating Damian since your time in Chicago?"

"Yes, before that in fact."

"Did he have connections to Bishop?"

"Some." That was it, he thought. Keep your answers short and simple.

Alicia simply nodded. "Was he one of the people your informant had information on?"

He looked her right in the eye. "Alicia, I can't talk about the informant."

"Were you wiretapping Damian?"

"Yes." He wondered where this was going. "But we were wiretapping a lot of people during that time."

"Do you know if Will knew who he was?"

He didn't say anything for a few moments, which puzzled Alicia, but she went on. "I'm only asking because I was talking with Diane earlier today. She didn't know about Damian until after Will died, and wondered if he had known when he hired him." It was a lie. Alicia was the one curious to know if Will had known who he'd been dealing with.

" _No more lies,"_ Finn thought to himself. She'd made him promise two months ago.

He couldn't hesitate any longer, she had the look of someone already suspicious. "I don't know."

She leaned forward placing her elbows on the table. She was watching him intently. For a moment he sensed she knew he'd lied, but she moved on.

"Why did you agree to run for State's Attorney when I suggested it as a way to get out from under Castro?"

Inwardly Finn sighed with relief. "As I recall, I was pushed into doing that by Eli." They both laughed.

"Yeah, well Eli seemed to think he had permission to do certain things with whomever he wanted. As long as it got the result he was after."

She'd eventually gotten over her anger towards Eli for listening to and deleting her voicemail from Will. But she'd never forget it.

"Yes, but it was a good plan at the time. My team agreed it would help keep unwanted eyes out of our case. Although you should have seen them scrambling to add as much information to my background as they could, after Eli sprang that surprise interview on me. That whole bit about my sister was all made up."

"Really?" she shook her head. "And what if you'd been elected?"

"We wouldn't have let it go that far."

"Does your ex-wife know you're an agent?"

He smiled, taking a sip of his drink. "Yes, but not long after I joined the bureau, our marital struggles began. She didn't like not knowing where I was for weeks at a time. I can't say I blame her."

"Me either," James offered. Alicia nodded in agreement.

"Do you always do undercover work?" James asked.

"Not anymore. The D.C. office is my home base. Occasionally I help out in other offices."

"Do you work with the U.S. Marshalls and witness protection often?" Alicia asked. That had been what he'd been doing the day she'd found out he was an agent.

"Some, when we're bringing in a witness, or dangerous fugitive."

"What's the training like to become a U.S. Marshall? The President has to recommend nominees, and the House and Senate have to approve them, right?" James asked.

"Yes, after extensive training those are the final steps."

The two men got into a discussion on U.S. Marshalls, and some of the dangers of being one. Of course, James added his two cents on the history of U.S. Marshalls, the oldest federal law enforcement agency in the United States.

"Would you ever want to be a Marshall?" James asked.

"At one time I thought about it. I did some of the training. But it's a pretty dangerous career choice. Having a child changed my views on taking that path. And I'm too old now anyway. Thirty-seven is the cut off age for new marshalls, unless there are extenuating circumstances."

"So how does it work? What's the process for putting someone under protection?" Alicia was curious.

Finn raised his eyebrows to her as if she should know. "We have to have reason to believe the individual's life is in danger. Usually they have information we need to solve a case."

"I didn't mean that. How do you put someone in the program? You take them to a safe house after they testify, and then what? How do you make someone disappear? Do you fake their deaths? Do they just vanish into thin air one day?"

"We do both. It depends on the individual, and the circumstances. Faking someone's death is safer for the individual." He wondered why the sudden the curiosity in the technicalities of all of it.

"Do you put bodies in the caskets of witnesses?" The thought made Alicia's stomach churn.

"No. We have other means of weighing down the caskets. Pulling off a fake death is very difficult. We try to avoid it if possible. But sometimes it's necessary."

"How much time do you have to plan for something like that?"

"It depends on the case. Anywhere from a few months to a few days." He sat back in his chair. In Will's case they'd known it was a possibility he might end up in witness protection for a few weeks. But they'd had to make the decision to bring him in in a matter of about thirty minutes. They almost hadn't pulled it off.

"And you erase the person's identity. Give them a new one? A new life a new background?"

"Yes. We have a team that handles all of that. There's a lot of paperwork, new birth certificate, driver's license, diploma's or certificates an individual will need to obtain employment. We spend a few weeks with individuals, going over their new history, getting used to their new name. There are psychological issues to work through as well. And we keep tabs on them in case they need to be relocated quickly for any reason, and just to make sure they adjust to their new life."

"That must be awful, to start all over, get used to a new name, a completely different life." James said.

"It is, but it's better than being killed," Finn said, taking another sip of his drink. "And the general rule is to let people keep their first names. It's less confusing, and less likely individuals will slip up when someone says their name. I've only been peripherally involved in the process. The U.S. Marshalls handle almost everything dealing with individuals in the program."

The conversation moved on. Alicia left the subject at hand alone. Finn stayed for another hour and then left. After he had gone, Alicia began to feel more settled about the whole situation with Finn. She believed he hadn't become her friend simply to see if he could extract information from her. And she was more inclined to believe he hadn't misled her on purpose. That it had been easier to allow her to believe he was who she'd thought, than to tell her who he really was after he'd left Chicago.

However, she felt like he was still keeping something from her. And she was still a bit curious to know what had gone on that led the case file to being sealed. How exactly had they caught Bishop, and the Gerraghtys? She briefly wondered if she knew Finn's informant, but brushed the thought aside. Maybe she'd take a peek at the files and the case against Damian, purely for curiosities sake, she told herself. But for now, she'd let it rest. Damian's trial wasn't scheduled until August anyway. There would be more to read when the trial got closer.

* * *

 ** _Two Months Later_**

It was the middle of August. A hot Friday morning. Alicia and James were in Portland to see the new baby. Alicia had been there all week. James had come Wednesday night.

Alicia had enjoyed the time away from work, and in many ways, wasn't looking forward to going home the following day. She'd loved every minute she'd had to spend with her new grandson. Holding him, rocking him to sleep, peaking at his tiny hands and toes a million times. It reminded her so much of when Zach and Grace had been babies.

She didn't miss the sleepless nights, and crying that sometimes seemed to last for hours. But she did miss some things about those days, watching them sleep, hearing all the little noises they would make, their first smiles, and giggles, watching them discover new things as they grew. Life had seemed so much simpler back then.

Alicia and James had spent the morning walking through the Portland Japanese Gardens, and had just arrived at a café near Zach's office to have lunch with him. After standing in line to order their food, James and Alicia went to fill their drinks while Zach went to find them a table.

After filling their cups, they turned and started walking to find Zach. James said something that caused her to laugh. At the sound of her laughter a man standing in line turned his gaze towards her. She probably wouldn't have thought anything of it, as her eyes scanned the space for Zach quickly looking past the group of people in line. But the shock of familiarity in a man standing in line caused her to quickly look back.

Her gaze landed on familiar dark brown eyes, causing her to stop dead in her tracks. Before she had time to register anything, James bumped into her, causing her drink to spill some it's liquid over the brim of her cup. She glanced down at it, as he hurried to wipe the liquid from her hands with a napkin.

"Sorry," he said.

Paying little attention to him, she quickly looked back to where the man had been standing, but he wasn't there. Had she imagined it? It had certainly happened before, but this had been different. This had seemed eerily real.

The commotion and noise around her faded into the background as she frantically scanned the café. Shock and adrenaline rushed through her. Then from the corner of her eye, she spotted him passing the edge of the window outside.

Normally she would let it go, shake her head for thinking such things, wondering if she'd ever stop thinking she saw Will. But something inside got the better of her senses. James had just finished wiping her hand, as she practically shoved her drink into his hands and rushed out of the cafe.

Heart pounding, she looked in the direction the man had gone, and spotted him a good block away. He was walking very quickly.

High-heeled sandals weren't exactly the best thing to go after someone in, but she did it anyway at a quick pace. Moments later, James came out of the café following after her.

Will couldn't believe it as he continued down the busy street, beads of sweat forming on his brow. When he heard the laughter from across the café, his heart skipped a beat. It had seemed like a lifetime since he'd heard her familiar laugh of pure pleasure. It was something he'd never expected to hear again eight years prior. He hadn't been able to keep from turning to look at the female that had sounded so much like Alicia. When their eyes had met he'd been as shocked as she looked. Luckily the man with her, James he assumed, bumped into her, distracting her long enough for him to slip out of the café.

He hoped she wouldn't follow. He hoped she'd just think she was seeing things. But moments later, he heard the rush of footsteps not far behind, and he knew without looking she was following him.

This was dangerous. It had been grilled into him years ago. "If you ever see someone from your old life, get away as quickly as possible. Don't give them an opportunity to discover you."

He picked up his pace turning the corner at the end of the block. His office building was in sight, but he'd never make it that far before she caught up. He ducked into an alley way and hid himself between two dumpsters. Just moments later he heard the rushing footsteps.

'Alicia, stop." Someone was calling after her.

She'd just reached the alley way when she stopped to look in the direction Will had gone.

"Alicia," James caught up to her. "What's going on?"

Will could hear every word being exchanged.

She sounded out of breath, her voice was shaky, as she spoke. "Nothing, it's nothing. I just thought I saw,"

He didn't have to see it to know she was staring down the alley way.

"Thought you saw who?" James sounded worried.

She didn't respond, just stared down the empty street.

"Are you feeling all right? You look like you've seen a ghost," James asked, with deep concern.

"No," she said. "No, I'm not feeling all right. I think I have seen a ghost."

"Come on. Let's go back to the café. You probably just need something to drink. It's hot today. Maybe you're a little dehydrated, or coming down with something."

A few moments later Will heard footsteps moving in the opposite direction from him. He carefully poked his head around the edge of the dumpster. James had his arm around her leading her back out of the alley.

He remained there a good ten minutes before he slowly made his way out from the hiding place. All kinds of thoughts rushed through his mind.

He never thought he'd see her again. But he had, and all the feelings he had held for her, good and bad, came crashing all around him like a ton of bricks. It was one thing to see a photo of her. It was completely different to have seen her in person a mere twenty feet away from him.

His mind was a jumbled mess as he made his way back to his office. Why was she here? Work? Finn would have warned him. Vacation? That was more likely.

He stepped into the elevator and rode to the tenth floor. He told his assistant he didn't want to be disturbed, and closed the door to his office, slumping down into the chair behind his desk.

 _If she figures it out, you'll have to decide what to do._ Finns words from four months prior ran through his mind. Even if she'd never be able to pull the truth out of Finn, she had seen him. He had no doubt she'd be knocking on Finn's door as soon as she was back in D.C. She'd ask him if he was in fact alive, if for no other reason than to ease her mind. And when she did? What would Finn tell her?

Mail would be too slow. He had no way of knowing when Alicia would be heading home. And if she couldn't wait, she might even call Finn. He had to get a message to him quickly.

He pulled out the bottom drawer in his desk, punched in the code to the safe, and pulled out the burner phone. He'd had months to think about Finn's words. And now he knew what he had to do. An intense feeling of calm and fear rushed through him as he typed the message.

 _-She saw me today. She's in the city. I did my best to get away before she had time to calculate it. If she asks…_

He hesitated. There wasn't near the danger in being discovered as there had been eight years ago. But…if she found out the truth, knew that Finn, his witness protection contact, her friend, had silently held a connection between them all these years… She'd probably be furious.

He sighed heavily as he typed the last words to the message.

 _Tell her the truth. –_

 **A/N; Thank you all so much for supporting and reading this story! I really appreciate it. Just a few quick notes. As some of you know I try to keep my stories as close to fact as I can when discussing places, agencies, etc. There isn't much information out there about the U.S. witness protection program, for obvious reasons. But in case anyone is wondering, the bits about the training, and age limit for Marshalls, and allowing witnesses to keep their first names is all true. Which I was grateful for because it meant I didn't have to give Will a new first name! I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N; Wow, thank you all so much for the numerous reviews of the last chapter! I really do appreciate the feedback. I need to explain a few things in this chapter. This will only give you a glimpse of how Will's death was faked. More details will come out in future chapters. The drug I refer to here is real, and has the mentioned side effects, but is very dangerous. If you didn't read my One Year Later story, read the rest of my notes. If you did, just skip to the beginning of the chapter now.**

 **There isn't much you need to know, but I refer to a few things in this chapter that happened in that story. As I told you this story follows the shows timeline through mid-season 6. After that I took a different route. The main things you need to know is that Diane found a bunch of journal entries that Will had written about Alicia on his laptop after he died. She put those files onto a thumb drive and gave it to Alicia. The other thing he'd done was leave a few of his things for her with a note in a safety deposit box that she discovered existed while reading through his writings. I refer to both of these things in this chapter. In case anyone is wondering what he left her, I'll go over that in a future chapter.**

Alicia woke with a pounding heart to crashes of thunder outside. She couldn't get the image of those eyes out of her mind. It had been two weeks since her encounter with…

She sighed heavily pulling herself out of bed. She'd tried to convince herself it hadn't been Will. There's no way it could be, she'd told herself a dozen times in the past two weeks. It had simply been someone who looked very similar to him. Either that, or she'd imagined the whole thing. The man she'd chased down the street had seemed to vanish into thin air. She'd allowed herself to believe what James had told her. That she'd been dehydrated, or not feeling well. She had come down with a bit of a cold in the following few days.

Telling herself all of this had worked for a week. But there was something nagging at her that wouldn't let up. She couldn't get Will out of her mind. And whenever she thought about seeing those eyes, all she could think of was the shooting, and the war that had existed between them before he died.

James was still sleeping. She pulled on a robe and went to make some coffee. She slowly drank the hot liquid, staring out the back window at the dark clouds and drizzling rain. She decided she needed to put an outrageous theory, that had crossed her mind in the past few days, to rest. In order to do that, she needed to see if she could access Finn's sealed case files. It was likely Will had had nothing to do with his case. But until she could confirm it for herself, she knew she wouldn't sleep well.

Thirty-minutes later she sat on the edge of the bed next to James who was just waking up. "I need to go into work for a while," she said, softly, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

"Okay, I should probably go into work and finalize a few things for next week anyway." He reached his hand to her cheek and pulled her in for a kiss.

"I don't know how long I'll be," she said. "Only a few hours I imagine. There won't be anyone there on a Saturday to bother me." She stood, and slowly headed towards the door.

"Alicia,"

The familiar sound of his voice was soothing. She turned around to look at him again.

"You okay?"

She managed a little smile. "Yeah, I'm a little tired is all." She turned and left the room. Another reason she needed to put this issue to rest, James read her like an open book sometimes.

/

Her office was dark, despite the large windows, which didn't help improve her mood. It seemed the rainstorm was content to sit over the city.

It took her awhile to sort through the files on Damian Boyle's case. Finn had been right though, it seemed the government had a pretty strong case against him after years spent collecting evidence.

After an hour she'd only been able to find a small bit on Damian during the six month he'd worked for Will and Diane. And then she noticed a foot note at the bottom of one of the pages referring to another document.

Opening up the file mentioned, she quickly recognized it as FBI case notes. Agent Maxwell's in fact. Over the past few months she'd become familiar with the format agents used when entering case notes.

A portion of this particular file had been redacted. Specifically, names of individuals, a recount of a few conversations, and what she could only assume were places, and businesses. However, because of her position, and the file no longer being sealed, she had a way of getting around the redactions.

She opened the link that would allow her to see the unredacted file. Now all she had to do was type in her security code. Staring at the screen, she typed the necessary letters, numbers and symbols, but hesitated before hitting the last key.

Pursing her lips, her finger hovered over the last key. Was it wrong to look at Finns notes? The only people that could likely access this was Finn, the head of the FBI, herself, and the two people above her. Would this betray Finn in some way? The file had been sealed for good reason. Finn had told her that much. Did she really want to know what this document said? She could just as easily go to Finn and simply ask him if Will had been involved in his case, which she doubted. In so doing it would confirm Will was really dead. She almost laughed at the thought. There was no way he could still be alive. But the eyes of the man she'd seen two weeks prior haunted her.

Shaking her head for overthinking it, she pushed the last key on the keyboard, and began to read. Within a matter of minutes, the beat of her heart had quickened. She became completely engrossed in the words in front of her. More questions rising with every passing sentence. Will had been Finn's informant. This was the first surprise. But why choose him?

She looked up from the screen briefly. Deep in thought. The better question was why would Will have ever agreed to such a thing?

She continued reading. As she did, a torrent of emotions flooded through her body. There were dates and notes from every time Will and Finn had contact. Those instances increased when Damian started working for Will. As the evidence grew on Bishop and the Gerraghtys, Will's safety didn't seem to be a concern. But then she gasped, her hand flew to her mouth. There it was, a connection between Jeffery Grant and Finn's case. She would have never made the connection on her own.

As if a lot of this hadn't been shock enough, reading the last few paragraphs of the entry nearly caused her to pass out.

 _-Will was pronounced dead at the hospital fifteen-minutes after arriving by ambulance. Unbeknown to the attending doctor, he had been administered a dose of Tetrodotoxin by my partner dressed as a nurse. The drug slowed his heart and vital signs enough to trick the machines, and doctor into believing he had died. It was a great risk to use the drug. A decision I wouldn't have approved of had I been conscious at the time. Hospital workers left the body behind a curtain, and a few minutes later, after two of Will's co-workers appeared unexpectedly and had seen him, three agents in disguise were able to take him to an empty room and bring his vital signs back to normal. They then loaded him into a coroners van, and fled the scene. If we hadn't been on alert, and had agents in the area around the courthouse, the team wouldn't have pulled it off. -_

Alicia's hand went to her heart, she couldn't breathe. It wasn't the confirmation she'd been looking for, and suddenly it seemed her life had been flipped upside down all over again. The solid ground she'd been standing on for the past few years was slipping away right before her eyes.

 _He's alive?_ She thought. Stunned, she sat dumbfounded staring at the screen as a mountain of confusion, shock, and anger raged through her body. A few minutes later, she managed to compose herself enough to call Finn.

"Alicia,"

"Where are you?" she asked, doing her best to mask her emotions.

"Home, why?"

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes. Don't go anywhere." Before he had a chance to respond, she hung up. Grabbing her coat and purse she headed to the door of her office, but she had to grab hold of the bookcase next to it for a few moments, close her eyes and breathe deeply to keep from passing out.

Gaining her balance and some composure again, she slipped out of her office. _I probably shouldn't drive like this,_ she thought, as she entered the parking structure. But gave no more thought to it as she got into her car.

She had to park two blocks away from his place. The rain was still pouring down, and by the time she knocked on the front door, completely absorbed in her thoughts, she was dripping wet from head to toe.

When Finn opened the door, anger had overshadowed her other feelings. She restrained herself long enough to get inside. "Will was your informant? And you thought it was a good idea to keep that from me?" She glared at him as she shed her jacket. He took it from her and hung it on a hook, before responding.

"Yes," he sighed. "Come sit down," he said, pointing to a sofa in the front room.

She walked further into the room, but had no intentions to sit. "Why? Why did you pick him? Of all the people in Chicago, there must have been someone with better access to Bishop, and the Gerraghtys. Did Will even know anyone belonging to the Gerraghty family?"

"No, he didn't when we first approached him. There are a thousand factors that go into picking someone. Will wasn't the only one we had working for us. We didn't know how dangerous it would end up being when Will hired Damian at our request."

"Your request?" She didn't know this. She'd read through his case notes quickly, and clearly not everything had been documented.

"Yes," he responded.

She shook her head and turned away from him, folding her arms. The tears she'd held in since she'd left her office were bubbling to the surface. She knew the truth about Will, but wanted to see if Finn would attempt to keep the secret from her.

"So, Will gathers information and passes it to you. Someone finds out he's doing it, and now he's dead because of it?" At that point the tears began. Her hand went to her mouth, her back still turned to him.

"No," he responded, with such calm and certainty it unsettled her more.

He was moving closer to her, she could hear his footsteps, and moved away.

"Alicia, he's not dead. But I'm guessing you already know that."

She exhaled a sob, and whirled around to look at him. "Eight long years, you lied to me, over and over again. Why admit the truth now? Why didn't you just tell me everything five months ago when I asked?" she spat angrily. Her body was trembling, the overwhelming emotions, mixed with her anger, was almost unbearable.

He briefly looked at the floor before meeting her gaze. "Because he told me to tell you the truth if you asked."

She was ready to fire off her next question, but stopped dead in her tracks, furrowing her brow. "He told you? When did he tell you? Eight years ago, when he went into protection?" she said, bitterly.

He suddenly looked like someone who'd just been caught in the middle of committing a crime. "No, two weeks ago after you saw him."

It took a few seconds for this to register. It was a piece of the puzzle she hadn't thought about yet. When she realized what he was actually telling her, she was furious.

"Two weeks ago! You're still in contact with him?" She wanted to throw something. She felt out of control, and she hated it. The last time she remembered feeling this way was the day she'd found out about Peter's latest scandal, and on top of that Eli had told her about deleting Will's voicemail. She'd completely shut down after that, but not today. She was livid.

"Alicia," he already sounded apologetic.

"No," she pointed her finger at him. "Damn you! How could you keep this from me? You were there. You came to my apartment, and saw how his death affected me. I can't even count the number of times over the years that I've confided in you my feelings for him!"

Tears continued to stream down her cheeks. "I spent months in therapy trying to put my life back together after Peter and being unable to reconcile my feelings for Will. Being unable to tell him I was sorry for what had gone on between us! And here you are telling me that you've had contact with him all this time? That I could have just picked up the phone and talked to him?" She was beyond hurt, and began pacing back and forth.

He went to speak again, but she wasn't finished.

"All the heartache that could have been prevented if you would have just been honest with me. Finn, I wouldn't have told anyone. I could have kept the secret."

"Alicia, I understand you're upset."

A spiteful laugh escaped her lips. "Upset! We are way beyond upset."

For the first time since she'd arrived, he took a more stern tone with her. "You think knowing that Will was alive would have changed things? Alicia, take one minute and stop to think about that. There are reasons we put people into witness protection and sever ties with everyone they know. Let's just say that I, in a moment of weakness, because your hurting so much, tell you he's alive. What would you have done? You couldn't contact him. You wouldn't get anymore closure. And what if Bishop, or Damian, or someone who works for them figures out you know Will is alive?" He moved closer to her. "Do you know what they would have done to you to get to him? To your kids. To your family, co-workers? I admit fault in staying in contact with you when I knew he was alive, and how you felt about him. But I don't regret keeping the secret. It was safer for everyone that way. Will knows that, and you're going to have to accept it."

She turned from him again. She knew he was right, at least parts of it, but that didn't make her feel any less angry. "Did he know he was going to go into protection?" she asked, through gritted teeth. This point bothered her. That Will would willingly leave everything behind.

"A few weeks before the shooting we figured out it might be a possibility, and we told him so."

"And he agreed to keep gathering intel for you?" she asked, through her tears.

He was silent. The answer to this wasn't in his case notes, and it had become very clear she'd found a way to read them. She turned back to him when he hadn't responded.

Finn's hands moved to his pockets. "Yes, but he told us he'd only keep doing it if we found a way to keep you and he free from any charges that might arise from the case dealing with Peter's voter fraud."

Her lips formed a thin line, shaking her head again. "That obviously worked out well for you, didn't it? The office of public integrity was in my office the day before Will…" She was so used to saying Will died, she had to rethink her statement. "Got shot," she continued. "Threatening me with prison time."

She paused briefly, and sat on the sofa. "Why me? Why did Will want me included in his deal?"

Her tone had calmed some for the first time since she'd arrived. Finn took the opportunity to be a little more hospitable. "I'll tell you whatever you want you to know. But let me get you some tissues, a towel maybe?" His eyes moved to her hair that she realized for the first time was still dripping wet. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Yes, I'll have some water. If I start drinking right now, I'll be a complete wreck by tonight."

He left her alone while he went for the water and a towel. She slumped back into the cushions, and closed her eyes. If she allowed herself to think much she'd just cry more. Will was alive? She couldn't wrap her mind around it. Her head was throbbing with pain from all the emotions.

He returned a few minutes later and sat next to her, handing her the towel, and bottle of water.

"Thank you," she said. "Now tell me. Why did he want immunity for me?"

"Because he cared about you."

"He was more than angry at me during that time."

"I know. You told me. I didn't understand why he asked for it until two years later."

Her questioning eyes met his.

"Let me explain what happened, and maybe you'll understand."

"I read the case notes. You surmised that Damian figured out Will was snitching on everyone, and Bishop or Gerraghty ordered him killed."

"Yes. You didn't read much past the shooting did you?"

She laughed under her breath. "No, finding out he was alive, was about all the shock I could handle for one morning."

Finn nodded. "We eventually figured out it was Bishop who ordered the hit. He had men in prison. They threatened to kill Jeffery Grant if he didn't kill Will. Bishop had a man in court, and knew Jeffery could grab the guards gun."

"And that's why his parents called to see if I'd take the case. If Will wasn't in court, Jeffery couldn't be held responsible for killing him?"

"Right, but we didn't know about the threat to Jeffery until just before the shooting. His mother called the FBI at great risk to herself. She was just trying to protect her son. Unfortunately, it was too late. We didn't know it was Bishops man beating him up in prison. They threatened to kill his family on the day of shooting if he didn't go through with it. He was a scared kid who didn't want his parents to die."

"Then why shoot the investigator who was testifying against him? Why not just try to shoot Will?"

"Jeffery was guilty of the murder he was being tried for. He was angry, and didn't think he'd get out of a murder sentence anyway. He did it for vengeance."

"The bullet that hit Will wasn't fatal?"

"No, it went in and out, but didn't hit any major arteries. There was a lot of blood loss, he was going in and out of consciousness, but they were able to stabilize him on the way to the hospital."

"And that's when your team administered the drug, and took him into protection?"

He nodded his head. "Yes."

"You were his handler. Is that why you keep in contact with him?"

"No. Usually when someone goes into protection the Marshalls take over. They keep in contact with protected individuals. But you may recall two years after he was shot, you and I had drinks in New York when you were there finding office space for your firm?"

She did recall the instance. It seemed like a lifetime ago. "Yes"

"You told me about the thumb drive with all of his writings on it that night. Do you remember?"

She nodded.

"I had to contact Will to make certain there wasn't anything on that thumb drive that would put him at risk, or reveal his situation. After getting permission, I contacted him, and went to see him. It was only while discussing the thumb drive that I fully understood why he'd asked you get immunity. He loved you. He still did two years later, despite what had happened between you."

She'd so long ago tried to put all of this to rest, the emotions anyway, but had never been able to do it completely. The evidence was in her thoughts and dreams whenever Will entered her mind. It had been easier when she thought he was dead, but he wasn't. She stood again, and moved to stare out the window across the room.

"I know he loved me. I think I told you once. But did you know he was going to try and mend things between us the day of the shooting?" She didn't wait for him to respond. "His last entry on that thumb drive was written the night before the shooting."

The tears began to flow again. "He said he forgave me. He said he loved me, and that he was going to tell me. Make me listen to him until I understood." She turned and faced him again. "And all for what? If he knew he might end up in protection?" She sighed, heavily. "Now I understand why he left the other note in a safety deposit box, that I didn't discover until two years later. He knew there was a chance he wouldn't be around to live out his desires. Leaving that note, with some other things wasn't something he did by chance, just in case some freak accident happened, and he ended up dead. It was his way of saying goodbye."

"What other note? What other things?"

She exhaled. "It doesn't matter." Once again full of tears, and anguish, and hurt, and still upset, she was drained, crying and unsure of what to do now. She hated feeling so vulnerable.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She wiped at the tears as she pulled it out to look at it. "It's James. He's probably wondering where I am. I need to go."

She walked past him to the hall, and grabbed her coat.

"Alicia,"

"Finn, I can't do any more of this right now." Her back was towards him as she reached for the doorknob. She went to turn it, but stopped.

"Is he happy?" she asked, in a barely audible tone. She wanted to know. She wanted to ask what his life had been like. But she knew she couldn't handle it today.

"Yes. He's happy with the life he has now. As much as anyone in his situation can be."

Tears sprang from her eyes once again. "You'll tell him I know?"

"Only if you want me to."

"Then do." She drew in a deep breath of air. "And tell him that I never stopped caring." She opened the door and was gone.

The rain had stopped, but she still looked a mess when she walked in the front door of her own home. James was in the kitchen making some coffee.

He turned to look at her as she got closer. "Alicia, what happened?" Her disheveled hair, and puffy red eyes, were definitely a concern to him.

She didn't respond, but wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, and pressed a hard, fervent kiss to his lips. Feeling his warm arms around her was the only comfort she'd found all morning.

A few moments later, he broke the kiss. "Are you all right?" he asked, looking her up and down.

"I will be. I don't want to talk about it right now. Let's go upstairs." She took his hand and led him to the stairs.

He was still concerned, but followed her anyway. He knew her. She rarely ever admitted feeling insecure, but he could see it in her eyes in that moment. Every so often her way of dealing with that was making love to him. Which is exactly what she did.

She was quiet for the rest of the day. He gave her space, didn't push her. He knew she'd talk about whatever was bothering her when she was ready. But the ghostly look he'd seen in her eyes a few times worried him. He'd never seen it before. She hadn't appeared to have been physically harmed. But he did wonder what had happened to her.

The following morning when he woke up, she was leaning against the window frame in their bedroom. Still in her pajamas, she stared blankly out the window. She looked exhausted. He wondered how much sleep she'd gotten.

He climbed out of bed, and went to stand behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Tell me what's wrong." Her body stiffened in his arms. "Alicia, whatever it is, we can deal with it."

Folding her arms more tightly against her body, she continued to stare out the window. "Will is alive."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N; Hello everyone! This is a short chapter, but it was a decent ending point before we start to get into some bigger drama. Thank you all so much for the reviews and follows! I really appreciate it!**

Alicia stood still next to the large window in their bedroom. She hadn't slept well, unable to stop the turmoil running through her mind. She thought about going for a run an hour ago, but she didn't have the mental or physical strength for it today.

Her gaze moved from the scene outside to James. She knew she had to tell him. This was not something she could keep from him, and it only added to her ever-growing list of questions. Was she allowed to tell James? Would telling him put one or both men in danger, if not now, then the future?

She sighed heavily. What were the rules here? She should have asked Finn. Did it even matter? Of course it mattered. She shook her head for thinking it wouldn't.

She was beginning to regret her decision to look at Finn's case notes. Yes, she'd been bothered by seeing…Will. It was all such a shock. But the thoughts that had led her to dig into the case further would have gone away – eventually – she reassured herself. Then she wouldn't be standing here with her mind at war.

This was the biggest question of all. What to do with the information. Try to contact Will? Leave it alone? _"It's not even a question up for debate,"_ she whispered to herself. She couldn't contact him. Finn was right. It was safer for everyone that way and she'd have to accept it. But…Will was alive, and as much as she didn't want to admit it, he still held a piece of her heart. The rush of relief and excitement that went through her body when she only thought of that couldn't be ignored. Or could it?

She heard James get out of bed but didn't turn to look at him. How could she even begin this conversation?

His warm arms wrapped around her. His voice reassuring in her ear.

Without a second thought she blurted it out. "Will's alive," she said. It sounded so foreign, she barely recognized it as her own voice.

He froze. She pulled out from his grasp and turned to face him.

"What?" he said, furrowing his brow. The confusion was written in his every feature.

Folding her arms across her chest she said it again. "Will is alive. That day in Portland when I ran out of the restaurant, I thought I saw him. I know it sounds crazy. I thought I was crazy. But it looked so much like him, I couldn't stop myself."

She paced back and forth in front of him. "Yesterday, I was able to read Finn's case notes. And…" Her emotions would soon have the better of her. "Will was the one gathering intel for the FBI, and he did get shot, but…" The tears started to fall. "He didn't die. The feds faked his death, and…" Her hand went to her mouth.

Still processing her words, he stepped closer gently pulling her to him so she'd look at him again.

"I'm angry, and confused. And I'm feeling so many things right now, I think I'm going to explode," she admitted, turning to look him in the eye. "I'm sorry. You don't deserve this. This emotional mess."

All kinds of things were running through his mind, and he didn't respond.

She couldn't handle the silence. "James, please say something."

"Alicia, I don't know what to say," he said, slightly frustrated. "Why didn't you tell me you thought you saw Will?"

"I told you. Because I thought it was crazy."

He pulled away from her, running a hand through his hair. "This is crazy." He wasn't angry, but he was frustrated. This was a shock for him as well.

"I'm sorry. I should have told you. I just,"

"What are you going to do? What does this mean for us?" he asked, cutting her off with a hint of anger. Did this mean she wanted to end things between them to be with him? The more he thought about it, the more unsettling it all was.

She furrowed her brow, the tears slowing. "For us?" The question seemed absurd. "James, it doesn't change anything between us. I love you. I'm with you. It's not like I can see him, or communicate with him. It's just such a shock, I'm still trying to process it. I had to tell you because I didn't want you to worry."

"Alicia, I get all of that. I love you too, and I love the fact that you are so committed to me. But don't avoid the question. If you could see him, talk to him, what would you do?" His gaze met hers, with a hard line across his brow.

She didn't like the question for several reasons. She had no idea what she'd do if it were really a possibility, and right now she didn't trust that her heart wouldn't rule her mind.

"I…don't know. But I wouldn't just throw away everything we have, to go chase some crazy desires I had eight years ago. Please don't be angry." She was almost pleading with him. She couldn't handle being in an argument with him right now.

He wanted to believe her. She'd never lied to him before. But he couldn't ignore the look in her eye when she'd told him about Will the first time. The same look she held in her eyes now. This man, who was…not really dead, had meant the world to her. He could compete with a dead man, but one who was alive? He wondered how he would feel if he were in her shoes, and if he were really honest, he wouldn't know what to do either. Just like she had said.

"I'm not angry. It's just...unsettling."

She wrapped her arms around his waist. "I get that, but James, I'm not going anywhere. I told you about this because I promised you a long time ago that I wouldn't keep things from you. I'm struggling with this, and even though I've seen the evidence, and had Finn confirm for me he's alive, it's hard to believe. But I think I've come to a decision." In that moment she convinced herself she had. "I don't want to know more. I don't want to know if he finally found the right woman, or where he works, or what his life has been like. I don't want to know why he agreed to work for the FBI, or how exactly it all came to be. It's easier if I don't know any of these things. I'm glad he's alive, relieved actually, but I have to put this out of my mind. I have to keep believing he's dead. There's no other solution."

"Can you do that?" He was skeptical.

"Yes, I have to. So, I will." She said it with such conviction she and James almost believed it. "There…it's decided. Thank you for listening." She leaned in and kissed him, then headed towards the door.

James reached out and grabbed her arm. "Alicia,"

"It will be okay," she assured him. "I just need to process things for a few days, and it will be over. You don't have to worry."

He sighed. She could be so stubborn sometimes, but he knew not to push her further. "Okay, but if you change your mind and want to talk about it, I'm here."

"I know. Thank you." She leaned in, planting another lingering kiss to his lips. "Come downstairs with me. I thought I'd make omelets for breakfast."

"Mmm, my favorite." He wrapped his arm around her waist, and headed towards the stairs.

"I know," she said, with raised brow. "And then maybe we could go to one of the museums we haven't seen yet, and you can wow me with your knowledge." She laughed lightly, under her breath.

"And you won't get bored, or glossy eyed while I try to wow you?" he chuckled in response.

"I don't get glossy eyed when you enlighten me with your knowledge," she protested.

He chuckled some more. "No, not usually. That's one of the things I love about you."

He kissed the top of her head, and she felt better than she had in twenty-four hours. This was real, and reassuring. Screw the rest of it. She was happy. She was happy with him, and she had been for nearly three years now. She intended to keep it that way.

But the reality was that she couldn't. Her heart and her mind were in a constant battle. Six weeks later she couldn't take it anymore, and late one Friday afternoon she flew to Chicago to talk to Diane. She was the closest friend she had, other than James, and this didn't seem like the kind of thing she should discuss over the phone.

It wasn't a completely crazy idea anyway, because Grace was also in Chicago. No one could blame her for wanting to spend some time with her daughter.

James hadn't even batted an eyelash when she told him she was going. She invited him to come with her, but he declined. He had a mountain of mid-terms to grade. "It will give you something to do," he said. "I'm not going to be very good company this weekend." And he meant it. But with her gone, he would also have an opportunity to talk to Finn. It was something she had refused to do since that rainy day six weeks earlier. If she wasn't going to ask some of the questions that needed to be answered, he was.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N; Thank you all again for the reviews. I love hearing what you all think and where you think this might go. A few of you seem to be reading my thoughts like an open book. :} I know you're all wanting to know what Will is doing, and the next chapter is going to be all about him.**

Alicia went directly to Lockhart, Agos, & Cavanaugh when she arrived in Chicago. It felt like home walking through the halls of her old firm, even though the Chicago branch hadn't been her home base in nearly seven years. _This is exactly what I needed,_ she told herself, as she rounded the corner to where the partner offices were located.

Cary was the first to see her as he came out of his office. With a big grin on his face he embraced her. "It's nice to know the big wigs at the DOJ still want to associate with us little people," he teased, as he pulled away from her.

Slightly embarrassed, she laughed under her breath. "I'm no big wig Cary. Same as I've always been. How are you?" Now that she was here she was beginning to realize just how much she missed her two partners, and her firm.

"Good."

"Mom!" Grace came around the corner, practically throwing herself into her mother's arms. Alicia held on tight not wanting to let go, but Grace managed to pry herself away a few moments later.

"Diane and Cary aren't working you into the ground are they," Alicia smiled, raising a brow to Cary.

"No more than the other first year associates." Grace had graduated from law school in the spring, and come to work for Cary and Diane.

Diane joined the group, and they all went into her office to continue their conversation. After catching up for a while, Cary excused himself. Grace had plans for the evening she couldn't get out of, but promised to spend the rest of the weekend with Alicia.

A few minutes later, Alicia and Diane were alone. Alicia settled herself on the couch, leaning back against the soft cushions. "It's so good to be here," she breathed, with an audible sigh of relief, feeling some of her built up anxiety from the past weeks seeping away.

Diane poured them both a drink, and sat down in the chair next to her. "It's good to have you here." Diane lifted her drink to her lips, looking at Alicia over the brim of her glass.

Silence filled the room. When Alicia didn't say anything, Diane took the opportunity. "What going on, Alicia?"

Alicia's own glass near her lips, she said, "What makes you think something's going on? James is busy with mid-terms, and It's been nearly five months since I've seen Grace. It seemed like a good opportunity to come for a visit."

Diane chuckled. "I'll tell you why I think something's going on. You called two nights ago, and said you were coming to Chicago in less than forty-eight hours, that you'd already booked a flight. You haven't been here in nearly a year. This isn't like you."

"I'm trying to be more spontaneous these days," Alicia countered.

This caused Diane to chuckle some more. "No. Something's wrong. You're a planner. You always have been. You don't plan a trip and take it in less than forty-eight hours. Now spill."

Alicia set her drink down, glancing around to see if anyone else was lurking nearby. "You're right. I wanted to talk to you face to face, but not here."

"I'll call Kurt, tell him I'll be home late, and we can go somewhere else."

Alicia nodded, as Diane pulled out her phone.

A short time later, the two women were seated on the couch in the front room of Alicia's hotel suite.

"Are you and James having troubles?" Diane asked.

Alicia didn't meet her gaze. "No…not exactly." She stood and moved to the window across the room. "Something happened a few weeks ago, and it's…" She told herself she wasn't going to cry, but the lump in her throat was waging war. "What happened doesn't matter. I can't give you the details because it's confidential."

"Something happened at work then?"

"No, yes. I just…"

"Alicia, tell me what's going on," Diane said, slightly frustrated.

Alicia sighed, and turned to face her. "This _thing_ that happened, opened up all my old feelings for Will, and I thought that after a few days it would go away. That I'd be able to put it to rest. But I can't. And I don't know what to do about it. I feel like my life is spinning out of control again. I came here because I thought if I could talk to someone who understood, I'd feel better. Then I can go back home to James, and get back to my life. A life I love right now."

A few tears slipped down her cheek, and she sighed if frustration. "I feel so ridiculous. Like a high schooler who can't get over her first crush. I'm sorry to unload this on you, but I didn't know who else to talk to. James shouldn't have to listen to me prattle on about the man I had an affair with eleven years ago."

"How are things between you and James?" Diane was trying to figure out where on earth all of this could have come from. The only thing that came to mind was that they had gotten into some horrible argument that was still simmering in the background.

"Good, great really. I don't deserve someone as understanding as he is. But I'm worried these feelings I'm having for Will are going to get in the way of our relationship. I can't let that happen. I just need to talk about it, get it out of my system, and everything will okay again."

"Okay, I'll listen for as long as you like. But Alicia, what on earth triggered all of this? I'd expect it if he'd died more recently. But it's been almost nine years now."

"It was a case at work. It…reminded me of…him. That's all I can say." It was partially true. Two days ago, when she'd first decided to come to Chicago, she'd planned on telling Diane Will was alive. But then her conscience kicked in, and she knew she couldn't. If she told Diane, Diane would want to tell Kurt. While she trusted these people with her life, she still hadn't talked to Finn to know what she could and couldn't say to people regarding Will.

Diane nodded. "I can understand that. Every so often I'll be working on a case, and something will remind me of him. All these years, and the loss still lingers in the background."

Alicia paced back and forth, rubbing her palms together. "Yes, it just hit me really hard this time. I miss him. I miss talking to him, I miss watching him work. I miss… _being_ with him." She hated herself for admitting it. It felt like she was cheating on James by simply saying it.

"I know I've said this before, but Alicia, what you and he had, it was special. It meant something, even though neither of you were willing to admit it to the other. You loved each other."

"I still do. That's the problem," she admitted, her voice cracking.

"And you probably always will. It's not a crime Alicia."

 _But it is_ , she thought, silently to herself. She was in love with James, and she was in love with Will. And Will was alive. She felt like she was cheating on both of them.

"So, what do I do?"

Diane continued. "You talk about it, here. And realize that it's okay to be sad about it sometimes. It's okay to think about it, and it's okay to wish things had turned out differently."

Alicia nodded. "I know all that. I just can't seem to close the empty space in my heart this time." She stopped pacing, looking Diane in the eye. "I've been thinking the past few weeks that it was my fault he died." More tears slipped down her cheeks. "How can I live with that guilt?"

This took Diane off guard. She hadn't heard Alicia talk like this for a very long time. And she'd never said anything in the past about blaming herself for Will's death. This was crazy talk.

"Alicia, Will's death was in no way your fault. Why would you even think that?"

She didn't have to think twice about her answer. "Because I didn't take the Grant case from him. If I had, Jefferey wouldn't have shot Will. Yes, Will would have been angry at me for stealing another client, but that would be better than…"

What she wasn't telling Diane was that she'd done the math and come to her own conclusion. She'd gone back and looked at the dates in Finn's case notes. Finn had approached Will about being an informant a month before Peter's election. Will had agreed, but when Finn approached him about hiring Damian to get closer the Gerraghtys a few days after the election, he'd refused. He said it was too dangerous. That he was happy to feed the feds what little information he could get on Bishop, but he wasn't going to do more.

Then a few weeks later, after she'd left the firm, he changed his mind. She couldn't help but think her leaving, upsetting him as much as she did, had clouded his judgement when it came to hiring Damian. Ultimately, hiring Damian had led to him…being shot.

"Better than what? You being shot and killed instead?" Diane tried to reason with her.

"Jefferey wouldn't have shot me," she said, calmly, turning her gaze back to the large window.

Diane stood and moved next to her. "Yes, he would have."

They stood in silence for a few moments. "Do you ever think about him, or what the firm would be like now if he hadn't been shot?" Alicia asked.

Diane folded her arms across her chest. "Sometimes," she replied, softly. "By now we'd either be running a firm with offices across the country, or Will would have managed to bankrupt us. He was moving too fast on so many fronts those last few months. It was completely reckless."

Alicia nodded, her gaze fixed on the Chicago skyline lit up before her. "That's the hardest thing for me. The dreams. I used to think about him maybe once every few months, or less. I'd see someone who looked like him from behind, or end up standing next to a man wearing the same cologne. Sometimes it would lead me to having a dream about him that night. Then it would pass, for months. But I've dreamt of him so often the past few weeks, it's clouded my memory. I can barely tell the difference between what actually happened, and what I've made up in my mind."

Diane felt for her. She could clearly see the struggle Alicia was having.

"I just wish I could I see him, talk to him one more time."

"But you can't," Diane said, resolutely.

"I know." And if she were honest, this was the thing that bothered her the most. This was the one thing that had kept her mind and her heart on Will and at a constant battle inside. He was alive, and she'd convinced herself there was no way to see him, no matter how much she wanted to. She'd been honest with James. She didn't want to just throw everything they had away, but she'd like an opportunity to set things right. Tell Will how she felt, and apologize for everything she'd done. But she couldn't.

They talked late into the night, sharing memories of Will, and laughing at some of the things that had gone on during the years that they had all worked together. By the time Diane was ready to leave, they'd covered everything from the goings on in Chicago, to Alicia's cushy job in D.C.

"You've made a real name for yourself, but I don't envy you," Diane said. "I'm getting too old to keep up with that amount of chaos," she said, in regards to Alicia's hectic schedule.

"You shouldn't envy me. The job has its perks, I don't regret taking it. But this is not something I want to do for years on end." She sat back comfortably into the couch, and took another sip of her wine. "I'll do this until we elect another president, and by then James will be up for taking a sabbatical, and I'll go with him."

A genuine smile crossed Diane's lips. "I'm glad things are going so well between you two."

"Me too."

"I should probably go. You'll come by Sunday before you leave? I know Kurt would love to see you."

"I will," Alicia set her glass on the coffee table. "Wait a minute. I have something I need to give to you." She got up and disappeared into the bedroom for a few moments.

When she reappeared, she was carrying a box in her hands.

"What's this?" Diane asked, as Alicia handed it to her.

"Things I've kept over the years from my time with Will. Photos of us, a baseball and cap he gave me, a few letters. A few other things he gave me during our affair, and some items he left for me in that mystery safety deposit box I discovered while reading through his writings."

Diane held her gaze with questioning eyes.

"I think it would be best to not have this around for a while. Just until I can get a handle on these emotions again. Would you mind storing it for me? I don't really trust anyone else to keep track of it, or keep their hands and eyes out of it." The corners of her lips turned upward into a tiny smile.

"I'd be happy to."

"Thank you, Diane. For everything." She was feeling much better, having been able to talk through some of her emotions. Hopefully between talking, and having his things out of her reach for a while, her heart would be able to heal again.

A few minutes later she was alone with only her thoughts to occupy her mind. She felt better than she had in six weeks. This was a process, she told herself. Give it a little more time, and everything will be fine. Everything will go back to normal. If worst came to worst, she'd go do a couple sessions of therapy. There was no shame in that.

Feeling restless, she changed her clothes, and went to the hotel fitness center that was open twenty-four hours. After putting in a few miles on the treadmill, her mind was more clear. She went back to her room, showered, and went to bed. For the first time in weeks her last thoughts before drifting off to sleep, weren't consumed with thoughts of Will.

* * *

The following night, James met Finn for drinks. They sat at a table near the back of the noisy establishment.

"How's Alicia?" Finn asked, a bit wearily. He'd tried to call her several times in the past six weeks, but she'd not answered.

James thumbed the glass in front of him. "She's fine. She's in Chicago for a few days to spend some time with Grace." He sighed, looking Finn in the eye. "She's still upset with you, and I think she's angry at him. But she isn't willing to talk about it, and she refuses to call you to get answers to the questions I know are swimming around in her head."

Finn nodded, and took a sip of his drink. "She has every right to be angry at me."

"She knows you were just doing your doing your job. She's trying to put it behind her, pretend he's still dead, and move on. But that's why I'm here."

Finn raised his brow at the comment.

"Is there any way she can contact him?"

Finn sighed heavily, and sat back in his seat, as James continued.

"She needs answers. Answers that only he can give her. Like why the hell he agreed to work for you? And the issue that's really bothering her." He paused to drink a bit of the dark liquid in his glass.

"Which issue?"

"The thing she's afraid to admit, and ask. If they were to see each other, able to talk, would there be anything left between them? Does he still think about her? Does he still…love her?" He looked away. "Could they still have a future together?" It was hard to say out loud. He loved Alicia. He loved her a great deal. But that was why he was here, because he did love her. He didn't want her to end up regretting her decision to stay with him ten years down the road if she could have what he feared she'd really want.

"I can tell you this. Just don't beat up the messenger," Finn said, half joking, half seriously.

"I'm not the type to throw a punch," James admitted.

Finn nodded. "He still asks about her. He hasn't come right out and said it, but if I had to guess, I'd say he does still have feelings for her."

"And you tell him about her?" A thin line formed on his brow. "All these years she thought he was dead. He on the other hand hasn't had to live with the grief I know she went through, because he didn't actually sever all of his ties when he went into protection. His situation wasn't as finite as hers because you've been feeding him information whenever he asks?" This made him angry, if only for her sake. "Just how much does he know about her life?"

Finn knew he had to be honest. "Only little tidbits. The last time I passed information to him was just after you two moved here. I told him about her new job, etc."

"Does he know about me?"

"Yes," he admitted.

"Do you know what a violation of privacy this is?" he said angrily, but managed to keep his tone down so he wouldn't draw attention to them. "What else does he know? Is the reason you've stayed in contact with her, to spy on her for Will?"

"No, it's not like that. And he never asked me to do it. I like Alicia, the friendship we have is real. I don't spy on her. He will periodically ask how she is because he knows I talk to her sometimes. That's all. Look, you can be angry with me if you want. I understand. But I promise it was innocent."

James ran a hand through his hair in frustration. What was done was done, he couldn't change that now. "Fine. But don't ever admit to her what you just told me. She'd be beyond furious if she knew."

"Agreed."

"Back to my question. Can she contact him?"

"Does she want to?"

"I can't say for certain, but I think if she could she would."

Finn thought about this for a few long moments before responding. "He's not in as much danger as he was eight years ago. But for her to call him, or email him… I wouldn't recommend it. Not with the job she has. The best thing to do would be to have them meet in person." He looked at James for some sort of reaction, but got none.

"Can you make that happen?"

"Are you going to leave her? Is that why you're asking?"

"No." His gaze moved to the glass in front of him again. "Alicia has been great. She's hurting I can tell, but I know she loves me, I know she cares. She's committed to me and our relationship."

"But," Finn said.

"I want her to be happy. And the only way she'll know if she can truly be happy with me, without regret, is to see him again and figure out what she really wants. So, can you do it? Figure out a way for her to see him?"

"All I can do is contact him and ask. I can't guarantee he'll agree to it." It was the truth. He had no idea if Will would want it, or allow it. If he didn't want to have contact with her, he could very easily ask to be relocated, so she wouldn't be able to find him. On the other hand, If he agreed to meet her, there was no telling what might happen. And if they decided they wanted to be together… He was getting a headache just thinking about the can of worms that would open up.

"Then ask him…please…for her." James said.

"If he agrees, then what?"

James stood, placing his hands in his pockets. "We'll deal with that when the time comes." He went to leave, but had one more thought. "Don't tell her we met. If he agrees to meet with her, I'll be the one to tell her. If he doesn't agree, then you're going to need to be prepared to give her the answers she's looking for." He turned and made his way through the crowd to the exit.

It was a cool autumn night. He decided to walk for a while. The pile of essays that still needed grading could wait. As much as he hated to admit it, he somehow knew this was the beginning of the end for him.


	8. Chapter 8

Running – It was what he did. It was what he knew. It was one thing he had become far too familiar with. Running from emotion, from love, from anger, and most of all fear.

It was analogous to so much of his adult life, the thought caused him to quicken his pace on the path along the Columbia river that lay on the banks of the city. He was grateful for the clouded sky above and light rain that fell. It somehow seemed to lessen the burning in his lungs and aching muscles.

It had been a week since Finn had contacted him with the request that he meet in person with Alicia to answer _her_ questions. But were they really her questions? Or was this some kind of game James was playing? Did he have a motive in trying to arrange a meeting with Alicia? Maybe it was as Finn had described, and James really was sincere in his request on her behalf. But Will was suspicious of everyone. He had to be. The FBI had made him this way.

The mere thought of meeting with Alicia stirred up more emotions than he cared to feel. Fear being at the forefront of those emotions. It wasn't Alicia he was afraid of. It was the fact that she'd discovered he was alive, and, that in reality, anyone he'd been running from, could easily do the same. He'd let his guard down, relaxed quite a bit, in the six years since he'd put down roots here. He'd spent his first few years of witness protection in three different locations. But then Bishop had been killed in prison, and Gherraghty had been put behind bars with a lifetime sentence. After that, there hadn't been as much need to worry about being discovered.

 _Who am I kidding?_ he thought to himself, turning back towards home. Despite all of that, there would always be a risk. The fear of being discovered - and possibly killed - was always in the background. He simply managed to not think about it most of the time.

Now he had a decision to make. Agree to meet with her, or refuse. If he refused, there were reasons he wouldn't try and run again. And if she really wanted to contact him, she'd probably be able to do it – eventually.

On the other hand, despite his fear, there was a part of him that wanted nothing more than to see her again. Talk to her and explain everything. The sheer thought of being able to communicate with her – if that's what she wanted – sent a rush of flutters through him.

As he rounded the last corner to home he got a call from work, sending him back into reality. A deal he'd been waiting for all week would be in his inbox in thirty minutes. He'd have to go into the office for a few hours, even though it was Saturday. Luckily Janie had already told him she could take the boys to their basketball game. He'd have to miss the game this week.

By the middle of the afternoon he sat back in the chair at his desk. He had a few more things to wrap up, but it could wait until Monday. He opened the safe in the bottom drawer of his desk, and took out the phone. Placing it on his desk, he stared at it. He'd take it home, try to make a decision, and call Finn by Sunday night.

Sighing, he looked around the large office space. It was impressive with its furnishings, and view of the city from the twentieth floor. The few people who really knew him would say he was quite successful. He was, he'd been lucky when he'd obtained the in-house council position for a large sports retailer chain. He liked the job. He liked being involved in some of the company's transactions. And being surrounded by people who enjoyed sports as much as he did on a daily basis.

But if he were truly honest, he really missed being a defense attorney. He missed prepping for trial, and taking his opposition down in court. But it was a necessary sacrifice he'd had to make. He was lucky he'd even been allowed to continue working in the legal field at all. He had to remind himself of that periodically.

As he gathered the few things he needed to take home, he couldn't help but smile at the success Alicia had had. He never doubted she'd end up being successful. Even when she'd left the firm, and he'd been so angry, he knew she wouldn't fail. Alicia could do anything she put her mind to.

As he drove towards home he couldn't keep her out of his thoughts. He hadn't been able to all week. And he was well aware of the fact that those thoughts had ultimately been the cause of his absolute failure as a decent date the night before. He turned the radio up in hopes that the music would distract him.

He entered the house, a few blocks from his own, twenty-minutes later, after Janie opened the door to greet him.

"How was the game?" he asked, following her into the kitchen.

"Good from what I heard. But you'll have to ask Rick for the details. He took the boys," she responded, opening the refrigerator, and pulling out a beer for him. "Here, you look like you could use this," she smiled.

He laughed under his breath, taking the cold drink from her. "I can, thank you."

Janie was a few years younger than he was. Dark brown hair, slender, and a nurse. She reminded him so much of his sister Sara sometimes it was scary. She was married to Rick. They had all become friends when Rick and Will started coaching a youth baseball team together four years prior. Rick and Janie treated Will like family – in almost everything. Including pestering him about his dating life.

Janie stood across the counter from him "So, how was your date last night?"

Will sighed. "Fine. We had dinner and called it a night."

She raised a brow to him. "Really? That's it? You have a free night and the only thing you do to impress this woman is take her to dinner? She's the only woman you've been out with the past few months. I thought things might be getting serious."

Will chuckled. "You mean you hoped things were getting serious."

"Well…yes," she admitted.

"It's not serious. We're having fun, that's all." He took a sip of his drink.

She bent over placing her elbows on the counter, her eyes fixed on his. "You're starting to get too old to just be having fun. I don't want you to end up old and all alone, sitting on your front porch, harassing all the young kids that walk by."

They both laughed. "I like being single. And besides, I won't be alone because I'll have,"

"Dad, can we go with the Marshall's to Cannon Beach tomorrow?" the blue eyed, brown haired boy interrupted the conversation, as he entered the kitchen. His best friend right on his heels.

Will's gaze moved from his son to Janie.

"We let them watch The Goonies last night. The famous haystack rock from the film is at that beach. It's only a few hours drive from here, so we told Brian we'd go up tomorrow. The weather is supposed to be decent. You two are more than welcome to tag along."

"The Goonies?" Will laughed, shaking his head.

"Yes," Janie, defended. "The boys found it on Netflix last night."

He nodded, turning his gaze back to the hopeful blue eyes that were still staring at him. "I don't know. You have homework to finish and your room is a disaster."

Chase quickly looked at Brian, his best friend, then back at Will. "I'll finish my homework and clean my room tonight. Promise."

Will thought the outing sounded like a good idea, but he let Chase suffer for a few more minutes when Rick entered the room. "I let this kid spend the night, and you allow your wife to show him The Goonies?" he commented, with a slight laugh.

Rick laughed. "It was my idea. We weren't much older than they are when that movie came out."

Will laughed again. "I know."

Chase rolled his eyes. He knew Will was stalling on purpose. "So, can we go, Dad?" he asked, again.

"Yes. Now get your things. If you're going to do all of that tonight, we need to get home."

Chase was already out of the room before Will could say another word.

That night before Will went to bed, he looked in on Chase, who was sleeping soundly. He thought he'd understood Alicia's caution and fierce sense of protection over her children all those years ago. But he knew now that he'd been absolutely clueless. Chase had changed that perspective on a dime, and his safety was Will's top priority. Another reason he was hesitant to communicate with Alicia. If they did meet, he wouldn't necessarily have to tell her about Chase. The thought sent off sirens in his head. Of course he'd have to tell her. He'd want to tell her. He wouldn't mind a little parenting advice from her either.

He knew he could trust Alicia to keep his son's identity to herself. But again, the simple act of contacting her could put all of them at risk. The fear of Chase being hurt made his stomach churn. He turned around and took one last lap around the house, checking all the locks again, before heading to bed.

He lay awake for quite some time, staring out into the darkness of the room. He'd tried very hard all these years to not let his mind linger on Alicia for very long. The bad timing, the miscommunication, missed opportunities, the fact that he'd been afraid to tell her how he felt when he'd had so many opportunities. He'd tried to forget the way she made him feel when they had been together, and also when they'd been at war. There was so much still to be said, so much left undone.

He'd been able to get past it. At least he thought. Ultimately this life had been his decision, and he had to live with the consequences. Finn sending periodic updates on her, had in many ways helped with the process. He knew she was safe, and happy, and that's what really mattered. But now what? If they did meet in person, what next? Would they want to continue the contact, or sever their ties forever on a good note?

He turned onto his side, and stared at the empty space in the bed next to him. Yes, he dated. Yes, he had Chase. But sometimes, like tonight, he felt absolutely alone. This life he'd been transported into eight years ago was very lonely. And despite what he'd told Janie earlier. He didn't really want to end up an old man sitting on his front porch alone.

/

Being late October, they practically had the beach to themselves the following day. It was too cold to swim, but that didn't prevent everyone from sticking their feet into the water.

Will brought a bat and ball along. Aside from being something fun to do, Will and Rick spent a good chunk of time working with the boys on pitching and hitting. They didn't want them getting rusty during the off-season. The two men had formed a pretty decent competitive youth team over the past four years.

Later in the afternoon, Will sat next to Rick watching the boys and Janie hunt for seashells. This life he had now, a son, coaching a youth team, spending his weekends with a married couple, it all seemed surreal to him from time to time. It was a life he never expected to have. And though very different from bachelorhood, he enjoyed it. By the same token, something was missing. He knew Chase was fine without a mother. But that was exactly it. He envied the relationship Rick and Janie had. And he knew fear had been the main factor in preventing him from getting close to anyone. It was love that was missing from his life.

The two men were talking sports when Rick abruptly changed the subject. "How's Brooke?" he asked, reaching into the cooler for a drink.

Will chuckled. "Did Janie tell you to ask me how things are between us because we only had dinner the other night?"

He laughed. "Yes, but that's not why I'm asking. I'm curious because you've seemed really distracted the past few times we've seem you. I'm just wondering if things are getting serious between you two? Chase speaks highly of her."

Will reached into the cooler for his own drink. "He does, does he? I forget that he acts as a spy for you two sometimes."

They both laughed, settling back into their chairs. "Brooke, is very good. No, things are not getting serious. And the reason I've been distracted is that something's come up from my past, and I'm having to deal with it." He took in a few swallows of his drink.

"That sounds serious. What, were you some kind of criminal in your former life?" Rick joked.

The comment caused Will to laugh. "No. I have some…unfinished business I need to take care of. It's nothing to worry about.

Rick got a sly smile on his face. "Is this about a woman? A girlfriend you had ten years ago who wants to rekindle the relationship?"

Will nearly choked on his drink. Rick was joking around to lighten the mood, but if he only knew. "No. It's nothing really," he played off. "And tell Janie that my dating life is just fine. Brooke had to drive to Seattle early yesterday morning. That's why we only had dinner."

Rick nodded, and they turned their attention back to the upcoming NBA season.

That night after Chase had gone to bed, he removed the loose floorboard in the den, opened the safe, and pulled out its contents.

Moving to the sofa he slowly thumbed through the few typed messages, and photos. She hadn't changed much over the years. The eyes, the lips, her slim figure. It was as if she'd found a way to beat the aging process. The only differences he noticed were in the most recent photo of her, a year old now, her hair was slightly different, and she looked genuinely happy. Would seeing each other again, really be good for them or not?

A good time later he finally come to a decision, because of what he could no longer deny. He was afraid he would likely be setting himself up for heartache and disappointment again. But he needed to finish what he'd started eight years earlier – if she was willing. He would agree to meet with her, but there was one condition. The request had to come from her. She had to be the one driving her decision to reconnect because it's what she wanted. Not something someone wanted for her. That way it would be a mutual decision between the two of them to face whatever consequences might come, no middle man. Reaching for the burner phone on the end table next to him, he dialed Finn.

He was nervous, afraid of what may happen once he set this in motion. But there was one thing inside him that was stronger than the fear he hid behind – love.

 **A/N; Thank you all for reading. I know I've only created more questions here, but I'm waiting for Will and Alicia to meet to cover more of the details on how Will got to where he his now. Hopefully you're all okay with that. I hope everyone has a wonderful week!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N; Hello everyone. I'm so sorry for the long wait. Summer has been very busy for me. Thank you all for the continued support, and the lovely reviews. I really appreciate it, and hope you enjoy this update.**

Winter was setting in with a constant chill in the air. The first snow storm of the season had cast a thin layer of white flakes across the city earlier in the day.

Despite the recent snowfall, as Alicia pulled two wine glasses from the kitchen cabinet, she couldn't help but smile at the fact that winters in D.C. were a tad milder than in Chicago. The same storm in Chicago would have likely produced a few inches of the white powdery stuff.

She moved to the table, setting the glasses down, and looked at her watch. It was unusual for James to be so late in getting home. A minute later, just as her mind began wandering to all the awful things that could have happened to him, he walked through the front door.

Normally quite talkative when they saw each other for the first time in the evenings, he was unusually quiet. Setting his things down, and hanging up his coat without saying more than hello to her, he moved to the kitchen. Placing his hands on her arms, he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

"The food smells good," he said, pulling away, taking the wine bottle out of her hands to open it.

"How was your day?" she asked, as they sat down to eat.

"Good. And yours?" he responded, taking a bite of food into his mouth.

 _Good_ , _is all he's going to say?_ she thought to herself. Usually he had all kinds of things to tell her about work.

As the meal went on, she couldn't help but notice how one sided the conversation was. It was unusual for him to just sit back and listen. She'd been doing most of the talking while they ate. More curious was how he kept looking at her. It was as though he were deciding how she might react to something that was clearly on his mind.

Finished, she set her fork down. "You feeling all right? You're awfully quiet."

He nodded, scooting his chair back. "I'm fine. Alicia, there's something we need to talk about." He stood up, taking her hand, and led her to the couch in the front room. _Now was as a good a time as any to have this discussion,_ he thought.

The look in his eyes, added to his behavior, worried her. "What's wrong?" she asked, before he had a chance to say anything.

"We need to talk about Will," he said, looking her in the eye, as the words seemed to hang in the air around them.

This was absolutely the last thing she wanted to discuss. A knot formed in her stomach. She pulled her hand from his. Feeling suddenly defensive, she stood and went across the room to the fireplace. "I don't want to talk about Will," she said, firmly.

He knew this might be her reaction. Doing his best to keep his frustration low, he held her gaze. "We need to," he responded with just as much firmness in his tone.

She rolled her eyes. "James, there's nothing to discuss. I know I was distracted, a little distant after Finn and I talked. But I'm making my peace with it all. I'm working through it. It's been better since I came back from Chicago, hasn't it? I'm sorry if things have been awkward between us at points. It's not your fault. It's all on me. I,"

"Alicia, stop," he interrupted, with a sigh.

All kinds of thoughts were swimming around in her head. She thought she'd done a great job of putting Will out of her mind – at least when James was around. But maybe not. Maybe she'd been blind to it all, and James had seen right through her front. She silently scolded herself. He didn't deserve this. One of the difficult things about this was that she didn't know what she felt towards Will. Those feelings seemed to change nearly every day. One thing for certain, was that she wanted some answers. But she was still too angry at Finn to ask for them.

He moved across the room to her. "I know you're doing your best to put this behind you, behind us. But sometimes…it's difficult for me to watch you stare at nothing really and know you're thinking about him. I'm not convinced that trying to avoid the reality of what's happened is the best thing." His frustration was evident in his features as he folded his arms.

"What makes you think I'm thinking of him when I _stare at nothing_?" she shot back, rolling her eyes again. The stress and weight of work, combined with this mess over Will in the past few weeks, was becoming overbearing. His statement, while she couldn't deny was partially true, only agitated her.

"Can you look me in the eye and deny it?" he accused. He had every right to be a bit upset about this. The long pause before she responded was all the evidence he needed.

"No, I can't deny it! But that's not the only thing I'm thinking about in those moments." Feeling more unsettled she wrapped her arms rightly around herself. She didn't know where he was going with this, which made it difficult to know whether the tears she felt bubbling up inside might soon appear, or shear anger and frustration would take over.

"I know,"

"Do you?" she shot back. "I don't understand what you're trying to accomplish here. I love you. I'm with you. I admit I've had moments in the past weeks where I've been thinking about him. But it's not that I'm thinking about being with him. It's only that I'm curious, I want answers. I'm sorry if that's hurt you."

"Alicia, I want to believe that."

"But you don't?" She bit her lip, the tears were eminent.

"I don't know what I believe because we haven't talked about it. Look at it from my perspective. What I do know is that you loved this man. I know what you went through, emotionally, after he was gone. I know that a few short years ago, you would have given your right arm to see him again, and tell him how you felt. And ask if his feelings towards you were real. But I don't know how you feel now. I don't know how or if I fit into your picture anymore."

He was only being honest with her. He wanted to believe she loved him now just as much as she had six months ago. But he was uncertain. Just because she said she loved him, didn't mean she loved him as much as she had.

This took her by surprise. "You fit into my life just as you always have." A few tears escaped falling down her cheeks. Now she wondered how he felt about her. She moved closer to the warm fire. She was cold, yet emotions inside of her were at a boiling point. Anger being right near the top, or maybe it was simply frustration. Either way, she felt like she could burst at any moment.

She wasn't angry at him, or maybe she was – a little. But what really infuriated her was the whole situation. All the emotions that finding out Will was alive had brought back. She didn't want to talk about Will because it was too painful. But maybe that's what she needed to do. Maybe that's what James needed her to do. He was right. She had loved Will, and despite her best efforts, there remained a little tug at the bottom of her soul that still loved him. She couldn't deny it.

She turned back around, looking at him. "What do you want me to say here? What do you want me to do?" she said, in resignation.

He moved in front of her, grasping her arm tightly. So tightly she was surprised, and winced a little. A mixed look of frustration and sadness filled his eyes. "I want you to stop denying that finding out he's alive hasn't affected you as much as it has. Stop pretending you can move on without knowing his side of things. I want you to talk to him, get the answers you need, and then…" He knew this would be one of the most difficult things he'd ever have to say to her. He drew in a deep breath, and moved closer to her. "Then, I want you to decide," he said, sincerely.

She furrowed her brow, and pulled out of his grasp, rubbing her arm. "Decide what?"

"I can compete with a dead man Alicia. But I won't compete with one who's alive. You'll have to choose. Me or him."

A thin line formed on her lips, her hands went to her hips. A few more tears escaped down her cheeks. "I've already chosen you. There is no _he and I_ to compete with!" Her tone raised in agitation. "And anyway, talking to him is completely irrelevant. I can't contact him even if I wanted to. He's in wittsec," she said, with emphasis, wiping at the tears. She'd learned in recent months that wittsec was the term used when referring to people in the witness protection program.

"That's not true. You can contact him." He stepped back, preparing for the larger battle he knew was about to hit.

She laughed spitefully as though it were absurd. "Right, like I can just go to Finn and casually demand he give me Will's contact information. He'd probably lose his job if he did that."

He held her gaze, his hands in his pockets. "He wouldn't. And he's already asked Will if he'd be willing to let you contact him."

This stopped her dead in her tracks. "He what? What gives him the right to ask Will that sort of thing before talking to me?" She shook her head, and then realized the better question that made her even more upset. "How do you know Finn talked to Will?"

"I asked him to do it. That's why I was late getting home tonight. Finn wanted to tell me what Will had said. This is the reason for me bringing this up tonight."

The room became completely silent. She was speechless. Her eyes boring into him. He knew she'd be upset about it before he'd ever spoken to Finn. But he justified it as a means to help her, help both of them.

"Alicia, I thought,"

"You thought what?" she interrupted, angrily. "How could you go behind my back like that?" She was hurt. The one person she thought she could trust had betrayed her.

He recognized the hurt in her eyes, but he wasn't going to back down. "I had to do it."

"No, you didn't!" she said, bitterly. "That should have been my decision."

"But it was one you were unwilling to make. I did it because you…" he hesitated.

"I what?" She folded her arms, pacing back and forth. "You think I'm just being stubborn in my unwillingness to talk to Finn? I'm not handling the situation the way you would? So, you decided to take things into your own hands because my timeline is too slow for you?" Not giving him time to respond, she headed in the direction of the stairs. She needed time to cool down. "I can't believe you did this!" Tears flooded her eyes, as he reached for her arm, halting her attempt to get away.

"I didn't do it to hurt you,"

"Well, you did hurt me." She tried to pull away, but he wasn't finished. He loosened his grasp slightly so he wouldn't hurt her.

"I know you're angry and hurt. But so am I. Just listen for a minute. I talked to Finn because I want you to be happy. You need and deserve answers that only Will can give you. And…" He hesitated, and let go of her, sensing she would stay and listen. "You still love him. I can tell." It came out in such a defeated tone that she felt guilty.

"I love you! How many times do I have to say it, before you'll believe me." Then another thought occurred to her. "What are you trying to do here? Do you not love me anymore? Is this your way of getting out of our relationship?"

He looked stunned at the mention of it. "No, no, Alicia," he sighed, and stepped closer to her. "I do love you. You're the best thing that's happened to me in years."

"Then what's the problem? Let's get on with our lives."

His features softened some, and he reached for her hand, tears still streaming down her face. "The problem is that you love both of us. And as much as I hate to admit it, I think you deserve the chance to make a decision about what you really want."

His eyes shone gentleness now. She turned to fully face him. "I am doing what I want! I'm dealing with this exactly how I want," she emphasized.

"But it isn't working."

She turned and headed up the stairs. His words were frustrating because she thought it had been working. On top of that, now she had to deal with the news that she could talk to Will, see him again. Something she'd been telling herself for weeks wasn't possible.

He followed right after her. "Alicia, don't do this. Don't shut me out."

She entered their room, him right on her heels. As much as she wanted to be alone, she couldn't help but ask, "Why do you think I still love him?"

He was quick to answer, which meant he'd thought a lot about it. "Of all the things in this room, do you still have anything that Peter gave to you?"

Furrowing her brow in confusion, she answered. "Yes. I still have a few pieces of jewelry he gave me. What does that have to do with anything? He'll always be a part of my life because he's the father of my children. He has nothing to do with Will, or this – argument." She threw her hands up in frustration.

"Really? What jewelry? Because you've never mentioned anything you've put on as being something he gave to you," he said, trying to prove a point.

Sighing in resignation, still confused as to what this had to do with anything, she moved to the dresser and opened her jewelry box. "He gave me these?" She held up a few very nice pieces of jewelry.

He looked at them briefly before his eyes met hers again. "In the two almost three years now that we've been together, I've never seen you wear a single one of those," he said, honestly.

"Okay, but why does it matter? I keep them more as memento's. For the memories," she said, innocently. Starting to feel emotionally drained, she moved to the bed and sat down, wiping at the remaining wet drops on her cheeks.

"What about things Will gave to you?" he asked.

She thought she had him here. She'd taken all of her things from Will to Diane three weeks earlier. "Yes, I have things from him. But not here. That's why I went to Chicago a few weeks ago. Well, one of the reasons I went. I thought it would be best if I got all of it out of the house until I could honestly say I was past this recent…hiccup. Diane has all of it stored away at her place."

He moved across the room and entered the closet. Reappearing a few moments later with a dark navy-blue sweatshirt with white lettering in his hands. "You didn't give her everything," he said.

It was like being stabbed through the heart with a knife when he handed her the article of clothing. The memory from so long ago of when Will had leant her the shirt a few weeks before they'd broken things off. She'd never given it back to him. And when she'd found it in a box a year after he…died, she'd put it on because it still smelled faintly of him from being packed away. It was comfortable, and at the time it had comforted her amongst the drama that had surrounded her during those dark days. She'd worn it on and off in the years since.

She looked down at it, feeling slightly faint as James sat next to her. "I've seen you in this several times over the years. You weren't shy in telling me where it came from. It didn't matter to me because it was a very long time ago. And we thought he was dead."

Her gaze slowly met his. "I haven't worn this since last spring. It was in the back of the closet, I didn't think about it when I took everything else to Diane."

"You didn't think about it, or you couldn't quite let go of all of it?" He took a step to the dresser and pulled out a necklace from her jewelry box. The necklace Will had given her.

He reached for her hand, placing the jewelry in it. "You wear this all the time," he said. It wasn't accusatory this time, just completely honest. He was getting weary of the argument, and wasn't willing to fight her much longer tonight.

The simple piece of jewelry went well with most of her wardrobe. It was a practical choice, she justified. But she understood his underlying meaning. She couldn't look him in the eye with a straight face and deny that part of the reason she loved that piece of jewelry was because it had come from Will. _Damn,_ she thought, he was right.

She stared at him, feeling completely exposed, completely vulnerable. He'd rendered her speechless.

He sat next to her, somewhat resigned. "I didn't talk to Finn to go behind your back and try to make you do something you don't want to do. As much as I think it would be the right thing to talk to him, I'm not going to force you into it. In fact, I won't say another word about it unless you bring it up."

He took her hand into his. "But know this, as much as I love you. I can't live like this forever. If you can really get past this, put all of your feelings for him behind you without talking to him, then fine. If that's what you want, I'll respect it. But you have to do a better job of showing me you've moved on. I don't want to wake up next to you five, ten, fifteen, years from now, and have you tell me that you think you made a mistake by staying with me and never finding out the truth."

She was angry, hurt, frustrated, sad, and even a little ashamed. He had every right to be upset with her. "James, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I'll take everything you've said under consideration."

He nodded, and continued. "If you change your mind. If you want to see him, know that he's willing. But he made it very clear to Finn that it had to be your decision. You have to be the one to initiate the next step. He doesn't want there to be a middle man."

"Is it safe?" She wanted to know.

"Honestly, I don't know. The rest of this is up to you to find out. I'm not pushing this any further." He stood. "I'll go clean up our meal."

"James," she reached for his arm to stop him. He turned and looked at her again. "You'll stay? You're not moving out while I decide? I know I probably don't have the right to ask, but…" She held her breath. She couldn't bear the thought of him leaving her. Especially with so many unknowns still out there.

"I may be a fool for it, but I'm not going anywhere Alicia. Not yet." He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. This eased the tension between them some.

"I'm still upset with you," she said.

He let out a breath of air. "I wouldn't expect otherwise. I'm a little upset with you too," he admitted.

"Then at least we agree," she responded, heading for the closet.

"Do you want to talk some more?" he called to her.

"No," she came back out of the closet with a suitcase, and set it on the bed. "We've made our peace for now. And I suspect that in a few days we won't be upset with one another anymore."

Sight of the suitcase set off alarms in his head. "Alicia, what are you doing? You just asked if I was leaving, and now you're…"

"No," she said, laughing a bit under her breath as she unzipped the suitcase. "I'm going to Houston in the morning for work, remember? I'll be gone at least a week. I have to gather information on a case we're building." She began to move a few things from her drawers to the suitcase. But her emotions were threatening to spill over again. She didn't like leaving things like this between them. She would miss him, despite what had gone tonight. And she was feeling a bit insecure, and overwhelmed with work.

She stopped packing, placing her hands on the bed, taking in a few deep breaths to focus. Her thoughts had drifted to work and the task she had ahead.

"There are some really horrible people out there, who do very bad things," she said, a few tears slipped from her eyes again. He stepped closer to her, placing a gentle hand on her back. "I'm supposed to act like it doesn't affect me. I have to be tough, and put on a stone-cold face so I can prosecute these people. Find justice for their victims. But I don't know if I can. I don't particularly enjoy knowing all of the details to some of the things that go on in this country every day." She straightened up, and turned into his embrace.

He tightened his grasp around her. "You can do this. You're one of the smartest women I know. They chose you for this position because they knew you could do it. You're tired, and emotionally drained right now. And I'm sorry for adding to your stress tonight."

He pulled back, and looked at her. "Those people need you. They need you to get the justice for them that they deserve. I bet you'll feel better in the morning after a good night's sleep."

She nodded. "You're probably right. And maybe a little time away from each other will do us both some good." Although she wasn't completely convinced of it herself.

"Right," he responded, quietly, his hands moving to her hips.

"I should finish packing." She couldn't bring herself to look away. They may have agreed to put aside their argument for now, but that didn't mean the tension in either one had subsided. She leaned closer, hesitantly at first, but he didn't back away. Her lips met his in a gentle kiss.

His grasp on her tightened as the kiss lingered, becoming more fervent with every passing second. One thing led to another and soon they were taking out all the built up tension between them beneath the sheets.

There were moments of ravenous passion, followed by a familiar gentleness she'd become very accustomed to. Every emotion that had been exploited over the course of the evening was being attended to with kisses, touches, sighs, and very few words.

Sometime later she lay curled up against his bare, warm body, and sighed. Partially out of exhaustion, partially due to the momentary contentment that swirled around them.

Later as they both drifted off to sleep, an air of uncertainty surrounded them again. Neither one knew what the future would hold.

Early the next morning a car arrived to pick her up and take her to the airport. This was the first trip of its kind in her new position. The fact that she was going to head up the case meant it was something big. And from her voiced concerns the night before it was probably something top secret that James would rather not think about.

"You'll be safe while you're there?" he asked, handing her the travel mug of coffee he'd made.

She smiled, giving him a quick kiss. "I'll be fine. I'll constantly be surrounded by federal agents. And there's no reason to come after me anyway." She finished buttoning her coat, and patted him gently on the chest. "I'll try to make a decision on our…discussion last night while I'm gone. You'll call?"

He nodded. "Yes. As long as you do the same."

"Of course." She squeezed his hand reassuringly. "I love you."

"I love you too."

She turned and left the house. A rush of cold air hit as she made her way to the car, sending a shiver through her whole body. She could feel his eyes watching her, but didn't turn around.

She had a lot to think about, but it would have to wait. She had to begin the process of putting all the evidence together against a corrupt CEO, who was quite possibly using part of his business to smuggle drugs into the country. From where she stood now, everything seemed like a very long road ahead.


	10. Together Again

**A/N; Hello everyone. I know it's been a long wait, and I'm very sorry. But hopefully this chapter will have been worth the wait. Just so there isn't confusion as you read, keep in mind that the few references to the notes Will left for Alicia are from my One Year Later story. Also, the last chapter took place in early November, this one jumps ahead to the following March.**

 **Thank you all so much for continuing to read, and for the wonderful response and reviews you've all shared.**

 _ **Four Months Later**_

Mindlessly reading a book when the plane had taken off, Alicia could barely remember anything she'd read in the past half-hour. Sighing, resigned to the fact that this would likely be an unproductive five hours, she turned off the tablet in her hands.

She'd grown used to private government jets over the past few months, making several trips for work. Normally on a long flight like this she'd be able to work. But not today. Today she was aboard a commercial flight. And even though she sat in first class, most of her work material was too sensitive and confidential to risk someone reading.

It would be different if James were the passenger next to her, but he wasn't. The thought of him, and what she would be doing by the end of the day, made her feel like she'd been split in two. But this was the right decision. She knew it, and James knew it. Even though her thoughts and emotions had been all over the board in the weeks since she'd made up her mind to contact Will, she hadn't second guessed the decision. It wasn't fair to James for her to keep believing she could move past Will, being very much alive, without seeing him for herself.

" _It'll be like going to visit an old friend for a few days. Like Cary or Diane."_ That's what she'd said the night Finn showed up at her house with the final plans for this little excursion she was embarking on. By doing this she'd be able to gain clarity on unfinished business. Tie up some lingering loose ends.

But they all knew this wasn't as simple as that. This would be about facing the past. A ghost and memories that still haunted her.

She had no clue what Will was feeling or thinking. She hardly knew anything about his current situation. She hadn't asked, and Finn hadn't offered her much information. She figured it was all part of the situation. Will could tell her whatever he wanted. But because of some oath, or sense of duty, Finn would keep as much as he could under wraps.

Now here she was on a plane flying clear across the country to get answers, to see him, to do something about the nagging pit in her stomach that had existed since she'd found out he was alive. Where this would go, what it would lead to, was all unknown. It made her anxious, excited, nervous, and slightly nauseous to even think about it. The turbulence on the plane certainly wasn't helping.

How she'd come to her final decision to contact Will she wasn't completely certain. It was something that had come to her gradually - or something she'd finally just accepted as necessary. She'd gotten up the morning of the first day of her trial six weeks earlier, told James she was calling Finn, and that when the trial was over she wanted to talk to Will.

She reclined her seat and closed her eyes as the flight continued. The look on James's face when she'd told him, coffee mug in hand and disheveled hair, was one of approval, but also cautious resignation.

" _Good. I think it's…the right decision,"_ he'd responded quietly, and then left the kitchen to get ready for work.

They discussed it later that night.

" _I want answers. I need to put closure on this again."_ She'd said, sitting next to him in bed.

" _I understand."_ Then he'd leaned over and kissed her cheek.

He had understood, she knew it. But things changed between them after that, and she didn't know whether to be grateful or angry at him because of it. In the six weeks since, he'd been unbelievably attentive and romantic towards her. It hadn't been suffocating, nor seemed selfish. And they had just been through a string of holidays which always caused him to be a little more that way.

However, his behavior had made her wonder if it was his way of letting her know where he stood. Where his place was in her life so that she wouldn't easily forget it or be swayed in a different direction when she did see Will.

This was the difficult part. On the surface she thought she and Will would meet, talk, and come to an agreement to be friends who occasionally contacted one another. But she knew deep down she had feelings for him. Would a simple relationship of friendship really work to put those emotions at bay? Maybe they'd talk, and in the end decide that was it. Sever their ties permanently, safe in the knowledge that the other was well, happy, and alive. She despised all the unknowns in the equation.

Opening her eyes awhile later she stared out the small window at the clouds below. James was very much on her mind. She could still taste his lips, mingled with the vague scent of coffee and his cologne. He'd kissed her long and hard before she'd left the house earlier.

A warm rush of flutters filled her body at the memory of making love to him the night before. He'd been everything and then some. It had been a night that had gone on and on as if it were their last. A night she wouldn't soon forget. Once they'd come down from the final high, he'd pulled the blanket over their naked bodies, and wrapped her up in his embrace as they fell asleep. It had seemed as though he was leaving his mark on her. Giving her everything he had so she'd remember. Just in case he never got another chance. The though terrified her. Of course, he'd have another chance – _wouldn't he?_

She shifted uncomfortably as the plane hit another patch of turbulence, and her thoughts turned to Will. He'd made love to her like that once. It had been their first night together in the presidential suite. Giving her everything _he_ had during those few passionate hours, everything she wanted. Similarly leaving his mark on her, a memory if they were to never be together again. He'd been out to prove himself to her that night. Saying everything he'd wanted to for months without words, but by touching, caressing, kissing, making her forget briefly the lingering mess that had always seemed to exist during those days.

Somewhere over the midwestern United States, after the flight attendant had taken away her empty cup, her mind wandered to some of the last notes Will had left for her. She'd read through some of them the week before. She'd recently had Diane send back her box of things from him.

 _\- "There are things in life we all end up regretting." -_

 _\- "I can't let another day go by without telling her exactly how I feel." -_

 _\- "If you're reading this, it means I'm gone." –_

 _Damn him,_ she thought. He'd written _gone_ not _dead._ Why hadn't she picked up on the subtle but obvious intentional wording before? Leaving her the note he had in that safety deposit box, the morning he got shot, hadn't been a coincidence or random act because he was hoping to fix things between them. He knew it was only a matter of time before he ended up in witness protection. He had willingly continued to feed the FBI with information. He walked right into it with his eyes wide open. He knew exactly what he'd be doing to her if they had managed to forgive each other for the war she'd started between them.

The thought made her angry. And yet, this was truly the reason she couldn't just let go. The reason that she still dreamt of him sometimes. The reason she needed answers. She needed to know exactly what he was thinking. What his intentions had really been. She needed closure. Real closure. Not to be left with an incomplete voicemail, or words typed on a page that told her how he felt all too late because he'd been shot. It was the most outrageous example of their bad timing.

She bit her lip to hold back the emotions that suddenly welled up inside.

\- _"Will is dead." -_

She could still hear those words spoken by Kalinda as if it had happened ten-seconds ago. Those three words had haunted her soul for what seemed like forever.

Even now, knowing what she did, she wasn't completely convinced all of this wasn't some cruel joke. That once she got to Monterey, Will would never show up. She'd wait for hours to see him and eventually James would shake her awake out of another dream. It would still be last August, and her grandson would still be brand new. They'd go to that café for lunch, but she would never see the eyes that had caused her to run after the man in the suit that day and ultimately flipped her world upside down.

Will would still be dead, buried under the frozen earth in Chicago, and she wouldn't have to worry about betrayals, and potential lost loves.

The plane started shaking again, bringing her back to reality. The further she got from James, the closer she got to Will, and the more complicated everything was becoming. She was flying head first into a potential thunderstorm. And that was the scariest thing of all. She had no clue what the outcome of the storm would be. In the end, as much as she didn't want to believe it, someone would end up hurt. Quite possibly everyone involved would be hurt.

Maybe it was reckless and stupid on her part, but this was what she wanted. It was a risk she wanted to take, comforted only by the fact that Will had been willing to take the same leap.

She looked at her watch trying to will the plane to go faster. In a few short hours it would be official. She would know without uncertainty that he was alive. Not just some ghost who visited her mind at will. She reached once again for her tablet. She'd try harder to concentrate on her book. If she couldn't she feared she'd be sick.

/

Hours later she arrived at the beachfront property where they'd meet. She and Will had separate condo units next door to each other. Working out the logistics for their meeting had been a headache. Everything had gone through Finn, which had taken a lengthy amount of time. Partially due to deciding on a location to meet.

Out of caution, it was wise for Will to stay away from eastern half of the country, and he didn't want them meeting on his home turf. Aside from that, if they had decided on meeting there, how would Alicia explain to Zach and Allison that she was coming to Portland, but wouldn't have time to see them? Ultimately, it had been Will who had suggested the location and property. He'd spent some time here on vacation a few years back.

She left her luggage in the bedroom and moved to the main area of the condo, pulling up all the blinds covering the floor to ceiling windows that ran along the back of the unit. The view of the California shoreline in front of her was incredible with a long stretch of beach, a pier not too far away, and nothing but ocean beyond that.

Glancing at her watch she decided to go in search of something to drink. It was too early for alcohol, but she needed something on her stomach to help calm her nerves. Will wasn't supposed to be in for another hour. She'd go back to that café she'd spotted on her drive in from the airport.

Four o'clock, the time he was supposed to get there, had come and gone. Finn had called. Will's flight had been delayed. He wasn't certain for how long, only that Will had said he'd be there by six.

Unable to sit and concentrate on anything, she went over to the pier and walked along the boarded path above the water. Stopping at the far end, she gazed out at the vast scene of blue sky and endless waves before her. A light breeze blew around her, causing her to pull her jacket closely to her body as she breathed in the fresh sea air.

It was warmer here than in D.C. making it a pleasant change of pace. Being the middle of March, the beach behind her was practically empty. It was fairly quiet, with only the sounds of the occasional seagull looking for a meal, and the lapsing of waves crashing into land. The perfect conditions for deep thinking.

/

Will had been nervous and yet excited all day. What exactly do you say to someone who literally thought you were dead? His life, his experience over the past nine years had been completely different from hers. Unlike her, he knew she and everyone he'd left behind were alive and well. His grieving process had been different from theirs. He wondered what this was like for her. The only comparison he could think of, was if his dead father had suddenly turned up out of the blue one day. It would be a shock, a very real, overwhelming shock.

Slowly, cautiously, he made his way towards her. He'd been getting ready to go knock on her door when he'd spotted her leaning against the railing of the pier from the balcony of his unit.

A tingling sensation ran through his veins as he got closer. It was definitely her. He didn't need to see her face to know it. Her familiar slim figure, and dark brown hair that blew in the wind, exposing the porcelain skin on the back of her neck, was proof enough, unexpectedly taking his breath away.

From the opposite end of the pier he stood still and watched her. The subtle movements she made shifting her weight from one leg to the other. Her hands tugging her jacket more tightly to keep warm. He couldn't help but think back to all the times so many years ago when he'd found himself doing exactly this – simply watching her – taking in the simple beauty of her.

Now standing here, with her so close, one thing was clear. No matter the amount of time that had elapsed and separated them, he'd always hold feelings for her. A rush of adrenaline came over him. It was time to end the suspense. All he wanted was to be next to her. For a split second he threw all caution to the wind and started quickly towards her again. Regaining his senses seconds later he slowed his pace. He didn't want to startle her.

He got within ear shot, stopped, and called out her name. "Alicia," hoping it had been loud enough to hear over the roar of the waves.

It was just after five. She wasn't expecting him for another hour. Only vaguely aware of the footsteps getting closer, she ignored them. Her mind was a million miles away in another world – another time.

Maybe that's why it startled her so much when the wind carried his voice to her ears, echoing her name. Instantly she felt faint. Inhaling deeply, she grasped onto the railing for support.

"Alicia," he said, again.

He was very close now, she could sense it. _This is really happening,_ she thought. She held her breath, emotions washing over her as she slowly turned around to meet his gaze.

One hand still grasping the railing, her other went to her heart - it was still beating. She thought she was prepared for this. She'd known for months that he was alive - but to actually see him – his brown hair, the familiar lines of his face, gaze into his dark chocolate eyes, was an overwhelming shock. Far more than she expected.

She exhaled, becoming a little light headed. Everything in the distance seemed to be spinning except the small space that surrounded them where time stood still – suspended - the past nine long years seemingly washed away. It was as though just yesterday she'd stood exactly like this in front of him outside the courtroom – the last time she'd seen him alive.

He'd never forget the look on her face when she saw him. Staring back into those guarded hazel eyes he'd dreamt of so often, was as surreal to him as it appeared to be for her. After a few long moments of timeless stillness, the blood drained from her face, a slight tremor could be seen in her hand. She looked unsteady, and in an instant reached her free hand to the side to catch the railing for support. Instinctively, he reached out to prevent her from falling, his hand grasping onto her arm.

Startled by his touch, trying to regain a normal rhythm to her breathing, but failing, her eyes remined fixed on his. "It's really you," she whispered, with hesitation, almost questioning in the statement.

A gentle smile formed on his lips. "It's really me. Are you all right?"

The thrill of simply hearing his voice filled her with warmth, and calmed her some. "I…yes, I think so." Her eye caught sight of a bench not too far away. "Can we sit?" she asked, tilting her head towards the bench. He nodded releasing his grasp on her arm.

Safely seated, feeling her senses returning to normal, she took the opportunity to take in more of his appearance. White button-down shirt – untucked, khaki pants, brown leather sandals, a casual look different from the jeans and shirts she'd seen him in before. Aside from a few gray strands of hair on his head, he looked exactly as she remembered. Although slightly thinner, healthy. It was clear he was in excellent shape.

She'd had so many thoughts and dreams of him over the years that had felt almost as real as this, instinctively she wanted to reach out and touch him – or maybe slap him. Make certain he wasn't a figment of her imagination. But she resisted.

A gust of cool air brushed past them again, sending a shiver through her body. She inhaled, doing her best to keep in the tears. "Do you know all the turmoil I've been through over the years because of you? How upset I was when I found out you were alive?" It was said with a hint of anger, and yet relief. She was overwhelmingly grateful to see him, to a point she felt she might burst. But that couldn't just erase everything that had happened over the past nine years.

He wasn't offended, or even surprised at her words. "I know some. And I fully expect that by the end of the weekend I'll know all of it and feel more guilty than I already do." His lips curved upwards in an apologetic smile.

"As long as we're clear," she said, with raised brow, swallowing hard the lump in her throat. "Because I'm still upset with you."

He nodded. "I expected as much. But I hope you'll try to understand. Maybe forgive me – eventually?"

She exhaled, looking away. "I suspect there are a few things I need to apologize for as well. That you're not the only one looking for forgiveness and understanding."

He laughed lightly under his breath. "Well, as long as we're clear," he said, gently, throwing her own words back at her.

She nodded slowly, turning her gaze back to him. Once again breathing in the reality of all this. It felt very surreal sitting next to him - next to her ghost that wasn't a ghost anymore.

Things were beginning to ease between them. The initial tension and adrenaline rush was oozing away. For the first time since they'd laid eyes on one another she managed a smile. "It's really good to see you," she said, genuinely.

His gentle eyes remained fixed on hers. "It's really good to be seen," he breathed. He meant it from the depths of his soul. He had no idea how comforting seeing, talking with someone from his previous life would be.

Neither one knew exactly what to do from here. "What do we do now?" he asked, filled with uncertainty. Something she wasn't used to sensing in him.

"Now you tell me exactly what happened nine years ago." Against her will, a few tears spilled over the brim of her eyes. She took in a deep breath of air, swallowing hard to push the rest back down. "Explain to me what in the hell you were thinking getting into a mess like this. And…" She looked away. There was one question she'd held all these years but wasn't ready to ask yet.

"And?" he repeated.

Her gaze slowly met his. She'd wait to ask her pressing question. Now wasn't the time. "And I want to know what you've been doing all these years. What's it like to change your identity? Always feel like you have to look over your shoulder?"

His features became serious. "It's really scary at times." He swallowed hard. "Are you up for walking?"

"Yes, I think so."

He stood and faced her. "Then let's walk, and I'll start at the beginning."

She nodded and stood. "Okay, but we agree on one thing first." She looked at him as though she were gazing into his soul. It was so intense he almost backed up.

"Okay, what?"

"We agree to be completely honest with one another. This is all or nothing for me."

Placing his hands in his pockets, he nodded in agreement. "I think I can handle that."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N; Aww, thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews of the last chapter! I hope you all enjoy this one!**

To be in her presence, allowed to share the same space she breathed in, was a gift he never expected to enjoy again after entering WITSEC. He'd spent years hiding from men who wanted to hurt him, and years being too nervous about his past to allow any sort of serious relationship into his life.

Yet, with one request from her he'd thrown a little caution to the wind - because it was Alicia. It felt foreign to let down his guard so easily. Almost as if the past nine years had all been a dream.

Her eyes held caution as if she couldn't believe it herself. Her demeanor mirrored the same. But as they walked, easily falling into step with one another, for him it felt like coming home. He couldn't deny the power she still held over him after years of separation.

As they made their way along the boardwalk he'd intended to tell her the story, how it all happened, but Alicia dove right in with her questions before he had a chance.

"When did the FBI approach you?"

"A few months before the election. It was no big deal. I went to their Chicago office, answered a few questions about the firm's dealings with Bishop, and that was it. I didn't think twice about it. Then, two weeks later they asked if I'd keep them in the loop whenever I, or anyone in the firm had dealings with him."

"And you didn't think that might be unwise on your part?"

"No. You know as well as I, the feds had been after Bishop for years. And it wasn't as if I was going to seek him out."

"Why did they pick you?"

His gaze moved to the ocean. "There were a few reasons. Our firm had been representing Bishop for a few years. We had established a relationship with him, which made it easier to gain information." He ran a hand under his chin gathering his thoughts. "Do you remember the last case you and I argued together for him?"

She had to think about it for a few moments, but eventually remembered. "Vaguely. It was that case where his other attorney Charles Lester turned up. Our opposing council was Liz the AUSA. One of our classmates from Georgetown."

"Right. The feds thought they were going to take Bishop down with that case, but it didn't turn out in the way they expected."

"Yes, because Charles Lester threatened all the witnesses," she said sarcastically.

"That was the problem," he continued. "They couldn't prove it. Once they determined we had nothing to do with all of that, they thought we might be an asset to them."

"But why choose you specifically? Why not me, or Cary, or Kalinda?"

"Bishop was always suspicious of Kalinda. Cary's father held sway in D.C. They didn't want to ruffle those feathers. And the last person they were going to choose was the soon to be first lady of Illinois." He chuckled lightly. Even more when she rolled her eyes and shared in his amusement.

He continued. "I was single, no real connections outside of work other than my sisters and mother who didn't live close. And I was a name partner. They didn't think Bishop would bat an eyelash if I called him with follow-up questions on some of the things we were working on for him." He stopped walking to face her. "I suppose they figured if things took a bad turn I was the one person at the firm with the least to lose."

The complete defeat in his eyes broke her heart and made her stomach turn in knots. "You were just a tool to them?" The thought angered her. He looked away, and she could barely stand it. The idea that the FBI valued his life less than that of a drug king, infuriated her.

"I suppose so," he responded. "I didn't view it that way at the time. Even though Bishop brought in millions of dollars to the firm each year, I knew what he did. And I guess I figured that if I could help prevent even one more person from being killed, or overdosing because of what he did, it was worth it."

He had a big heart, she'd always known it. Even when she saw him at his worst, or acting like a piranha in court, she knew his true heart. But why, when his life was clearly in danger, would he continue with it? She didn't think it was as simple as saving a complete strangers life.

"When did things get complicated?"

"Things were always complicated, Alicia."

"I know. But when did Finn start to change the game? Ask you to do more?"

"Around the time of the election. That's when he asked if I'd consider hiring Damian. They'd been working for months on the case. Had figured out the connection between Bishop and the Gherraghtys and thought it would be – advantageous – to have someone interacting with Damian on a regular basis."

"Finn told me you said no at first."

"I did. You and I both know what Bishop was capable of if he found out."

"Killing," she answered, as if it were a part of her everyday conversation.

He nodded. "Yes. To hire someone into the firm who was connected to people like Bishop and who would possibly torture those who betrayed the crime families trust before they killed them…I wasn't willing to expose everyone at the firm to the possibility."

To him, this felt more like being deposed than a conversation amongst long time…friends. Were they still considered friends? He hoped so with every fiber of his being. He assumed that's what she was hoping, and for a few brief moments when they first saw each other, it had seemed like time had been turned back ten years. To an era before the FBI asked if he'd turn over information on Bishop. A short period of time when she was a partner at his firm, and they were equals in everyone's eyes. A time before she left…made him furious and his heart ache more than he ever imagined possible. To a time where a lingering look, a search of one another's eyes spoke volumes, landing them in their own little bubble only to be burst seconds later by reality.

That had all been a very long time ago. He couldn't undo what had been done. And even though he'd been allowed to keep her buried in his heart all these years, she'd been forced to give the portion of her heart that had existed for him to a grave. He wondered if there was any room left for him now.

He wasn't yet able to tell if the way she spoke to him was allowing her to build up a wall for protection, or if she was simply afraid to show any feeling for fear of what she might find. The tone in her voice certainly betrayed the look in her eyes.

As the sea air blew through her hair and her eyes briefly left him to gaze out at the crashing waves before them, he wanted to forgo the technical questions of how and why and ask her what she was thinking. What was really running through that perfectly beautiful mind of hers. He wanted to touch her again, this time embrace her, and freeze time forever. He had to push down the impulse to kidnap her, take her home with him and never let her go.

He hadn't expected to feel such strong torturous feelings towards her. The realization that they still existed somewhere in his soul made him want to die right there to avoid the pain of having to bury them again. The possibility of them being together was buried beneath miles of dirt, and rock, that would quite possibly never see the light of day.

"So, then what?" she went on. "Six weeks later you changed your mind, and hired him anyway?" The disappointment in her tone was evident. But there was something else there too in the way she said it. Something he couldn't quite understand.

"I…yes. We needed to hire a few people to cover…" He shoved his hands back into his pockets. They'd only been back together for a very short time, and here they were standing head first in front of the lingering elephants in the room that had existed for nine impossible years.

"To cover the work that Cary and I leaving left you with?" A thin line formed on her lips. She didn't know whether to roll her eyes at how completely stupid it had been for him to hire Damian, to be angry, or to feel absolutely guilty for being a part of the reason he was forced into hiring someone new.

How she could open up a string of old wounds with one sentence was beyond him. It was infuriating actually. He didn't want to argue with her. He wanted to have a conversation like two mature adults. But this was one of the reasons his heart did flips whenever he was in her presence. That feisty, strong, stubborn attitude that never allowed anyone to get past her line of questioning until she had the truth. It drove him crazy with impatient desire.

"Yes," he said, honestly. "You and Cary left us short-handed."

His eyes had captured her soul without effort. But this topic riled up some old feelings in her. "That wasn't our fault. You fired us," she stated. This was not the direction she thought this conversation would take – not yet anyway.

"You were stealing clients." This was ridiculous, he thought, they'd had this conversation before, although it had never been finished. Without really thinking he blurted out the question that had burdened his mind since the moment Diane had walked into his office and told him Alicia was leaving.

"Why did you leave?"

She inhaled, looking away, folding her arms tightly across her body. "Why are you asking? You know the answer." She said it with calm and defeat. How could he rip her heart out like this? Torture her? Because she deserved it she supposed. It was her fault, so much of this, she expected.

He watched as the stable confident woman in front of him turned pale again. He didn't understand why she so suddenly looked as though he could blow out a deep breath of air and she'd dissolve right into it. The wind carrying her away from him forever.

"I think I know. But I never got the answer straight from you."

She bit her lip, shaking her head, purposefully avoiding the topic of their relationship. "So, you admit that hiring Damian was my fault?"

He furrowed his brow, none too happy she hadn't answered his question. "I hired Damian because at the time I needed an experienced lawyer. Not a first-year associate who would take months to train." It was the partial truth.

Her head spun around to look at him again. "It was reckless, and stupid Will. Finn told you who he was, who he worked for. You walked right into it without thinking about the consequences!" She wanted to scream. Why would he put his life in danger like that on purpose?

"I did think about the consequences, Alicia. But I was also thinking about the welfare of my firm. Yes, it was a decision made in haste, but Bishop had been our client for four years. How was I supposed to know that this would be any different from that?"

Her hands went to her hips, she rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Because you told the FBI about every conversation you had with Damian. The FBI Will. Not some co-worker over drinks." Over the past year she'd become very intimate regarding what the FBI did on a daily basis. Quite frankly, she wondered why anyone in their right mind would do what Will had done. But maybe that was the point. Maybe he hadn't been in his right mind.

"Why are you asking me about all of this if you already know the answers?" he countered, in slight frustration.

Her eyes turned cold. "I don't have all of the answers. But ultimately you made the choice to be thrown into this life. I want to know why. I want to understand." She breathed in a deep breath of salty air, but it was useless. The angry, guilty sob, and tears that followed couldn't be contained. "Why did you choose to…die?" she threw her hands up in frustration as the tears continued to stream down her cheeks. "And leave…" She hesitated again wanting to say, _me,_ but stopped herself. "Leave everyone behind?"

He was battling with the urge to reach out and pull her close to his body to comfort her. He hated to see her cry, and even worse he hated the idea that he was the cause of her tears. It was obvious to him they needed to sit down, away from the path of people walking along the boardwalk.

She reached into her purse for a tissue, feeling completely ridiculous for allowing the tears to well up as they had.

He gently took her elbow and led her out onto the sandy beach. She followed without question. Finding their own private spot wasn't difficult. The beach was practically empty.

"Let's sit, okay? Let me explain," he said, calmly.

She turned and sat, folding the loose strands of hair behind her ears. He sat down next to her stretching his legs out in front of him.

"You think I wanted to leave my old life behind? You make it sound as though it were an easy decision. It wasn't. I had to leave because there were men who wanted to kill me. Who almost did kill me. Did I make the choice to hire Damian? Yes. Did I continue to feed the feds information even when I got the sense that it might not be safe anymore? Yes. And ultimately it was my choice to go into protection. After you left the firm I went a little crazy. I admit that. I was hurt – deeply. I even hated you for a while. I'd asked you to take Diane's place, and I thought you would be the one helping me build up the firm. When that was no longer a reality, I threw myself into work. I was out to make the firm the biggest and best. I didn't care how I got there, as long as I came out on top. At the time, it seemed like my only purpose for existing was to be crowned the top lawyer in the country. If that was the path I was destined for, then I was going to take every risk to make it happen."

"We promised to be honest here. I won't lie and say that what happened between us didn't contribute to the decision I made in hiring Damian. But during those first few months I walked around numb to all feeling. I didn't care about anything, including my safety. I thought I was invincible. I felt like Damian wasn't as big a threat as I'd originally thought. And I figured that if I did a good job for the feds, they'd look at using our firm in the future." His gaze fell briefly as he took in a deep breath of air, then met her eyes once more. "Yes, it was reckless, and stupid to hire Damian and continue to feed the FBI information. I'll say it a thousand times if that's what you're wanting to hear."

"I just need the truth Will. The whole story so that I can try to understand."

"I'll tell you the truth. Tell you whatever you want to know."

Her level of frustration was going down slightly. "How did it happen? The shooting, the hospital, your entrance into witsec."

He cleared his throat as his gaze moved from her to the crashing waves in front of them as if to will the memory to mind.

"There had been some chatter on the wire taps the feds had on Bishop, Gherraghty, and Damian, that led them to believe there was going to be a hit. They said there was a chance it was on me, but unlikely. Just as a precaution, they managed to get Finn put on the Grant case – for protection. They wanted to put a man on me full-time, but I refused."

She let out a deep breath of air, running her hands over her face. "It's never good when they get to that point." Dropping her hands, she pulled her knees into her chest. "One thing I've learned in the past year with my current job, never, under any circumstances, refuse protection if it's offered to you."

His lips curved slightly upwards. "It's a bit late to take your advice. But I'll be sure to note it for the future."

She nodded. "Good."

He went on "The trial started. Everything was running smoothly. Although, Finn was winning the case, and you know how much I hate to lose?"

She couldn't help but laugh under her breath. "I do."

"You came to see me that day during the trial." He shook his head. "I had no idea the reason my client was being beat up in jail, and that the reason his parents had come to you was because Bishop wanted Jeffery to kill me. The next day, Jeffery looked worse. We had a recess. I talked to Finn. He said the chatter had gotten louder. The hit would be soon. He was going to force me into more protection just in case the hit was targeted at me."

"Let me guess, you refused again?"

"No. Finn had shown me enough evidence that I believed him. I was scared straight. He'd talked about the possibility of witness protection a few weeks prior when things started heating up. I guess subconsciously I refused to believe I was headed in that path. But I went ahead and made a few arrangements just in case."

She didn't interrupt, but figured she had a clue as to what a few of those arrangements had been. Forcing the feds to agree to leave the two of them out of any sort of sentence that might come down with Peter's voter fraud scandal. And placing the note to her in the safety deposit box the morning of the shooting.

He let out his breath, attempting a failed smile, trying to keep in the emotions. But he was failing miserably. The only time he'd spoken about this out loud to anyone was a few days after the shooting, with the WITSEC psychologist.

He cleared his throat again and continued. "During that trial recess, I pulled out my phone and called you. But the judge came back early, and I needed to talk to him about getting Jeffery moved."

"So, you said you'd call me back, and hung up?" She choked on the words.

"It all happened too fast. I still had things I needed to take care of." His dark chocolate orbs pierced right through her. "One minute, Finn and I were talking to the judge. The next thing I knew, he was pulling me down to take cover. He said I tried to get the gun from Jeffery. I still don't remember doing that."

"Then came the blood…and I could hardly speak. All I could think was, this is it. I'm going to die right here on the courtroom floor. Fitting, because all I'd really done my entire adult life was center it around work, and I would probably barely be missed." He let out a low, sarcastic chuckle.

"It's not true," she said. "You should have heard everyone at the service."

He managed a tiny smile. "Part of me wants you to tell me everything about my funeral. And part of me thinks I'd rather stay in the dark on that one."

"Let me know what you decide." She was getting chilly. The sun was getting lower in the sky. But she didn't want to interrupt his string of thoughts.

"They got the bleeding under control in the ambulance. When we got the hospital, the FBI managed to get an agent alone in the room with me for a minute. I had to make the choice right then. They could administer the drug that would knock me out, make everyone think I was dead, or they could allow the doctors to fix me up, and I could risk the possibility of another attempt at my life."

"Not much of a choice, was it?" she said.

"No, it wasn't. Either way I was going to be stuck looking over my shoulder out of fear for a very long time. I had a better chance of survival in WITSEC. So…I made my choice. The agent administered the drug, and the next thing I knew I was waking up in the back of an ambulance on my way to a safe house." His gaze moved from hers, shaking his head. "Just like that, Will Gardner ceased to exist."

She bit her lip, struggling with how unbelievably difficult it must have been for him, and with everything that happened to her as a result of his decisions. She couldn't really blame him for wanting to stay alive.

They sat in silence staring out at the scene before them for a few long, quiet moments. Her mind drifted back to a time where she lavished in these moments of comfortable silence with him. The memories seemed to flow to her as easily as the coming tide.

Being here with him took her senses on a never-ending ride. She was still afraid that if she blinked twice he'd disappear. It always happened in her dreams. And she was scared to death to open the door to the feelings that she could sense bubbling just below the surface.

Suddenly, her mind floated back to the day of his burial. Waiting with Diane. Taking one last look at the casket before leaving the cemetery. She could still feel the cold wind blowing against her skin, warning of a looming storm. It was like she was there, her lungs constricted by the deep sorrow, and lump in her throat that was depriving her of oxygen. And then…the depression that unexpectedly hit her like a ton of bricks a week later.

"Alicia,"

She inhaled deeply, nearly jumping out of her skin when he touched her arm to bring her back out of her thoughts. Her eyes moved slowly to meet his gaze. She looked terrified. He'd never seen her lose herself in her thoughts quite like that.

"What? I'm sorry," she said, regaining her breath.

"Nothing," he said, hesitantly. "You just looked…like you'd seen a ghost."

She stood up, overcome by emotion again, brushing the sand from her pants and began to pace. She needed to move to calm the swirling knots in her stomach. He stood to join her.

Her eyes scanned him. "I do feel like I've seen a ghost! You can't imagine what this is like for me. I was at your funeral! I saw the casket you were - _buried – i_ n! But you're right here, breathing in the same air as me, and I still can't believe it."

"I can't begin to imagine what this is like for you. But I promise this isn't a dream."

"I had all these things worked out in my mind before I came. What I would say, what I would do. Whether to wrap my arms around your neck for a hug, or to strangle you. But that's all been blown up in my face. I have no idea what to feel now, or what to do." The tears were getting close to spilling again. "I realize you weren't given much of a choice when it came down to it. But you put yourself in that danger and it makes me so angry."

Then her heart couldn't take anymore, and all the emotions she'd felt for him, boxed up because of him, suddenly burst through the door she'd kept shut for so long. She stopped pacing, tears streaming down her face, her hands on her hips. "You say you were the one with the least to lose. Implied that you wouldn't really be missed. That you weren't _needed_ other than to run your firm." She was near hysterics. Her hand went to her heart. "Well, you were wrong!" She tried to inhale a deep breath of air, turning away from him slightly for a few seconds, but it was useless. She felt like she might burst.

The look of shear anguish in her eyes when she said it, pierced him through the heart like a knife. He watched her crumbling right before his eyes. It was startling how nine years apart suddenly allowed them to be more honest with each other than they'd ever been in the past. He stepped closer to her, reaching out his hand he touched her shoulder. "Leesh,"

The mention of her nickname - that only he used - made her heart soar and ache at the same time. Wanting to be nearer to him and wanting to strangle him at the same time, she spun around grabbing two fistfuls of his shirt in her hands. "You left and I could barely breathe! All of a sudden I had an ache in my heart like nothing I had ever felt. I walked around for days like a zombie. I didn't get out of bed for three days because, what was the point? If we all end up buried under six feet of dirt, and there isn't anything left of us afterwards, what was the point of living?"

She let go and backed up. "I eventually got over it. Things stopped spinning. I moved on, or at least I thought I had. Then a year later Peter cheated on me again. And it was almost worse than the first time. Everything turned upside down, my life in shambles. But I made it through all that – again - after months of therapy."

She bit her lip, shaking her head, and began pacing again. "And then," she emphasized. "Years later I find out you're actually alive. That Finn, who was my friend, knew all this time where you were. If I had known maybe I wouldn't have had to go through so much pain!"

She paused only long enough to swallow down some of the tears that were relentlessly spilling out of her eyes, stopping her pacing to look at him again. "You didn't think that anyone would need you!" She inhaled deeply. "But I needed you!" Her whole body was trembling. "I know I never told you how I felt. I didn't completely understand how I felt until you were gone. And that wasn't your fault. It was mine. But…" There were so many tears she could hardly speak.

He was only inches from her and reached out his arms wrapping them around her waist. To his surprise she didn't back away. Wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, she buried her face against his shoulder, wetting his shirt with her tears. "I needed you!" she sobbed. "I cared! I missed you – so much."

They stood there in each other's arms, the sea breeze swirling all around them. His hands moved to her back, pulling her closer to his warm body. His chin rested gently on her shoulder. Her tears continued to silently flow, and he just held her. He held her and she gripped onto him like if they let go, it really would all be a dream.

Eventually her tears slowed, and she looked up into his eyes. His finger gently brushed away the lingering tears on her cheek. "I'm sorry," he whispered. He couldn't hold back the true fear the whole experience from his past had crippled him with anymore. "Alicia, I wasn't ready," he breathed, desperately choking back the lump in his throat, looking at her as though she had the power to will back time. Erase the past and take him back to a time before Finn Polmar ever entered his life. "I didn't want to leave my life, my firm, the people I cared about…I wasn't ready to leave you."

With so much honestly and sincerity in his words she wanted to cry all over again. Her hand covered his that was still resting on the side of her face. "But you did."

"I did, and I'll never be able to change that. All I can do now is change the future. I know I don't have any right to ask, but I'd really love for you to be a part of that future in some way. I know you're hurt. I know you're angry. Just give me a chance to change that, please."

Her eyes pierced tight through his, looking at him from under her dark lashes. "Okay. I don't know how, or what that will look like right now. But okay."

He stepped back, the warmth of his body gone, and she desperately wanted it back.

Scanning her again with his eyes, it was obvious he was thinking the same thing. The shear pain of being apart for so long was almost unbearable. "Let's walk back. You're freezing. And I wouldn't mind some food, along with a strong drink."

She reached her hand out for his, and they walked through the sand towards the boardwalk. "How can you be so warm in this weather?"

He chuckled with a sigh, meeting her gaze. "I live in this kind of weather now. I'm used to it."

 **A/N; This note is specifically for my guest reviewer Layla. I'd be happy to help with your project, but I don't have any way of contacting you because you always review as a guest, and webpage addresses, and email addresses are automatically blocked through this site. So sign in and send me a PM, and then we can discuss things further!**


	12. Chapter 12

Alicia was on the phone, and her eyes were on Will across the room. They picked up dinner on their way back, and he was arranging it on the small kitchen table. _Odd_ , she thought, back in the day they hardly ever sat at a table on the rare occasion when they shared a meal. It was almost always spread out on a coffee table at his place or hers – or in whatever hotel their latest encounter had taken place. She swallowed hard pushing the memories out of her mind while trying to focus on her phone conversation.

She wouldn't have answered the call twenty minutes prior if it hadn't come directly from the AG's office. But ignoring a call from the Attorney General herself wasn't something one did, no matter what you happened to be in the middle of. Elizabeth apologized for interrupting Alicia's weekend, but some things couldn't wait.

Sometimes Alicia felt like she and her colleagues held a portion of the weight of the country on their shoulders when it came to prosecuting national terrorist threats, corrupt politicians, and day traders whose illegal actions effected national and international markets – and those were just a few of the things that came across her desk on any given week. Not to mention making sure that whatever the President and Congress tried to put into law was constitutionally legal. She was getting a headache just thinking about it.

Her eyes remained focused on Will. He'd tossed the plastic silverware that had come with their meals and set out the silver flatware from the drawer in the kitchen. A _ll neatly set atop a folded napkin_ , she noted. He set two wine glasses on the table and opened the bottle of red in his hand. Where had the wine come from? They hadn't picked any up on their way back.

She hadn't picked up on it until now, but he was different. Of course, how could he not be? But there was definitely something different in the way he was getting dinner all set up for them that she couldn't quite put her finger on. She didn't get the sense from him that there were any romantic implications in it.

"I hate to bother you with it over the weekend while you're out of town, but we really need it done by Monday," Elizabeth said, interrupting Alicia's thoughts.

"It's fine. I'll have it ready Monday morning. Is there anything else?"

"No. Thank you so much for taking the lead on this. I'll let the director know."

"You're welcome. Enjoy the State Dinner tomorrow night."

At the mention of the State dinner, only held periodically for visiting Presidents, and Rulers of other countries, Alicia had to stifle a laugh when Will abruptly stopped pouring the wine and looked at her with raised brow.

The two women spoke for a few more minutes in light conversation, and then hung up. "Sorry, I didn't know that would take so long," she said, moving to the table.

He smiled as they sat down. "I feel like I should address you with a formal title or something. You idly chatting with the Attorney General about attending State dinners."

She laughed lightly picking up her wine glass. "Please don't. I get called "Mam" so many times a day I almost forget my name is anything else. And honestly, First Lady of Illinois was probably more prominent a title than Associate Attorney General. No one cares who I am unless I show up as opposing council. As third rank in the DOJ I'm not subjected to protection by the Secret Service, which may have been a deal breaker when they offered me the job, had that been the case. And best of all I'm not expected to attend every single formal government event, of which there is no shortage of in D.C."

He nodded putting a fork to his food. "That may be, but you've really made a name for yourself."

An awkward silence filled the room. She could read the genuine sincerity in his eyes, and blushed a bit at the compliment, her mind going back nine years. _"We might have our differences, but you're the better lawyer,"_ she'd told him.

She wondered what he did now. The law was his whole life back then. Taking a sip of her drink her heart fell at the idea that he'd most likely had to give up the law. A tragedy. Will was and always would be the best defense attorney she'd ever come across. _What a waste,_ she thought.

"What's it like being one of the top attorney's in the country?" He broke the silence dipping a fork into his food.

"You mean what's it like on the dark side?" She flashed a smile at him before turning her attention to her own food.

He hadn't forgotten the reference. They used to joke about the differences between defense attorneys and prosecutors, and that anyone who chose prosecution as their career path had most certainly turned to the dark side.

He couldn't help but laugh. "Yes, now that you work for them, how is it?" He wanted to know. He wanted her to tell him every last boring detail. Partially because he was impressed with the position she held, but also because being with her again had reminded him of how much he really did miss his old career.

"It's…" she put her fork down. Normally when someone asked she'd reply with good and moved on. Telling him seemed different. She wanted him to know her honest answer.

"I love it. It's more work than I ever imagined. And I can't even begin to describe some of the horrible things I've seen or tell you about some of the things I know have gone on in this country over the past year. I think if I really thought about it I'd never leave my house. But arguing a case as a representative of the country, putting people who are a real threat to Americans behind bars, looking over proposed bills from congress that the President can make law with her signature, it's exhilarating, fun. A huge headache most days, but fun. The education I've gained from all of it isn't half bad either."

"Tell me about it. What does an average day for you look like?"

Her lips curved upwards. "The day to day isn't all that interesting. I'd probably bore you to death with the details."

"No, you won't," he insisted. "What's the most interesting case you've worked on?"

She stared at him for a minute with a curious little smile on her lips, and then dove in. If this was really what he wanted to talk about for a while, she'd play along.

They continued to eat as she described for him her job and one of the cases she'd worked on the previous year. He listened to it all soaking in every last detail.

After eating they moved to the sofa. The sun was setting casting bright rays of orange hues throughout the room. Her hair looked as though there were strands of gold brushed through it. And the glow it placed on her porcelain skin made his heart skip a beat. The attraction he'd always held for her was definitely still there.

She continued but took note of the way he was looking at her. If it had been any other man it would have made her uncomfortable, but this was having the opposite effect. She'd forgotten the rush of warmth that filled her when she caught his eyes lingering on her. James looked at her, his eyes lingered, but it wasn't like this.

For a few brief moments their eyes were the only thing carrying on the conversation. She barely realized she'd stopped talking, until James crossed her mind. She cleared her throat and moved across the room staring out the window. She hadn't expected to feel such a pull towards Will. Not this soon after seeing him, and not like this.

He remained on the sofa, sensing her hesitancy. "Were you and James invited to the State Dinner?"

"I…we…yes, actually we were." She slowly turned to face him, a scrutinizing look across her features. "How do you know his name?" And just like that the intimate bubble burst, and she was upset again. "Did Finn tell you who I'm involved with? What other information has he _passed on_?"

He looked down at his clasped hands. "Alicia,"

"No Will," she said, bitterly. "Don't say my name like that. Your tone filled with apology. I don't know a single thing about your life right now other than the city you presumably live in. And you know the name of the man I'm in a relationship with? How long has Finn been spying on me for you?"

He stood and walked closer to her. "Alicia, you're overreacting."

"I might be. But I feel like I'm the subject of some conspiracy. I trusted Finn. I told him things over the years," _about you_ , she thought, but didn't say it out loud, "that I thought would remain between he and I, and now I don't know what to think. For all I know he's told you everything about my life for the past nine years. Can you understand how violated that makes me feel?"

"Violated, or vulnerable?" he responded calmly.

Her hands went to her hips as she backed away from him. "Both!"

They stared at each other in silence then his hands went to his pockets and he turned slightly from her to stare out the window at the darkening sky.

His silence only frustrated her more. "You're not going to say anything? You're not even going to argue with me? Try to defend yourself? You have really changed. The Will I used to know would have put up a fight."

She folded her arms across her chest, and he shot her a look that made the tiny hairs of her arm stand up straight. "I had to change Alicia. I didn't have a choice." His gaze moved back to the window as he ran a hand through his hair.

Calming his tone, he just started in hoping she'd listen. "In the beginning they take you to a safe house, so you can learn to be a new person. Not someone you choose, but someone they chose for you. My metamorphosis was delayed a few days, so I could recover from being shot. They brought me books, newspapers to read. The Marshall's try to be friendly. They make small talk as best they can, and for the first few days you don't feel entirely alone. You're still near the place where your whole life was. But then the training begins. The conditioning really, where they try to get you to forget your previous life. They ask you a few questions, so they can fill in some of the missing blanks in your new profile. Then they move you, in the middle of the night, and the only fresh air you've breathed in in the past two weeks is when you walk outside and take ten steps to the government issued vehicle with tinted windows."

He moved from the window and started walking around the room as he continued. Her eyes remained on him, but she didn't interrupt.

"Then you're in a new place. And at least this time you're allowed to walk outside into the backyard. You can breathe a little finally, but there are always two other people who know exactly where you are every single second of the day, ready to take a bullet for you if they have to.'

"It's about the end of the third week when you begin to realize that you aren't ever going home. Nothing you owned belongs to you anymore. You have to learn to pretend the people you know don't exist. No matter how much your mind fights you on this, you have to push down the urge to call one of them just so you can hear a familiar voice." He stopped moving and looked her in the eye.

"It's about at that point when they send in the psychologist because they know what losing absolutely everything except your life can do to a person. The psychologist stays there for two weeks straight because they know there's a decent chance you'll have some sort of breakdown the Marshalls aren't trained to handle. In fact, they put a third Marshall on duty around the clock because they know you'll try to escape sooner or later. You'll tell yourself that the threat that got you here wasn't really that bad, you'll be fine back home." He turned away and started pacing again.

She sank down into the chair next to her. Her heart aching. Until now she hadn't truly thought about the real struggle he must have been through.

"About two months in, after you've rehearsed for them a half million times your new life that they handed you in a single file six weeks earlier, they move you to your new home. A place they chose, with a job they found for you. They leave you alone for a while. Give you time to try out your new life. Only checking in periodically. They send the psychologist once a month to make sure you're not going crazy. More often if the psychologist has concerns."

He sat down in the chair across from her. "They found me job I didn't hate in a city I ended up liking. Yes, some things about me have changed. If I had to bet, I'd guess you've changed too." He relaxed some and flashed her a smile. "For example, there's been more honesty between us in the past few hours than I'd dare say we ever shared in the same amount of time ten years ago."

She knew it was true. And even though she was upset about the fact that he knew James's name she allowed him to take her hand when he reached for it.

Running his thumb in soft soothing circles over the back of her hand he went on. "During those first few years they moved me three times. I'd never felt so scared or alone in my entire life. When Finn showed up on my doorstep two years in, it was the first time I felt like I had a friend again. And I couldn't help but ask about my old acquaintances – or you." His eyes met hers again, he wasn't going to lie to her anymore. "I'd read about your divorce a year earlier. I'd look at the firm webpage periodically and was honestly surprised to see that Diane had joined you and Cary."

She smiled at the thought of Diane. "She made a really great partner."

"I can imagine. Up to that point the only information I had about you was at least six months old. I knew I would have to live with that. But then Finn told me he'd talked to you, and that you were expanding into New York. Simply having a little bit of information like that made me feel less lonely. Even if I couldn't call you."

He squeezed her hand. "Finn wasn't spying on you. It wasn't like that. I'm sorry for making you feel the way you do. None of this was ever meant to hurt you. I'm not going to lie to you. Finn figured out on his own that I had feelings for you."

 _And now_? she wondered silently, continuing to listen.

"So…throughout the years when he checked up on me he'd tell me what you were up too. He sent a few photos. But it was never more than that. I never asked him for more.

She knew he was being sincere, but her body stiffened none the less at the revelation. "And that's how you know about James?"

"Yes. I know his name, I know he's a professor. The only other thing I know about him is from what Finn has seen. That James treats you like a queen. He makes you happy. He supports you in everything. He puts you first. Alicia, that's exactly what you deserve."

She glanced down at their entwined hands. "Thank you. He really is good to me. And I guess I can accept the idea that what Finn did wasn't meant to hurt me. I know I wasn't ever supposed to find out about you. And I probably would have done the same thing if I'd been in your shoes." She looked back up into his eyes. "It still makes me feel exposed in a creepy sort of way. No more, okay? From now on if you want to know how I am, you ask me."

"Okay," he whispered. It put his heart at ease knowing she assumed they'd stay in touch once the weekend had ended.

She turned his hand over in hers examining it. "You're not wearing a ring." The thought saddened her for his sake, yet, caused unexpected relief to wash over her. "It's your turn. Tell me about the new Will."

"Okay, but will you sit next to me?" He almost didn't dare ask, but at this point what did he have to lose?

She nodded, and they moved back to the sofa. It was more comfortable anyway.

The conversation flowed with ease as they discussed his job, that he enjoyed, but wasn't as exhilarating as criminal law had been. The fact that he actually lived in Vancouver Washington, which was a suburb of Portland Oregon, but across the state line. His last name was Johnson, one of the most common and generic surnames in the United States. He owned a house, which surprised her, but he didn't tell her the reason he had a house was because of Chase. They'd eventually get to the topic of his son, but not tonight.

Some time later, the conversation moved to their personal relationships. She told him a little more about James. He told her about Brooke but made it very clear the relationship wasn't serious. It sounded like all the other relationships he'd had as long as she'd known him. _Some things never changed,_ she thought.

However, her perspective did change when he told her he'd dated a few women over the years who he thought he could have a lasting relationship with, but he was always too afraid about his past to allow things to get serious.

After that confession she put her wine glass down on the coffee table. "Do you think you'll ever stop worrying about your former life? If you found someone you really connected with. Someone you really wanted to be with?"

He leaned forward, clasping his hands, and sighed. "I don't worry all the time. There really isn't much of a threat to me anymore. But it isn't about the worry. I don't want to be in a long-term relationship with someone who trusts me, all the while knowing that I was deliberately lying about my background, my family, my education. It would all be real to them, but I'd always know the truth. I guess I'm afraid that someday I'd slip up and have to tell that person who I really am. I wouldn't want to hurt someone I loved like that."

His mind turned to Chase. He'd never want to hurt him like that either, but for some reason it seemed different with him. Maybe because Chase had come from a background in complete shambles. One the twelve-year-old didn't like to recall or ever mention. In ways he and Will were two kindred spirits. The older ones life altered and sent to care for and change the younger ones future. Between the two of them maybe they'd both be able to survive their pasts.

"I can understand that, but it's…sad. You deserve to be happy," she said, honestly. And she meant it. She wanted him to be happy. She wanted him to have everything she had.

"I am happy, Alicia. It took a long time, but I'm…content in my life right now."

Another moment passed where they got lost in each other's eyes. They may both be happy in their current lives, but they both felt the strong pull towards the other, and it scared them to death.

A few moments later, feeling completely exhausted, she looked at her watch and broke the silence. "I have an idea."

This perked his attention.

"You miss being a defense attorney, so step over to the dark side, and tomorrow and help me with my case. I need to write an opinion for the director of the FBI. And determine if there's enough evidence on a case to call a grand jury."

The thought of delving into a criminal case thrilled him. But… "is that legal? Can't you get fired for showing me some of that information?"

She laughed, and it was like music to his ears.

"Will, I'm the Associate Attorney General for the United States. No one is going to question me getting help from another attorney. Last time I checked you had a law degree?" It was more a statement than a question, but she raised her brow to him anyway.

"Yes," he chuckled. "In fact, technically I have two now. One that Will Gardner got from Georgetown, and one that Will Johnson got from Dartmouth." He glanced around the room, then leaned closer to her. "Just don't tell anyone that I can't recall taking a single class at Dartmouth," he whispered, and she laughed out loud again.

"Dartmouth has a top tier law program. It was sure nice of them to pick a good law school for you."

"Yes."

"And you are a practicing licensed attorney in this country?"

He chuckled again. "Yes,"

A broad smile formed on her lips. She was having too much fun with this. "Then raise your right hand."

He eyed her curiously, but obliged.

"Repeat after me. I William Johnson,"

He interrupted. "That's not my full name."

"Then tell me what it is. This is an official government oath you're about to take."

"But you're not a judge. You don't have the authority to give me the oath."

"I could be a judge someday. And I'm the closest thing you have to one right now." There was a brief pause. "You know what? It doesn't matter. Repeat after me."

"I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States, that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the Government of the United States, that I will maintain the respect due to the Courts of justice and the Judicial Officers, and that I will present myself as an attorney, proctor, advocate, and counselor of the Court uprightly, according to law, so help me God."

He finished, and they both laughed. An air of ease that they used to know surrounded them.

"There, congratulations. You're officially an attorney for the United States government and the Department of Justice." A satisfied grin formed on her lips, as she settled back into the soft cushions of the sofa.

"So, I work for you now?" He shifted to get more comfortable, placing his hands behind his head.

"Only if you want too." Leaning her head back against the soft pillows she closed her eyes.

"I'll think about it."

With her eyes shut, he took the opportunity to relish in the sheer pleasure of having her in close proximity. It would be so easy to lean over and press his lips to hers. He immediately banished the thought from his mind. She was in a relationship, it would be wrong to put her in that kind of situation. For now, maybe forever, he'd have to be happy in simply seeing her, having her sit next to him.

"It's two in the morning in D.C. As much as I'm enjoying this, I need to get some sleep." She opened her eyes catching him staring. He was doing it again, those dark chocolate orbs peering at her as if she were the only other person in the whole world. Those eyes put her in a trance and made her stomach flutter. If he didn't have this effect on her maybe she would have been in the right mind to slap him for looking at her the way he was. But how could she be upset when she felt herself staring back at him in the same way?

" _Nothing good ever happens in the middle of the night_." It's what her father used to tell her before she went out when she was in high school. Why in the world those words crossed her mind in that moment, she had no idea. Maybe because she was so tired and knew she was vulnerable. If he were to lean over and kiss her right now she didn't think she'd put up a fight. She'd probably even enjoy it.

 _Get up and go to bed, Alicia - alone,_ The voice in her head was like a siren going off. Everything was too complicated. Her emotions were all over the board.

"Yeah, I should get to sleep soon too." He stood up breaking the trance between them, and walked her to the door.

She reached for the handle. "Do you still go running?" she asked.

"Almost every day."

"I run now. Let's go together in the morning." She let go of the door knob, and fully faced him again. He was only a few inches from her. She couldn't resist the urge to reach out and touch him. Hesitantly she raised her hand cupping the side of his face in her palm. Slowly her fingers traced the line of his jaw and moved down his neck. Her eyes followed the path her hand took, over his chest, then his shoulder, down his arm, and finally she squeezed his hand in her own. It was really him, she was sure of it now. Her heart felt like it might burst. A relentless lump was forming in her throat.

"Goodnight Will."

Her touch had sent a rush of heat through his entire body. He knew what she was doing. She'd needed the proof that only her hands could give her. Touching him like she used to, had brought on the memory she needed to solidify the evidence that he really existed.

"Goodnight Leesh."

They couldn't look away from each other. Time stood still again, both afraid that if they looked away the other would vanish into thin air.

Trying her hardest she managed to regain some of her senses. If she didn't leave now, she knew she'd stay the night. It took everything she had to look away and open the door. She glanced back at him one last time before entering her unit.

Once she was safely behind the locked door, her hand covered her mouth to stifle the sob that escaped. Tears streaming down her cheeks, she went to the bedroom and buried herself beneath the soft blankets.

James had been right. She loved two men – very much. Her heart was shattering into a million pieces because she knew she'd have to choose one of them. It wasn't a question anymore. It was a fact.

 **A/N; Thank you all for reading! And please feel free to let me know if there are specific things you're hoping for in this. I've received some great input, and ideas from some of you. I want this story to be as much for the readers as it is for me. So, if you have an idea, or something you're dying to see happen with these two, send me a PM and let me know. I hope you all have a wonderful week!**


	13. Chapter 13

,The fresh sea breeze blew through the open door from the patio of her unit, as they sat in the living area laptops open, and her files spread over the coffee table. He'd forgotten or rather been forced to push away the memories of what this was like – working with her. Or maybe the feeling he had of utter and complete contentment had to do with the type of work they were doing. Maybe it was both.

He was in his element reading through a criminal case file. Looking at evidence, debating the facts, trying to determine guilt or innocence. This was what he was good at. This was the reason he'd gone to law school. _And,_ he thought, this was the part of his life he'd had to give up nine years earlier – Alicia and his title as defense attorney.

He thought he'd gotten over the need to be a litigator years ago. He was still a lawyer. He still got to read through messy legal documents. Periodically he even argued for or against a deal with counsel on the opposite side of his company. However, sitting here with her now, doing what they used to do, made him very aware of the empty space that existed deep inside of him. Whether the emptiness was missing this kind of work, or the hole that existed when he'd missed his opportunity to tell her how he really felt about her all those years back, he wasn't sure.

While he still felt a pull towards her today, it was different than it had been the day before. The desire to be with her was still strong, but luckily, he thought to himself, the desire to spend all day in bed with her had lessened. Not that he wouldn't love to do exactly that, but he knew that wasn't even a possibility right now - it may never be.

He glanced at her as she concentrated on the opinion she was about to send to the director of the FBI. The thought still blew him away. She was on a first name basis with the man. The head of the government entity that had gotten him into his current situation.

He shook his head at the irony. His mind quickly moved to how young she still looked, despite the reading glasses that might have suggested otherwise. He was in the same boat, sporting his own pair. Her glasses weren't the thing that had caused him to think about their age. It had been the run they had taken together earlier.

He'd admittedly been skeptical the night before when she'd suggested they go running. But she'd kept up with him with little effort, even pushing him to run one more mile than he was used to. He'd forgotten what it was like to run with someone, the distraction and piece of competition it added to the long miles. He hadn't done it since he'd dated Tami all those years back. He'd quite enjoyed running with Alicia.

The scary thing about all of this was just how normal it felt. Like they'd been doing this together for years. Another piece of irony in the situation since they'd never really been like this together. This time they weren't keeping a secret from anyone about being together. Well that wasn't true, it occurred to him in the next moment. Chase, Rick, and Janie, all thought he was at a legal conference. But this was different, he argued.

He also argued in his head that there weren't all the extenuating factors that had existed back then, office politics, her kids, the threat of the press seeing them together, Eli getting on her case about political events she needed to attend, and interviews she needed to do to get Peter elected. _This was less complicated_. He laughed inside at the thought. Who was he kidding? Things may seem easier at the moment, but they certainly weren't any less complicated.

He was grateful he had nearly thirty-six hours left with her. There were still mountains of things he wanted to say, and he wasn't ready to give up this feeling of normalcy quite yet.

She picked up the cup of coffee he'd brought for her taking a sip after she emailed the opinion. He still remembered exactly how she liked her coffee.

"I've been over this a second time. Something doesn't seem right with this case." He looked up from the document in his hand catching the thoughtful expression over her features.

Her mind was focused on him. _He'd already been through some of the documents twice_? What she wouldn't give somedays to have co-counsel that worked as efficiently as he did. He knew exactly what to look for. It was taking half the time it usually did to get through material like this working with someone who had a keen mind when it came to the law. Sitting here with him reminded her of all the times in the past they'd spent together – and she missed it. As much as she enjoyed James's stories and having something besides the law to discuss when they got home from work, she missed having someone who understood her job completely.

She slowly blew out a breath of air. "I feel the same way. But it seems like an open shut case. All the evidence pans out, pointing right to the accused. The FBI had all the warrants they needed when they confiscated everything. All the money was transferred through a shell company in the accused name." She set the coffee down and picked up another document. "Yet, he claims he's innocent. That he had no idea the shell company existed, and that he's being set up by someone."

"Are they still holding him in federal detention?"

"Yes, he posed too much of a national security risk to be released on bail."

"We can go over everything again, but at a glance it seems there's enough evidence to go to trial. It shouldn't be difficult to get a grand jury verdict for prosecution."

She immediately sensed there was something else he wanted to say. "But," she questioned.

He smiled at how well she read him. "Before you take this to trial I'd investigate every single piece of evidence. And I'd interview everyone who was involved in the case, not just the witnesses you plan on questioning in court."

"Make sure someone didn't miss something?" she added.

"Yes, something the defense can use against you."

She nodded sitting back in her seat. "I have the entire FBI at my disposal for investigations, but I'd give my left arm to have Kalinda on some of these cases."

Silence briefly filled the room. Their eyes remained on the other. "I miss this," she admitted nervously, glancing down at the pen in her hand.

He didn't need her to clarify. He knew exactly what she meant. "I do too." The honesty in his voice was almost painful to hear. She wanted to say more but wasn't quite certain what that should be.

"Are you up for a little sightseeing?" he asked, breaking the awkward silence.

She willed herself to look at him again. "Sure. Do you have something in mind?"

"Yes. There are a few things we can do not too far away." He stood up, grabbing his phone off the coffee table. "I'll run back to my place grab the car keys, and I need to make a quick phone call. Meet me in the parking lot in fifteen minutes." He headed for the door but turned back around. "Are you hungry?"

"I might be in a while."

"Good. I know this great little place where we can grab a bite to eat."

 _Good,_ she thought after he left. Some fresh air, and break from work would be welcomed.

Back at his place, he called Chase to check in and wish him luck on his basketball game later that afternoon, then grabbed his keys and headed out to his car.

She couldn't help but chuckle a little when she saw him sporting sunglasses, casually leaning against his rental, a BMW convertible with the top down.

"What's so funny?" he asked, opening the door for her.

"Men, and their obsession with cars," she smirked, with a roll of her eyes.

"It's not an obsession," he argued. "I like to think of it as an appreciation for the finer things in life. Similar to women and their expensive clothing." He got into the car turning on the engine.

"Our clothing does not come with the same kind of price tag as this car. It's not even close," she mused, putting her own sunglasses on.

"It's not the price tag. It's the idea behind it. How much money did you pay for that pair of jeans, the top, and your jacket?"

"I don't remember," she lied. She'd just purchased the outfit a week earlier for their trip, everything but the jacket.

He just smiled keeping his eye on the road. "The point is that you like expensive clothes. I don't blame you, I like expensive clothes too. The fabric's always better quality, they last longer, and they look good. I like expensive cars for similar reasons."

He looked at her from the corner of his eye. She understood, but it didn't keep her from raising her brow at him, so he'd continue to try and climb his way out the hole he'd dug. "The reason I got this particular rental is because I think you'll enjoy the view much more with the top down. And," he emphasized in his defense, "I have the 2018 model of this exact car at home. I'm thinking of buying this years model next year when the price goes down some. I wanted to see if it was worth the upgrade."

She laughed under her breath. "You drive a sports car every day now?"

He laughed along with her. "No, I also have a less flashy vehicle for more practical reasons."

She nodded then asked, "I do like the car," she admitted. "Where are we going?"

"To Carmel for lunch, and a little wine tasting if you want. We'll take the famous, and scenic I might add, 17-mile drive to get back later."

Awhile later, they arrived in Carmel. He parked the car, and they walked down the quaint main road that ran through the middle of the seaside town. He led her to a French inspired restaurant, Pattisserie Boissere, modeled after a European chateau in the country. Fresh flowers and candles adorned the tables, with a large fireplace, and quiet music in the background. It was a hidden gem he'd discovered on his trip here a few years back. He told her the best sandwich he'd ever eaten had come from this establishment.

She wasn't disappointed by her meal, and quite taken by the place. It was quickly becoming difficult to determine if the food was good because of the chef who'd prepared it, or if it was simply the atmosphere and company she had with her.

They talked casually through lunch and took a stroll along the white sand beach Carmel was famous for. Later on, they bought a bottle of wine after spending some time in a few of the wine tasting rooms in town, and even picked up a few fresh vegetables from a local market so that Will could add them to the dinner he told her he was going to make for her.

Watching him pick out the vegetables and listening to him talk about cooking dinner for them, gave her the same odd feeling she'd had the day before when he had set the table for their evening meal.

"When did you learn to cook?" she asked him, as they started out on the 17-mile drive near Pebble beach.

"I've always known how to cook," he chuckled, keeping his eye on the road.

"No. The only things I've ever known you to cook are pancakes, and omelets. On the rare occasion when we ate a home cooked meal together, I was the one doing the cooking."

He glanced at her and smiled. "Did you ever think that maybe I never offered to cook because I liked the food you made?"

She briefly thought that maybe he really had known how to cook all the years she'd known him. His family had certainly indicated so at his funeral. But she'd seen the inside of his refrigerator enough to know he never kept anything substantial in it. And in all the years she'd known him he'd never cooked a substantial meal.

"I don't believe you," she said, in a half teasing tone.

"It's hard for me to tell if you're being sarcastic or serious with your eyes hidden behind those sunglasses," he said. "I've always known how to cook, but…I've improved my skills over the past few years. It's healthy, and some of it was out of necessity."

"Because a doctor told you to cut down on the pizza if you wanted to live past seventy?"

"That's one reason," he said, more quietly, lapsing into silence. Every time she smiled it took his breath away. He'd forgotten how much he loved to look at her when she smiled.

The look he gave her in that moment was familiar and sent rush of warmth through her body. She didn't have to see his eyes to recognize the gentle and subtle look of seduction in them. She couldn't help but respond to the silent gesture by giving him the same look in return.

It was happening again, it had been on and off all afternoon. The flutters that shot through them when they looked at each other. The unspoken pull they felt towards each other. The attraction between them that was nearly palpable. Changing the subject when they got close to having to speak of it, or about their relationship.

They drove in silence for a while taking in the beauty of rocky shoreline. He was right. This drive was spectacular, and better with the top down allowing the sea breeze to swirl around them bathed in late afternoon rays of sunshine. The awkwardness that had ensued from their shared glances hadn't settled much, and neither had the butterflies in her stomach. Noticing a sign for Fanshell beach, she spoke up again.

"Will," she said, hesitantly, feeling like her heart might jump out of her chest at any moment. "Pull over at the beach. We need to talk." They'd avoided it for nearly twenty-four hours. It was time to address the questions in both of their minds.

They found a quiet spot to sit on the white sand amongst the rocky shoreline. She was the first to speak.

"I'd forgotten what it was like to be with you. I thought it would be different seeing you again, awkward. That it would take time to get comfortable and used to the idea that you were here and not just a figment of my imagination." Emotions welling up, she tried hard to push them back down and hold her composure. "But it hasn't been like that at all. It feels like we were working together just yesterday. The way it was before you were gone. Before I…left the firm." Ringing her hands together she got up the nerve to look at him. Why was this so hard? Why had it always been so difficult to talk about their true feelings?

"I know. I feel the same way," he responded.

Keeping her eyes on his she continued. "Earlier I said I missed this, working together…but it was more than that. I'm getting too old to beat around the bush anymore, so I'll just say it. I miss you. I've missed you since the day you got shot. I miss being with you. I can't count the number of times I've thought about or dreamt about you. What I'd do if I had one fleeting moment to apologize, one more chance, one…hour to say everything I never said. Now that I have the chance I don't know what to do. I never thought I'd actually see you again. I don't know what this is, how I'm supposed to feel."

She took in a deep breath of air before continuing. "I have to ask you something, and I need you to promise me you'll be honest."

"I promise,"

"Did you really mean what you wrote in the last journal entry? That you forgave me? That you were going to try and fix things between us?" _That you loved me_ , she thought, but couldn't bring herself to say it out loud in that moment.

No more beating around the bush, she wasn't kidding, and he was glad that they'd both grown enough over the years to have an honest conversation. "I meant every single word of it, Alicia. The reason I called you the day of the shooting was because I wanted to set a time for us to talk. That night if I could convince you, because I knew there was a chance my time was short."

"Another example of bad timing – our curse," she said, with a hint of bitterness, reminded a little too much of the slight anger she still felt about his – disappearance. She managed to brush the thought aside, and listen to him.

"I've said it before, the hell with the bad timing. Maybe it took nine years, but we're here now. We have a second chance. I think it's time we had that talk. Figure out what _this is_ now, and what we're going to do about it."

The idea of being able to tie up the loose ends, put real closure on some of the open wounds that had existed between them, have an honest conversation about how they felt, and what they wanted, was both a relief and nerve racking at the same time.

Her lips curved upwards in a shy smile. "Okay, so where do we start?"

"We start with right now. Unless I'm completely crazy, it seems obvious to me that there are still feelings between us. Not just the friendly acquaintance type." He blushed a little with embarrassment.

The same warmth filled her cheeks. "If it weren't so obvious what was running through your mind when you gave me that look, maybe it wouldn't be so clear."

"I'm not the only one giving myself away with a look my eyes. I wouldn't have thought it possible Alicia, but you're more beautiful today than I think I've ever seen you."

She smiled but looked away. Her cheeks were burning. Why was it always so hard to listen to him give her a compliment? Because - it meant something. It always had, and she'd always been forced to push it aside to keep up appearances and not let it affect her in the way she knew it might.

"Will,"

"No, listen. It's not just the outward appearance. Don't get me wrong, as soon as I saw you yesterday it took my breath away. Looking at you still has the same effect on me that it always has. But you seem comfortable in your own skin now, happy, content with life. You're certainly successful professionally. Whatever you've done in the past nine years it was for the better.'

Holding her lips together, she shook her head. "Thank you. After months of therapy and leaving Chicago I finally started to find my footing. It was freeing. Like coming up out the water and being able to breathe again. I finally took time to figure out what I wanted, and I did it."

"What do you want now?"

She picked up a few small rocks and threw them in the water. "I want things to be less complicated. I want to be able to trust my feelings. Yes, there is still something between us, and it scares me to death because I didn't expect these feelings to be so strong. When I think about the fact that we have to leave each other tomorrow and go back to our lives without knowing when, or if, or how we can see each other again, it's unbearable. And I know the last thing you want to hear is that I'm in love with someone else but it's true, Will."

His heart sank a little even though he knew all along it was true.

"The problem is…" She held her breath, but it was time to just come out and say it. "I'm still in love with you."

He was shocked to hear her say it. Even if deep down he hoped she'd loved him in the past or would – someday – he hadn't expected her to admit it under their current circumstances.

Overwhelmed by emotion and wanting him to truly understand a few tears slipped down her cheeks. "I didn't allow myself to truly love you until you were gone, and it nearly ripped my heart out. I can't describe the emptiness I felt, the loss. I moved on, we already talked about this, but I could never quite let go. I told you yesterday that I needed you. One of the main reasons I needed you was because I loved you, and I realized it too late. The way I feel now isn't just the thrill of seeing you again. It isn't just physical infatuation. It's what I've known for years to be true." There it was. She'd just laid out her heart entirely for him to see.

She reached for his hand. "I know it's not fair to unload all of this on you all at once, or to ask you what I'm about to ask, but I have to know because life is short. You know that better than anyone. I can't waste another day going in a direction I'm not supposed to if the person I'm meant to be with is sitting right here, not three thousand miles away."

She drew in a deep breath. "So, I have to ask, do you still love me? And if so, do you want to go through the mess of trying to figure out how to make a relationship work? Do you think we can make it work? You have to be honest, because it might be nearly impossible. My current job, and your current – status - are only a few of the obstacles. I'm not giving up my job, not right now. The President's second term will end in eighteen-months. I'm not a huge fan of any of the current candidates trying to take her place. I would consider looking at a less – public – position at that point." He hadn't said anything, hadn't tried to interrupt, and it made her nervous.

"I'm rambling. I'm sorry. If you need some time to think about all of it, I understand."

He reached for her other hand. "Leesh, it's a lot to think about, and I don't know that I have all the answers right now. I do know this. I never stopped loving you. I always wanted you. I still love you. The mess never worried me." He ran his thumb in soothing circles over her hand.

"I can't imagine a better person to be with. Trust me I've had plenty of time to think about it. But we can't rush into this. There's too much at stake for both of us. The simple answer to your questions is yes, to all of it. We have a lot of things that we'd have to work through, and I'm fine with that. Before we can move much further we both have relationships that we'd have to break off. Yours is much more serious than mine. You have to decide if having some sort of relationship with me that's more than friends is worth breaking up with James, and the uphill battle that we both know something like this will entail."

On impulse he reached his hand gently brushing the loose strands of her soft hair behind her ear. "Even though it does scare me, I'm willing to go through the battle to be with you. Aside from the fact that I do love you, the idea of having a relationship with someone I wouldn't ever have to lie to about my past, would mean more to me than I can express. That being said, I don't want you to make a final decision right now, or even this weekend. We both need to think about what the reality of a decision like that might look like in the foreseeable future. If we decide it's what we truly want, then we'll figure it out, but it's not going to be easy." And he still hadn't told her about Chase. He didn't know how she would feel about that.

"I know."

The cool breeze blew around them, the sound of crashing waves in the background. It was almost too perfect. Somewhere in the back of her mind she chose to ignore the voice that reminded her she was still a little bit angry at him, that it would be an uphill battle to be with him, and she couldn't forget she was still very much in a relationship with someone else.

But with his face – his warm body - so close to hers, and the new found knowledge that they both still loved each other, she was quickly losing her barings. Her eyes briefly wandered to his lips. Slowly she met his loving gaze again. Leaning in closer she desperately wanted to taste his lips again – it had been so long.

Her beautiful lips just inches from his own, it took all the self-control he had to cup her face in his hands, lift his chin slightly and press his warm lips to her forehead. He wanted her. He wanted her badly, but not like this.

His lips pressing to her forehead felt like he was burning a mark on her that would never go away. She inhaled, her eyes fixed on his shirt until his forehead slowly met hers. Her lashes fluttered as she met his gaze. His hands moved to her shoulders.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…" her voice trailed off in a quiver, as her body tried to regain composure.

"Leesh, there is nothing I want more in this moment than to kiss you and never stop, but we can't. If we're going to do this, we're going to do it right. No regrets, no guilt."

She knew he was right, and she was grateful he stopped her from doing something she wouldn't be able to explain to James. But it didn't make the warmth that was still rushing through every vein in her body, any easier to handle.

She reached her hand to cover his. "Okay, I know you're right. But what are we going to do about… _this_?"

"Keep each other in check. Distract ourselves with other things while we're together. We both feel the same, so we can talk about it if we need to."

In the quiet intimate bubble that surrounded them he lifted his head from hers, his hand ran through her silky hair to the back of her neck. Softly pulling her closer to him, she rested her head against his shoulder. His free arm stretched across her back.

They stayed that way for a few quiet minutes in each other's arms. The built-up tension and anxiety from the past day washing away like the sand beneath the sea.

 **A/N; I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Thank you all so much for your support, and wonderful feedback. I know I told some of you that Will was going to tell her about Chase in this chapter. I had planned on that, but then the chapter took a different turn earlier on than I had planned and adding that would have meant a longer wait for an update. I figured you'd all rather have an update now, and know that the next chapter shouldn't be as long a wait since I've already started writing it! One more thing. Sorry for the ramble. The restaurant mentioned here is a real establishment in Carmel California. That bit about the best sandwich Will had ever eaten was from my own experience. I've never tasted anything like it since I was there ten years ago. If you ever get a chance I'd definitely try the place out!**


	14. Chase

**A/N; Thank you all so much for reading and sharing your thoughts with me! I'm very thankful for the support!**

The sun had just sunk below the horizon. The welcoming aroma of fresh cooked vegetables, and spices Will had added to the main course filled the air around them. Things had been lighter between them, less guarded, since their conversation on the beach a few hours prior. Simply agreeing, or acknowledging their feelings towards each other, had broken down a portion of the wall that existed between them.

As he continued preparing their meal he watched her concentrate on her work across the room.

Feeling his eyes on her she turned and looked at him. "I'm almost finished."

"Leesh, it's fine. I was just…remembering," he said, glancing back at the pans in front of him.

She couldn't help but smile at him standing there across the room, sleeves rolled up, spoon in one hand, a dishtowel draped over his shoulder. "Remembering…?" she pushed, gently.

Setting the spoon down he moved to the kitchen island to face her. "All the times it was just you and me studying for finals, working in my office or at one of our apartments."

Nodding slowly, she held his gaze. "We made a good team."

 _Then why did you leave_? he thought to himself. He already knew the answer, or at least he thought he did. But he wondered if they'd ever talk about it. They probably should.

"The best," he responded. "Do you work most weekends?" He turned his attention back to the food.

She chuckled, pen in hand, adjusting her glasses. "Yes, most. Usually half days on Saturday, and a few hours at home on Sunday."

"I don't miss spending my weekends buried in work." He moved from the kitchen to fill up the wine glasses he'd set on the table.

"Don't rub it in," she said, making a few notes on one of the documents.

"I'm not. I remember those days. And I still put in some late nights and weekends."

He went back to the kitchen and carried two plates of food to the table. When she sat down across from him she was pleasantly surprised by the plate filled with almond crusted salmon, rice and fresh steamed vegetables that sat in front of her.

"it looks wonderful," she said, spreading a napkin across her lap.

They talked about her case through the meal. After cleaning up, they decided to go sit outside on the balcony, taking the rest of the bottle of wine with them. It was a cool evening. Cooler than either had expected.

"We can go back inside," Will offered, noticing tiny goosebumps forming on her arms.

"No, I'll grab a blanket. I like the fresh air, and the sound of the ocean."

She returned a few moments later. Sitting next to him she wrapped the blanket around her shoulders.

"How are Zach and Grace?" he asked. "They must be finished with college by now, or close to it."

That he even thought to ask about her children warmed her heart. Unlike all the times years ago when he'd asked about them, this time she wasn't afraid of answering the question because it might pose some invisible connection between him and her children that she didn't want exposed.

"They're good, great actually. Zach finished school and got married a few years ago. He and his wife live in Portland. And, thanks to them, I became a grandmother seven months ago." He looked surprised, and it made her smile. "I know. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea that I'm old enough to be called grandma."

He chuckled taking a sip of his drink. "I may need some time to process that. You look far too young to be a grandmother."

She blushed. "That may be, but it's a title I quite enjoy. I can spoil him, spend time with him, and when he gets cranky I can give him back to his parents. I don't miss those kinds of late nights."

He thought about that for a few moments. Even though he had Chase, there was a tiny bit of him that wondered what it would have been like to raise a child from birth. And then another thought crossed his mind.

"They live in Portland? You were visiting them last August when we saw each other at the café?"

"Yes. They'd only lived there two months. I flew out after the baby was born to spend some time with them."

They were both thinking the same thing in that moment. What were the chances of them crossing paths like that? One in a million? One in ten-million? Maybe they really were meant to be together. It didn't seem to matter what had gotten in their way over the past thirty-years. Study sessions that dragged on far too long. Finals, marriage, campaigns, children, even being presumed dead and put into a program where no one was ever supposed to be able to find you. And yet, here they were again after several years of separation sitting right next to each other. Maybe it was fate. Maybe it was pure luck. Maybe it wasn't anything more than what had always been there. An invisible force pulling them together unwilling to let go until they got it right.

She told him more about Zach, Allison and the baby. It turned out that Zach's office building was only a few blocks from Will's.

"What's Grace up too?" he asked, propping his stocking feet up on the small outdoor coffee table.

Alicia reached for her glass of wine. "Grace works for Cary and Diane," she said, raising her brow. "She graduated from law school at NYU last spring. Her superiors tell me that her first experience in court a few weeks ago reminded them so much of her mother they weren't convinced I hadn't come to take her place in disguise."

He got quite the chuckle out of her comment. "So, she won?"

"Yes, after she shredded a few witnesses to pieces, and sent Louis Canning scrambling back to his client for a settlement agreement." They both laughed, reminiscing about their days spent fighting Louis Canning.

"Grace couldn't be in better hands with Cary and Diane," he said.

"I know. I didn't know she'd even applied at the firm until after she'd been hired. But it's a relief really knowing she'll learn from some of the best. Cary tells me Diane's taken her under her wing and is having a tough time not showing favoritism towards her among the other first years."

"That sounds like Diane. Do you worry less about them now that they're adults?"

"No. I don't think it's possible once you're a parent. They live their own lives, but you never stop worrying about them."

He nodded in acknowledgement but grew quiet. She sensed immediately something was on his mind. He seemed nervous all of a sudden thumbing his fingers on his glass of liquor.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

He eyed her with a sheepish grin. "Nothing's wrong. There's just something I need to tell you." Nervously he set his glass down, drawing in a deep breath of air.

"It sounds serious," she replied, lifting her wine glass to her lips.

"Leesh, I…have a son."

The wine glass pressed hard against her lips, but no liquid came out as her eyes grew wide. She was too stunned to move. He could have told any number of things that had happened to him over the course of the past nine years, but none would have been more shocking than this. _Will Gardner was a father?_

If it weren't for the crashing of ocean waves in the background he would swear he could hear the wheels spinning around inside her head as his words registered.

Slowly she lowered the glass from her lips, her eyes intent on his. "You're a… You have a… But you said you hadn't been in a serious relationship with… Who's the child's…mother? Does he…live with you?" Where had the oxygen gone? It was nearly impossible to get a coherent sentence out.

Listening, watching her fumble all over her words was absolutely adorable. It was a rare occasion when someone had the ability to render incoherent sentences to spill from Alicia Cavanaugh's mouth. He would have let her continue, but he knew she'd already come to the wrong conclusion about where Chase had come from. He hadn't been that irresponsible, even if he'd had some pretty low moments over the years. Lifting his hand, he pressed a gentle finger to her lips to stop her rambling.

"Listen to me for a minute. It's not what you think. I didn't get drunk one night and end up with a child nine months later."

Relief washed over her every feature, and it almost made him laugh.

"His name is Chase. He'll be thirteen next month. I adopted him five years ago."

She took a moment to try and pull her words together. "He's not yours - yours - then?" She knew it was a ridiculous thing to ask as soon the words came out, but she was still shocked.

He smiled and reached for her hand. "There isn't an ounce of my DNA in him. But other than that, he's mine in every other aspect. I don't know what it's like to raise a kid from birth. But there's no doubt in my mind I'd die before I let anything happen to him."

She could tell from the expression on his face and tone in his voice he meant every word. Some of his comments and behavior over the past day started to make more sense. Buying a home, needing to cook more, were a few. Setting her glass down her gaze moved past him.

"You…adopted a child?" She couldn't help but ask it was such a surprise. She always figured if he ever did have a child it would have been formed from his own DNA.

"Yes. Is that so hard to believe?"

Raising her brow her eyes met his again. "Well…yes." She was only being honest. Pulling her hand out of his grasp she stood and moved to the lean against the railing.

"Alicia," he was surprised at her reaction. His ability to read her had definitely gotten rusty over their years apart. He couldn't tell from the expression on her face what in the world she was thinking. "Does it bother you?"

She spun around to face him. "No, not at all. Will, it's…a surprise. That's all. I think it's wonderful. It just…" Even though it was quite a shock she was in love with the idea that he was a father. Happy that he'd finally gotten his chance. But she understood all too well the complications that having an adolescent child could bring into a relationship when you weren't one of the parents to that child. It hadn't been more than a few hours since they'd talked about trying to have a relationship. This would change the way that came together if they decided it's what they wanted.

"Complicates things," he answered, moving next to the railing a few feet from her.

"Yes."

"Leesh, if anyone can understand the situation it's me. I've gained a whole new perspective on you wanting to protect Zach and Grace when we were together. Even when we weren't. I strongly considered not agreeing to meet with you in order to protect Chase. I don't know if there's still a threat to me out there somewhere. By reconnecting myself to a piece of my past there's a chance I put all three of us in danger. That and Chase are the reasons I told you earlier today we can't rush into anything. It's the reason we both need to take some time to consider what a relationship would really look like. It's also the reason I completely understand now why you didn't want to involve Grace and Zach in something until you knew exactly what that something was."

Her hands gripped the railing. "Yes. But I only made things worse by never talking about it. I ended up hurting you, and them in ways. They knew something was going on when we were together. I thought I was protecting them by keeping them in the dark. But I'm not so certain anymore. At first yes, but it went on for nearly nine months."

"Nine good months if you want my honest opinion. Leesh, it's all in the past. And if we decide to make a go at it, we'll work things out."

"What does he know? What did you tell him about this weekend, and where is he?"

"He doesn't know anything. I have some friends, a couple, they have a son Chase's age. He's staying with them this weekend. They all think I'm at a legal conference for a few days."

Running her hands over her face, she exhaled. "Why does it feel like our very existence with one another always has to involve some sort of deception?" Turning around she rested her elbows on the railing staring out at the moonlit horizon.

He exhaled moving next to her. "I didn't feel like I had any other choice under the circumstances."

"I get it Will. I completely understand."

"How do you feel about it? About me adding a child in the mix?"

The cool breeze blew through her hair causing her to shiver. Meeting his gaze, she brushed at the loose strands of hair in her face. "I haven't had much time to think about it. I'm still digesting it. But," the warm smile that crossed her lips eased his anxiety. "I'm really happy for you. It definitely puts a new twist on things, but it doesn't scare me away. In fact, it's quite intriguing. Tell me about him, and how exactly Chicago's sixteenth most eligible bachelor decided to adopt a child and raise him on his own."

Laughing under his breath at the reference, he grabbed the blanket off the sofa, and wrapped it around her shivering body. "You're sure you don't want to go inside?"

"Yes. I'm fine. Sit with me?" She moved to the sofa, opening the blanket up inviting him to join her. And for a brief moment it felt like they were twenty-two again getting ready to watch a movie on his couch together.

He settled next to her joining his end of the soft blanket to hers. Feeling the warmth of his body immediately warmed her, allowing her to give him her full attention.

"I started working for my company six years ago. They sponsor a baseball league for underprivileged kids every year and they needed a few volunteer coaches. After years of working ten to fourteen-hour days I finally found myself in a situation where I had a lot of free evenings. So, I volunteered. I naively thought I'd be dealing with teenage kids. But they set me up with a group of eight and nine-year old's. I was second guessing my decision before I ever me the kids, but I didn't want to back out for fear that it might give my employer the wrong impression. I actually ended up really enjoying the kids, and coaching. They still listen and want to learn at that age."

"Yes. Sometimes I really miss those early stages of life."

"We'd been holding practices at a park not too far from the middle of the city. This scrawny little brown-haired kid would come and watch every single practice from behind the bleachers. He was always writing stuff down in a notebook he had. At first I thought one of our rival teams had sent him to gather information on my strategy and players."

"One day after practice, I decided to go see what he was up to. As soon as he spotted me heading in his direction he took off. But I caught up to him. He looked pretty scared when I grabbed his arm to stop him. I reassured him he wasn't in trouble. I only wanted to know what he was doing every time we practiced. He wouldn't look at me but said, " _I like baseball. I'm drawing pictures of the things you and the other coach tell the players, so I'll remember, and I can practice."_ Then he called me Sir, and I had to swallow down a laugh because I couldn't possibly be old enough to be referred to as sir."

They both laugh. "Kind of like me getting called _mam_ all the time."

"Yes. Then he apologized and told me he wouldn't do it again. He was pretty surprised when I lead him back to the bleachers and sat down next to him to look over his work."

"He was drawing pictures, not taking notes?"

"Yeah, he was only seven, and it was easier to draw pictures than to try and figure out how spell some of the terms we were using. Although talking to him you would have guessed he was at least three years older."

"He was only seven? Where were his parent's? Why was he at a park all by himself?"

Will's expression changed, it reminded her of the look he'd had on his face after their trial the first time they'd kissed at Lockhart, Gardner. "His mother was an alcoholic and drug addict, and his father left the picture when he was four."

She pulled the blanket more tightly around them. She'd become all too familiar with the state of impoverished children over the years. "So, what did you do?"

"I didn't realize his circumstances that night. We talked for a while. He was a really sharp kid. Which considering how he'd been raised was a miracle. He was too young to be an official member on our team. But after we talked, I took him out onto the field and let him swing the bat a few times, toss the ball back and forth. He was better at it than I expected. He really had been practicing everything I'd been coaching. He's a natural and was determined to play. It was clear he was motivated, so I told him if he got permission from his mother I'd let him help out with the team and practice with us so that in the fall when he started third grade he would be able to play at games."

"And his mother agreed?"

"I wouldn't say agreed. I doubt she ever read the note. For the next few months he practiced with us and came to the games. I grew quite fond of him. He was polite, enthusiastic, I don't know, we seemed to speak the same language at least when it came to baseball. Then one afternoon in the middle of summer we're having practice and a thunderstorm rolls in. It's raining sheets of water, and I cancel the rest of practice. I offered to give Chase a ride home. He was hesitant, told me a half dozen times I don't need to, that he'd walk. He always walked, I thought he lived in the neighborhood behind the park. It turned out he lived over a mile away in one of the worst neighborhoods in Portland. I insisted on walking him into the apartment when we got there. It made me nervous being in the neighborhood, I couldn't imagine anyone thought it was safe for their seven-year-old son to be walking around alone."

He leaned forward clasping his hands in his lap, shaking his head. "We walked into this apartment, and I can't describe to you the awful conditions. That's when I finally start piecing everything together. The place is a mess, all but the little corner in the living room behind the beat-up couch where there's a mattress, a blanket neatly folded at the end, a few of Chase's drawings taped to the wall. The only clean surface in the whole place is the small two drawer night stand with a lamp on top of it next to his mattress. I learned later that practically every single thing that belonged to him was in those two drawers."

"I sensed he was nervous having me there. I asked him where his mother was. He said she was working." He looked Alicia in the eye. "At this point I'm still trying to have some sympathy for the woman. The place is a mess, she leaves him alone at night, but I think she's probably working for minimum wage at a diner somewhere, and it's the best she can do."

"I take it that wasn't the case?" Alicia picked her drink back up.

"No. Chase didn't know what she did. I found out later that she was a prostitute, and not the kind that goes around meeting senators, and company CEO's at high end hotels either. She was rarely around, and when Chase did see her it was in the middle of the day for a few hours after she'd slept the previous night off, and before she went to do it all over again."

Alicia was shocked. "That poor child. Where was family services in all of this?"

"I wondered the same thing. I called them later that night after I took him to get some dinner and a few groceries, so he'd have something to eat the next day if his mother didn't come home with something."

Her hand went to her heart. "I don't understand how anyone can not at least try to provide food for their child."

This had long been one of the sore points in the whole situation for Will, and even thinking about it made him emotional. "I don't think she was hardly ever in a state where she realized the affects her behavior was having on him. He just learned to survive, to adapt to the roller coaster that his life was. He knew he had a severe peanut allergy and had me make sure the food he ordered at the restaurant that night was safe for him to eat because he'd had to use his only epi pen a few months prior when he had a bad reaction at school. His mother hadn't gotten around to replacing it." He swallowed the lump forming in his throat. "He keeps two epi pens with him all the time now, because if he even touches something like peanut butter he breaks out in a rash and his throat starts to swell shut. The poor kid was probably always hungry. After he'd been with me for a week, I was going through his backpack on a Friday evening and I found some food. A few apples, a banana some packages of crackers, anything they had served at lunch during the week that wasn't perishable. I asked him about it and he told me he never ate all of his lunch. He always saved some of it in case there wasn't anything else to eat on the weekend."

Alicia's heart ached for both of them. "What did child services do?"

"They showed up two days later and caught his mother on a good day. She wasn't high on the drugs, and she was sober. When they interviewed Chase, he said he was fine, that his mom had bought him some books so he wouldn't be behind when school started, and that she had been to the store to buy some food. They can't legally remove a child from their home unless they're in danger. Being poor isn't a crime."

"So, she did care? She did try?" she asked.

He sighed heavily. "No. She neglected him for the most part. There were good days in there. Chase loved her, despite everything. She was all he had. But he practically had to raise himself. He lied to child services because he didn't know any better. He was afraid of what would happen if he told the truth. His father physically and emotionally abused both he and his mother from the day he was born. Once he was out of the picture his mother used her boyfriends as a threat to keep him in line. She didn't really want to be a mother, but she liked the extra amount in welfare money she got because she had him."

"Which she clearly hardly ever used for him," Alicia commented, in disgust.

"Yes. And despite what child services thought, I was concerned. So, I always took him out to eat after practices and games. We formed a good relationship over the months. He knew he could trust me."

He let out a deep breath of air. "And then things got worse. About mid-September his mother started dating a real piece of work. We held practices on Tuesdays. Games on Saturdays. In the middle of October, Chase called me one Friday night. He was crying so hard I couldn't understand what he was telling me. I managed to figure out he was close to home, so I went over to the apartment."

"When I got there…" he paused grasping onto her hand, so he can get his emotions under control. She scooted a little closer sensing his need for the support.

This was a side of him she'd never seen. Will near tears. She almost felt like an intruder sitting next to him witnessing such an intimate moment. And she would have felt guilty for it if she hadn't known deep down this was the type of thing he would only share with someone he completely trusted.

He meets her gaze, and the anguish he must have gone through was obvious. "Chase has these big bright eyes. You fall in love them the minute you look at him. They're…" he manages a smile, "They're about the same color as yours. Anyway, I got there and…one of his eyes is nearly swollen shut. It's all black and blue, and he's clearly nursing his left arm. A few tears still running down his cheeks he told me his mother left with her boyfriend a few nights ago and hasn't come back. He hasn't been crying because the guy she was dating hit him in the face and broke his arm. He's worried that something's happened to her. It never occurred to him that she'd abandon him."

"She left him? She wasn't coming back? That's awful!"

"We'll never know her reasons for leaving. I called child services on the way to the hospital. They and the police met us there. After Chase is checked out, and his arm is in a cast they were going to take him to an emergency shelter and put him into the foster care system until they could find his mother and sort things out. He was scared to death to go with people he didn't know. So he wraps his good arm around me as tight as he can, won't let go, and started crying again."

Alicia's face brightens. "So, they let you take him home?"

A gentle smile crossed his lips. "No. I asked. They have to vet first time foster care parents before a child is allowed to stay with you. It's a good practice in theory. I almost pulled out my old bag of defense attorney tricks, but decided it was in Chase's best interest to stay on their good side."

She laughed lightly because she could clearly imagine Will putting on his attorney hat in the situation.

"They let me go with him to the temporary shelter. It broke my heart to leave him there. That's when I realized I'd grown pretty attached to him over the past six months. We were both loners needing something to fill the empty space in our lives. Luckily, two days later after I made a few phone calls, one to Finn to see if he could pull any strings, Chase came home with me. We've been together ever since."

"Did they ever find his mother?"

A grim expression filled his features. "The following February I got a call. They found her body in a run-down neighborhood in Chicago. She died from an overdose." It was awful, all of it. And he'd only scratched the surface of the trauma Chase had been through.

"It's a miracle he survived," Alicia said, pondering the whole situation.

"It really is. Six months later I was finally able to adopt him. It took months of therapy to get him through some of the emotional turmoil. And a good tutor to get him caught up at school. I wouldn't do it differently. I love him like he was my own flesh and blood, but it hasn't been easy. It's pretty difficult to erase years of trauma and upheaval. He and I don't always see eye to eye on everything. He's a good kid, but he's also almost a teenager, and growing like a weed. He's probably only an inch shorter than you right now. Quite frankly I'm scared to death for the next few years. I still feel like I know hardly anything about being a father even though I've been one for five years."

"I don't think you ever feel like you know everything when raising a child. No matter their age. It's not easy raising teens. In ways it's nice because they're more independent than they've ever been, but that independence comes with its own set of challenges."

"Maybe you can give me a few pointers? Your kids turned out great."

She laughed under her breath. "Yes, but there were plenty of challenges along the way. Especially when they were teens."

"How did you do it all those years? I know what your work life was like during that time, and I can't imagine trying to wrangle two kids at the same time."

Her features softened. Their hands were still tangled together. "I didn't do it alone. I had Jackie while Peter was in prison. And once he was out no matter the differences or issues that existed between us, he always helped out with the kids."

Her face was suddenly inches from his. "It's a real honorable thing you've done. I bet you're a wonderful father. I always thought you would be," she whispered, resting her head against his. "Will, I'm sorry," she continued in a soft tone.

"Sorry for what?" he asked, reaching his free hand to pull her closer to him.

"For everything. For never allowing you to tell me exactly how you felt. For pushing you away. For making you question my motives, my loyalty, my actions. For making you think I never loved you even though I did. For never putting you first. For never giving you the chance you deserved. For…" A few tears silently fell down her cheeks.

He turned so their foreheads were touching. "Shhh," he whispered, reaching his hand to her cheek. "Leesh, it's okay. I forgave you a long time ago."

"No," she said, reaching her hand to his. "I never understood how deep your feelings were for me until I read through everything you'd written about us during those years. I thought I'd go to my grave with some of the guilt. So just this once don't argue with me. I hurt you over and over again. You were a complete idiot to keep coming back for more. Now that I have the chance I never thought I'd get, know that I'm truly sorry for everything from the very depths of my soul."

"Thank you. I accept your apology. And I'm sorry for being so awful those last few months. I was really hurt."

"You don't need to explain. I ran because I was scared to admit to myself how I really felt. The only way to fight that fear was by trying to hate you," she said.

"That strategy didn't work for either of us."

"It did for a while," she admitted, honestly.

"Yeah, but it was more like a defense mechanism than anything."

Her lips curved upwards. They remained that way foreheads pressed together, fingers tangled, in comfortable silence.

"I want to kiss you now," he admitted. The temperature beneath the blanket was significantly warmer than the outside breeze that swirled around them. "My defenses are down with you so close to me."

"I want the same thing, Will. But I can't live another lie. You were right earlier. We have to do this right."

"I know."

They remained that way, foreheads pressed together, gazing into one another's eyes. Once again realizing the sheer magnitude of being together again.

Not trusting his ability to keep from getting closer to her if they stayed like this, he squeezed her hand and stood up.

"Let's go do something," he said, pulling her up of the sofa after him.

"Like what?" She glanced at her watch noticing the late hour, but with less than twenty-four hours left to spend with him, she wasn't ready to say goodnight.

He looked out at the vast area that surrounded them forming a plan. "Grab your jacket. I have an idea," he said, folding the blanket and heading back into her condo.

"Are you going to tell me what it is?" She followed him inside and went to the bedroom to retrieve her jacket, meeting him again in the entryway.

Reaching his hand out to take hers, a mischievous grin formed on his lips. "Something we did thirty years ago at Georgetown. We'll need a few supplies first." He pulled her out the door and headed for his car.

"That's all you're going to tell me?" she protests, as they near the car.

"I think you'll figure it out once we grab the things we need."


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N; I'm so very sorry for the delay in posting. I was sick last week and couldn't get as much writing done as I'd hoped. Thank you all for reading and for your patience.**

 _-The day had been a breath of fresh air for everyone. A break from- writing papers, study groups, and being cooped up in the law library for hours on end. Will and Alicia were with a group of law students at a beach along the Atlantic coastline. Will had managed to pull Alicia away from her law books long enough to come along._

 _She and a few female classmates had been sitting on beach towels talking the entire afternoon. Not one of them had ventured near the water or taken any interest in the volleyball game that had just ended._

 _Will planted himself, wet bathing suit and all, right next to Alicia in her big sun hat, bikini top, and shorts. "Will, you're soaking wet."_

" _It is a beach, Alicia. And if I'm not mistaken you have my towel."_

 _Playfully she pulled his towel out of her bag and threw it at him. A big goofy smirk crossed his lips as he spread it out next to her and laid down on his back to soak in some of the last rays of sun for the day._

" _I don't understand a trip to the beach that doesn't involve getting in the water," he argued._

 _Tracy, one of their classmates, rolled her eyes. "It's called sunbathing, Gardner. Aside from that, the water is freezing. Take me to a beach in the Caribbean and I'll get in the water all you want."_

 _Propping himself up on his elbows he lowered his sunglasses a bit and looked at Alicia. "Do you share her same sentiment?"_

 _She only laughed. "Partially. However, this water is much warmer than Lake Michigan."_

 _He nodded considering just how upset she'd be if he picked her up and dumped her in the ocean. "It would be a shame to leave without even getting your feet wet." He raised his brow to her._

" _Okay, I'll go for a walk with you. That's what you're really asking isn't it?"_

 _A few minutes later they were strolling down the coastline. The sun reflecting off the water. He was rambling on about the current baseball season and she couldn't resist kicking up some water to splash him as a distraaction. It wasn't as cold as she'd thought it might be._

 _He returned the favor by getting her far more wet than she'd gotten him. "You're going to pay for that Gardner," she laughed, kicking up some more._

 _They continued the banter until finally Will took matters into his own hands. After she splashed him one more time by scooping up as much water as she could into her hands, he wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her off the ground._

" _Put me down!" she protested, as he carried her further out into the water. Pounding his back with her fists, she couldn't wiggle free. "Will, I swear if you dump me in the ocean," but before she could finish he'd done just that._

 _She popped up out of the water waist deep, soaked from head to toe. Dark curls hung all about her face. She glared at him for one second before brushing both of her arms across the water bringing a large wave of salty liquid over his face. The water fight was in full swing at that point and they enjoyed the rest of the afternoon together._

 _After the sun had gone down, the group sat around a bonfire, roasting marshmallows for smores. "I'm still cold Will," she whispered, rubbing her hands over her arms._

" _Well, you shouldn't have gotten all your clothes wet," he teased, putting another marshmallow on his roasting stick._

 _She rolled her eyes. "It's your fault half my clothes got wet."_

 _He smiled, handing her his stick. "Well, I wouldn't want Georgetown's top law student to catch cold and miss class for two weeks, so…" He pulled his sweatshirt off, turned to her and pulled it down over her head._

 _Feeling warmer immediately, a thankful smile crossed her lips. He stood up brushing the sand off. "Make sure you don't burn the marshmallows. I'll be back in a minute."_

" _I'm not the one burning the marshmallows," she hollered after him._

 _He returned a few minutes later. "Here. These will drown you, but they'll keep your legs warm." He handed her a pair of sweat pants. "They're even clean," he beamed._

 _Grateful for the gesture, she took the pants from him. There may have been a dozen other people around them in that moment, but it briefly felt like they were in their own world. Enjoying the conversation and friendship that existed only between them._

 _Before pulling on the sweats, she handed him the gooey concoction of graham cracker, chocolate bar and marshmallow smashed in the middle. "Here, it's exactly how you like it." -_

* * *

Will's mind had been flooded with memories from their time together at Georgetown. The crashing waves, and glow of the moon in the background to where they sat now, was a very similar setting to the one thirty years earlier. He remembered just how beautiful she'd looked that night wearing his clothes, her hair pulled back into a messy bun, a few curls dangling around her face. It was almost as beautiful as she looked now, the glow of the fire lighting up her features.

Tending to the marshmallows on her stick she gave him a sideways glance. "Penny for your thoughts,' she said, turning the stick in her hand to roast the other side of the marshmallows.

"I was just thinking about that day we did this back in law school."

"That was a good day."

"It was. The look on your face after I dumped you in the water...I briefly thought you were never going to speak to me again."

She breathed out a laugh. "I considered it."

"But?"

She pulled the marshmallows off the stick and stuck them on two separate graham crackers. "I had to weigh my options. Try to get you back, and keep speaking to you, or lose the best study partner I could find." She sighed, as their eyes met again. "That and you always kept me grounded. I may have ended up in a mental institution by the time we graduated if you hadn't helped me keep one foot on the ground when finals rolled around every semester."

After adding the chocolate to the marshmallow and smashing them together with another cracker, she handed him one. "You still can't roast a marshmallow," she teased.

"Yes, I can," he protested. "See."

She laughed out loud as the marshmallows on his stick caught fire and fell into the flames. "I'm still waiting for the prefect marshmallow you promised me thirty years ago."

Resigned to the fact that he didn't have the patience for the task, he gave in. "You may never get it."

"Maybe not, but this was a good idea."

"Are you warm enough?" he asked.

"Yes, fine. I'm not still damp from being submerged into the ocean this time around. If I get cold, I'll wrap the blanket around myself." Her gaze moved to the moonlit water in front of them. "We had a lot of fun back then."

He sensed there was more to her statement than a memory. "We did. You still have fun now don't you?"

"Yes, but it's not…" She paused.

"Like college?" he finished for her.

"Yes." That wasn't really what she'd been thinking, but she didn't want to talk about the differences between what she did with James, and what she'd done with Will in the past fourteen hours. She had fun with James. They did fun things together like go to museums and spend their nights out at fancy restaurants and the theatre. She enjoyed every minute of it. But being with Will was different. It always had been. He had a more playful, laid back side, that led them to do things like spontaneously making smores on a beach at eleven at night. It was unplanned, and unstructured, and in so many ways felt like a breath of fresh air.

She didn't want to linger on those thoughts any longer. Grabbing one of the blankets, she wrapped it tightly around her shoulders. "What do you and Chase do for fun?" The idea that he was really a father was still very novel and intriguing.

"We spend a lot of time with our friends Chase is staying with this weekend. We head to the beach a lot during the summer. Go to different sporting events. He really likes science. Portland has a great science museum with lots of interactive exhibits. We have an annual membership. They offer a lot of camps and classes which helps pass some of his time during the summer when I'm working."

"Wasn't science your least favorite subject?"

He laughed under his breath. "Yes. Maybe if they had made science as interesting back then as they make it now, I wouldn't have minded it so much. I kind of even like it now. I've learned more from him in the past few years than I ever did at any point during my education."

She nodded then hesitated a bit in asking her next question. "Can I see a picture of him?" She figured he had to have some on his phone, but whether he would be comfortable with her seeing any of them might be a whole different story.

Her slight apprehension washed away as a proud smile formed on his lips, pulling his phone from his pocket. As soon as he showed her the first image she was in love. It hadn't just been bias when Will had told her that Chase's big beautiful eyes would capture your heart.

"Will, he's adorable," she said, as he flipped through a few images. "And handsome," she added. "You better start preparing now. In a few years all the girls will want to ask him out."

He laughed as he got to a photo of he and Chase in matching Orioles jerseys. "Yeah, don't remind me. I'm completely terrified."

"You should be," she teased. "Add to that driving, and then before you know it he'll be taking the SAT, and you'll be sending him away to college. At which point you lose any control you managed to keep during his last few years of High School."

He looked at her with a crease at his brow. "You're not helping here you know?"

She laughed out loud. "I do know." She reached her hand and squeezed his arm. "Don't worry. It looks like you've done a great job so far," she said, sincerely, hoping to reassure him.

"Now it's your turn?" he said. "Let's see this grandson of yours."

She pulled out her own phone more than happy to show him some photos of the baby. "Zach sends me a few new ones every week. He's getting ready to crawl," she said, as she flipped through some of her most recent photos.

They continued to shuffle through photos sharing some of the more recent events in their lives. She even showed him some of she and James from the past year. It didn't seem to bother him viewing what was clearly a good healthy relationship with another man.

"Have you talked to him this weekend?" he asked.

"Yes, briefly after we got back this evening. He's…anxious to see me tomorrow."

"He was really okay with you coming to see me?"

"He's a good person, Will. No, it wasn't easy for him I'm sure. But he really does have my best interest in mind. And remember, the two of us seeing each other again was his idea to begin with."

"I'm glad you've been happy with him. He does seem like a nice guy." She nodded continuing to scroll through the next few photos in hopes they could change the subject. She came across a photo of she and Diane that she was going to skip right past.

"Wait," Will said. "That was Diane, right?"

She flipped back to the photo. "Yes. She and Cary came to D.C. when I was sworn into my new position."

"How is Diane these days?"

They both put their phones away. "She's really good."

"Are she and Kurt still together?"

A soft smile formed on Alicia's lips. "They are. Happy as ever. Kurt quit traveling for work a few years ago. He only takes cases in and near Chicago now. Diane is going to retire in September. Kurt probably will too, and they'll spend their time traveling."

"I'm glad she's doing so well." He turned his gaze to the roaring waves taking a drink from his water bottle.

Without him saying a word she could sense the change in his mood, and scooted a little closer to him.

"I miss Diane," he admitted.

She reached for his hand threading her fingers through his. "She still misses you. Cary and I, we were good partners for her. Or rather she was, is, a good partner for us. But neither of us could ever fill your shoes."

He sighed meeting her gaze. They sat in silence for a moment. The reality of his situation crashing down on them like a ton of bricks.

"You know Diane and I are pretty close now. She helped me through some of my toughest challenges after you were gone. She was there when I needed a shoulder to cry on, and she was there when I needed someone to tell me to pull it together." She took in a few deep breaths of fresh sea air. "She and I have talked a lot about…those early years I was at the firm. I know things now that I didn't know back then. Like how difficult it was for you to convince her to hire me. How you stuck your neck out for me far more than I ever realized. How she thought you were the one that had broken off our affair."

To hear her say it out loud surprised him. "Affair?"

"Yes, that's what it was. It wasn't just _that thing_ , we always referred to it as."

"Do you regret it now?"

"No. I never did. I was being honest with you that day in the elevator when you asked. Part of my healing process all those years ago was admitting exactly what I did, and how I felt about it. I don't regret it."

She held her hands out to the fire to warm them. "Do you think we'd still be sitting here in the same situation if we would have chosen differently? If I'd agreed to go out with you when you asked in criminal law? If you had been at that dating game social instead of at the library writing a paper? If fifteen years later I hadn't broken things off, would you have really told me that day I came into your office after Grace had been found, that you wanted more? That you didn't want to keep doing what we'd been doing? Or what if I'd called you instead of Cary the night of Peter's Gubernatorial win? Do you think things would be different now? Or was it fate? That no matter what, even if we had ended up together, you would have still gotten shot and ended up right here nine years later?"

He breathed in a few deep breaths. "Those are pretty loaded questions counselor."

"I know. But does it really matter what we do? In the end do we wind up being exactly where we were supposed to be?"

"I don't know. I'd like to think that we make our own destiny. You once told me that if we'd ended up together it would have just been life. And that may be true. But it's possible that I would have still worked for the FBI, gotten shot and ended up right here. In answer to your question about that day you broke off the affair, yes. Despite what Diane wanted me to do, I was going to ask you what you wanted. Where you thought our relationship was going. I was going to lay all my cards out on the table right there at work. Tell you I was willing to fight through the mess if that's what we decided." He sighed clasping his hands around his knees. "But I chickened out. It's all in the past. We can't change it now."

"No," she agreed. "We can only shape our future." Her eyes met his again. "There's something I want you to know. It may not be significant to you, but it was to me when I found out."

"Okay," he said, with a nervous breath.

"It always bothered me not knowing what you had said in that lost voicemail, and how I'd missed it. I knew you lied to me the day I asked about it. Work probably wasn't the best place to have brought it up. I know now what you said because…Eli told me after you were gone. Later I read about it in your journal."

He furrowed his brow. "How did Eli know what I said?"

"He's the one who deleted it from my phone."

Will shook his head. "You have to be kidding me."

"No, and when I found out, I was furious. It doesn't matter now. I just wanted you to know what had really happened."

"What do you think you would have done if you had heard it? I didn't tell you the truth when you asked because…"

"Things were complicated? You were dating Tami? We were in a good place at that point?"

"Yes," he admitted, honestly.

"I don't know what I would have done for certain. Peter and I were still in a very vulnerable spot. If I had known you were willing to make a plan and fight through the mess at that point…I…think, there's a strong possibility I would have at least been willing to meet somewhere to talk about it. It's also possible I would have just tried to ignore it like you said. The last thing I needed at that point in my life was to screw things up at work. But it would have made things more awkward between us if I'd known what you'd really said and done nothing about it. So maybe in the long run it was better the way it turned out."

In the back of his mind he wondered what might have been if he'd just been brave at Georgetown and fought harder for what he eventually realized he wanted. He knew one thing now. That he still wanted her. He wanted to fight through the mess to have her.

They stayed on the beach talking, laughing, thoroughly enjoying being with each other until the last embers burned to ashes. Will doused what was left of the fire and they took their time walking back to their condos.

"Are you up for another run in the morning?" Will asked, just outside their doors before they parted ways.

"Sure. Maybe a few miles. I don't know that I'll be awake enough for another marathon like today. It's late, and my legs are sore from this morning."

He laughed turning to enter the code to unlock his door next to hers. "Sounds good. Just remember I'm not the one who wanted to run that extra mile this morning. That punishment was all your doing." He turned to look at her one last time. "Goodnight Leesh."

"Night Will. And thank you for today."

He nodded about to go inside but stopped and looked at her. "Leesh, for what it's worth, I'm ready to fight for you now, for us, in ways I wasn't ready to at Georgetown, or even twelve years ago."

"Will," her hand tightened on the doorknob.

"Don't worry. Nothing about the discussions we've had during the past day has changed. We still need time to think about everything. I just want you to know that I won't give up this time, if we move forward." He didn't give her time to respond before he passed through the front door closing it behind him.

She closed the door behind her and moved to the front room. Slumping down onto the sofa, thoroughly exhausted, physically and mentally, she stared out the large windows into the darkness. She couldn't think about his parting words tonight. It was too overwhelming. In less than twelve hours they'd have to part. Get back to reality, and their lives. Her heart was already aching.

* * *

They were quiet throughout the morning with their lingering departure in the near future. They went for a run, had breakfast together, and he helped her with another hour worth of work.

"Will, what are we going to do now?" she asked, removing her glasses, beginning to pack up her work material. "I mean after we go home? We can't keep communicating through Finn."

"I know."

"So, what do we do? I can't call you, I can't email you." It was time to face the first huge obstacle in front of them.

He pulled a phone out of his pocket. "You can call me. You just can't use your phone. We'll use burners. They're not as untraceable as the encrypted one I use with Finn, but I think it will be okay. Once a month we'll switch to new ones."

He grabbed the pad of paper off the coffee table and began to write. "These are the numbers for the burner phones. And this is the address to the Po Box Finn and I use. If you mail something leave my name and a return address off the envelope. We'll start with that."

He looked up from his writing, handing her the pad and phone. The expression on her face was one of realization over their situation. This wasn't going to be easy. "Don't worry. It's more of a precaution than anything else. Just while you're working for the government."

"I know. It's just that…this got very real when you handed me the phone. I can't believe you've had to live like this for so long."

"You mean covertly?" he smiled, to ease her anxiety. "It's only a small part of my life now. Although, it looks like brushing up on my covert affairs will be a necessity in the coming months. Leave the phone in a safe place and turned off when you're not using it. I have a safe at work and at home I keep mine in. The best time for us to talk is probably at night. I know it will be tricky because of the three-hour time difference, but we'll work it out. And we can always send text messages."

She managed a hesitant smile. "Okay, I'm glad one of us came prepared for this." She held up the phone.

"I wouldn't have expected you to know the best means for us to communicate if things went well over the weekend. I know this is new territory for you, having to keep things secret to some extent. So, if you're unsure on something just ask, okay?"

She nodded and slipped the phone into her purse. She could feel his eyes still on her.

"I should go finish packing," he said, looking at his watch, a few moments later.

"Wait," she said, standing. "I have something for you."

She emerged from the bedroom a minute later with a few items in her hands. Sitting next to him on the couch she held up a baseball. The Georgetown insignia inscribed on it. "I gave this to you when we graduated. You left it for me in that safety deposit box, and I was grateful to have it. You always had a ball to toss around when we studied, and that's why I gave it to you back then. I always found it a little…amusing that you kept up the habit at work. I didn't really get it. But I get it now. This ball has been through some pretty complicated legal cases in recent years." She looked away for a split second and chuckled. "It even broke an expensive vase one day when I tossed it a little too hard." He laughed lightly as he took it from her, tossing it into the air. "I thought it belonged better with its rightful owner."

He held it up the side with Plan B inscribed on it for her to see. "Coaching little league was going to be plan B if I couldn't play in the minors. Do you remember?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"Looks like it worked out for me."

"It did."

Next, she held out a small manila envelope. "These are the photos of us you left for me, and a few Kalinda came across after you were gone. I made copies of the ones I didn't have." She opened the envelope and pulled one out. It was one of them from college, sitting together on a beach with their feet in the water. "This was taken that day we were talking about last night. I think it was one of the first that ever got taken of us."

He took the photo from her to get a better look. "I think you're right."

"There are a few photos in a separate envelope in here that I asked Finn to get for me. I don't know if it will be too difficult for you to look at them or not. Which is why they're separate. You can just throw it out if you want. They're photos of your mother, your sisters and their families."

He stared at her a large lump forming in his throat. He took the envelope from her holding it as if it would shatter into a million pieces if he let go. He couldn't seem to form words to respond to her.

"I know you couldn't take anything with you, including any sort of memory of them. I can't imagine being in your situation and not having even a single photo of my family. I just thought maybe you'd want to have a few."

"I…thank you, Alicia. This means the world to me." He managed to look into her eyes again. "How did Finn get them?"

"I don't know. And I didn't ask. I leave that kind of thing to the professionals."

They both chuckled. "Finn said to tell you they are all doing well. Your mother's health is good. Sara had another baby a few years ago, a son. They named him after you. Aubrey got married four years ago. She had a baby girl in October."

He looked down at the envelope, clearly deep in thought. She was suddenly overcome with a deep sadness for him. What he'd had to give up and how that must have affected him, she'd never be able to fully understand.

"Have you really not been able to keep track of them at all? I would have thought it somewhat possible to be able to see photos of them with all the social media out there."

He exhaled, taking her hand into his. "I don't have any social media accounts. It's too risky. Chase thinks it's beyond ridiculous, and he doesn't appreciate the fact that I forbid him from having them, but it's for his own good. I suppose eventually I'll have to give in, and just tell him he can't post photos of me. Yes, I've trolled Facebook some, but my mother never got an account, and a few years ago when Facebook allowed you to hide all photos from the public except your current profile picture it became nearly impossible to gain anything from trying to view my sisters' pages." He squeezed her hand. "Thank you. This is very much appreciated."

"I have one last thing for you." She held out a thumb drive to him. "This has all of your Ms. Georgetown files on it. It's the thumb drive Diane gave me a year after you were gone, on one of the worst days of my life. It's the only copy. It belongs to you. Quite frankly, after reading through everything on that drive a half-dozen times over the years, I feel like I've completely invaded your privacy now that you aren't dead. Just know it was very helpful in my healing process, but it doesn't feel right for me to keep it anymore."

His lips curved upwards as he took it from her and turned it around in his fingers. "You know, if it wasn't for this, Finn would have never had reason to contact me again."

The revelation seemed to suck all the air out of the room along with it. "And we probably wouldn't be sitting here with each other now." She finished the unsettling thought for him.

He nodded slowly. "I'm glad Diane had the sense to save the files and give them to you. I don't feel like you've invaded my privacy. I'm glad you had it. I'm glad you had all of this." He lifted the baseball and envelope of photos.

"At some point, I want to tell you a few things about reading through all of that. But it's too long a conversation for today," she said.

"I'd love to hear it." He put the thumb drive in his pocket. "Thank you again, for all of it."

They packed up their things and walked down the boardwalk one last time to have lunch together at an outdoor café. When it was eventually time to part ways Will gave some thought to kidnapping her and taking her with him, just like he had their first day together.

"I guess this is it for a while," he said, planting his hands on her waist, wanting to be near her one last time.

"It is," she responded, softly, looking down. The tears were very near the surface. This was more difficult than she ever imagined it would be.

Swallowing hard to keep the tears at bay a little longer, she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, burying her face against his shoulder. Feeling him one more time. Breathing him in one more time. Something that a year ago only became reality in her dreams. "I'm going to miss you," she whispered, as a few tears slid down her cheeks.

He pulled her closer, not wanting to let go. He was struggling as much as she was. "I'm going to miss you too. But it's not going to be good bye forever this time." As if some how that could make this any easier.

Eventually they had to break apart. They both had flights to catch, and a drive to take in separate cars to get to the airport. With her hands still around his neck she slowly, painfully, pulled away, brushing her lips across the side of his face, pressing a soft but very deliberate kiss to his cheek.

Their eyes met as he lifted a hand to her cheek and wiped the tears away with his thumb. Moments later, much as he didn't want to, his hand dropped and he stepped back, leaving an awful, empty space between them.

'Leesh, I,"

Somehow she knew he was going to say he loved her, but she cut him off. "Don't say it, Will." A flood of tears sprang from her eyes. "It's too hard. My heart is breaking because I have to leave you again. So, don't say it. Wait until we see each other again. Because when we do see each other again it will mean more, and a commitment of love won't be an obstacle between us anymore."

There was a lot of meaning behind her words. He was almost certain she'd already made her decision between choosing him or James. But only time would tell. And time was finally something they had in their favor.


	16. Chapter 16

For nearly three weeks Alicia had been evaluating, scrutinizing, overthinking, many aspects of her life. Luckily it hadn't affected her work. She didn't think it had anyway. Good, because she felt like her personal life was spinning in never ending circles. Or maybe it was the alcohol that was making her feel like everything was spinning. No, she'd barely touched the liquid in the glass sitting in front of her.

One thing for certain, she was mentally exhausted. It was her own fault, she knew it. Why did she have to go digging into things that were better left alone a year ago? If she hadn't, her mind wouldn't be waging war on her. Things would be calm, under control, and simple. But her heart was so conflicted it wouldn't allow her mind a moments peace.

 _-"Oh Wow," Owen said._

" _I'm conflicted."_

" _You're in love," he countered._

" _I can't be." -_

Moments like this from her past had bombarded her mind since she'd seen Will. The true debate was whether or not she really loved him. Loved him enough to give up a perfectly good relationship for one that would be anything but simple, and would likely lead to a future filled with uncertainty.

Parts of her knew, felt, she was completely awful for even considering it – throwing away what she had with James. But as much as she tried to tell herself that what she felt for Will right now was excitement, thrill, even infatuation, she knew deep down her feelings for him were more than that.

When Owen had voiced the idea that she might be in love with Will years ago, it had scared her to death. The thought, the idea, had always been in the back of her mind, taking breaks here and there, sometimes for very long stretches of time, spanning years.

She hadn't thought much about Will after she'd married Peter. Every so often, but even then, it was more of a friendship kind of love. She loved the idea that they had been good together – as friends and study partners. That was all it was, a love she'd shared with a close friend - or had it only been that?

Fifteen years later when reunited with her _friend_ she kept telling herself the same thing. And despite the attraction between them she couldn't allow herself to think the first kiss they shared in his office, was anything but a moment of weakness. A longing desire for intimate, physical contact that her life had been lacking for far too many months – or was it?

Things calmed for a while after that. But then her life was turned upside down again, and…

 _-"We've always had bad timing, haven't we? What if we were to have good timing? Just for an hour. What would that look like?" -_

A moment of weakness that turned into hours that night. During the following months it turned into lunches, numerous hotel stays, and blissful weekends spent at his place or hers. All the while shrouded in a deep blanket of secrecy. She never allowed herself to believe it was really love. The kind of love she thought she'd had with Peter. Love you build a long lasting, solid relationship on.

 _-"Are you in love with Will?" Owen asked, after she ended the affair._

" _No. I don't think I am?" she insisted. -_

She thought she'd believed it, claiming she'd been in love with the attention, and the sex - but was that really all?

She put forth a superwoman effort to bury the memories, the connection they shared both physically and mentally. The feel of him, the taste of his lips. The urge to finish his sentences periodically because they always seemed to know what the other was thinking. Even the idea that they'd be able to conquer the legal world together if allowed. He challenged her, he had always pushed her to be better. He had always put her first taking the back seat, even if that meant getting hurt. Burying the memories only lasted for a while, until their competitive minds led to another moment of weakness brought on by an argument.

 _-"You are not the injured party, here!"_

" _What, and you are?"_

" _I am. Yes!" -_

After that, it became more difficult to keep him out of her mind. In an effort to keep her feelings at bay, she tried to put an end to it.

 _-"We're keeping each other from moving on."_

" _No, we're fine."_

" _No, we're not."_

" _I'm back with Peter. Now this has to end."_

" _Can you just decide that?"_

" _I can. I have to." -_

Trying to convince herself further,

 _-"Why'd you break it off?" Owen asked._

" _It didn't seem like it was a long-term thing." -_

But if she were really honest with herself it was just another excuse to justify pushing that voice to the back of her head.

A few weeks after Will was – gone – she allowed herself to believe and let in her true feelings for him. She had loved him. She still did. Now, after seeing him in the flesh, looking into his dark-brown eyes, embracing him after nine years of separation…

"You know I've heard that if you stare at the alcohol long enough you don't have to drink it to feel the effects." Finn slid into the booth at the downtown bar next to her, his own drink in hand.

The interruption bringing her out of her thoughts, she lifted her drink to her lips allowing the liquid to burn down her throat.

"I don't think it works that way," she said, setting the glass down.

"You wanted to talk?" he asked.

She sighed, finally turning her gaze to him. "I need some information."

"The friendly sort, or top-secret kind of information?" he asked, lifting his drink.

"Hmm, both. If I were to decide I wanted to have more than a friendly relationship with someone in our governments protection, how…difficult and completely…insane would it be?"

His fingers thumbed his glass. "Your feelings for each other are still there?"

"Yes. Before we parted, we agreed to not talk about it. Give each other some time to consider everything. We've exchanged a few messages, more or less checking up on each other. But last night he said he wanted to talk this weekend. I need to be prepared for what he might want to talk about."

"You haven't decided yet?"

"I know what I think I want. Being with him again, it was…more than I expected. The relief, the sheer calm that finally settled the hole in my heart. I can't describe to you what that weekend was like for me. I love James, but I've never stopped loving him, and after struggling with the internal battle since I left him, the only thing that makes me feel at peace is the idea of being with him. Even though the logical voice inside my head is screaming no. I can't stay in a relationship with James if I keep thinking about Will and wanting to be with him. It's not fair to James."

Her heart was so full of emotion she felt like it might burst. Leaving James, and the normalcy of what they had was terrifying, and unsettling. Especially when thinking about how chaotic things might be with Will.

"What does James think about all of this? It was his idea for you to contact Will."

"I know. And he's a rare man to have ever suggested it." She took another sip of her drink. "He's trying to be supportive but is understandably near the end of his rope."

 _-Her plane arrived in the late evening. James met her at the airport pulling her in for a lingering kiss as soon as he reached her at baggage claim._

" _I missed you," he said, taking her suitcase as they headed out to the parking garage._

" _I missed you too." She genuinely had. Being with him felt like coming home._

 _They talked casually on the drive home. She gave him some of the details from her weekend. What it was like to see Will again, going running with him, and their afternoon excursion to Carmel. James listened, taking it all in with an open mind. Everything was just as it usually was when she came from a trip. But they'd purposefully avoided the real questions bubbling to the surface._

 _When they arrived home James made them a light meal and regaled her with stories from a colleague he'd had lunch with earlier in the day._

 _After cleaning up the meal together, he wrapped his arms around her waist, placing a fervent, heated kiss to her lips. She returned his gesture with just as much passion. An hour later they lay breathless tangled together beneath the sheets. They'd both needed the tension release._

 _Over the next few days, things went smoothly. They both went to work. They called or sent a message to the other in the afternoon to check in. Something they'd always done. They shared their evening meal, or a drink depending on how late Alicia got home from work._

 _But by Thursday night after they'd made love to each other, they both knew they needed to talk. Alicia had done her best to give James her full attention but couldn't keep Will out of her mind. And James was wondering if anything romantic had gone on between she and Will but was unwilling to ask in case the answer was something he wouldn't like._

" _Alicia," he ran his hand over her bare arm. "I know you don't want to talk about him, that you feel guilty, or scared, or I don't know what. But I can't live in his shadow." His slight frustration was evident._

" _You're not," she insisted, lifting her head off his chest to look at him._

 _He raised his brow to her. "I feel like I am. The look in your eyes sometimes, it's very telling." His frustration was starting to come out._

 _She pulled herself off the bed and reached to the floor to retrieve a long t-shirt pulling it over her head. "Okay, let's talk."_

 _He pulled on some sweat pants and sat next to her on the bed._

" _You said seeing him again was overwhelming, but exciting. That it was nice to talk and catch up." He twisted his fingers in his lap. "But I get the sense that it was more. Alicia I just need you to be honest. Do you still want to be with me?"_

" _These past months have been difficult for you and me. And I know that what you want is a definitive answer, but I'm not ready to give you one. It's only been a few days. Ninety percent of me wants to say you have nothing to worry about. That I don't see a future for me with Will. But there is ten percent of me that wonders what might be, what may have been if…"_

" _If you were with him, because you still love him?"_

" _Yes. My answer right now is that I don't know. And if you don't want to hear that, if you're done with this mess…" a few tears fell from her eyes. "Then…I'm sorry, from the bottom of my heart, and I understand. I never meant for any of this to happen, but it did. And as horrible as it probably is for me to say it, I love you, but I also still love him. I need time to figure out what's best for me. If you don't want to wait around to find out, I understand. It's selfish for me to suggest, but I do hope you'll stay."_

" _Okay, I think I need some time to think about it." he said, in defeat. "Listen, spring break is next week. As you know, I've had some fellow colleagues at Oxford trying to convince me to come and go through some of the special collections from the Revolutionary War. It would help with the research I'm doing right now. I was going to wait and go during the summer, take you along. But maybe now would be a better time for me to go alone. It would give both of us some space and time to think things through. Maybe space is what we both need right now."_

 _She looked up at him from under her dark lashes. "You know I'd go with you in a heartbeat?"_

 _He reached his hand brushing back strands of her loose hair from her face. "I know. But if I go without you I won't feel guilty for spending hours on end in the archives. And…"_

" _I know. Maybe some time apart is best." –_

"James and I talked about it and decided we both needed some space. He went to England a week and a half ago to look through some special collections at Oxford. He comes home in a few days. Which brings me back to my original question. Under his current circumstances, can I even entertain the idea of having a relationship with him?" She sighed. "If I knew it was impossible it would be easier to drop the idea."

Finn took a long drink from his glass, sitting back in heat seat. "There's no good way to answer that. My initial reaction is to say no. But if it's really something both of you want, I'd resign from your position, or wait until you no longer work for the government before you try to pursue anything."

She nodded in acknowledgement. "That's what I thought. My position poses issues because people can easily look into my background."

"Yes. If you were to wait and want to know if it would be safe after…I don't know. I doubt anyone is looking for him. Especially since he's presumably dead. The danger he will always face is someone who used to work for Bishop or the Gharraghtys recognizing him, putting two and two together, and then wanting to take out a snitch simply because they could."

"Someone like Damian Boyle?"

"Yes, but Damián's been convicted and will likely spend the rest of his life in prison. In my opinion he was the largest threat left. I think your acquaintance is pretty safe, but he should still use discretion. The tricky part would be deciding how to make a relationship work, and how you'd explain it to people."

She knew this would be one of several challenges. Who, how, when, if, and what to tell people.

"He could take himself out of the program. People have done it in the past. But for everyone's safety I wouldn't recommend it. If you two decide to do this, now, or later on, he should never go back to Chicago, New York, or Baltimore. That being said, WITSEC has very little to do with his life now. The only reason anyone from the government would contact him now would be if there were a new threat related directly to him. And there hasn't been one in nearly eight years. After the first year of WITSEC it's pretty much hands off. They moved him around more than others for a few years because Gharraghty's business was wide-spread. But his empire crumbled once he was dead."

"So WITSEC doesn't' keep tabs on him regularly?" This was a bit of a surprise.

"No. Once a year they check to make sure people haven't moved without giving them notice. But unless an individual contacts them for help or support, it's very hands off after permanent placement. Here's what I'd say. Do I think having a relationship with him is smart? No. Do I think it's possible? Yes. As a federal agent I wouldn't recommend it." He paused briefly running a hand under his chin. "As your friend, knowing what I do about both of you, if you decide to move forward, make this more than friendship, I'd advise you to use extreme caution. But I hope it works out. I really do."

She nodded. "Okay, thank you for answering my questions. Actually, I have a work related question for you now." There really wasn't anything else she could ask that she didn't have the answer too. And everything he had told her was more or less what she expected. Affirming for her that moving forward with Will was probably a completely reckless idea. Even so…

"Let's hear it," he said, interrupting he thoughts.

She pulled a file out of her bag and set it down on the table. "Do you know any of these agents?" She opened the file, revealing four Federal Agent's names.

"Yes, two of them. Is there some sort of investigation going on?"

"They were all involved in this case I'm taking to a grand jury in a few weeks. I'm interviewing them over the next week to make sure everything is in order, and to see which ones I can use on the stand if the case goes to trial. But something isn't right about this case. I have a funny feeling about it, like the investigation was incomplete, or we don't have all the facts. Yet, everything seems to be in order. It just almost seems to be too easy to prosecute."

"Hey, take the easy prosecutions when come along." He smiled, looking at the names once again. "I worked a case with these two agents a few years back." He pointed to the first and third names on her list. "I don't think they'll give you any trouble. I recognize the names of these other two, but I've never interacted with them."

"Okay, thank you. Sometimes agents are happy to discuss a case with me, and other times they aren't. Sometimes they feel like I'm questioning their methods, their capabilities."

"Well, you are, aren't you?" He smiled raising his brow to her.

"No," she defended. "I'm simply checking the facts, so I don't get destroyed by a defense attorney. I know how defense attorneys think," she laughed lightly under her breath.

"Yes," he agreed. "You most certainly do."

* * *

Will set a plate piled high with pancakes on the kitchen bar. A tussle haired, sleepy Chase slowly made his way to the stool in front of the pancakes.

"Eat up. We have practice in an hour," Will said, putting the empty batter bowl in the sink to soak.

Chase didn't respond. In fact, he was more quiet than usual. Most days he started talking as soon as he saw Will in the morning. Will sat down next to him to eat his own pancakes.

"I found a tutor for you. You'll meet with him on Monday's and Wednesday's after school until that math grade comes up."

"Okay," Chase said, poking at his food.

Will had expected more of a fight over the tutor, but was glad Chase seemed to see his side of the topic. When Will had looked up his grades a few days before he wasn't happy to see he had a D in his math class. Chase said it was getting too hard, and that the instructor didn't explain things very well. However, he wasn't happy about the idea of a tutor. More because of what he thought his friends would think than anything else.

A few minutes later Chase had barely touched his breakfast. "Are you feeling okay today? Normally you would have downed those in a few minutes and be asking for more." Will said, taking another bite of his own food.

Avoiding Will's gaze, Chase set his fork down. "I feel fine. I'm just not hungry today. I'm going to go up and get ready for practice." He slid off the stool and headed for the stairs.

Will watched until he disappeared upstairs. It was instances like these where he wished he had another adult in the house to help him figure out if there was something wrong that Chase didn't want to talk to him about, or if his mood at breakfast was simply that of an adolescent teen who would have benefited from one more hours sleep.

Practice went well. It was the first of the new baseball season. Chase seemed to perk up, and he certainly enjoyed their lunch with the Marshall's at a local burger joint.

That night he and Chase went over to the Marshall's for dinner. Chase and Brian wanted to see if they could make it to the next level of the newest video game that had come out. While Chase seemed to enjoy himself, he was still acting a bit off. Will wondered if he was coming down with a cold.

He was glad Chase had Janie and Rick as other good adult role models in his life so he could see what a healthy relationship with a woman could look like. Janie treated Chase like her own son. It was good for Chase to see and experience what a healthy mother, son, relationship could look like.

After all the fun and games were over, Chase and Will walked home. "Are we ever going to be like the Marshalls?" Chase asked, a few minutes from home.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, like more of a family. Are you ever going to get married? Am I ever going to have grandparents and cousins?"

Will slid his hands into his pockets. "I don't know buddy. Would you want another mother, or cousins?"

"I do sometimes. I mean it's great just being you and me. I don't want to change that. It's just…" He seemed hesitant to finish as they walked inside the house. Will was wondering where all of this was going.

They sat together on the sofa. "Is this what's been bothering you today? You want a bigger family?"

"No, not necessarily. It's just that sometimes I feel left out because the other boys will talk about visiting their grandparents, or cousins. And even though they don't want to seem uncool at school I can tell they like it when their mom's put notes in their backpacks and come to their games. And Janie, she's always giving Brian hugs before he goes anywhere. I can tell he gets embarrassed if I'm there when she does it, but I think he really likes it."

"Do you want me to put notes in your backpack, and give you more hugs? Because you know I totally can, and I can make a really huge deal of it. Embarrass you ten times more than Janie does to Brian if that's what you want." Will had a sneaky grin across his lips which made Chase laugh.

"No, no. you're great. I like the way things are." He looked down at his hands. "I guess I just…wonder what it would be like to have a normal mom. Do you try to stay out of serious relationships with women because of me? Because of how my mom was, and you're worried I wouldn't want another one?"

This took Will completely off guard. "No. It's not like that. Relationships, romantic ones, are very complicated."

"Did you break up with Brooke because of me?"

Will put an arm across Chase's back. "No. I did not break up with Brooke because of you. And my failure at having a serious relationship with a woman is not your fault. Do you understand?"

He nodded, getting up the courage to look at Will again.

"I would love to have a relationship with someone who I think would also be a good mother to you. It would just have to be the right woman. Someone I really loved. And someone who I knew would help me take good care of you. Look, I am probably a little more cautious because I have you. I don't want you to get hurt. And I don't want you to form a really good relationship with someone I date unless I think it will last. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, it does."

"Good. I'm sorry if our situation makes you sad sometimes. You know what? It makes me a little sad sometimes too, I'm just glad I have you."

Chase smiled again. "I'm really glad I have you too, Dad. I love you."

Will pulled him in for a hug. "I love you too."

In the middle of the night Will woke with a start to the sound of angry, heart-wrenching, cries and sob's coming from Chase's room. No matter how many times he'd been through this it didn't keep his heart from pounding. He hurried to Chase's room and turned on the lamp. Putting a firm hand on Chase's arm, he shook his son to try and wake him from the nightmare.

"Chase, wake up, it's okay," he said, loud enough to be heard over the pleas to stop whatever was attacking the boy's young mind.

Chase thrashed some more in his sleep, and Will took a hold of his other arm to try and hold him in place long enough to wake him. This second attempt worked. He opened his eyes, peering up at Will, gasping for breath, thrashing one more time to get away from the nightmare before realizing it was Will who had him pinned to the bed.

Will loosened his grip but didn't let go. "It's okay. It was a dream. Take a few deep breaths."

He did as Will took his hand to help him sit up. He was drenched in sweat, and the back of his hand was bleeding. He still looked terrified as Will sat down next to him to examine the hand.

"Any better now?" he asked, in a calm, soothing tone. Chase just nodded. Will wrapped his arm around him and pulled him close to help comfort him. "It's okay. Your hand has a small cut. You must have hit it on the nightstand," he said, noticing Chase's gaze move to his injury.

Chase's breathing finally began to slow. Will knew the best thing was to hold him close and reassure him for a few minutes. Which he did, then cleaned the cut and put a bandage on it.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" he asked, sitting back down on the bed.

Chase shook his head. "It was the same as always. A man hurting my mom, and I try to help her, but then he hits me, and…"

Will knew the rest. Periodically Chase would have nightmares from what he and the therapist they used to see, presumed were memories from his past. Chase never recognized the man that either came after him or was trying to hurt his mother. The therapist assumed it was Chase's father. He was so young when he left that Chase had no recollection of what he looked like. Of course, it was impossible to know if the nightmares were of actual things that had happened to him, or a mix of events that had occurred and things that he had made up in his mind.

The nightmares were usually triggered when Chase was under stress. It was a symptom of his past trauma and had probably been set off by a few things. The trouble he was having in math, starting baseball practice again, even though it was fun and familiar. But Will wondered if it had been caused by Chase's worry about his relationships that they had discussed before bed. The thought shadowed Will with a heavy layer of guilt.

Chase practically gulped down the glass of water Will had brought for him before settling back under his blankets, snuggling next to his father. Will stayed there until long after the boy had fallen back asleep.

Even after he'd gone back to his own bed, Will lay awake. He couldn't shut his mind off. Thoughts of his past. Thoughts of Alicia, and knowing she'd be the perfect mother for Chase. And the thoughts that even though they'd shared a nearly perfect weekend together a few weeks back, he wasn't convinced they could ever be together like a _real family_ , as Chase had suggested. Why did everything have to be so difficult? So complicated? The only thing that slowed his mind long enough for him to drift off to sleep was the thought of being able to talk to Alicia the next day, hearing her voice, and knowing that it wouldn't be a dream. He wanted to be with her – desperately. But he didn't know if he had the right to ask her to tip her life upside down for him. And he couldn't just throw all caution to the wind. To people in her world he was still very much dead. Most importantly he had to keep Chase's best interests in mind.

 **A/N; Thank you for reading. Thank you for the new follows the past few weeks! And for all of the fabulous reviews of the last chapter. I am struggling a bit as to what to do in the immediate future with Will and Alicia. Do you all think she and James should part soon, and she and Will find a way to be together at least periodically for the next little while? Or do want to see them wait things out for a bit. Take more time to decide what they think is best? Or do you have other ideas as to how their next few months should play out? If you're so inclined, I'd love to get some feedback on this. I hope everyone has a fabulous week!**


	17. Breaking Up

**A/N; Hello everyone. I just wanted to thank all of you who shared your thoughts, input, and suggestions after the last chapter. I really do appreciate it, and try to take into account everyone's opinions. I hope everyone has an enjoyable weeks end.**

Alicia glanced at her watch as she made her way to the security desk near the entrance to her building. Smiling, she shook her head at the sight of Owen, who held the two security guards complete attention.

"Owen, what are you doing here?" she said, wrapping him up in a quick hug.

"Oh, you know, just thought I'd stop by to see how the judicial branch of our government runs day to day."

She laughed under her breath, taking the clipboard from one of the security guards, placing her signature on the line that would allow Owen a guest security pass, and entrance further into the building.

"Seven-hundred miles is long way to come just for a tour of the buildings library." She handed the clipboard back to the security guard who handed Owen his pass.

"Is that really the only thing tourists are allowed to see here?" he asked, as they made their way to the elevator.

"That, and some very old paintings," she responded.

"So, I shouldn't be disappointed that I missed the last tour of the day?"

"My tour's better anyway," she countered.

As they headed down the hall to her office, Owen pointed to a man in a dark suit standing outside the office two doors away from Alicia's. "Is that…" he said, pointing down the hall trying to be inconspicuous, but failing.

Alicia turned to see what had caught his attention. "Yes, he's secret service. His name is Nick. He's head of the Attorney General's security team. Troy," she pointed to another man in a dark suit down the hall. "And Glen," pointing to the man at the other end of the hall near the elevator. "Are also Secret Service. Don't try anything funny. They're all armed and take their jobs very serious." She raised her brow to him, nodding at Nick with a smile.

"Evening Mam," the gentleman responded.

"Uhhuh," Owen mumbled, as they entered her office. "This place is like a fortress."

She laughed, moving across the large room to sit at her desk. "If you think security is tight here you should try the capital building, or the White House. Now sit. You never answered my question."

He sat on the sofa near her desk, making himself comfortable. "I came to see my big sis who called out of the blue two nights ago and told me she had ended what I thought was a great relationship with a pretty decent man – a month ago," he emphasized. "I figured it took you a month to stop working long enough for the breakup to really sink in. I was worried I might find you a crumpled-up mess when I got here."

Her smile disappeared. Her gaze moved to the large windows behind him. He was right about all of it. She'd thrown herself into work after she and James split up.

"Alicia, what happened? I thought you were really happy with him. And why didn't you call sooner? I mean I know you've turned into super woman the past five years, but…"

She looked at him again. "Super woman?"

"Yeah, that's what we call you behind your back now," he teased.

A tiny smile found its way to her lips again. "We?"

"Yeah, you know, everyone who knows you." He sat back, propping his feet up on the table in front of the sofa.

She rolled her eyes at his sarcasm. "Don't put your feet on my table. This isn't my living room. I didn't call sooner because I'm fine. James and I mutually agreed to split up. There isn't anything else to tell." She avoided eye contact sorting some papers on her desk.

Owen knew her well. He could see right through her. "You are such a horrible liar. You know that right? You know that every feature on your face betrays what you say sometimes? So, what really happened? You got into some argument and couldn't resolve it? He asked you to marry him, and you were too afraid of the commitment? He found someone else?"

Sighing heavily a thin line formed on her lips. "Nothing dramatic happened. I know you think there's some big outrageous story, but there isn't. James was invited to be a visiting scholar at Oxford for a year, beginning in June. And while things have been good between us, we were at a…plateau in our relationship. He knows I can't give up my current position to come be with him in England for an entire year. And I don't want him to turn down his dream job because of me. Having a long-distance relationship is one thing. But having one in two different countries nearly four-thousand miles and an entire ocean apart is…too difficult." It wasn't all a lie. Although trading one long distance relationship for another wasn't any less difficult. The miles between she and Will weren't significantly less.

"You're lying again," he smirked. "There is a story here, I'm just going to have to figure out what it is without you telling me."

"I'm not lying. Come on I'll show you around the building for a few minutes."

As they walked Owen tried to pry more out of her. "You and James splitting up really was amicable?"

"Yes, very."

"Have you dated at all since the breakup?"

She stopped just inside the large law library and turned to face him. "No. I wanted some time to myself. I haven't even thought about dating."

"Meaning you've been working every minute you can to avoid the outside world." He put his hands in his pockets and moved further into the room. "There are some really great works of art in here," he said, a bit sarcastically.

She moved next to him, her arms folded across her chest. "I haven't been avoiding the outside world. I had drinks with Finn...a few weeks ago." Inwardly she sighed. It had been nearly six weeks since she'd seen Finn, but she wasn't about to admit that to Owen. "Owen, I'm fine, really. You don't need to worry. I'll even leave work at a decent hour tomorrow, and you and I can go out and have a little fun."

"You're working tomorrow? It's Saturday."

The exaggerated look of worry and disappointment in his eyes almost made her laugh.

"I can't control when the FBI catches a major break on a case and needs my assistance with legal side of things."

They went back to her office, and she began gathering some things off her desk. "I have a meeting in five minutes. I don't know how long it will be."

"You have a meeting? Now? It's six o'clock."

She stifled a laugh as she moved across the room. "Yes, it is. Despite popular belief, not every governmental entity shuts down at five every day." She pulled some keys from her purse. "Here are the keys to the house. I don't know when I'll be home. The FBI just brought down a sex trafficking ring. They need the lawyers present for de-briefing some of the victims, and the interrogation of one of the ring leaders who didn't end up dead in the accompanying shooting."

"That's awful," he said, taking the keys from her.

"Yes, it is. But it's my job to prosecute some of the worst of humanity. We're going to try and leverage this guy to get to the real ring leader. But it involves foreign government relations, and a list of a thousand more steps before we get there."

"Okay, go save the world."

She smiled and embraced him into another tight hug. Even though it wasn't the most opportune time for Owen to visit, she was glad he was there. She needed the comfort that her brother could give her.

"Someone needs a little lovin," he said, as she reluctantly pulled away.

"I need…to get back to work." She patted him on the chest and turned to leave her office.

It was after one in the morning when she finally drove home. Thoughts of her breakup with James consumed her mind on the drive.

 _\- James slid into bed next to her sometime around three. He'd told her not to come get him from the airport in the middle of the night. Heavy with sleep she turned to face him._

" _Hi," she said, quietly._

" _Hi," he said, planting a soft kiss to her forehead._

" _How was the flight?" She yawned, readjusting her head on the pillow._

" _Uneventful."_

 _They stared at one another for a few moments in the darkness. "I'm glad you're home safe," she said._

" _Me too. I'm exhausted. Can we talk more tomorrow?"_

" _Mmhm," She closed her eyes as he reached his arm to fit around her._

 _Late the following morning she stood in the kitchen, the smell of fresh coffee being brewed, staring out the window at the cherry trees in the back of the house. Their pale pink blossoms were in full bloom. She'd let James sleep in and had opted to work from home over the weekend. She wondered how much work she'd actually get done after she and James had the conversation they needed to have. And she wondered what his big news was. He'd called her before boarding his flight from London the night before and told her he had some exciting news. Her heart ached at the thought that she would likely crush him, dampening the excitement of his own news, but it was time to end things. She couldn't keep leading him on. He deserved better._

 _Coming up quietly behind her, she barely heard him as he threaded his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek. "Do you want me to make some breakfast for us?" he asked._

 _She looked down at their entwined hands, enjoying the warmth of his embrace for what would likely be the last time. "No, thank you," she said, quietly. "I ate a while ago."_

 _He pulled away and reached into a lower cabinet taking out a frying pan. "Okay. I'm going to make myself an omelet. Too many days in a row of eating out."_

 _She kept her eyes on him as he got out all the ingredients he would need, as he continued to talk. He always talked in the mornings, non- stop sometimes. She didn't mind, but she was not near the morning person he was. She didn't mind being up in the morning, but she liked the quiet, and some time to think before the day got into full swing._

" _Weather looks great today. Cherry trees are in full bloom, aren't they?" He went on about the sweet smell of the trees, and how maybe they should go take a stroll through the National Mall where the Cherry Blossom Festival was taking place. "You're not saying anything," he commented as he poured the eggs into the pan. "You look tired. Did you spend any time away from the office while I was gone?" The love and concern in his tone warmed her heart. He knew her well._

" _Not much. James, we need to talk."_

 _He sighed adding a few ingredients to his omelet. "I know. There's something I need to tell you."_

 _Suddenly, the happy, jovial man that had entered the kitchen ten minutes earlier was fading._

 _She started in, knowing that it would only be more difficult the longer she avoided it. "The past two weeks have given me a lot of time to think. You were right. We needed some space. I've…made a decision." Nervously she pulled her cardigan tighter around her body._

 _He flipped the omelet onto a plate and looked at her. "Alicia, wait. I know what you're going to say, I can see it your eyes. But before you spill your whole soul, and feel guilty about it, there's something I want to tell you."_

 _She furrowed her brow. Maybe this wasn't going to be an amicable breakup like she'd hoped. He was going to make her stand there and suffer for as long as he could. But instead he closed the distance between them and put his hands on her waist._

" _The history department at Oxford has offered me a one-year visiting scholar position. They're very interested in the research I'm doing right now, and the paper I published last year."_

 _This was not what she was expecting. "James, that's wonderful. It's a real honor to be asked. You always wanted to teach there."_

" _I have, and they want me to come at the end of May. I already said yes."_

 _It was at that point where his words began to sink in._

" _I can't ask you to give up your job to come to England with me. And…" he hesitated._

 _She looked down at the floor. "And things aren't what they used to be between us." She took in a deep breath of air squeezing his arm. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ruining everything."_

" _I was right then? You're choosing him?" He let go of her and stepped back a bit._

 _She reached her hand to grip the edge of the counter, meeting his gaze once again. "I…yes." To say it out loud nearly broke her heart in half, but it was the right thing to do. "I have loved nearly every second of our relationship. You brought back something to my life that had been missing for a very long time – love, companionship, the ability to trust the man I'm in love with. I'll always be grateful for it. I will always love you for it." A few unwanted tears escaped and ran down her cheeks. "But it would be wrong to stay with you and wonder what I might have with him. I've loved him for…a very long time. I have to take the second chance I've been given. Even if it ends up not working out and making my life a complete mess. I have to take the leap of faith."_

" _I know," he said, quietly._

 _She'd expected some sort of fight over this, but none was coming. Maybe because his own life plans had changed in their two weeks apart._

" _You're not angry?"_

 _He shoved his hands into the pockets of his pajama bottoms. "I'm a little angry. I'm hurt, disappointed, sad, but I understand. I'll move on. And with my new opportunity it seems even more right to break things off. As much as I wanted to deny it, I knew the day you left to go see him it was over. I thought maybe when you saw him, talked to him, that there wouldn't be anything there anymore, but there was. I thought about trying to compete, winning you back, but that would have been as wrong as you staying with me would be under the circumstances. And honestly, if I had a second chance to be with someone I'd loved in the past as deeply as I think you love him, I would do everything I could to be with that person."_

" _I do love you, you know? Everything we have is real for me," she said, a few more tears slipping down her cheeks._

" _I know. It is for me as well. I love you too, which is why I have to let you go."_

 _She reached across the counter for a tissue and wiped at her tears. "So, what do we do now?"_

 _He closed the distance between them again, wrapping his arms around her, and planted a kiss to her forehead. "Well, if you don't mind, I'd still like to spend the weekend with you. Maybe go to the festival. Go to one of the museums we haven't seen yet. Then next week I'll try to find a temporary place to live until I leave at the end of May."_

" _No, I should be the one to move out. You love this place, the architecture and everything," she protested._

" _Yeah, I do love it, but you still need a place to live long-term. If worse comes to worse, I'll just live in one of those extended stay hotels for six weeks. I need to put most of my things in storage anyway."_

" _Okay, if you're sure," she held his gaze. "Thank you. And about the other, I'd love to spend the weekend with you." -_

She took in a deep breath of air as she continued to drive. They had spent a wonderful weekend together. They went to a museum, they went out to eat. He made breakfast for her and they spent one last lazy Sunday morning in bed together.

Even though it was for the best, and what they decided, the following weekend after all of his things had been packed up and moved, and he'd given her one last lingering kiss before shutting the door to leave, she sank to the floor in the front room and sobbed. Sometimes that's all you can do when your heart is aching so much you can barely breathe. Within a matter of seconds, she'd felt very alone and uncertain as to what the future might hold.

Later that night, as planned, Will had called her. It had helped ease the ache in her heart. She'd only wished he wasn't on the other side of the country. But that was her life now. It would take some time to get used too.

It was taking time. With James gone she didn't have much reason to hurry home at night. She'd thrown herself deeper into work. Filling her days, and her mind with her job responsibilities.

That had worked until tonight. As she closed the door to her room, Owen asleep in the guest room down the hall, work felt overbearing. She still wasn't certain she was built for this kind of work. Dealing with the truly awful realities of portions of society. After dealing with what the huge mess a work over the past hours, she wished there was someone there to hold her and tell her that the world she lived in wasn't really as bad as it appeared.

She got ready for bed and looked at the clock. 2:00 a.m. It was only eleven on the west coast. She and Will had agreed to keep their phones on at night during the weekends. It was the best time to communicate with one another. Knowing he'd probably still be awake she called him.

He was half asleep on the couch when the phone lit up. At first, he thought it was someone from work trying to call, until he realized it wasn't his usual phone buzzing on the coffee table.

"Alicia, are you okay?" He sat up, a splash of adrenaline running through him.

"Hello, to you too," she smirked. "I'm fine."

"It's two in the morning there. Couldn't sleep?" he asked, relaxing some, knowing she wasn't in any immediate danger.

"I just got home from work. I'm on this case and…" She was wide awake and yet far too tired. The day had been too much.

He knew she wasn't okay the second silence fell on the other end of the line. "Leesh," he said, softly. "Why don't you tell me about it."

She breathed in deeply to help settle her emotions. "The FBI shut down a portion of this sex trafficking ring yesterday. These girls Will, they're just kids. Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, years old, taken from their families in other countries. Some of them were smuggled into the country on cargo ships. Others were promised a better life and when they got here… The FBI found twenty girls in one run-down house, and they think they've barely scratched the surface."

"I sat in on some of the questioning with the feds tonight. It was awful. The things they made these girls do… And now they want to offer partial immunity to the one guy they caught, in hopes that they can get to the man at the top. It makes me so angry. We're going let this guy off easy. They should all be in prison for a very long time." This was the real issue aside from sitting in with the victims, she's the one who would have to approve the immunity deal the following day. "I don't know if I can do this. Sign my name to a document that all but condones what these people did, are doing."

"Leesh, it's awful. horrible, but you can't get emotionally involved."

"I know. It's just so difficult to sit and listen to these girls, and then go sit with a man who has no remorse for what he's done."

He listened to her for a while putting in his two cents when he thought necessary. As horrible as the situation was he was very interested in the details of her role as a representative of the DOJ and how it all worked.

He enjoyed this, simply hearing her voice. The few times they had spoken in the past two months had been a breath of fresh air, and a reminder of what would hopefully be a promising future together. He only wished he was there to look her in the eye and tell her it would all work out.

"Are you going to grant the immunity?" he asked.

She sighed heavily. "I'm going to run it past the Attorney General and few others in the morning. As much as I dislike the idea, it's in the best interest of everyone, especially the girls who are still out there. Enough about my job. How are you?"

"Good. Work is slow right now. Everything else is going well, aside from having to ground Chase from playing video games for the next week until he turns in some missing assignments in one of his classes. It turns out you can actually get a D in art class if you try," he stifled a laugh.

"Mmhm," she responded, trying not to laugh. "And how does one do that?"

"You draw pictures of your latest science project ideas in your drawing pad instead of the work that's been assigned, and never get around to turning in half of your assignments. I understand it's not his favorite class, but he had to have a fine arts elective and he didn't want to do anything music related. I may try to steer him towards drama next year."

"Maybe a good idea. I take it he wasn't very happy about you laying down the law?"

"No, not at all. After I talked to him tonight he stomped his way up to his room and slammed the door. I haven't seen him since. Hopefully I won't get too much attitude from him tomorrow during our game."

"You probably will," she said, smiling through the phone. "Especially if he had plans to do some gaming with his friends this weekend. You've probably ruined what he views as his entire social life." She couldn't help but chuckle.

She could almost hear the smirk across his lips. "You know you aren't being very helpful here, telling me I've ruined his seventh-grade social life."

This caused her to laugh some more. "I'm sorry. I'm just enjoying the fact that it isn't me this time who had to lay down the law with the teenager."

He continued the banter. "I bet you perfected the act so much that Zach and Grace didn't argue with you after you had to come down on them. I bet they just accepted the punishment and went on with life."

"No, this is never something you perfect. You just learn to live with sad droopy faces, back talk, and periodic slamming of bedroom doors."

"Good to know I have years of this left," he said, sarcastically.

"Only five. And then you lose your power. Sometimes, that's even worse."

"I'll try not to think about it."

They fell into a comfortable silence. Being able to talk to him in the middle of the night had been very helpful to her. Even though she could have talked to Owen about it the next day, it was nice to come home from work, and get it out of her system before trying to sleep. The few hours she had left to sleep before she needed to go back to work would be much more restful.

Thinking about talking to him whenever she wanted caused a wave of sadness to come over her. They couldn't do this every night, and after thinking about James she felt lonely.

"Will,"

"Yeah," he sounded tired now.

"I miss you. It's hard…doing this. I know it has to be this way for now, but…"

"I miss you too," he admitted.

In that moment it felt like the deepest abyss lay between them with no way to cross to the other side.

"I want to see you again," she said.

He wanted the same thing but had been waiting for her to suggest it. He didn't want to push her too far too fast. "I want to see you. When can you get away for a weekend?"

They decided on a weekend in three weeks. All they had to do was plan the details, but it was getting later, and Alicia really needed to get in a few hours of sleep.

"Leesh, don't work yourself into the ground." He was a little worried about her after hearing about the hours she'd been putting in in previous weeks. From the sound of it, things weren't slowing down anytime soon.

"I won't. Good luck tomorrow."

"Thanks. Hopefully it will be an easy win."

She giggled. "I meant with Chase. But good luck with the game."

"Yeah, I may need some parenting advice by the end of the weekend."

"You know where to find me," she said.

"I do."


	18. Chapter 18

Will had spent the past nine years building a new life for himself, doing his best to force his past to the background, pretend it had never existed. To have reintroduced a portion of that past into his life by reconnecting with Alicia, still felt somewhat unreal. Like a dream – like so many dreams he'd had over the years.

It had been a few days since they'd talked and made plans to see each other again. Despite all the complications. Alicia had been willing to give up a perfectly healthy, honest, good relationship to give him and a very uncertain future a chance. He still couldn't believe it in many ways. If someone would have told him a year ago he'd be planning a weekend getaway with Alicia, he would have laughed in their face. The idea that this was what she wanted, what they both wanted, and was becoming a reality, sent waves of excitement mixed with apprehension through his body.

Making the decision hadn't been easy for either of them. It had been more difficult for her. This had been evident in their phone conversation the night that James had moved out.

 _\- They'd been on the phone for a few minutes meaninglessly chit-chatting both unsure of how to bring up the burning questions at hand. He'd made his decision in the four weeks since he'd seen her. He wanted to be with her, give them a try. He'd spent sleepless nights debating the pros and cons, thinking about how to tread lightly through the obstacles that his current identity posed, and the mess that might ensue for both of them. He'd even talked himself out of it a few times, but when he had come to that conclusion, the sick feeling that settled in the pit of his soul was unbearable. The only thing that felt right was the thought of her with him and Chase._

 _He didn't feel like he had the right to ask her to give up her current life just to be with him, so he decided he'd wait. He wait for her to tell him what she'd decided. It could be any number of things. That she didn't think it would work out, that the timing wasn't right, but maybe it would be in the future. Or that she did want to move forward with a relationship. No matter what she decided, if this was going to work it had to be something they both wanted. She had to want it._

 _As the conversation moved along he was afraid she hadn't come to a decision yet. Either way he wanted to know but was about to give up hope on getting an answer when silence filled the other end of the line._

" _Leesh, you still there?"_

 _A few more seconds of silence filled the air before she finally spoke up. "I did it, Will. James moved out this weekend. I want to give you and I a chance." She said it with confidence, but he could still hear a slight tremble in her voice. She was doing her best to hold in the emotions, trying to mask the ache in her heart, and put up a brave front for him. He could almost see her standing in her living room, hand pressed firmly against the wall for support because if she sat down all she'd want to do is curl up on the couch and cry._

 _Her words were exciting and reassuring. Yet, he felt guilty all at the same time. She was hurting because of him, even if It was what she wanted. On the other hand, he almost couldn't believe she'd chosen them. He'd been mentally preparing himself for the opposite. "Alicia, I'm…thrilled." Shocked, ecstatic, would better describe his feelings. "I want the same, but are you absolutely sure this is what you want? The headaches, the mess, the chaos it will most certainly bring. It will be more difficult than it ever was before." He had to make certain she wasn't doing this just to please him._

 _She let out a breath of relief, mixed with a little laughter and he was certain tears. "Are you trying to talk me out of it now?"_

" _No," he insisted._

" _This is what I want. It hasn't been an easy decision. I told myself a thousand times in the past weeks this was ridiculous, a disaster in the making, that it wouldn't be smart. Having to tell James a man that I love deeply, that things between he and I had to end because I still have feelings for you that are so strong I can barely breathe sometimes, was one of the most difficult, heartbreaking things I've ever had to do. But that was exactly the reason I had to end it with him. Because when I thought about seeing you again, and every memory and dream I've had over the past nine years, I felt the same way I had in the days after you…died. I didn't know how I could move on without you in my life. So, yes, I choose us, and all the mess that comes with it."_

 _Hearing the honesty in her voice, he let out a breath of relief he didn't realize he'd probably been holding for years. The thought, and sheer joy of the whole thing made him a little lightheaded. He shifted so he could lay comfortably on the sofa while he continued to talk to her._

" _Okay, I'm happy Leesh. How did James take the news?" He almost regretted asking as soon as he said it, it probably wasn't any of his business._

" _Very well, actually. It was a very civil parting." She explained what had gone on between she and James, and how he'd just finished moving out a few hours before. In explaining the last little bit, he could sense the sadness in her. This may be what she wanted, but that didn't make it any easier on her emotionally._

" _Will, I need some time to…sort things out. Get used to living alone, focus on work, get my bearings straight again. It's not that I don't want things to move forward between us, I just need…"_

" _Leesh, it's fine. I understand. If we're going to do this right, it's going to take time, and planning. We don't have to rush into anything." As much as he'd like to see her again as soon as possible, he knew they needed to wait, take things slow._

" _Okay, thank you. I want to continue messaging each other and talking like this on the weekends."_

" _I like that plan," he said._

 _They talked for a while longer before she decided she better get to bed. The three-hour time difference really was a bit of an issue._

" _Leesh, If you ever want to talk…I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." He knew she was happy with their decision, but sensed the unease, and sadness over breaking up with James, and their unknown future. She needed the space, and he understood that. He just wanted to make certain she knew she could count on him. That he wasn't going to disappear and leave her hanging. They were in this together now._

" _I know," she responded, quietly. "Call me next Sunday, if you can." –_

They had talked over the phone two of the previous four weekends since that conversation. He was looking forward to seeing her in a few weeks, but now the real planning had to begin. He had to do something with Chase while he was away, and this wasn't going to simply be a one-time thing. He hoped that he and Alicia would be able to see each other every six to eight weeks. More often would be better, but right now he didn't see another way around the miles between them.

Honesty was going to be the best path moving forward, and that was going to have to start with Janie and Rick. They were his only good option for Chase.

They had all just finished up the evening meal together. The boys had gone outside to play for a while. "I have a favor to ask of you two," he said, sitting at the kitchen bar next to Rick. Janie was putting the rest of the leftovers in the fridge.

"I'm going out of town in a few weeks, and I was wondering if Chase could stay with you again? I'd be happy to have Brian stay with us another weekend, if you two want to get away for a few days."

Janie quickly glanced at Rick for confirmation. "Sure. We're always happy to have him. Are you going to another legal conference?" Janie asked.

Will hesitated. "Uh, no."

He had Janie's full attention now.

"I'm…going to see someone." He looked away but couldn't keep the slight upturn of his lips from Janie's view.

She caught on quickly. "Someone of the female type?"

He sighed, looking to Rick for support. "Yes," he admitted. There was no turning back now. He knew he was about to be questioned with far more vigor than most witnesses on the stand in front of a judge. In fact, he sometimes wondered why Janie hadn't become a lawyer. She certainly had the whit and knack for a good cross examination.

"I knew it," she exclaimed, moving one of the barstools so she could sit across from Will. "I told Rick a few weeks ago that something was up. You came home from California in March, broke things off with Brooke, and you haven't been out with a single woman since then. Not even for coffee. Rick said it didn't mean anything. That you were taking a break from dating. But that wasn't it, was it? There's a woman in your life, and for some reason you've been keeping her under lock and key."

This made both men laugh. "Whoa, slow down, honey. Let's give Will a chance to explain. So, who is this mystery woman?" Rick asked, patting his friend on the back.

"Both of you relax. She's an old friend. We reconnected when I was in California. We want to see each other again, and the weekend of the 24th is a good time for both of us. That's all."

He had Janie's undivided attention. She loved Will. She loved having him around. But she wouldn't mind adding another female to their merry little band. While Will was an excellent father, she knew that Chase could benefit from having a woman in the house sometimes. If for no other reason than the benefits a steady relationship for Will could have. The way Will was acting led her to believe this woman was different from the others he had dated.

"An old friend?" She took a sip of her drink with raised brow. "How long have you known this woman?"

"A long time," he responded.

"Long enough for some history then. Did you date her?"

He had to think on that one. Had they ever really dated? "Yes, technically."

"Technically?" Rick laughed. He was generally on Will's side and would help keep Janie at bay when she harassed him about women. But he was having too much fun watching Will dig himself into this hole. "You can't say something like technically to her and expect her to back down."

"It's complicated," Will defended.

Janie was quiet for a few seconds. No doubt thinking up her next line of questioning. But Will was ready. He knew this was going to happen.

"So, you want to see each other again. Which means you haven't seen her since your last trip. She doesn't live close."

"No, she doesn't. She lives back east. Why don't you listen for a minute, and see if I can answer some of your questions?"

"Okay, spill. But I reserve the right to ask you three more questions when you're done if I'm not satisfied."

"Fair enough. Her name is Alicia. She's a lawyer. We've known each other for a number of years. We used to be really good friends. When we reconnected in March it became clear that some of our old feelings for one another were still there. We simply want to see each other again, spend some time together. Test the waters if you will."

"Have you told Chase?" Rick asked.

"No, and while I'm not thrilled about lying to him about what I'm doing when I go out of town, It's for the best right now. At least until I know if this is going to turn into anything serious."

"Do you want it to become something serious?" Janie asked.

"I'm waiting to see how things go." He knew Janie wanted a more definitive answer, but she wasn't going to get one.

"She's a lawyer?" Janie asked.

His features softened, he let down his guard a bit. "Yes, a damn good one. She's made it all the way to the top. She's worked hard to accomplish what she has in her career. I'm not about to get in the way of that."

"So, she's ruthless?" Janie added, with a little smile.

"Only if she has to be. She's tough, likes to get to the truth on a case. I guarantee you don't want her on the opposite side in court. But she's also one of the most honest, caring, unwavering women I know. She stands up for what she thinks is right, no matter the consequences."

"You make her sound like a superhero. If I couldn't see the expression on your face right now, I'd almost think you'd made her up."

"I haven't made her up. She is real, very real."

Janie's mind was moving a million miles an hour. The way he talked about this woman, the look on his face, his body language, was different from all the others. And then a thought occurred to her. "You love her, don't you?" she said, a few moments later. "I can tell. The way you look when you talk about her. You're in love." She could barely contain the broad grin on her face.

Will sighed, laughing under breath. "I think that's enough about my love life for one evening. The game starts soon," he said, peering into the family room at the television.

"Okay, of course Chase can stay with us. But I expect a full report when you get back." Janie smiled, getting up from her stool.

Will was just glad she hadn't poked any further into the situation.

* * *

The appointed day had finally come. Will couldn't decide if Chase's lack of interest in his trip was good or not. Probably good for the time being.

The closer he got to the hotel, the more nervous he felt. He and Alicia had decided to meet in Seattle. She had flown in late the night before. That had allowed her to put in a full day of work today and leave a full forty-eight hours for them to spend together. It was a very short flight for him, so he'd only had to leave work a few hours early to meet her in the early evening.

As he parked the car in the hotel lot, his palms were sweaty, his heartrate increased. He just shook his head at the anxiousness as he pulled his overnight bag from the car and sent her a text letting her know he had arrived. She responded a few seconds later.

 _Come up to the room. I'll crack the door. I'm on a call._

One advantage to using the burner phones he supposed. She could message him and carry on a work conversation on her regular phone at the same time.

When he reached the door to the hotel suite, he hesitated before going in, almost laughing out loud as memories of standing on the opposite side of the door to a hotel room from her years ago flooded his mind.

When he entered, she was standing across the room near the open door to the balcony, glasses on, papers in one hand, her phone in the other. The lightweight, short sleeved, white sweater she had on hugged her curves, and made her porcelain skin look even more delicate. The sight of her took his breath away. He wondered if this would eventually stop feeling so surreal, actually having her in his presence.

He briefly wondered if it was the same for her. As he moved closer he knew it must be. The look in her eyes when she met his gaze, and the apology to whoever her phone conversation was with for getting distracted, was evidence enough. She flashed him a genuine smile and mouthed "five more minutes," before turning her attention back to her work.

The suite was large with a living area, a small kitchenette, and large bedroom. Setting his things down, he went to the refrigerator to find something to drink.

She moved in front of the coffee table where her paperwork was spread out. He stood across the room leaning against the small kitchen island as she finished up her call.

"Yes, send me whatever you have, then go home. It's late. We can do more work on this Monday. But tell Brad, I need the file from the Senator by Sunday night."

She signed off and set her phone down. Her eyes never leaving Will. It was almost as much a shock to see him in the flesh again, as it had been a few months prior. Convincing her mind to realize he wasn't just a figment of her imagination sent a rush of flutters through her body.

They stared at each other for a few moments before he broke the silence. "Hi," he said, moving towards her.

"Hi," she responded, quietly, as he reached her, placing his hands on her hips. It was a bold move, but she didn't seem to mind. She didn't pull away, instinctively moving closer to him. She threaded her arms under his resting her hands on his back to pull him closer, then gently rested her head against his shoulder. It was warm, and soothing to be held in his arms. Bringing much needed comfort and reassurance that had been lacking in her life since she'd seen him last. Feeling his breath in her hair, and subtle beat of his heart against her once again affirming that he really was alive and not a figment of her imagination.

He was encouraged by the feel of her body easing in his embrace. Breathing her in, holding her this close, he didn't want to let go. She didn't seem to want to either.

"I'm glad you're here," she said, making no attempt to pull away.

"It's good to be here. Long day?" he questioned, pulling back just enough to look into her eyes.

"Yes. But no more work for today. I'm all yours now."

"That sounds like a good plan," he breathed, pressing his forehead to hers.

"This was a good plan. Thank you for getting everything set up."

"You're welcome. I'm much better at planning now than I used to be," he mused.

She smiled shyly at the memory from all those years ago when she told him she needed a plan. "Yes, you are."

Her eyes seemed to be searching for something as she gazed into his. Those hazel orbs piercing right into his soul. But at the moment, all he could think about was how much he'd like to come home to this kind of welcome every single day. He already missed her, and they'd only been together for twenty minutes.

Both lost in thoughts of the other, it wasn't clear who made the next move first. With the barriers of time, distance and other relationships all wiped away, their lips met in a gentle but fervent warm kiss. The same sensation of time standing still they had experienced months ago seemed to envelop them, briefly easing their minds, helping to heal old wounds, and broken hearts.

So intoxicating were the sensations of tasting her lips, feeling them pressed firmly to his, the feel of her hair as his fingers ran through her soft locks, he never wanted it to end. All the while the voices in the back of head were at battle. In this moment part of him wanted to beg her to stay, give up her job, and never leave him again. But that wasn't rational, or fair. It was completely selfish. So instead he'd enjoy every second they had together over the next two days. Pull himself together again and start working through the tangled web that was now their life.

 **A/N; Thank you all so much for reading. And a thank you to the new followers that popped up the past few weeks. I hope everyone is enjoying this holiday season.**


	19. No More A Ghost

**A/N; Hello faithful readers. I'm eternally sorry for the long wait. Life has thrown me a few curve balls the past few months, and it's been difficult to find time to write. But things seem to be calming, so hopefully I'll be able to start updating more frequently again. I appreciate all the feedback and support from so many of you! This chapter picks up right where the last one ended.**

It had been a shock all over again when he'd stepped through the door to their hotel room. Seeing him, and the kiss they had just shared took her breath away. With just one kiss he'd managed to completely unravel her, opening up every single piece of her that had been closed for longer than she could remember.

It was thrilling and terribly scary at the same time. She knew the decision to be with him would place her on unsteady ground, cause her to start over on so many levels. If the whole situation hadn't been so unbelievably intoxicating she would have run and never turned back.

Now staring into his eyes, their foreheads pressed together in that all familiar intimate state, only made her wonder at what point she'd stop thinking of him as a figment of her imagination, her invisible subconscious – her ghost.

He had been all those things on several occasions over the years. It was Will who she questioned and debated a tough case with in her mind. It was him who she'd compete with when she needed to push a little further while running. And before James had come along, it had been her memories of Will that would sometimes wake her in a cold, flushed sweat in the middle of the night.

Coming down from the high of the kiss, she was only vaguely aware of his arms that held her close, or her own hands that clutched to his back. She was lightheaded, her whole body felt like a swarm of butterflies in the wind. Instinctively she clutched tighter to him for support.

"You okay?" he questioned, softly. His grip on her tightening seeming to sense her unsteadiness.

"I'm great," she said, moving her head to rest against his shoulder. His arms moved to envelop her more. "It's just been…a little crazy since we saw each other last, and I…it's…" She felt almost foolish for feeling this way but voiced it anyway. "It's a relief to be here. To have you here. To see the evidence once again that this is not some cruel dream that I haven't woken up from."

He smiled, as they both stared out the floor to ceiling windows at the water and view of the city that lay before them. "I feel the same way."

She took in a few deep breaths to help calm the flutters. Another rush of memories crashing through her mind as she breathed in the familiar scent that was simply him. She wondered at what point she'd become so accustomed to and familiar with him. Sensing he was near before ever laying an eye on him. Or the familiar scent of his cologne that she could pick up from across a room. He didn't wear cologne every day, only on special occasions, or when he felt an urge to splash some on in the morning. Today was one of those days, and she relished in the memories it brought back.

She'd been the one to tell him thirty-years ago that he definitely needed to try a new brand of cologne and didn't need to lather it on when he was trying to impress a girl.

\- " _You don't like this brand?" he asked. They were studying in the library. He had a hot date in an hour._

" _I might if you didn't have so much of it on. I could probably smell you across the library," she laughed, falling into playful banter._

" _Well, what brand do you like? What kind of cologne could a guy wear that would cause your senses to run wild?" He leaned forward piercing_ her with his gaze.

 _She stared at him, pen in hand, the tip near her lips. They were getting nowhere with the studying, he was far too distracted. She sighed and closed her books. "It's not just cologne on a guy that would cause my senses to run wild," she said, matter-a-factly. "He has to be smart, and interesting, and funny, and take me seriously." She leaned closer to him across the small table. "Take some advice from me Mr. Gardner. If a girl falls all over you because of the cologne you're wearing, she's not worth your time. You can do better than that."_

 _He stared right back becoming serious. "You think so?"_

" _I know so." She stood up, pulling her backpack over her shoulder. "Why don't you come by my place tomorrow morning. You can buy me breakfast, we can study, and then go find some cologne that suits you better."_

 _He gathered his backpack and followed her down through the stacks towards the exit. "You'll choose something that the girls will really like. You're not trying to make them all stay away from me as some kind of joke, or…lesson, right?"_

 _She laughed out loud and turned to face him. "I promise to find you something that you can wear in the real world to impress women and get potential clients to take you seriously. You know for when you're the top lawyer in whatever city you end up in. That's still your plan, isn't it? To work a thousand hours a week until you've made the big leagues? Kill yourself for a few years so that by the time you're thirty it's all smooth sailing." She was trying not to laugh more. He had high_ _expectations and aspirations. So did she, but she wasn't going to kill herself to get there._

" _Yes, just you wait, Leesh. I'll be the youngest lawyer ever to own and run a large firm." Calming his enthusiasm some he put his hands in his pockets, and they continued to walk. "You can do it with me if you want. We'd be an unstoppable team. Picture it, Leesh. Gardner & Cavanaugh could be known across the nation." _

" _Cavanaugh & Gardner," she corrected. _

" _We can negotiate the name," he countered._

" _I don't know, Will. After graduation I might want to do something other than spend every waking moment looking at the walls inside an office or courtroom."_

" _That's the great thing about this plan. If we do it together it won't take as much work, or as many hours. We'll still have a life."_

 _She giggled and patted him on the arm. "Keep on dreaming, Gardner. Keep on dreaming." –_

She smiled stifling a little laugh as she pulled away from him. It had taken him a littlelonger than planned, but he'd managed to reach his goal at a young age. The thoughts of Georgetown warmed her heart.

"What's so funny," he asked.

"just a memory from law school." She moved to the sofa, and he joined her. She told him about the memory, and they laughed about it together.

"We were so young then," she said.

"And clueless," he added.

"No, I don't think we were clueless. We had our whole lives ahead of us then. Our dreams, our goals. Our expectations for the future hadn't been tainted by life yet."

"And what about now? Is it too late for grand dreams, expectations, and goals?" His eyes spoke volumes in asking the question.

She cleared her throat gaining a few seconds to respond. "No. It's just different now. We're smarter, wiser, well-practiced. If it's one thing I've learned in the past nine years, it's to never stop dreaming. Because one day you may wake up and find the dream that seemed the most impossible is standing right in front of you."

That had been the case in more than one aspect of her life. She was at the top of her career. After years of hard work, she'd finally become the lawyer she envisioned in law school. And of course, the impossible dream she'd had nine years earlier was staring her in the face – being with him.

Caught up in the moment or the memories again, silence ensued. Their eyes lost in the other, trying to search the others soul.

"What do you want to do tonight?" He broke the silence.

What was it about him tonight that was causing her mind to wander back in time so much? "I…" She felt ridiculous, fumbling all over her words, unable to put together a coherent sentence. "I just want to talk. Be together. Enjoy your company."

He smiled, nodded, then stood to retrieve the hotel information from off the counter. "I think there's a rooftop bar and lounge. How does a drink, maybe a bite to eat, and some fresh air sound?"

"Great," she stood, her eyes still fixed on him.

"I'm going to change into something more comfortable, then we can go," he said, slipping off his suitcoat.

That's when she realized what had her thoughts under a spell ever since his arrival – seeing him in a suit. During their professional years together she'd memorized and engraved into her mind every inch of him exactly like this. From the top of his head, to the expensive tailored suit, all the way to his name brand shoes. This was the Will she could never keep from her mind. Him standing next to her looking so impeccably professional, so unmistakably Will.

In that moment the gates to her secret reserve of memories blew wide open spilling through her mind. Images of their five years at Lockhart Gardner together. All fond memories until the image of that torturous day when their war had begun. His hand swiping across her desk sending everything flying to the floor, followed by a tongue lashing from him, the likes of which she'd never seen. She inhaled and had to look away. Feeling lightheaded, her hand went to her heart.

He caught the look in her eyes as he'd turned to go to the bedroom. In an instant he was at her side saying her name, a very worried look in his eyes. "Are you sure you're okay? You look a bit faint."

His gentle tone helped calm the knot that had formed in her stomach. His hand grasped her wrist as her gaze slowly made its way back to his. "Yes, I'm sorry. I don't mean to worry you. It's just…ever since you walked through that door I've felt exactly the way I did the moment I saw you two months ago and…" She hoped he'd understand because she couldn't quite articulate the words for what was happening or how she felt.

A familiar smile of understanding formed on his lips. "Good, I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling like this is the biggest case of de-ja-vous in human history."

He had a talent for lightening the mood, making her feel at ease. They both laughed, and the tiny bit of awkward tension that had been there the whole time seemed to dissipate. He released her wrist and took her hand.

"It's your suit that really got me," she admitted, eyeing him up and down.

"You always liked me in a suit," he stated, with a hint of flirtation.

"Yes, very much," she admitted, blushing a bit.

"I could keep the suit on it you'd prefer?"

"No, no. Will, go change. Put on something comfortable." She stepped away from him, her free hand waving towards the bedroom.

/

A few hours later they sat in lounge chairs side by side, talking, laughing, thoroughly enjoying each other. Their conversation had consisted mostly of a law school rehash. They couldn't stop laughing at the decided differences in the ways they remembered things.

"We started studying together our first semester," he insisted.

"No, it was during our second. Our criminal law professor paired everyone with a research partner."

"I'm pretty sure that was Torts our first semester," he countered. "I will never forget the look on your face when he said we'd be partners."

"What look?" She rolled her eyes and took a sip of her drink.

He laughed. "That one. Only the eye roll was much bigger. You have to admit the professor knew what he was doing. We made great study partners."

She couldn't argue with that. "Yes. We always made a good team," she said, with softness in her tone, and a gentle smile on her lips. She loved this. The ease and simplicity of just talking to him.

"We did," he responded. They both knew her words hadn't been limited to their time at Georgetown. Their keen legal minds had been a weapon when combined and used against their opponents at Lockhart, Gardner.

He seemed to be happy, but what about the path his career had been forced to take?

"Do you miss it?" she asked, setting her drink aside. "Being a defense attorney?" Her heart sank a little at the thought. From the day she met him she knew he lived and breathed litigation. It was part of him. The ability to argue, defend, and debate the law. It was like breathing for him.

He turned his gaze to the night sky in front of them. "Yes," he sighed, quietly. "Very much. That was one of the most difficult things when I entered WITSEC. The law had been my whole life. I'd spent ninety percent of my time after graduation working, getting to the place in my career that I was at, and then it was gone with the snap of a finger."

He leaned forward clasping his hands together and looked at her again. "Leaving the people I loved behind, was difficult. But without the law I felt completely lost. For better or worse most of my self-worth, my identity, had been wrapped up as Will Gardner the defense attorney. I coped fairly well for about a month. Then there were a few months where I was a complete mess. I'd read every single criminal, or civil case I could get my hands on. Pretend I was the defense attorney and go through all the trial prep, play out the case on paper and in my head. It was like a drug. I couldn't let it go in the way I had during my suspension. Probably because there was so little I could do those first few months." He downed a gulp of the dark liquid in his cup. She listened with open ears and a full heart.

"The depression hit, and I thought I'd never be the same. I'd never be able to breathe again. Scott, the psychologist who I absolutely despised in the beginning, saved my life."

She shook her head and took his hand into hers. "I can't even begin to imagine how difficult that was for you." She felt and overwhelming sense of sadness and loss for him. Yes, things had been difficult for her, but nowhere near the level they had been for him. She wished she could give it all back to him.

His lips curved upwards. He squeezed her hand. "You and I will have to swap therapy stories at some point. It turned out to be quite an education for me."

"For me too," she admitted. "I still can't imagine you never arguing in court again."

"I probably could. The difficult thing is knowing which trials might attract press attention and which ones wouldn't. It's nearly impossible to know. But I do periodically see the inside of a courtroom. I do a little jury consulting for a few firms in the city."

"Really?" she raised her brow in surprise, leaning closer. "So, you're a _jury whisperer_ now?" she said, slightly animated.

"Yes, a damn good one. But don't tell Kalinda. You know how she feels about them. I wouldn't want to tarnish my reputation." They both laughed falling back into ease with one another as he told her about his little side job.

As they continued talking the comfort level between them only seemed to grow. Easing into something that was very familiar to both of them. She'd laugh and he'd give her that look that told her it was pure music to his ears. They would go from bantering back and forth over an issue one moment, to getting completely lost in each others eyes the next.

Maybe it was the drink she'd consumed, but as the night moved along it was becoming more difficult to keep a yearning desire for him out of her mind. At nearly every other point in their relationship she'd enjoy moments like these, but then find some way to quash them. Bury them because it wasn't right, or responsible, or fair to her kids, or whatever force seemed to lay between them. But tonight, for what felt like the first time, she was free. She didn't have to make up her mind or find some sort of justification to think of him in this way. She could tell by the way he kept looking at her that he was thinking the same thing.

"Let's go back to the room," she said, as a light rain began to fall.

He stood and took her hand. The familiarity of his gentle grasp was soothing, and at the same time sent shock waves through her body.

The lighting was dim when they entered the suite. The only sound was the rain falling heavier and heavier outside the open window. She shivered a little as a light breeze blew in, bringing the sweet scent of fresh rain with it.

Feeling her slight tremble, and noticing the goosebumps prickling on her arms he let go of her hand, moving across the room to close the window. She stood there in the middle of the room, frozen, her gaze fixed on his every movement. She was tempted to close the short distance between them immediately. Crash her lips into his, and not stop until every wanting, needy, fiber of her body was satisfied.

But then he turned around and met her eyes with his. She didn't want this to be quick. She wanted their reconnecting to be everything. A rejoining of their past, present, and promises for their future.

"What do you want…to…do…" his gentle tone trailed off in the distance. The glow of her skin, the subtle flow of her hair falling over her shoulders quickened his heartbeat. And the look in her eyes. He knew that look, he thought he knew anyway. Only it was different somehow. She was standing there as if she were ready to give him the world, and it made his whole body tingle.

She moved to him, slowly, her eyes never leaving his. Her hands slowly cupped his face and she leaned in pressing a warm kiss to his lips. It was slow and gentle, a simple act of rediscovery. Her goal was to rediscover every single inch of him, remember it, and memorize him all over again.

His hands grasped her hips, pulling her closer. The kiss lingered and it was everything. She broke the connection her hands still on his face. She started slowly, tracing every feature with the soft touch of her finger. By the end of the night she'd have undeniable proof that he was not just her ghost anymore.

Her fingers ran through his hair and began a slow decent downward. He inhaled unable to hold in a quiet moan as she found the buttons of his shirt. Slowly the fabric loosened and fell to the floor. Her eyes briefly met his, a look of wonder in them before her fingers ran down his chest and moved back up his sides as she pulled his undershirt over his head.

He didn't know how much of this he could take before splitting right in two. But he wanted to do the same thing to her, watch her unravel slowly, piece by piece. Because Alicia in that moment of no return was the most beautiful thing in the world. And this time, for the first time, she was all his. He could give his whole body to her tonight, and take hers without restriction, or complication. Their souls were finally free to meet and mingle and remain that way forever if they chose.

Her hands ran smoothly over every inch of arm, chest, back, and torso. She leaned in again so their lips could meet Taking the opportunity his hands ran under the hem of her shirt. Their lips parted only long enough for him to pull the soft fabric over her head. He pulled her down onto the couch positioning her on top of him as their lips continued to mingle. His hands ran smoothly over her exposed skin.

Long minutes later, breathless, she broke the connection and sat up stradling him. His hand moved to her cheek. "Damn, I've missed you," he said softly.

She blushed. "I've missed you too," she whispered back.

He propped himself up so he could press his warm lips to her neck.

An audible moan escaped. "Let's…go…to…the bed," she breathed, as he continued to assault the spot on her neck made her crazy with desire.

They walked the short distance together. His ache and desire for her growing with each passing second. He removed the rest of his clothing and sat on the edge of the bed.

She smiled at the appearance of his bare, toned body. Standing in front of him she slipped her pants to the floor. Immediately his hands went to her waist. He pulled her close looking into her eyes as his hands went the straps of her bra.

In any other circumstance standing completely naked in front of someone while their eyes wandered over every inch of you, would have been unnerving. But it wasn't with him. It was if he were worshipping her with his eyes. The gaze so intense, so full of love and desire, every fiber of her being tingled, her core felt as though it might explode.

He stood, wrapping her up in his warm embrace. She closed her eyes in open anticipation of his lips touching hers. Every nerve in her body was focused on welcoming the anticipated and missed touch of him against her bare body.

Their lips met as they fell to the bed. They rolled together amongst the soft bedding for a few minutes. Audible moans and sighs escaping their lips. She wanted this to last forever, but her physical need was too great. Breathless she met his gaze arching her back. "Will, take me now. Please," she almost begged.

He didn't have to be asked twice. Their hips joined. The pace increased to a quick steady pace, and then finally their years of separation came swirling back together like a tornado. The sound of crashing thunder outside carried the loud moans of pleasure and call of their names away with it as they rode out the orgasm together.

It was only the beginning. As if they'd been deprived of water for several days, even weeks. They continued the dance of remembering and reconnecting for hours. It was pure bliss being with her again. Like having all his missing pieces returned to him. He worshipped every inch of her body. "I want to watch you fall over the edge without me," he said, at one point.

A broad seductive smile covered her mouth. "You know what to do," she said, in return. He nodded hovering above her, before positioning himself next to her. His fingers went to her core, his lips to her breasts. The feel of him was exquisite. Once she was ready, his hand remained where it was, and he watched her writhe and cry out in ecstasy as she rode out the wave. In that moment he couldn't think of anything he wanted more in the world than her.

Their bodies nearly spent some time later, she lay next to him her hand running smoothly over his chest. They'd taken a break for awhile, but were too high on adrenaline to sleep. "I never want this night to end," she said. "Make love to me one more time before we sleep."

He gently pushed her onto her back. "I'll make love to you forever if that's what you want." His lips met hers again. Their bodies tired and worn out, but yearning for each other, for that euphoric connection. Their love making was slow and sweet. Passionate, and intense. Touching, kissing, feeling – memorizing – every inch of each other all over again. As their bodies reconnected one more time in heated passion, his fingers threaded through hers pinning her to the bed, her back arched and he planted one last kiss to her lips mere seconds before they rode out another wave together.

She closed her eyes, he collapsed on top of her. Their breathing began to slow. All she could think of was how absolutely content she felt. How for a few brief moments everything in the world seemed to be right.

Moments later, their breathing calmed, and they curled up together the weight of his arm wrapped her up inviting her closer. Their bodies molding into one. Unconsciously, she knew what this was. The need of touching and holding each other simply to reassure themselves that the other was there, present in the flesh. Finally, after nine years she knew her ghost wouldn't haunt her anymore. Will was right there, his warm body pressed to hers, his slow steady breath brushing over her skin. The most reassuring thing of all was that he'd still be there in the morning, right next to her when she woke up. There would never be life without Will again.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N; Hello everyone, and Happy February! I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thank you all for continuing to read. This chapter is dedicated to one of our fellow TGW FF authors whose husband unexpectedly passed away a few weeks ago.**

Waking up in the morning with a woman in bed next to him was something that hadn't happened in…he couldn't remember how long. Sometime before Chase started living with him. If a date ever got to the point of intimacy, he made sure they went to her place. He never stayed the night. Waking up now with not just any woman, but Alicia, was better than any high he could get from winning a game, or closing a multi-million dollar deal at work. It made him feel undeniably happy. If it were only as simple as this. To just be together like two normal people. Date, spend time together, wake up together in the morning. _Someday,_ he thought to himself. _Someday,_ he hoped.

He turned his head to take in her sleeping form. Her bare shoulders exposed, dark brown locks sprawled over the soft white pillowcase, and the arm she had tucked up near her chin. He shifted beneath the sheets gently threading his arm under hers to press his body closer. Close enough to breathe in the sweet scent of her hair and press soft kisses along her neck.

She was tempted to keep her eyes closed. Pretend to be asleep. Remain in the realm between waking and sleeping that felt like floating on clouds. But he knew her. He knew her body, even after all these years. When his lips pressed to that one spot on the back of her neck that tickled just enough to send a shiver down her spine, she knew he'd done it on purpose to wake her up. It had been their own little secret. It was playful, and yet, held a lot of meaning. It was one of a few things he'd done during their affair that spoke the words he never said. He'd kiss her there before they fell asleep next to each other, just before climbing out of bed at her apartment late at night, or in whatever hotel room they'd snuck to for lunch. Kissing her right there meant he cared, that he wanted her – that he loved her.

She smiled, her sleepy eyes meeting his as she turned in his arms to face him. "Hi," she said, quietly, as her hand touched his cheek.

"Hi," he breathed, leaning in to kiss her warm lips.

They stayed in bed for a while, talking, her head resting on his chest. For the first time in weeks she felt like things were under control. That she could relax a little. Further evidenced by the fact that she'd slept for eight hours straight. It had been months since she'd had that many hours of uninterrupted rest.

Her stomach grumbled. She shifted to her elbow and looked at him. "I'm starving. You used up all of my reserves last night."

He laughed, leaning it to steal another quick kiss from her. "This is my fault?" He raised a brow to her.

"Yes, completely," she said, very seriously.

He nodded. "Then I guess I better I find you some breakfast."

Just then her phone buzzed on the nightstand. She sighed, turning to reach for it.

"Do you have to answer it?" he asked.

"Only if it's one of a few people." She looked at the caller ID and sat up, placing the phone to her ear.

He couldn't resist the exposed skin of her back and neck. Sitting up, he brushed her hair back and began pressing kisses down her neck to her shoulder.

"What?" Her body stiffened, and she pulled away from him. Taking the sheet with her as she stepped across the room. "All of them? How did this happen? He was in protective custody." She turned and looked right into Will's eyes as she sunk into the chair next to her.

The worry in her eyes was evident. He wondered if the person on the other end of the line had just ruined the rest of their weekend. Whatever it was, it sounded serious. Would she have to leave? Get back to D.C. as soon as possible? Maybe, and he'd have to let her go. This was their life for now. He wasn't going to stop her from doing what she needed to do.

She held his gaze throughout the conversation. The next five minutes felt like thirty.

"Do you need me to come back?" she said, looking completely disappointed. Then she managed a smile as the other caller answered.

She hung up and sighed heavily looking down at the floor. He waited patiently for her to say something.

After a few long moments she spoke. "Do you remember me telling you about the man I got immunity for a few weeks ago?"

"The one involved in the sex trafficking case?"

"Yes. He's dead. And so are the three federal agents who had him in protective custody. They were all gunned down early this morning." She said it as though she couldn't quite believe it. She didn't want to believe it.

"At a safe house?" he asked.

"Yes. My whole case depended on his testimony and finding the other men in charge. Without him I can't get justice for those girls. The man running this operation is still out there. Not to mention, three innocent men are dead now." She was growing agitated.

"Certainly you have other leads? Didn't they make him talk once he was granted immunity?"

"He did talk, but we can't find the leader of the group. This guy only knew the leader by an alias, and they had never met in person. It turned out he was lower on the totem pole than we first expected. The feds arrested another suspect, but we couldn't pull enough evidence together to hold him. He fled the country a week ago."

She stood and started pacing the floor in front of him. He had to smile to himself, her walking around with only a sheet wrapped around her, trying to figure out in her mind how she could fix this. Save the world. Be _Superwoman._

"Joe, that was his name, knew about three other locations in the country where girls were being held. The feds were able to infiltrate one of them. When they got to the other two everything had been cleared out. The girls and any evidence that something had even been going on in the abandoned buildings was gone. We suspected Joe had given us false information on those two locations, so he wouldn't end up dead. He swore he was telling the truth. Now that he's dead, I think I believe him. I just hate the fact that there are dozens more girls out there that we can't help right now. They'll keep living through the horror. Men will keep taking advantage of them, beating them, taking away their innocence." The words came out with a bitterness that even surprised her. She ceased her movement and looked at him. He stood in front of her.

"They're just babies Will. How do the people who do this to them live with themselves? Joe was supposed to be the answer. The way to save them before their lives were completely ruined. I was supposed to get justice for them."

The anger was evident in her eyes. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. "You'll get justice for them. The feds are still on it right?"

"Yes,"

"Then I've got to believe that they'll find them. The girls, and the men responsible. When they do, you'll be there to put the bad guys behind bars."

In a matter of seconds he'd managed to bring her temperature down a few degrees.

"Do they need you to go home?"

She furrowed her brow. "Home? No. There's nothing I can do. At least not right now. Anyway, it would have to be an awfully big emergency before I'd be willing to cut my weekend with you short." She cupped his face in her hands giving him a quick kiss, then stepped back dropping the sheet around her body to the floor.

"Someone promised me breakfast. I thought I'd shower first." She pointed towards the bathroom with raised brow and a seductive little smile. "You could join me if you want." She started to move across the room grasping onto his hand to take him with her.

"As if I have a choice," he mused, perfectly content to follow.

/'

Will had been to Seattle a number of times in previous years for business, so was able to easily navigate them through the city during the day, at an easy relaxed pace. They went to the famous Space Needle, taking some time to view the city from the large observation deck. They took a ferry ride across Puget Sound to another part of the city and spent some time walking hand in hand along the waterfront.

It was freeing and very intimate to spend time like this together without other distractions. To simply be a couple, test their relationship. He liked the fact that she didn't seem cautious, or nervous to be out in public with him. She'd reach to hold his hand periodically. He had managed to steal a few quick kisses on the ferry as they took in the view of the city, which only seemed to make her smile and grasp onto his hand tighter.

They both knew there were miles and miles of things that would need to be worked through. Today they ignored the complications. That was what this first weekend together was about. Spending time together to see if they wanted to continue down this path. As the day went on there was no doubt in either one that this was what they wanted. In ways it was almost too good, too easy to be in the bubble that surrounded them. Where were the obstacles that had always seemed to be standing right in front of them?

In the early evening they walked the streets of Pikes Place market. Blocks and blocks filled with fresh produce, local crafts, shops, restaurants, and street performers. The enthusiasm of the locals, and visitors was contagious.

The late spring season made for an abundance of fresh flowers all around ready to be purchased. After watching her admire the large, fragrant bouquets, Will tried to buy her some. "No," she insisted, with a loving smile. "They're beautiful. I appreciate the thought. But I can't take them home with me." As they continued to walk he started formulating a plan to get her some of those flowers.

Awhile later, they approached a local chocolate store offering free samples. After perusing the vast selection of candies, they each popped a sample into their mouths. He kissed away a tiny bit of caramel that oozed onto her lip before she had a chance to lick it away herself. The act caught her off guard. They got a few funny stares from fellow shoppers. Fifteen even twenty years ago this would have embarrassed her. But not anymore. She didn't care what other people thought. It was these types of little things they'd shared all day that were making her feel like she was on cloud nine and twenty-five again. They exited the shop a few minutes later holding hands, and a sweet treat to share later.

They went back to the hotel to freshen up before dinner. Changing out of their casual wear into something more appropriate for a night out on the town.

Throughout the day thoughts of a weekend spent in New York together, similar to this, had crossed her mind. Those thoughts returned as she watched him from the corner of her eye, fastening the last buttons to his shirt in front of the bathroom mirror, and then adding a splash of cologne.

"You know what today has reminded me of?" he asked, turning to look at her.

She made her way across the room to him. "What?" she said, her eyes wondering over him before reaching to straighten out his collar.

"Our weekend in New York."

A shy smile crossed her lips. She briefly looked away. "I've been thinking about the same thing." Her hands rested on his chest. "That weekend allowed us freedom, some serenity, that we didn't have at home. We could go out together and not worry about being seen and recognized."

He nodded. "Once we got finished with Ashbaugh we didn't have anything to take us away from one another. No schedules, no messages to answer. We didn't have to decide who would show up at the hotel first and leave last."

"Or how many hours I could stay at your place before having to get home before the kids."

"It was a good weekend," he said, quietly, moving closer to her.

"One of the best," she admitted, biting her lip glancing down at the floor. "Will, there's something I want you to know…" her voice trailed off as she slowly met his gaze again. "That weekend…what I said that night on the balcony…"

Now it was him who broke eye contact, but not before she caught the little bit of sadness that darkened his orbs. "Alicia,"

"No, listen. One of our all-time low moments was when that weekend was turned into a weapon for both of us to use as we saw fit. The day you questioned me in court, the look in your eyes…I hurt you. I knew I had when Cary and I left. But sitting on that witness stand forced me to realize the extent of the betrayal you felt. You once told me you never mixed our personal relationship with our professional one, but you did that day. We both did. You thought our affair, that weekend in New York, was just my way of manipulating you into getting what I wanted, and to further my career. But it wasn't." She draped her arms over his shoulders clasping her hands behind his neck.

"That weekend was…near perfect. I hadn't had that much fun, enjoyed myself as much as I did, since before everything with Peter fell apart. That weekend allowed me to be my own person again for a few days. Take back some of the identity I'd lost. Be the sexy, successful lawyer I wanted to be. It was all so freeing. Exhilarating to be there with you. Away from the usual chaos."

He pulled her body closer to his. "Hearing all of that means a lot to me. I think in the back of my mind I knew it had meant something to you. But after that trial… Over the years I had to believe it meant something because thinking it hadn't been a _near perfect, freeing_ weekend like I'd felt all along, was too crushing to believe. Especially after some of the things that happened on that trip."

A contented smile formed on her lips as she leaned in to kiss him. "You mean like walking through Central Park holding hands. Going to Rockefeller Center and the Empire State building. Eating at that overpriced, but unbelievably good restaurant."

"Yes, the restaurant I couldn't wait to get you out of because all the men wouldn't keep their eyes off you."

She laughed tilting her head to the side. "You managed to mark your territory quite nicely I thought. You certainly didn't have a difficult time getting me out of the dress I had on that night. You even convinced me that we wouldn't freeze out on the terrace." She leaned closer pressing her forehead to his. "That night was amazing," she said, quietly.

"Crazy romantic," he responded, in the same tone.

The feel of his breath near her skin sent a wave of tingles through her body. "Crazy romantic," she breathed. "The happiest I'd ever been." Her hazel eyes fixed on his. "I meant it, Will. It wasn't a lie or manipulation. It was real."

He smiled. "I believe you."

They stood there in each other's arms for a few quiet moments. Another step towards reconciliation and understanding. "You look amazing," he said. His eyes wandering over her body. The dark red dress that fit her like a glove. The exposed skin of her shoulders and neck. His mind already thinking about getting her back out of the dress.

"Just one more thing I need to finish the look." She stepped to the small table across the room lifting something from the dark wood surface. He couldn't see what it was until two pieces of jewelry slipped from her hand into his.

Recognition filled his features. "You still have these?"

She thought the question was somewhat ridiculous and almost laughed. "Of course, I still have them. Do you remember how I almost passed out when you pulled the box from your pocket with the bracelet in it?" She lifted the silver bracelet with its simple stunning design, placing it on her wrist.

He laughed under his breath. "You went pale instantly. I thought you were going to faint and that I'd have to catch you before you fell to the floor."

She smiled and looked at the silver chain in his hand. "That necklace was right where you left it in the safety deposit box. I've worn that more times than I can count over the years. It's the perfect piece of jewelry that goes with just about everything. A girls best friend." Her lips curved upwards into a shy little smile. "And it always reminded me of you and that weekend."

"I'm glad you found it. I wanted you to have it."

"You said as much in your note. I'd like nothing more than to have the person who bought that for me twelve years ago to finally have the opportunity to clasp it around my neck." She turned around and stared into the mirror on the wall.

He moved behind her gently placing the jewelry around her neck. Fastening it at the back. His hands moved to her bare arms as they looked at their reflection in the mirror.

"It's beautiful, Will." Her hand instinctively moved to the small diamond that set in the center of the pennant.

"Yes, you are," he breathed, as his lips pressed gently to her neck. A sigh of contentment escaped as she turned to face him. His eyes moved to the necklace. "I'm going to thoroughly enjoy seeing you later wearing nothing but this jewelry."

He had the uncanny ability to make her feel absolutely wanted, desired. This moment was no exception. The rush of it all was a thrill.

They went to dinner. Enjoyed an expensive bottle of wine and shared some cheesecake for dessert. Afterwards, they walked the city streets for a while enjoying the warm spring air, and some of the street performers that were out.

When they got back to the hotel they made love to each other, slow, passionate, rediscovery all over again. Taking in every last second they had with each other. Late into the night they drifted off to sleep curled up in each other's arms.

Despite the so called bubble they'd spent the day in, ever since receiving that dreadful phone call in the morning, her mind had been busy at work in the background. This case had been a huge focus for her in previous weeks. The sex trafficking business had always bothered her, but after actually seeing, talking to some of its victims, she wanted to take down the horrible human beings who ran these kinds of operations. After only sleeping for a few hours she woke up these kinds of thoughts flooding her mind.

Unable to get back to sleep, she quietly slipped out of bed and went to the other room, opening her laptop. There were more than just a few things that bothered her about the shooting and this case. It was time to do some more research.

An hour later, a sleepy Will shuffled his way into the room. "Leesh, what are you doing?" He slid onto the couch next to her, running his hands over his tired face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. There were a few things I wanted to look at for work." Her eyes remained focused on her laptop screen.

"It couldn't wait until morning?" he asked, a little amused. Despite the complications her job posed for their relationship he admired her commitment to her work. This focused, driven Alicia was the one he'd fallen in love with years ago in college.

"I couldn't sleep." She flashed him a smile, squeezing his knee before scribbling another note on her legal pad.

It was at this point where his eyes had adjusted to the dim light of the room, and he saw the surprising amount of files and notes spread out on the coffee table. "How long have you been up?"

"About an hour."

He wondered if it was any use trying to pull her away and back to bed. She was completely engrossed in whatever it was she was reading. He sat at watched her for a few minutes. He loved watching that legal mind of hers at work.

"Damn," she said, under her breath, flipping back a few pages in her notes. She cursed again clicking to another browser on her laptop. "What time is it D.C.?" she said, fully alert, and clearly on to something important.

"About six," he said.

She stood up and began looking around the room for her phone. "I need to call the Attorney General, or the director of the FBI, or Finn." She paused. "No not Finn. Where's my phone?" She stopped moving and looked at Will.

He went and stood in front of her. "It's in the bedroom, on the nightstand. But Leesh, what's so important it can't wait til morning? It's six a.m. in D.C. on a Sunday morning. Why not let everyone get a few more hours of sleep?"

She stared at him not saying anything. He was right. The things she'd just discovered could wait a few hours. No need to wake up half the people in charge unnecessarily.

"You're right," she admitted. Stepping away from the computer for a few minutes she realized just how tired she was. "I'm exhausted."

He wrapped his arms around her waist. She fell comfortably into his embrace resting her head against his chest. "Then come back to bed. I want to spend every last minute I can with you in that bed."

"Okay, will you look at this with me in the morning? Tell me I'm not crazy."

She felt the slight chuckle in his chest. "Yes," he said, lifting her off her feet to carry her back to bed.

/

Sleep had been restless. Despite waking up next to him, and making love to him, for what would probably be the last time this weekend, a wave of unease had swept over her. Many of her hesitancies and concerns in reuniting with him were creeping back in, and she despised it. This weekend had been too good only to be overshadowed by the dangers of what really might be out there.

Her head rested on his shoulder, her arm draped across his chest, she glanced up into his eyes. "Will, is this really safe?" she asked, hesitantly.

"Is what safe?" His fingers ran smooth patterns on her bare arm.

"This, us being together. Am I putting you in danger by being with you?" She sat up and looked at him. "What if someone got a hold of the list of people in witness protection? What if someone made the connection between you and me? I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you because of me." A few unwanted tears slipped from her eyes. "I don't want to ruin the life you have now. What if someone came after you? And you have a son now. What about him? What about his safety?"

He sat up moving close to her wondering where in the world these sudden emotions had come from.

"There are some really dangerous people out there, Will. Should we really be tempting reality?"

He sighed taking her hand into his. "What are you saying? Do you not want to be with me?"

The floodgates opened and tears spilled from her eyes. "No! I want to be with you. I want badly to be with you. But I'm scared, Will. I'm worried that one day I'll wake up, Finn will knock on my door and tell me that something awful happened to you. It will be my fault because I didn't quit my job, or we were recognized by someone who wouldn't keep their mouth shut. Or that someone dangerous will get a hold of the list of people in witness protection and sell the information to someone who shouldn't have it. I can't lose you again. I can't go through that again."

He pulled her closer in an effort to comfort her. "Leesh, we promised honesty with each other. I'm not ever going to be able to say with one hundred percent assurance that I'm safe. No one is looking for me. No one is after me. Everyone thinks I'm dead. And even if more people knew I was alive, people I knew before, I don't think it would make a difference. There isn't an immediate threat to my life. That's one of several reasons I agreed to see you again. Because I'm eighty-five percent sure that it's safe. We're being careful. We will continue to be careful."

"It doesn't scare you?" she asked, her tears subsiding.

He shifted forcing her to look at him. "It does scare me. If I told you it didn't I would be lying. I have spent the past nine years of my life living with a little bit of fear every day. Sometimes a lot of fear." His lips curved upwards as he pressed his forehead to hers. "But the good, this, being with you, being careful, making sure we do this right, outweighs the fear. I understand you're scared and nervous. If you weren't I'd be worried. It's okay to feel those things. It's normal. But I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. It will be okay. We will do this together." He kissed her soft and gentle, and then kissed away her last few tears. "Do you feel any better?"

"Some,"

"This case, last night. Is that what brought all this on?"

"It isn't helping," she admitted. "Will you look at it with me, please?"

"Absolutely." He kissed her forehead.

They moved to the other room, and she began explaining what she'd found. "I think there's a connection between the case I was working the last time we were together, and my sex trafficking case."

"You were supposed to go to trial with that other case in April. What happened with it?"

"The official record says the accused hung himself in prison a few days before the trial was to get under way. The unofficial record says he had some help from someone on the inside. Someone got him the rope. Someone gave him the pill that killed him before the rope ever did."

"It wasn't a suicide? And there really are unofficial files?" he asked. Of course there were, he thought. His life was evidence of such files.

"There really are in some cases. There's the file the public and family see, and sometimes there's the file that the government keeps secret in order to protect the country, or a victim's family. That man was murdered or forced to take the kill pill. Whoever did it wanted it to look like a suicide. At first, they thought it was another inmate who was able to smuggle the drug into prison. But now they're looking at the prison guards."

"So, what does that have to do with your other case?"

"We've been trying to find the funding source for the sex trafficking ring. Joe led us to believe it was being funded by an international drug lord who was also responsible for smuggling drugs and weapons into the country. But I don't think there are as many international players in this as everyone thinks. I think the funding is coming from someone in the country. And I think they've been able to hide the real allocation of funds by funneling it through a network of shell companies. Shell companies that my suicide prisoner was supposedly running. I think we got it wrong. You remember looking at that case with me, something was off. Something wasn't adding up. The reason we can't find the person in charge might be because he or she is working for us."

He couldn't decide if she was brilliant for completely crazy. He tended to lean towards the first, but this did sound a little nuts. "You think there's someone working for…the government that's running a sex trafficking ring on the side?"

"Yes, and possibly smuggling drugs and weapons into the country." She said it with such a straight face he almost believed her.

"Will, there were only a few people who knew where Joe was being kept. I didn't even know. They moved him every two or three days for the past three weeks so that no one would find him. I think there's a mole somewhere. A dangerous one. Someone who can get their hands on protective custody information."

"Well counselor, show me the evidence," he said.

They spent the next hour going over everything she'd found the previous night. "What do you think?" she asked.

He sat back in the sofa processing everything. "I…you might be on to something. It's difficult to know without knowing exactly where the money came from. You need a lot more to go off before you can say for certain the two cases are related. It's a shot in the dark, but if I were running this case…I'd get more eyes on it. Try to make more connections."

"Great," she said, warily. "There might be a mole in the government. A dangerous one, who so far has gotten what they want. I think it might be time for me to quit my job. Knowing all the secrets isn't all it's cracked up to be." She wasn't totally serious. She loved her job. But this, this worried her.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N; Thank you all so much for the reviews and feedback on this. I appreciate it so much. This chapter is a bit of a filler chapter to help steer the story in the direction I'm going to take it, but I hope you'll still enjoy reading. Happy Valentine's Day a tad bit early!**

 _Two weeks_ , Will thought to himself, as he made his way downstairs in the middle of the night. Two weeks since he'd been with her. It felt like a year. And four more weeks until they would see each other again. Four weeks that already felt like an eternity. He should be used to this – the waiting. Their relationship had always been a game of waiting. But this was different. This time she'd chosen him. She wanted to be with him and there wasn't anything preventing them from being together. Well nothing but three-thousand miles, her government job, and the fact that he'd lived under a new identity for nine years. He heaved a deep sigh. "Nothing but all that," he whispered, to himself as he reached into the cupboard for some pain medication.

Their parting in Seattle had been difficult, hard on both of them. The emotional bonding, and the sheer undeniable pleasure of their physical connection had been like a drug. Something they couldn't get enough of. Knowing it would be weeks before they would see each other again had been hard to swallow

 _They stood together outside her terminal at the airport. "I'm going to miss you," he said, his arms wrapped around her waist. Their bodies touching._

 _She swallowed hard the lump in her throat. "I'm going to miss you too. Will, I'm sorry it has to be this way. The burner phones, no email, no facetime…no calling when we want just to say hi…"_

 _He pressed his lips hard and passionate to hers. He didn't know if he could handle the exchange of any more words. He pulled away and she sighed looking down at the sidewalk beneath their feet. "I'm sorry too, Alicia. This is how it has to be right now."_

 _She dared to glance back up at him as he brushed back her dark locks behind her ear. "It is," she agreed, forcing herself to put on a brave face. "I don't want to let go."_

 _He smiled. "Me either. On the count of three we pull apart and go our separate ways." She nodded in agreement._

" _One," he said, and she gave him a quick kiss. "Two," she did it again letting the kiss linger a little longer. "Three," he stepped back._

 _She took in a deep breath, grabbing hold of her carryon and turned walking in the opposite direction. He couldn't see her face, but he knew tears had sprung from her eyes as she reached her free hand to her cheek. –_

They had spoken late that night. He'd told her to call when she got home so he'd know she'd made it safely. They made plans to talk a few nights later. She had been right. Not that he didn't already know. One of the most difficult things right now was not being able to talk, send, or respond to a message whenever they wanted. He was already tired of it, and they'd only been doing it for three months.

After washing down the medication he moved to the den and sat on the sofa, burner phone in hand. He'd send her a message. Tell her he was thinking of her. She'd respond the next time she turned her phone on, which could quite possibly not be for a day or two. He sent the message then sat back closing his eyes.

Only a minute later the phone buzzed in his hand.

 _I was just getting ready to send you a message to tell you to call me tonight._ His screen read.

He was unwilling to wait the seventeen hours to hear her voice. He quickly dialed her number.

"It's good to hear your voice," he said.

"It's good to hear yours. It's two in the morning there. Can't sleep?"

"No," he admitted, trying to find a comfortable position that wouldn't irritate his sore shoulder.

She waited for some sort of explanation but got none. "I was just heading out for a run," she said, lacing up her shoes. "It's been…a long few weeks at work."

"Don't let me keep you from your run," he said, his heart sinking a bit.

"You won't. I'll run, we'll talk. I've grown accustomed to it. I can't get people to leave me alone lately. Not even at five in the morning. There's always someone needing something. And I wanted to talk to you anyway."

He shifted on the sofa to lay down. "Okay, you run. I'll lay here comfortably and imagine you in those tight-fitting running clothes,"

She chuckled. "I'll try not to imagine myself laying there with you, getting some more sleep." She headed out the front door and began a slow jog to warm up.

"What did you want to talk me about?" he asked.

"Our case," she said.

"Our case?"

"Yes, you've been helping me with it. It's ours. I haven't been able to find anything else linking the two cases yet, but I managed to follow the money trail a bit further. As far as I can tell the shell companies are all owned by individuals who don't exist. I can't dig further without the help of the FBI. But what if there really is a mole, and that person works for the FBI?"

After discussing the case with him when they were together, she decided she'd look into it further before discussing it with anyone in D.C. But she'd done as much work as she could on her own.

"Is there someone you can trust?"

"Yes, Finn, but I don't know that I want to get him involved in this. I'm going to talk to the AG today. I trust her. Her circle of close acquaintances in D.C. is larger than mine. I'm sure she'll have some suggestions."

"That's a good plan."

"Yeah," she said, with much less enthusiasm.

"You sound hesitant,"

"I'm sure it's just stress. The work load and all."

In all honesty she sounded completely exhausted. "Talk to the AG. Get some more eyes on the case. As for the stress…delegate some of those cases to other attorneys. I know you. You're trying to do it all on your own. But Leesh, you have all the power now. It's good to be stressed. You do some of your best work under pressure. But I'm going to be damn angry if Finn calls me one day and tells me you collapsed in court from some life threatening virus that you left untreated because you tried to save the world all on your own."

She couldn't help but laugh. "You worry too much."

"I have a vested interest in your well-being Ms. Cavanaugh."

"And I in yours. That's really why you're awake in the middle of the night isn't it? You still haven't gone to see a doctor about that shoulder, have you?"

He sighed. He couldn't hide anything from her. "No. It'll be fine," he protested. "The shoulder pain flares up occasionally. A repercussion from the damage done by the bullets nine years ago and hitting too many balls at the cages last weekend."

At the mention of the damage from the bullet she took in some extra air remembering her discovery of his scar that first night they'd made love to each other.

"You told me the pain usually went away after a day or two. It's been over a week, Will. Go see a doctor."

"I'm going to have to get used to someone telling me what to do, aren't I?" he said, half joking.

"Either that, or you can view it as a friendly request from me that you don't lose permanent mobility in that arm. I know what things that arm, particularly that hand, can do. I would miss it," she said, with a hint of seduction.

"So, you're saying you'd dump me if I couldn't…use that hand?"

"Of course not. It would be your loss," she said, playfully.

"My loss?"

"Yes," she responded, as seriously as she could without laughing.

"You know what I think you really need to _decrease_ your stress?"

"What's that?"

"My hands on your hips. My lips trailing kisses down your neck. My,"

"Okay, stop." She was out of breath. And the last thing she needed right now, two miles from home, was for him to drive her crazy with desire just by talking to her. "You're right. I would love nothing more than to go home, take a warm shower and spend the rest of the morning with you in my bed. Unfortunately, that's not on my calendar today."

The thought of her showering, spending the morning in bed together, made his whole body long for her. "Maybe you should call me tonight. After work. Put something on your calendar." Her heavy breathing stopped abruptly. He wished he could see the look in her eyes at this very moment.

She slowed to a walking pace. "Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?"

"Call me tonight and find out. It doesn't even have to be late. Chase won't be home. He and his friend are going to baseball camp for the next five days."

"Okay, but…are we too old to be doing things like that?" she asked, with a hint of hesitancy.

"No. I don't think you ever get too old for that." he assured her.

She quickened her pace again turning for home. She needed to shower for more than one reason now.

A few minutes later they ended the call. Now he'd really be unable to sleep. And how on earth would he be able to concentrate on work all day long thinking about her and what he'd say to her later to make her come apart into a million pieces of pure pleasure? He shifted sending a wave of agonizing pain through his shoulder and down his arm. But it didn't come close to wiping the huge grin off his face.

/

A few days later she and Elizabeth, the Attorney General, held a meeting with the directors of the FBI, and ATF agencies. It was decided they would dig deeper into Alicia's two cases. The idea that the shell companies were funding not only the sex trafficking, but possibly drug and weapons smuggling into the country was a concern for everyone. Since Alicia had presented the idea of a possible mole among one of the agencies, caution would be taken by all departments in putting only a few, but very necessary people on the case. Those people were to only report to her and their respective agency directors.

Having others on this case would ease some of her stress related to it and allow her to focus on some of her other work. Returning from her meeting, she stopped just outside her office to ask her assistant if she had any messages.

"No, Mam, but…" the woman hesitated.

Alicia had a good relationship with her assistant, Angie. She'd been at Alicia's side since her move to New York. When Alicia had been offered her position in D.C. she'd insisted Angie continue on as her assistant.

Alicia smiled, and gave Angie her full attention. "But what?"

"Are you seeing someone again?" she asked, discretely. She and Alicia were close enough that Angie knew things had ended with James. The two women did occasionally go out for drinks together.

"Why are you asking?" Alicia looked around the open reception area to make sure there weren't any prying ears or eyes.

Angie stood. "Because," she stepped the few feet to Alicia's office and opened the door. Alicia stepped into the room, and immediately understood why Angie was asking.

Angie continued as they moved into the room. "I've never seen such a beautiful arrangement. Not in person anyway. Anyone who would send a bouquet like that…I guess I just assumed it had to be from someone you were dating. But maybe it's just a thank you from a client. The AG gets arrangements from clients all the time, but not like that…" her voice trailed off as Alicia made her way to the flowers sitting on the table in the middle of her office.

They were beautiful. Immediately she knew they were from Will. The striking arrangement in a tall glass vase filled with pale yellow tulips, lavender orchids, light pink calla lilies, and white roses set among some green foliage, was a mix of all the flowers she'd admired while they were in Seattle. The sight of it sent a rush of flutters through her body, momentarily rendering her speechless. She reached her hand to gently touch some of the delicate pedals, as she leaned over to take in the sweet scent that was quickly filling her office.

Angie stepped closer to her. "So… Do you know who they're from? There's no card which led me to believe that you would."

Alicia sighed happily, a gentle smile on her lips. "Yes, I know who they're from," she said, quietly. "A friend."

"I need to get myself that kind of friend," the younger woman stated. She didn't push further knowing Alicia would give her more details when she was ready and turned to go back to her desk.

"Angie," Alicia called after her. "If anyone asks, I arranged for the flowers. I wanted to replace the fake ones." Angie nodded, understanding this was to be kept discrete. There was a slim chance any of the staff would ask, but just in case, Alicia wanted to keep the narrative under her control.

She sat on the sofa in front of the flowers for the next few minutes just staring at them. It was a wonderful surprise. Her thoughts turned to Will and his thoughtfulness. It brightened her day, which had probably been his intent. Even after their _phone conversation_ , two nights ago, she knew he could tell she was still feeling very stressed. She just wished she could thank him in person. For a few minutes the thought of him being so far away made her sad. The unknown path to their future together was something she tried to not dwell on. It was easier that way.

That night she called him. With Chase gone for a few days, he told her he'd keep his phone with him and on at night. When he answered he asked if he could call her back in an hour. He was stuck at work late working on a multi-million-dollar athletic endorsement contract that he needed to finalize before the signing the next day.

She was settled on her couch, wine glass in hand, when he called.

"Thank you for the flowers. They're beautiful!" she said.

"You're welcome. I'm glad they got there in one piece."

"They did. Even after going through an extensive security search," she mused.

"I thought you could use a little surprise after talking to you the other night. Hopefully you didn't mind me sending them to your office. I realized I don't have your home address."

"It was a wonderful surprise. I didn't mind getting them at work. I spend more time there than home lately. Maybe if you're lucky I'll give you my address someday," she smirked.

"Maybe?"

"Yes, you have to earn the privilege," she continued, teasingly.

"How does one earn the privilege? I thought after the other night I would have earned more than a few measly points towards privileges." He had her there. He could tell from the long pause that ensued.

At the mere mention of the other night her whole body tingled. "You definitely…earned points the other night."

Neither one said anything for a few moments. As much as she enjoyed the other night over the phone, it was not anywhere near the same as having him with her in person. And while it had been adventurous, and fun, she didn't want phone sex to become a regular thing.

"How was work? You're closing a deal tomorrow?" Best to change the subject she thought.

"Yeah, we're signing a young rookie basketball player. He was just drafted by the Trailblazers. He's supposedly the next wonder athlete."

They talked about work for a while. He did seem to enjoy the sports aspect of his job. And the following week he was going to help a local firm on some jury consulting. She told him about her meeting with the department heads earlier in the day, and gave him some more details regarding the case.

Eventually the conversation began to die down and they fell into comfortable silence. She didn't want to end the call. It was nice simply knowing he was on the other end of the line.

"I should probably let you go," he said, a few minutes later.

"Yeah, I should probably get to bed. You'll call Sunday?" Sunday nights had become their regularly scheduled time to talk. Any other time they got during the weeks was a just a bonus.

"I wouldn't miss it."

They hung up and she leaned back into the couch. Ending their calls the past few weeks had been awkward. The natural thing to say to each other would be, I love you, but neither one had voiced those words since they were first reunited three months ago. Now that she thought about it she wasn't certain why. She loved him. She knew he loved her. It was almost like they were afraid to say it to each other now.

/

Three weeks later she was in Portland to spend the Fourth of July holiday with the kids. Grace had even flown in from Chicago. Alicia was thoroughly enjoying the time spent with both of them and her grandson in the same city. What she hadn't and wouldn't tell the kids was that she planned on staying in Portland a day longer than she'd told them, so she could spend time with Will.

The weather was gorgeous on the evening of the Fourth. The small shaded yard that Zach and Allison had was perfect for a summer barbeque. After eating their evening meal, they continued to sit outside and talk while Alex, who was almost one now, crawled around on the grass playing with his toys.

"Grace, are you dating anyone?" Allison asked. Alicia and Zach both exchanged a look. Allison was the only one of the three of them who could get away with such a blunt question. Grace liked to keep her dating life to herself. When Grace answered with a blunt and honest, "Yes, I am", she had Zach and Alicia's full attention.

"His name is Ben. He works at the firm. We've been seeing each other for about four months now."

"Four months, and you didn't tell me?" Alicia said, taking a sip of the drink in her hand.

"I didn't want to tell anyone unless things got more serious."

"And is it serious?" Alicia pushed.

Grace flushed a bit, looking down at her hands. "Yeah, I think it might be." There was caution in her tone. Alicia picked up on it right away.

Of her two children Grace had been the one to admit to her two years ago that she was afraid of getting into a serious relationship with anyone. She didn't want to end up like her parents. She dated, but she always seemed to question the guys' motives and commitment. Alicia told her more than once that she didn't need to be in any hurry to find someone to marry, or even be in a serious relationship with. Grace knew this was all true. She was just waiting for the right guy to come along. Right now, that person might be Ben. Alicia was actually thrilled to hear she'd found someone she thought she could trust even if they weren't together six months from now.

"That's wonderful, sweetie. Tell us about him," Alicia encouraged.

Later that night, after the fireworks, Grace and Alicia sat on the back porch alone talking. Sometimes Alicia missed living close to the kids for this exact reason. Spending time with them, talking to them in person. _Ironic,_ she thought, just like her current relationship with Will.

"Mom, how do you know if you're in love? How do you know if all those feelings you have for someone are real, and won't just go away in a few years? How do you know if you've met the person you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with?"

Alicia stared out into the darkness pondering these questions. There was no easy answer. She wasn't even certain if there was a wrong or right answer to any of them.

"Do you think you're in love with Ben?"

Grace continued. "That's the thing. I like being with him. I like the way he looks at me. I like feeling all the butterflies in my stomach when he's around. Yes, I think I might love him. But how do I know if he's the one?"

"Is your relationship with Ben that serious?"

"No, not yet. I don't think so anyway. But if it gets more serious, how would I know if he's the one I should choose? You thought you loved Dad. That he loved you, and look what happened."

Alicia took in a deep breath of air. "Grace, love is complicated. Relationships are complicated. You know that. You've dated enough over the years. I can't guarantee you won't end up falling in and out of love several times during your life. I can't tell you what love is supposed to be. It's different for every person, and that's the beauty of it. I loved your father. I was very happy with him for several years."

"But you loved Will too."

She inhaled at the mention of Will. It was no secret. The kids had seen her, been there after Will died, and later on when she'd started therapy after the divorce. They both knew, Grace probably more than Zach, how she'd felt about Will and some of why his death had affected her so deeply.

"I know you don't regret marrying Dad. We've talked about it before. But why did you choose him over Will?"

Alicia turned her head and looked her daughter in the eye. Grace wondered if she should have left Will out of the discussion. "You don't have to say. I just…I like Ben, but…"

"No, honey, it's fine. Will and I could never make it work in college. We were friends and we couldn't get past that. Your father came in and swept me off my feet. He seemed like, felt like, the best match for me. The right choice. Will was the best friend a girl could ever ask for. Fun, caring, knew how to cheer me up. Could turn a stressful situation into a moment of humor in a matter of seconds. Your father on the other hand was the kind of man you marry. Still caring, still fun, but more mature. When I thought about a future with your father I imagined stability, a large house, kids. Exactly what we had. When I imagined a future with Will…it was different."

Grace nodded. "So, you chose Dad…for stability?" It was more a statement than a question.

Alicia cleared her throat and smiled. "Yes, and the life I thought I wanted. A life I loved until…things changed. Then I changed. I had too. Grace, I don't have all the answers. But I can tell you this. Follow your heart. Do what feels right to you. Do what makes you happy, and things will work out. Even if it takes a long time. Falling in love is a process. I don't want you to worry about your relationships turning into what happened to your father and me. You aren't us. You're wondering if you're in love with Ben? You already said you like spending time with him. How do you feel when he walks into the room? Are you missing him right now? Does spending a few days apart feel like an eternity, or is it a relief?" She put her arm around her pulling her closer. "You'll figure it out. Just be honest with him. It's better to lay all of it out on the table, be honest, and risk getting hurt, than to hide your feelings for him."

Grace snuggled closer. A fresh breeze blew all around them. "Mom, if you'd had another chance with Will, if he hadn't died, would you have taken it? Been honest, risked getting hurt?"

Alicia's gaze moved back to the darkened sky, thoughts of Will, and how only a few mere miles separated them in that moment. "Yes, Grace. I would have taken the risk."

"You still love him? Even after all these years?"

She tilted her head to place a soft kiss to Graces head. "Yes. I still do." They sat in silence for a few long moments.

"Are you dating anyone right now?" Grace asked.

"I am," Alicia admitted.

Grace pulled away and turned to look at Alicia. "I wondered. You've seemed happy the past few times I talked to you on the phone. So, who is he?"

"A friend. We haven't been dating very long. I'll tell you more about him if things get serious, okay?"

Grace nodded. "Okay, I'm glad you're happy Mom."

"I'm glad you are too, sweetheart."

That night she lay awake in bed. Everything between she and Will was so undefined. Her conversation with Grace only seemed to magnify the situation. Technically they were dating. She hadn't lied to Grace. But in so many ways this felt like their affair, having to keep everything secret. Not being completely honest with the people they loved. And what would happen with her job when a new president was elected? Would she just fall off the grid, move here to be with Will? What about her career? A career she had worked so hard for. What about her kids, his child, their families and friends? What was the plan? There wasn't one. Not one that existed more than a few weeks into the future. She felt stuck and unsettled. How would they ever make this work?


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N; Hello everyone. Thank you so much for reading this! Just one quick note. The first part of this chapter is more of an M rating. If you don't want to read that part just skip to the first line break. this chapter starts five weeks after the other. Thank you all to everyone who continues to review and give me feedback. I really appreciate it.**

Alicia gazed out the window for the umpteenth time, discarding the phone from her sweaty palm. He was two minutes away – finally. Two hours later than they'd planned. He'd been stuck at work.

Every fiber of her being had anticipated his arrival since, well, since they parted ways five weeks ago. The conversation he'd just engaged her in during the fifteen-minute drive from his office – it had almost undone her. She smiled broadly at the idea that she'd nearly done the same to him. He'd ended the call just seconds ago, so he wouldn't cause an accident.

She was in Portland again. Only for two entire days, and three nights. Alex turned one yesterday. She couldn't stay away for such a momentous occasion. And now she had eighteen hours to spend with Will. Had planned on twenty, but…

She turned towards the door of the hotel room, stared, as if that would cause him to materialize faster. She remembered doing this, feeling like this, thirteen years ago. It felt almost like the past repeating itself, but not quite, she hoped. She hoped the passion, the fact that every time they saw each other, barely able to keep their hands off the other, is not a sign that this is the only type of relationship they are capable of having.

The affair, the passion, it always covered up the possibility of actual love. She'd decided that passion and love were definitely two different things. Love was long term. Love was what carried two people through the highs and lows. Love was the glue that held a relationship together when everything else said that it couldn't. Passion, well, passion wasn't. While passion was fun, and arguably a necessity, she and Will were too old to make this a game purely of passion.

They needed to talk about this – their relationship – everything. They avoided it after the holiday last month. It had been too much fun. Making love to each other – several times. Him taking her to his favorite restaurant. Showing her around the city a bit. The in-room couples massage they relished in. The fun, the bliss, it had come to an end all too quickly. She got back on a plane and went home, back to her other life. And discussing their future, their real future, was not something either wanted to do over the phone. It had to be done in person. They needed to look each other in the eye for that kind of conversation.

So, here she was on the brink, mere seconds away, from more passion.

He knocked on the door – three times. It had always been their code. She loosened the knot in the silk robe as she made her way to the door. She didn't say anything when she opened it. Just took hold of his tie, pulling him into the room as it clicked shut behind him. His tongue quickly slipped into her mouth as he pinned her against the wall. There is nothing slow or gentle about this encounter. It was the definition of passion.

"I thought you were only teasing when you said all you had on was a silk robe," he breathed, as his lips moved to her neck.

She inhaled at the sensation. A moan escaped as her eyes closed, tilting hear head to the side to give him better access to her bare skin. "There will be plenty of time for teasing later. I went shopping last week – after…"

He pressed his body harder to hers. She could barely breathe, barely speak. The thought of feeling him inside of her – for real – instead of having to imagine it over the phone. Well, she wondered how he could show so much control. Wondered why his tie was the only item of his clothing pooled at their feet. Because they did the phone sex thing again a week ago, and while she'd been thinking it, he'd been the one to voice it. _"That was amazing. But it wasn't enough."_ And it hadn't been. So, they'd promised to act it all out again when they saw each other.

"I bought something I think you'll like," forcing him to bring his lips to hers again as her hands made their move on his shirt and pants.

He growled at the thought, hoping it was something like he described to her over the phone. "Red?" he asked, as his shirt fell off his shoulders.

She only smiled, raising her brow to him as she slipped his slacks to the floor.

"Just enough fabric to cover…" he couldn't finish the thought as her fingers threaded beneath the fabric of his boxers, squeezing him tight.

"Barely anything." She finished the thought for him.

That's all he could take. In one swift move he pulled her hand from him, removed her robe, and carried her naked body to the bed. He left her there to watch him remove his boxers. Her legs parted, her nipples were rock solid. And then he smothered her. Every part of his body woke a part of hers. In this moment she is entirely his.

Hands gripped and pulled, their lips kiss and suck in all the right places. Bodies moved and ground against each other at an increasingly accelerated pace trying to reach that euphoric state. Her mind wandered back to all the times in their past that were so similar to this. The passion, the stolen looks and barely there touches, that sent waves of fire through their bodies that could only be extinguished with a _lunch,_ or night without the kids. While this was very similar, it was different. It had to be. Because if it wasn't they were doomed. They would never make it.

At that very moment she screamed in ecstasy, wrists pinned beneath his hands, his body pumping into hers at an unrelenting pace. Her whole body shook, so did his. Hers not only from the orgasm, but also the unrelenting stream of thoughts running through her mind.

He was hot and sweaty. She looked to be in a similar state. Despite the intensity of their session, the room felt extra warm. It was the middle of August, warmer would make sense, but he wondered if Alicia turned the room temperature up before he'd arrived. Likely, she was practically wearing nothing before he got here. He released his grip on her wrists, shifting a bit to settle next to her. She's amazing. In every way. He tells her as much.

She turned her body to better face him. Brushing her hand over his hard chest and kissed him lightly on the lips. All of this is exciting, like every other time they'd seen each other since March. He wondered if they'd ever fall back to earth.

"Do you know what tomorrow is?" she asked, her hand on his cheek.

He did. And he could say, _"The one-year anniversary since we saw each other again,"_ but he doesn't. Instead, "Yes, it marks one year since I ripped your entire world apart all over again."

She didn't think he'd remember – but he did. "Yes, I hate you for it you know? I was perfectly happy. And then you had to come along and make a mess of everything." She couldn't hold back the light laughter that escaped."

He played along. "Admit it, you like the mess."

She sat up. "Well, I like you. The mess I'm less fond of."

He sat up and nibbled on her lower lip. "You like me, but you hate me?"

He'd already got her going again. His hands played with her breasts. She was right nine years ago when she said, if they got back together it would be worse than last time. It would have been exactly like this. Instead of meeting each other twice, sometimes three times a week, it would have been more like five or six – away from the office. But she knows full well that some of those light brushings of the hands at work would have ended up in moments of sneaking away to his bathroom, or the empty office space two floors down. It would have turned into an uncontrollable forest fire. She wonders if they would have ended up in ashes. Ruining things even more than she had when she left him for this exact concern.

"Yes," she admitted, breathless.

"Good. I feel the same about you." He's more gentle with her now. The kisses are soft, she becomes putty in his hands.

"Do you think we'll ever get tired of this?" Again, she wondered how long this level of passion could really last? Long enough for the passion to join forces with the love?

"No," he said, with absolute confidence. His lips made their way to her shoulder.

"Even when I'm gray and wrinkly and old?"

He stopped and looked her in the eye. "Not even then. When you're gray and old you'll still be beautiful to me."

His words settled that pit in her stomach, at least for a few moments. It meant he'd thought about their future. One where they're still together a long time from now.

"I remember you saying you bought something you wanted to show me awhile ago," he commented.

"Ah, I did. But I remember there being a dinner invitation that preceded my revealing of said item."

He grumbled, and it made her laugh. "We're going to do this exactly how we did it over the phone?" he asked, a tinge of disappointment in his voice.

She leaned in and stole a kiss. "It doesn't have to be exact. But I want the surprise to last a little longer."

He knows she knows she has him wrapped around her finger. He moved off the bed. "Okay. Lets shower. I'll take you out for that nice dinner, then when we get back…"

She followed him into the bathroom. She knew he'd make her pay for her stubbornness, but she didn't care. Fifteen minutes later when steam covers every inch of mirror and clear glass shower walls, she began to care. He had her right on the edge, but he wouldn't let her fall off the cliff. She's pinned to the tile wall, the hot water cascading down their bodies. His lips pressed to hers, for the millionth time. He took too much pleasure in rubbing her nipples between his fingers, just long enough to make her sigh loudly. He leaves his fingers inside of her just long enough for her body to clench, but not quite enough. The thing she hates in this moment is that she knows he's perfectly fine. That because he had a release twenty minutes ago he can last forever at this pace. He may not fall off the cliff this time around. He'll wait until they get back from their _dinner_.

"You're playing with fire," she managed to say as he pulled his fingers from her again.

He fixed his dark chocolate eyes on her. "All you have to do to put out the fire, is tell me not to stop." He held her gaze for one more long moment, then all at once his lips smashed into hers, one hand moved to her breasts, the fingers of his other sank into her core, moving in that motion she wanted so badly, his body pressed against hers. It's almost sensory overload with the water continuing to flow down her body.

She whimpered as his lips left hers. "Do you want me to stop?" That seductive smirk on his face almost made her angry.

Her nails dug into his shoulders for better resistance as her eyes shut again. She's not certain if she can answer. "No…don't stop…please don't stop…" Finally, she falls over the cliff to an orgasm that causes her whole body to tremble. She feels like she's been shattered into a thousand pieces. He watched, and it took his breath away. He did this to her. He relished in the thought.

Breathless she collapsed into his arms. "Like I said before," he breathed softly into her ear after turning off the water and wrapping a towel around her. "You're amazing."

They finished dinner at another one of his favorite places. He took a detour on their way back to the hotel and drove past his office building. A large stone structure with innumerable windows twenty stories high. It's just like every other office building. In the back of her mind she wondered what the inside of his office looked like. Similar to the one she knew so well? The one that Cary occupied now? Or is it completely different? Either way she liked this. She liked getting a tiny glimpse into his life. The life he leads when she isn't with him.

When they got back to the room he seduced her. This time instead of telling her over the phone how he was going to slowly peel away every item clothing, he just did it. She did the same to him. There's little conversation, just sighs and moans. He admired the, _barely there_ , red lace. Touched, kissed every inch of her bare skin that isn't covered.

When her hands and lips returned the favor, he closed his eyes. She was definitely an addiction. One he wouldn't ever detox from.

Things become more heated. Bodies moves faster, hands, fingers, pressed harder. In that moment when she finally took him all the way in, all she could think about was how absolutely fulfilling it is.

Later they lay next to each other side by side. Their hands entwined she stares up at the ceiling in the darkness. "Will, we need to talk."

"I know." Because he did know. The thing she hasn't realized yet, is that he has the same concerns as she does. He's just better at putting the mask on. "First thing in the morning. That kind of discussion isn't something you should have in the middle of the night, after sex and champagne."

She turned into him, molding her body with his. They easily fell into sleep.

* * *

She barely moved all night. He knows because her arm is still splayed out across his chest. Her body pressed against his. He thinks he must have worn her completely out, because when her phone buzzed on the nightstand she didn't even stir. But he remembered there were calls she has to answer, and those she doesn't. He carefully shifted, leaning over her to glance at the caller ID.

He shook his head. This reminds him so much of Diane during their affair. How do the women in charge always know they're together? Know just when to interrupt a perfectly intimate moment?

"Alicia, wake up." He ran his hand over her bare arm, over her back. She began to stir. "Leesh, the phone."

"Tell them I'll back later." She tried to bury herself back under the covers.

He smiled. She hated mornings. Which is why he still can't believe she gets up an hour early to go running nearly every day. He pulled the covers from off her body. Her eyes opened and she gave him the look of death.

"Alicia, it's the Attorney General."

In seconds she sits up, pulling the sheet around her exposed skin dialing her boss. He's impressed that she sounded like she'd been up for an hour already.

She hung up ten minutes later and looked at him. He already knew the morning was ruined.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have leave sooner than I planned. My two o'clock commercial flight back to D.C. just got changed to a private flight leaving this morning. There will be a car here to pick me up at ten. I'm headed to San Diego for the rest of the week."

He did the math. Two and half hours before she had to leave. He's disappointed.

"They found the body of girl two days ago. She was pushed off the top of a building. She tried to put up a fight. Tried to get away from the men who kidnapped her. In the chaos another girl managed to escape and despite how terrified she was, made her way to the police. It turns out she and the girl who died were smuggled into the U.S. with eight other girls just two weeks ago on a cargo ship. She told the authorities there were crates of guns aboard the ship with them. The shipyard master claims that all that was on the boat were crates of goods to be sold in the country. He's being held for questioning."

In recent weeks her sex trafficking investigation had run cold. Even she was doubting her initial thought that there was some mastermind behind the girls, and weapons, and drugs. They had followed the shell companies funding as far as they could. Most were just bogus companies meant to throw the authorities off, and it had. They managed to find among the seventy-five companies three with a significant amount of funding. But again, the funds had come from dozens of directions, some not legitimate at all. The feds cut off the money flowing into the off-shore accounts from the U.S. side, but whoever was behind this was intelligent, and found other ways to get their money.

"And they think this case is related to the others?" Will asked.

"Yes. A week ago, one of the analysts on my team discovered an eight million dollar money transfer through an account we thought was bogus. The transfer went through the same day the boat docked on U.S. shores."

"Where did the money go? Did they arrest anyone?"

"We discovered the reason for all the shell companies. After a large sum transaction, the money is drained from that account and dispersed into others. The money is always moving, that's why it's been so difficult to track. We hope that this girl in protective custody can help lead us to a source, since she was only taken from her village a month ago. Now that we know what to look for, it may be easier to find the source or sources, for the money, and hopefully lead us to whoever is running this operation."

He smiled. "See, you were right."

"It's enough to keep the feds investigating," she said.

She always did this. Never gave herself enough credit. He leaned in and kissed her.

"Enough about work. I'm going to shower, and then we need to talk." She squeezed his hand then got out of bed heading for the bathroom.

He ordered them breakfast, there wasn't time to take her anywhere now. She smiled at the gesture as she emerged from the bathroom a little while later, pant suit on, damp hair, and no makeup.

She sat next to him on the small sofa realizing now how hungry she was.

"I hope pancakes are all right," he said.

"It's wonderful. Thank you. This will probably be the only meal I eat today."

He hoped she was kidding but could tell from her tone she's wasn't. He's no stranger to the kind of day she likely has ahead of her.

They fell into that comfortable silence, only there's nothing comfortable about it. They ate for a few minutes, and she set her fork down, took a large gulp of coffee because she'd need every ounce of caffeine she could get today, then asked the question that's been burning in her mind for weeks.

"Will, what are we doing?" She didn't think she needed to explain. She hoped he knew what she was asking. What's the plan? What's are they? How is this relationship really going to work?

He swallowed the food in his mouth. Set his fork down but didn't say anything. He needed time to think about it, so she goes on.

"I love this. I love seeing you. I love being with you. I enjoy talking when we can actually make that happen. But lately all I can think about is how this, our current relationship, is exactly like the affair. Keeping secrets from everyone. Meeting at hotels and having the best sex of our lives. I crave it. But what happens next? What happens when we get tired of the sex? Or tired of traveling across the country to see each other? There has to be more substance this time if we are going to make this work."

"Alicia, I feel the same way, but some of this is how it has to be right now."

His eyes were pleading, but it didn't make her feel any less frustrated. This was not an answer. This was not a solution. "You don't think I know that? Will, right now my assistant and a Secret Service agent are on their way to my house to pack a suitcase with my clothes and anything else they think I may need for the rest of the week, and possibly next. I don't ask how they plan on getting into my house. They just will. It's part of their job to ensure that my suitcase makes it onto a plane headed to San Diego in a few hours. My life belongs to our government right now. Believe me, I understand the need for discretion. I get the need for the burner phones. I loathe them sometimes, but I get it. I accept that part of our relationship. I understand that we can't really be a couple, not even a long-distance couple until I make changes to my career."

She would have gone on, but he interrupted. He wanted her to know he understands what she was asking. "The distance, the phones, that isn't the real problem is it? It's the instability, and the fact that this feels like the affair and not a real relationship."

She was actually relieved. Maybe his silence hadn't meant he didn't understand. She calmed her tone. She hadn't meant to sound so upset. "In a few weeks I'm going to Chicago for Diane's retirement party. Grace knows I'm dating someone. I wasn't willing to lie when she asked. She'll ask how it's going. I'll tell her it's good. Diane and I will go out to lunch the day after the party. Once things have settled down. She'll ask how I am. If I'm dating. If I'm seeing anyone. I'll give them both my practiced vague answers. I don't like lying to the people I care about the most in this world, but I'll do it. I will keep your secret for as long as you ask. But It can't always be this way. If the people I love never know about you, this won't work. I need something Will. Nothing big, but something." This was the reason she hadn't put makeup on yet. The tears threatened to spill at any moment. How was it that he could bring her tears in a matter of seconds, when no one else could? No one else was capable of cracking her armor. "What are you going to tell Chase? I want to meet him. When you're ready for that," she emphasized. This will go nowhere until he consents. "Will, I just need a shred of stability somewhere. I need to feel like my feet aren't constantly falling out from beneath me."

"I know," he said, trying to put his arms around her. She let him.

"What do we do? We don't even know if we can live with each other for more than a few days. What if all our annoying little habits, our real selves, drive the other crazy?"

He leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. "Leesh, I love all your annoying little habits." It got a smile out of her. "I understand the frustration. The need for stability. I feel it too." He did. He needed the same thing. But, "I don't know what the solution is, Alicia. I wish I had a good answer, but I don't." That's the problem, he's scared out of his mind to let other people into the bubble. He wants to be certain it's safe to tell Grace and Diane. But he doesn't know if it ever will be. This relationship, the one he wants, the one she's asking for, is only going to work if they jump off the cliff together. It will require sacrifice from both of them. He'd feel a lot better if Damian Boyle was dead. Damian behind bars was good, but not the kind of security that makes him feel safe. But, for her, in order to keep her, he'll take a few steps towards the cliff.

"Will you give me a few months to tell Chase? Let him get used to the idea? I want you to meet him. But I don't want him to hate me. I don't want to screw up his life all over again."

This was something. It was progress. It wasn't the whole package, but she couldn't be picky. Afterall, she held half their problems in her own two hands. But this might be enough – for now. At least this felt like the beginning of a plan. Like it could bring some order to the world again.

"Yes, I can," she stated, staring into those pleading eyes. Maybe with what she's about to offer there will be more weight to the plan.

"I have something for you." She reached for the legal pad on the side table. Scribbled something and then handed it to him. "This is my address."

He read it, and thought, _I must have earned the privilege somehow_. "This isn't a D.C. address." He was thoroughly confused. This was an address in Massachusetts.

"No, its not. I have a cottage there, in Rockport."

"I've never heard of Rockport."

She smiled. "That's the point. Neither has anyone else. It's a tragedy really. It's a beautiful town with a rocky coastline. Enough tourists find it, enough people live there to keep it alive, but it's a well kept secret."

"And you own a house there?"

"Yes. Don't act so surprised. About six years ago I was in Boston to meet a client. I stayed the weekend because I needed a break. I thought I'd take in some of the historical sites, relax at the hotel. But Saturday afternoon I drove out of the city to explore some the surrounding areas. There are lots of historical sites just outside Boston. A few hours later I was in Rockport, and I don't know, it seemed like more of the break I was looking for than the middle of a big city. So, I got a room at a bed and breakfast. Spent the evening walking through town. Later I sat on a boulder at the oceans edge as the sun went down behind me. I hadn't felt that relaxed in a long time. Sunday morning I'm reading a local paper and there's an add for an open house. I go see it cottage, just because I think it would be fun. It's just up the hill from the shoreline. The views are fantastic. As soon as I walk into the place I wanted it. It was small, and cozy, and the nearest neighbors are a good acre away." She had a genuine smile on her face. He was glad she had this piece of happiness in her life. She shook her head. "A few weeks later it was mine. I needed it. I didn't know how much until I was there a few months later."

He was still a bit surprised that she did something so impulsive. "You really bought a house in a city you weren't living in, in a matter of a week?"

This made her laugh. "I did. And it's…my place. The place I feel the most at home. I work in D.C. I live there most of the year. But it's not my place. It's not where I belong." She took his hand into hers. "I used to think that you and I belonged in New York. After you were gone, I decided that if we had ever managed to mend the fences, ended up together, we would have lived in New York. That was our place. That was the place where we were able to just be Will and Alicia. It was fun, exciting, that city belonged to us. That can't be our place anymore. I don't think my cottage in Massachusetts is our place either. But until we figure out where our place is again, I want you to spend some time with me in my place." A few tears sprang from her eyes. "Because it's home for me. It's stability. And maybe if you're there with me for a few days, I won't feel like this is just another affair. I won't feel like being together is an impossible climb up the mountain."

He reached to brush a stray tear from her cheek. "I'd love to spend some time there with you."

"In the fall then. October, the next time we see each other. New England is beautiful in the fall."

"So, I've heard," he responded.

"Don't tell anyone about it. It's my secret. It's my sanctuary. Grace, Zach, and James are the only other people that know about it."

"I promise." He got a funny look on his face.

"What?"

"How often do you go there? It's not a short trip from D.C."

"It's not a long one either. It was closer when I lived in New York. I go when I can. But it's been a long time. I rent it out to vacationers. It's nearly paid for itself because of its location to the beach, and the views."

They fell silent again. This time it wasn't awkward. They're just trying to enjoy the remainder of their time together.

"I feel better now. Thank you for talking to me." She leaned in pressing a warm kiss to his lips.

An hour later she had to go. The car was waiting. He took one last long lingering look at her, wishing he could go with her. Watch her work. She looked like Alicia the lawyer now. Hair in place, makeup set just right, dark navy pant suit that holds an impeccable feminine touch and fits her curves like a glove.

They embraced for one last hug. Shared one last kiss. She didn't care if it smeared her makeup. It's the last time she'll taste him for nearly two months.

They hated this part. It tore them both to shreds. But her phone buzzed, and she had to go. Taking in a deep breath she turned and walked out the door. He had to sit down in an effort to regroup.

* * *

Six says later she finally made it home to D.C. She was exhausted, but in a good mood. They made some good progress while she was in San Diego. With the help of local police they found the other kidnapped eight girls, and made two arrests. Everyone thinks they're getting closer to finding the person, or people behind the operation. And her initial thoughts about the cases being connected had been validated.

It was late when she walked through the front door of her townhome. All she wanted to do was crash, and sleep in her own bed. She walked to the kitchen to get a drink of water. Setting her phone down, she started shuffling through the pile of mail she brought in with her. And then she saw it. A typed note sitting in the middle of the counter. She picked it up not remembering what it was. Not remembering leaving anything out when she left nearly two weeks ago.

Her eyes scanned the paper. Her blood runs cold.

 _You need to stop digging into things that are none of your business. You started this charade. No one else was looking until you stuck your nose where it didn't belong. You're a lawyer, not an investigator. You stay out of my business, call off the investigation, and I'll stay out of yours._

 _If this doesn't end, if the feds keep digging, there will be consequences. I'm always watching, and know how to find you. I know who your family and friends are. Don't think for one minute that you can keep them safe by continuing with this investigation. Call this off._

 _Don't tell anyone about this note. If you do, I'll know, and I'll have to do something about it._

Her whole body is trembling. The glass of water slips from her hand and shatters all over the floor.


	23. Chapter 23

The day Chase's adoption was finalized, Will knew that at some point he'd want to tell him the truth about his past. At the time, he didn't know when that would be. Someday way into their future. Because at age eight Chase wasn't old enough to understand everything that had gone on. Or old enough to keep it a secret.

As the years moved on and Will and Chase grew closer together – inseparable really, Will had decided that telling Chase, while he was a teen, would be better than waiting until he was an adult. He'd read too many articles, heard too many stories where parents had kept something big from their child until they were an adult, and it completely ruined the relationship. A good portion of those individuals had said it would have been easier to deal with had they known all along, or earlier in life. He didn't want his relationship with Chase to be ruined ten years from now.

In light of recent events with Alicia, and these thoughts swimming around in his mind, Will had decided it was time to have the talk with Chase. Tell him about his past, and who he really was.

That discussion was going to happen after dinner. Will smiled across the room at the sleeping form on the couch. A baseball game played on the television in the background. It had been a good but exhausting day. Their team had won the season championship baseball game. To celebrate, they'd had a team party at a local pool, and then gone out for ice cream afterwards.

As Will continued the dinner prep, he couldn't help but think how Chase was so much like him it was almost scary sometimes. They didn't share any DNA, but Chase loved sports as much as Will did. He'd picked up on several of Will's mannerisms. Will couldn't decide if that was a good thing or not. Either way, he loved being a father. More than he ever thought he would. It had made him feel more complete, and helped fill the void of losing all his friends and family.

It hadn't been easy. Their first few years together were tough. Will had asked himself several times what he'd gotten himself into. While Chase was by nature a good kid, he'd practically raised himself until Will came into the picture. He had a lot of trust issues. He was used to doing what he wanted, when he wanted. He and Will had butted heads numerous times over homework, bedtime, eating something other than ramen for every meal.

There had also been dealing with the emotional and physical abuse Chase had endured. The therapy, the violent outbursts, and heart wrenching nightmares were only a few of the things they'd had to work through. But it had all been worth it. He and Chase had a good, healthy relationship. Will hoped it would remain strong after their discussion.

Will had made Chase's favorite meal for dinner. Chase had eaten double his usual portion. Even though he'd filled up on pizza and ice cream earlier in the day. Now Will was putting the last of the plates into the dishwasher, when Chase reappeared in the kitchen looking for a snack.

"You just finished eating twenty-minutes ago," Will stated, shaking his head.

"I'm hungry again," he responded, innocently.

"I think you're growing. You can have a snack but make it healthy. Then I want to talk to you."

"What did I do? School doesn't start for another week. I finished all my chores. We won our game today. I've been the perfect son today," he smirked, with a grin.

Will laughed, placing his hands on the counter. "Do I really get after you so often that when I say I want to talk to you, you think you're in trouble?"

"No, it's just the way you said it. All serious." He opened the refrigerator in search of something that looked edible.

"Well, it is a serious discussion. But you didn't do anything wrong."

"Fine, but can we still watch the movie tonight?" Clearly Chase was in no mood for a long discussion.

"Yes."

A few minutes later, Will grabbed some things from the den, and then went and sat next to Chase on the sofa in the family room. He felt a bit queasy, but it was time. He didn't want Chase to resent him later on. And didn't want to have to lie to Chase about Alicia once he told him about her. It was the only way he would feel comfortable pursuing a long-term relationship with her.

He twisted his sweaty palms together, took in a deep breath, and cleared his throat. "I love you. You know that right?"

"Yeah, sure."

"We trust each other. You know you can ask me anything? Tell me anything, right?"

"Yeah," Chase replied, slowly. "Look, Dad, if this about…girls. I already know. We talked about it. And anyway, I'm not really interested in any girls right now. I know it may not have seemed like it today when those girls came to talk to us after the game, but I was just trying to be polite. You know like you told me to be with girls?"

Will smiled, running his hands over his face. "No, buddy, this isn't about girls. Although, I'm actually a little relieved to know you don't have much interest in them yet."

"Okay, then what is this about?"

Will looked him in the eye. "It's about me. There are some things about me, my past, that I think you're old enough to know. Things I want you to know. But it has to stay between us. You can't tell anyone. You can't tell Brian. You can't tell Janie or Rick, or any of your teammates. Do you think you can do that?"

The thirteen-year-old looked a little concerned but nodded anyway. Will continued. "Ten years ago, I worked in Chicago. I helped run one of the best law firms in the city. Some of the people I represented were criminals who had done some really bad things."

"Like drugs?" Chase asked.

"Yeah, some of them. There were a few of them that the government was trying to catch." Will continued telling Chase the story about Bishop, and Gerraghty, and then how he'd worked for the FBI.

"So, you were like a spy?" His eyes lit up at the idea. He seemed to think that his father being a so called spy was up there on the top ten list of coolest jobs a parent could have.

"Something like that," Will responded. "But it was dangerous, and I wasn't trained to be a _spy._ The men I was getting information on for the FBI figured out what I was doing. They tried to hurt me. That's really how I got the scar by my collar bone."

Chase looked less enthusiastic now. "Did they catch the men who did hurt you?"

"Yes, eventually they did. But it took a while. A few years. The FBI did their best to keep me safe. I'm safe now. But in order to do that I had to change a few things in my life so that those men wouldn't be able to hurt me again."

"Kind of like when you adopted me, so I'd be safe? Like changing schools, and my last name?"

"Yeah, it's kind of like that. But I had to make a few more changes." This was going better than Will thought. But he also had to keep in mind that Chase was no stranger to men who wanted to hurt him. Will wasn't worried about him being concerned about his name change, or even the fact that he was in witness protection. He was worried that Chase would be concerned about the possibility of these types of individuals wanting to hurt them now.

"Chase, have you ever heard of the witness protection program?"

"Yeah, that's when the government gives people a new identity, and they have to leave all…the…people…" His hazel eyes opened wider. "Wait, did the bad guys get out of jail? Do they want to hurt you again? Do we have to move away, and be in the…witness protection program? Dad, I like it here. All my friends are here." In a matter of seconds Chase was trembling. Anxiety mixed with a bit of fear was manifesting itself. This was what Will was worried about.

"No, buddy, no. We aren't going anywhere. The men that were after me are still in jail. Two of them are dead." He scooted closer to Chase, putting his arm around him to help calm him down.

After giving Chase a few minutes to calm down, and reassure him, Will told him the rest of the story. About how he had entered the witness protection program. About how he was still in the program. All along doing his best to reassure Chase that they were safe.

Chase stared at him, a little shocked, for a few moments. "So, none of it's true? Everything you told me about your past, it's a lie? What about your name? It's all fake?" He was upset. The disappointment was written all over his face. It crushed Will to see him like this.

Chase stood from the couch and walked across the room. "What about us? Did you really want me? Or was I just a way to make your cover more believable?" he said, angrily. Tears sprang from his eyes, and it ripped Will's heart to shreds. He quickly moved across the room and attempted to pull him into a hug, but Chase backed away.

Will put his hands in his pockets. "No Chase, I promise. None of this is fake. I love you. I want you. I always wanted you. What you and I have it's real. The life we have it's all real. I would never do anything to hurt you." Will was getting emotional. This was one of the most difficult things he'd had to do in a very long time. "Listen to me. All the stories I've ever told you about growing up, going to college, playing ball, they're all true. I never lied to you about any of that. I have a law degree. It came from Georgetown, not Dartmouth, but it's real. All of the stories I've ever told you about things I did in the past were true. Come here, please, sit down with me again." He was almost pleading, but Chase obliged.

He pulled out the photos of his family that Alicia had given him back in March. "My given name was William Paul Gardner. But it's just a name. They let me keep William. And even though my legal name now is Mark William Johnson, you know everyone calls me Will. I've been called Will my whole life."

Chase hadn't said anything. Still eyeing Will cautiously, he seemed to be relaxing some. He looked at the photos spread out on the coffee table. "Who are all those people?" he asked.

Will lifted one of the photos. "This is my mother. Your grandmother." He picked up the other photos, pointing out his sisters, their husbands, and children.

"You told me your parents were dead. You never said you had siblings." Chase wouldn't look at him, the distrust evident in his every word.

"I did tell you that. I lied about it. I thought it was best at the time. I'm sorry I lied to you. But do you understand why I did what I did?"

Chase sighed, still examining the photos in his hands. "Yeah, I guess I understand." He didn't sound the least bit convincing.

"Chase, I know you're upset. It's okay. I know this is a lot to take in. But you're old enough to know the truth. I get it if you feel like I broke the trust between us. I did, but I did it in part to protect you. I wouldn't change a single day we have spent together, but our first few years were tough. The last thing you needed then, was to try and wrap your head around this. I just hope that you'll be able to forgive me eventually."

Chase finally met his gaze. "I'm sure I will be able to, but I'm going to need some time to think about all of this." In that moment Will was reminded of how Chase had always acted far beyond his years. He internalized everything, and then processed it in a very logical manner.

"That's fine. And I'm always here to answer any questions you have. But do you understand why we need to keep this between us? It's not that I don't trust Janie and Rick, I do. But the more people that know about who I am, the less safe it becomes."

"Are we safe? Is that why we keep a _go bag_ in the car? Just in case we have to get away from the bad guys really fast?" He looked scared again.

Will had always told Chase it was a good idea to keep a bag of things in the car, just in case they ended up staying somewhere over night unexpectedly or needed a change of clothes after spending a day at the beach. He'd told him to keep a few other things in the bag like a favorite game, books, a smaller version of his rock collection, in case he got bored in the car and needed something to do. Their go bags had come in handy more than a few times over the years. But Chase had hit the nail on the head. Will had been instructed by the U.S. Marshalls, to always keep a go bag with all the essentials, including copies of important documents, and enough cash to cover him for a few days if the need ever arose.

"Yes. That's one reason we have our go bags. But it's a good idea no matter what. Think about how many times we've used those bags." Will took the photos out of Chase's hands. "We are safe. I would never let anyone hurt you. You don't need to worry about it. The only person who could identify me now is in prison, serving a life sentence. And he thinks I died nine years ago. No one is looking for me. No one is out there wanting to hurt me. It's just not something we should tell everyone. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, I understand. It's like how we don't tell everyone about my past."

"Right. There are things that not everyone needs to know." Looking at Chase he still wasn't sure what he was thinking.

Silence filled the room.

Chase's eyes moved back to the photos. "Do you think you'll ever be able to see them again?"

"I don't know. Sometimes things from our past are best left there. I know they're happy. I wouldn't want to make things difficult for them." His gaze moved from the photos to Chase. "Do you have other questions for me right now. Is there anything else you want to talk about?"

The look on Chase's face was one of sheer concentration. He sighed and reached for the photo of Will's mother. "No. Can I go to my room now?" he asked, avoiding Will's eyes.

"Yeah…sure. Do you still want to watch the movie in a while?" He could sense a distance and awkwardness forming between them. Chase was going to need time to process everything. He'd just have to accept that things might be a bit strained between them for a while.

"I'm not really in the mood now. I'm pretty tired. I'd rather just go upstairs and read before I go to bed." He stood up. The photo was still in his hand. "Maybe tomorrow?" he offered. It was a small gesture, meant to tell Will that he wasn't going to be ignored, just needed some time alone to think.

"Yes, we can do it tomorrow."

Chase nodded. "Can I keep this in my room? I mean just for a few days?" he asked, hesitantly, holding the photo out.

"Yes. You can keep it for as long as you want. She would really like you." Will's heart sank a bit more at the thought of his mother. He knew she'd love Chase. Partially because she never thought Will would provide her with grandchildren.

"You'll have to tell me more about her. I'd like to know about her even if I can't ever meet her."

"I'd love to tell you about her."

Chase turned and walked slowly towards the stairs. Will stood. "Chase,"

He stopped walking but didn't turn around.

"I love you. I always will no matter what."

Chase glanced over his shoulder. "I know."

Will watched him ascend up the stairs. Once he was out of sight, he sighed heavily and slumped back onto the sofa. The conversation had gone about as he'd expected. But that didn't make him feel less guilty or bad about the whole thing. He would have to be patient and wait. Give Chase the time and space he needed.

He gathered the few photos from the coffee table and went back to the den. His thoughts turned to Alicia. He wanted to talk to her. Tell her about Chase, but he hadn't heard from her all week. Not since the previous Sunday when she was still in San Diego. She must have been awfully busy. She hadn't responded to a single message he'd sent her in the past few days. He wasn't concerned, tomorrow was Sunday, and he figured they were still on for their weekly call.

He opened the safe, placing the photos back inside. Then he grabbed the burner phone just to see if she'd tried to contact him. Nothing. He reached for the other burner phone, the one he used to contact Finn. There was one message that had been sent late the night before. It read,

 _\- We need to talk. Dump your other phone. A and I will call at your usual time. -_

He didn't know what to make of the message. A sudden sense of panic, and anxiety came over him. Partially because of the conversation he'd just finished with Chase. Did the message mean he was in trouble? Or was she in some sort of danger? He didn't like that his mind automatically went to thinking the worst. Maybe she hadn't been careful and a colleague or someone got curious about her having a second phone. _That must be it,_ he thought. They were just being cautious. At least that's what he tried to tell himself. Either way, the next twenty-four hours would be long.

He pulled the burner phone out and made sure it was still off. He'd dispose of it in the morning when he went out to run.

 **A/N; Thank you all for reading and for the great reviews of the last chapter! I always appreciate the support and feedback.**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N; Hello, faithful readers. I hope you didn't all have to wait too long for this. I just wanted to thank everyone who reviewed that last chapter. I've been busy and didn't have a chance to thank you personally. So, a huge thanks for sharing all of your thoughts and ideas! I hope you all have a fantastic week!**

There had been an ongoing debate running through Alicia's mind for nearly two days. How legitimate were the threats in that note? What exactly did, _I'm always watching you,_ mean? Could she be bullied into trying to convince the powers that be to drop all, or portions of, the investigation? If she were to step away from the case would she really be safe? Was it her legal, ethical obligation to move forward anyway? She knew all to well there were people out there willing to do anything they needed to get what they wanted. The very real evidence of that was sitting in his office three-thousand miles away.

The rational, logical part of her said drop it. Get as far away from this mess as possible. The tough, moral lawyer in her, wanting justice, was having a difficult time backing away.

Since she wasn't aware of the extent to which she might be being watched, she'd immediately gotten rid of the phone she'd been using to communicate with Will. The last thing she wanted was for him to be exposed. She'd figure out a way to get him a message once she knew whether her home, office, computers, and or phone had been bugged. To figure this out she planned to enlist Finn's help.

This was one reason she'd set up a meeting with Finn and the Attorney General early in the evening. They were the only two people in D.C. she completely trusted right now.

Once she and Finn were seated in the AG's office, Alicia asked Elizabeth to go into SCIF mode. Most federal buildings had at least one room that could be turned into a SCIF so that highly sensitive material could be discussed without a threat of that information leaving the room. This would guarantee the blockage of any electronic surveillance during their meeting.

"We can't drop the case. There is too much at stake. The weapons smuggling is a matter of national security," Elizabeth stated, after Alicia showed them the threatening note. "But we should break it back down into smaller groups. Individual FBI and ATF field offices can take over the investigations for their areas. They can still report to their agency directors, but it will appear as though we've shut down our central investigation."

"We don't negotiate with terrorists. In essence that's what this person is. Are we really going to give them what they want?" Alicia argued

"No. It won't be giving them what they want. We won't be shutting it down. We'll just make it more compartmentalized." Elizabeth countered.

"That's what we were doing before. It took two years to pin enough evidence on Wakefield for an arrest. Yet, we were wrong. He wasn't the one behind the shell companies, and he ended up dead in a prison cell. What makes you think the feds will get it right this time? Every day that passes is another day where girls are being abused and taken from their homes."

"It will be different this time because we know what we're looking for." Finn added.

"And, thanks to you, there are discreet, ongoing internal investigations in all government agencies to try and figure out who the mole is." Elizabeth said. "With this new threat, I think we can shrink the investigation down to agencies who deal directly with the DOJ. Specifically, agencies that you've dealt with during your time here."

"I agree. This is personal now. Someone obviously thinks you're a direct threat to their operation." Finn sat back in his chair and continued to look at Alicia. "We need to look into every single government employee you've had contact with since you started working here. They're all suspects."

Alicia blew out a breath of air, clasping her hands in her lap. They may be right. But that didn't mean she had to like it. "That's got to be hundreds. Lawyers, agents from several different departments, judges, senators, congressmen."

"It is a long list. But Agent Maxwell is right. As for the threats against you, I'm pulling you off this case. We'll need to have your phone, and home swept for bugs. There are regular sweeps of our offices, but I'll have someone do an extensive check on your computer and laptop."

"You're pulling me from the case?"

Both Finn and Elizabeth looked a bit surprised that Alicia wouldn't want off the case. But they both knew it was for her own safety. "Alicia, everyone knows this is your case. You'll get the credit for it. Once we catch this person, whoever it might be, you can oversee the prosecution. But you're a material witness now. You won't be able to argue the case in court."

Elizabeth might be right about all of that, but Alicia didn't like it one bit. She'd put countless hours into this. Maybe that was exactly what this person wanted. Maybe she was closer to finding the mole than she thought, and this was their way of shutting her down. She only grew angrier at the thought.

"I insist we put a security detail on you until this case is solved," Elizabeth continued.

This only added logs to the fire, but over the past two days Alicia had come up with a plan in case this came up. "No. I refuse to be followed around by two individuals I don't know for an indefinite amount of time."

"Alicia, she's right. You need protection," Finn argued.

"This isn't negotiable. You'll have a security team with you when you leave this building tonight," Elizabeth insisted.

Alicia sat up straight. "If I have a secret service detail with me all the time, the person who wrote this note will know. They'll know I showed someone that note." She pointed to the piece of paper on the AG's desk. Both Finn and Elizabeth realized she was right. "I have another idea. A way to stay protected and remain discreet. This is one of the reasons I asked Finn to join us."

The other two were all ears. "Finn and I have known each other for a long time. People know that. There are some people who think I'm in a serious relationship with someone right now, and that I'm trying to keep it a secret."

"You are, aren't you?" Elizabeth said, with a slight smile.

Alicia sighed, but couldn't help smiling. "Yes, and I intend for the identity of that person to remain a secret. But this person knows Finn. He trusts Finn. So, what if Finn is my protection? He can pose as my boyfriend. I'll tell people we finally decided not keep it a secret anymore. It won't seem odd or come as a surprise to anyone because they know we're friends. You can talk to Director Campbell, and have Finn assigned to me. He can continue his regular duties during the day while I'm here. I'm safe here, theoretically. If I need to go somewhere during the day, you can send one of the other secret servicemen, we rule out as a suspect, with me as a precaution. We've done it before. Finn and I can stay with each other at night. Either at his place or mine." She turned and looked at Finn. "At least if you're willing to do it. We can come up with something else if,"

"No, it's fine. I'll do it. It's a good plan. And I can sweep her place for bugs. That way if someone has eyes on her house they won't get suspicious."

Elizabeth nodded in agreement. "Okay, there are a few other details that we'll need to work out. But it does seem like a good plan." Her gaze fell back on Alicia. "You don't think your real boyfriend will have a problem with this?"

Alicia glanced at Finn. "No. Like I said, he trusts both of us. And logistically we only see each other about every two months. He'll understand." In the back of her mind she knew she'd have to limit her contact with Will for a while. Maybe all together until this could be resolved. This saddened her. They'd made such good progress in the past few months.

Elizabeth raised her brow but didn't comment further on the situation. "I'll set things in motion. But you don't leave this building tonight until I've got this approved."

Alicia nodded. "Don't worry, I won't," she said, standing. "I would love to walk to my car without feeling like an idiot for jumping at every strange noise."

"What about the threat to her family and friends?" Finn asked. "Can we get approval to have someone keep an eye on them…discreetly?"

"Yes, I was thinking the same thing. I'll get Director Campbell to assign agents who will protect them at a safe distance. They won't even know they're there."

Alicia breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you. I'll feel a lot better knowing my children are safe. How long do you think we'll need to keep this up?" She looked from Elizabeth to Finn.

"Either until we catch whoever's behind this. Or until we feel like there is no longer a threat to your life. It could be a few weeks, or…months," Finn answered seriously, standing to follow her out of the office.

The idea that it might be months was not giving Alicia much hope.

* * *

"Are you sure this won't bother you?" Alicia asked Will over the phone two days later. She'd just finished explaining what had happened, and what the plan was. She was at Finn's in the guest room, using Finn's phone.

Will was pacing in the den. Quite frankly, he a nervous wreck after hearing about the threat to her life. "Bother me? I'm very bothered by the fact that your life is in danger. But no. It doesn't bother me that Finn is posing as your boyfriend. In fact, I'm relieved he's the one protecting you. I'm glad you're off this case. That was the right decision."

There was a long pause on the other end. "Alicia, you're off this case, right?" He stopped pacing. His hand went to his hip.

"Will,"

"No, Alicia. You can't seriously tell me you're thinking about trying to continue to dig into this on your own." He ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

"This is my case, Will. I've devoted half my working life to this over the past six months. I'm having a difficult time letting all of that go."

"I understand that, but it's too dangerous," he argued, with raised tone. He wished he were there to talk some sense into her, and to protect her himself.

"Will, it's not like this is my first case against criminals. Take Sweeny for instance." It was a weak defense, but she put it out there anyway.

"Sweeny was in love with you. He never would have killed you."

"I've worked cases before where I was threatened. I have a whole file with threatening notes I've received over the past ten years. Do you really think I took down that big oil company four years ago without a single threat?" Her tone raised to match his.

"Alicia, this is different," he said, with obvious frustration. "I don't want you risking your life."

She rolled her eyes, and almost laughed. "Oh really? And how is this any different from what you did nine years ago? You above all people should understand why I want to stick with this!" she said, upset, folding her free arm across her chest.

"That's exactly why you'll drop this. So, you don't end up like me," he countered. "Alicia, please. Get as far away from this as you can. Let someone else fight this battle."

"Will, this is my decision. You can't tell me what to do. You're not my boss anymore." In the heat of things, it slipped out before she could stop it. She knew she'd crossed the line. But they were both frustrated. The whole situation was frustrating. Not being able to see each other. Now their communication would be cut back to only Sunday phone calls, and Finn could call those off it he felt like it wasn't safe. Even if it was justified, she felt like Will was trying to tell her what to do. She knew it may not be smart, but she couldn't rid herself of the need to try and put a stop to some of the horrible things going on.

There was a loud sigh on the other end of the line. "You're right. I'm not your boss anymore. But your current boss told you to stay away from this case. I'm not telling you what to do. You know I'd never do that." He calmed his tone. "I'm asking, as a friend. As someone who loves you, to get out of this mess. It worries me. I don't want you to get hurt or…end up dead."

There was a long period of silence on her end.

"I can almost see the look on your face," he said. "Leesh, please say something."

She'd been pacing the room but sat down on the bed. "I think we're having our first fight as a couple," she said, in a calm tone, trying to change the subject.

He couldn't help but smile. "I agree."

"I don't like being angry with you. I hate doing this over the phone. It's much easier to know what you're thinking when I can see you," she admitted, pulling her cardigan tightly around her body.

"I don't like being angry at you either. Did Finn sweep your house?" he asked.

"Yeah, he didn't find anything. I'll take my personal laptop into work tomorrow to have it checked. Finn will keep an eye out for any suspicious activity outside my house. The FBI added extra security to my phone. But I'll still need to be careful with phone calls and email."

He nodded, somewhat relieved, then realized she couldn't see him. "Good. Hopefully this dating Finn idea will keep these guys off the trail." He sat down on the sofa and stared out the window at the darkened sky.

She moved back against the pillows and curled her legs beneath her. "How's Chase?" The threatening note had consumed her life over the past five days. She wanted something else to think about.

"He's fine. Actually, I wanted to talk to you about him." He told her about the conversation he'd had with Chase the night before.

"How's he handling it?" she asked, with genuine concern. Knowing it would have been a very difficult conversation to have had.

"I'm not completely certain. I tried to bring it up today. You know, ask him if he had any questions, or wanted to talk about anything. He shut it down pretty quickly. But he was willing to talk about other things. He still seemed to want to be around me. He gave me a few funny looks periodically. It's just going to take time for him to get used to the idea, but I think we'll be okay."

"That sounds good. I can tell you've done a good job with him. It sounds like he really trusts you. I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's all my fault."

"No, don't apologize. I was going to tell him anyway. I probably would have waited a couple more years, but he was going to find out whether you were in my life or not."

They talked for another thirty minutes before silence fell between them. Neither one really wanted to end the conversation, but it was nearly one in the morning for Alicia, and she had a long work week ahead.

She was holding a pillow, and tightened her grasp bringing it closer to her chest. "Will, I miss you. I wish you were here, to…be with me." She wanted to say, _to protect me_ , but she felt like he already knew that. Truth be told despite what she'd said earlier, she felt vulnerable, and scared. She wanted him to hold her. Feel his arms around her and tell her everything would be okay.

His gaze moved to the floor. "I miss you too. I wish I could be there for you. I guess our plans for October might need to be put on hold?"

She sighed heavily, closing her eyes. She'd longed to go spend some time at her cottage. She'd been looking forward to having him there with her in October. "Let's not do anything about that right now. It's seven weeks away. Maybe all of this will be over by then. If not, I'll just bring Finn along. Make him sleep in the guest room," she said, lightly.

"I'd rather he stay in the house next door?" Will countered, with a chuckle. "You're staying at his place tonight?"

"Yes. I brought some clothes, and a few other things to keep here. We'll split the time between my house and his."

'Okay," he said. The truth was he did trust Finn. He trusted Alicia. But that didn't mean he was completely comfortable with the situation, or that he wasn't a little jealous that Finn would be able to spend so much time with her, when he wasn't even allowed to call her.

"I should go," she said, feeling the exhaustion start to seep through her body.

"Yeah, me too. I need to make sure Chase gets to sleep soon. Getting back on a regular sleeping schedule before school starts next week is going to be a little rough."

She let out a tired laugh. "I remember those days well. Good luck."

"Thanks."

Another few long moments of silence filled the air before Will spoke up again. "Leesh, Do what ever Finn tells you to do, and you'll be safe."

"I will."

"And Leesh…I love you."

There it was after nearly six months. Three little words they'd both been afraid to say out loud. It was such a surprise that she took longer to respond than she probably should have.

"I love you too," she said, softly, squeezing the pillow even tighter.

She carried the phone down the flight of stairs and sat next to Finn on the couch. He had the history channel on. She handed him the phone. He put it away in the safe and joined her again on the couch.

"James used to watch the history channel at night. I'd sit next to him reading work material and at the same time try to listen to his commentary on the show. Not some of my most productive work hours."

"It's very educational." Finn said.

"I miss the simplicity of that sometimes." She curled her legs up onto the couch. She did miss it. She missed James sometimes. She missed the kind of relationship they'd had. The kind she hoped to have with Will someday. That felt like a dream that was completely out of reach right now.

Finn noticed the sad distant look in her features. He knew this wasn't easy. "How's Will?"

She continued to stare at the television. "He's good. He likes our plan," she said, clearly distracted by her own thoughts.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. He kept glancing at her, thinking how alone she looked. He reached over and placed his hand on hers as a way to reassure her. "Alicia, you're not alone. And I will protect you." He reached to the end table and held up his FBI credentials. "I even have the badge to prove it," he said, with a dead serious smile, trying to make her feel a little better.

Her lips curved upwards. At least she wasn't stuck with someone she didn't know. Finn would be pleasant company. "I know," she said, sincerely. "Thank you." She leaned her head back on the couch and closed her eyes. "Do you think we could go to a museum next weekend? I haven't been to one for a long time. Maybe the Smithsonian. They have some new exhibits I'd like to see."

Finn squeezed her hand, and then reached for the remote to turn off the television. "Sure. I know a few guys who work there. They could probably get us into parts of the museum not open to the general public."

She opened her eyes and smiled. "A friend with connections. I'm liking our arrangement more every hour."


	25. Happy Birthday

**A/N; Here's a little lighter chapter, with some fluff. There is a more m-rated section near the end. It's marked for your convenience. I hope you all enjoy and have a great weekend.**

Late in the afternoon, Will sat staring out the window in his office. He'd meant to only take a ten-minute break from the paperwork sitting on his desk. It had been closer to thirty when he glanced at his watch. His mind had wandered to a few of those questions people sometimes ask themselves when the calendar marks that another year of life has passed. Questions where one tends to be critical of what they have and haven't accomplished over the years.

In this current state his mind wandered to Alicia. His birthday had come around once during their affair. At that point in his life birthdays had become something he'd practically ignored. No family close by. Although his sisters and mother always called. Diane would usually acknowledge the date with a well wish, and small gift. But other than those small acknowledgements he wouldn't generally plan anything. Maybe leave work an hour early, grab a drink at a nearby bar, and then head home to watch the latest game while he ate the pizza he'd had delivered. He hadn't planned on that particular year being any different from the ten before.

Alicia however, had other ideas as to how he should spend his birthday. He never had figured out if she'd insisted on celebrating because that's what she'd done for the past fifteen years as a good mother and loving wife, and celebrating birthdays was what you did, or if she'd simply just wanted him to know she cared, and that he deserved to feel special for a day.

 _\- He didn't have to look up from his work to know she was standing in the doorway to his office. Whenever she was near he could sense it. The winds seemed to shift directions heightening his senses. Bringing with it the subtle intoxicating scent that only belonged to her._

 _She knocked lightly and entered as his gaze moved from his case notes to her eyes. He couldn't help but let his eyes drift over her figure and take note of the perfectly fitted red dress she had on. He wondered what she was wearing underneath that layer of fabric. It was one of those days where he'd like to find out right then, but that wouldn't exactly work at nine in the morning._

 _She smiled, as heat made its way through her body, reddening her cheeks just a bit. She knew that look, and it had nothing to do with work. After a few moments of bliss, she regained her composure, and cleared her throat._

" _Are you busy later? I thought maybe we could go over the Stephenson defense. I have a few questions maybe you can help me answer." she said, with raised brow._

 _He knew exactly what she was doing. Trying to figure out if he was busy later on. They didn't have a Stephenson case. "No, I'm not. I'd be happy to look over the case with you. Answer any of your questions."_

 _She nodded. "How does six sound? I'll be in court most of the day."_

" _Fine."_

" _Good. I'll see you then." She turned and walked back out of his office. His eyes never left her until she was completely out of sight. A few minutes later she sent him a text message._

 _I'll pick you up at your place._

 _He responded, Pick me up?_

 _This was a deviation from their usual arrangements. They tried to avoid going places in the same car. He glanced back at his screen as it vibrated in his hand again._

 _Yes, I have something special planned for the birthday boy._

 _They drove on the interstate headed west out of Chicago. He could barely keep his eyes off her as she drove. He'd almost prevented them from leaving his apartment when she'd shown up in an even more seductive low-cut red dress than the one she'd had on at work. Unlike that one, this dress left little to the imagination. He'd immediately pulled her into the apartment and assaulted her neck with kisses as he pressed her against the wall. She'd managed to convince him that the wait would be well worth it once they reached their destination._

 _An hour later they arrived at the Herrington Inn. A European style hotel that sat along the Fox River in Geneva Illinois._

" _Are we eating dinner here?" he asked, between kisses once inside their room._

 _She reached for his arms pulling them away from her body as she broke another kiss. "No, I made a reservation at a quiet little place a short walk from here." He tried to close the distance between them again, but she stepped back. "We'll be late if we don't leave now." She stepped away from him grabbing a light jacket. Now that fall was approaching the evening air was a little cool._

 _He sighed, in resignation. She was going to make him wait even longer for what his body yearned for._

 _The restaurant was quiet and held a romantic ambiance. They sat at a table near the back by a window that overlooked the river._

" _Happy Birthday," she said, holding her glass up to meet his._

" _Thank you," he said, softly, with gentleness in his eyes. "You didn't need to plan all of this, just for me." He meant it, but he appreciated her thoughtfulness none the less._

" _I wanted to make it a good day for you. Getting out of the city allows us to have a meal together someplace other than our apartments or hotel room service. And the location will still allow us to get into work by nine tomorrow."_

 _He had to admit it was nice to be with her out in public. Worrying less about who might see them together. This was more like a real date, rather than their usual evening encounters. Something he'd wanted to do more of as the months had gone on. But their current circumstances hadn't allowed for it more than two or three times._

 _The meal was good and for the first time in a very long time they didn't feel rushed. The conversation flowed easily. The dim lighting made her skin glow, seeming to make her red stained lips and dark lashes stand out more. It made him crazy with desire, and for the rest of the night he was going to pretend she was only his. That the chaos back in the city wasn't any matter of theirs._

 _With each seductive glance or brush of the hand they moved closer together. By the time they were finished eating, they'd managed to move right next to one another. His hand slipped beneath the hem of her dress, as she handed the waiter her credit card. Her free hand grabbed his to stop it's assent up her thigh, as she raised a knowing, yet warning brow to him. She exhaled a slight moan when the waiter disappeared._

" _I can't wait much longer to unwrap my gift,' he whispered against her ear, before pressing a soft kiss to her neck._

 _She couldn't keep the wide grin off her lips. "What makes you think I'm your birthday gift?" She reached for her glass of wine and look a sip of the liquid. Her other hand still holding his firmly in place._

 _He chuckled under his breath. "It's my birthday. I think that means I can choose a gift." He slid the fingers of his other hand gently down her spine, eliciting the desired reaction from her._

" _What makes you think we're headed right back to the inn?" she asked. "I thought a nice walk along the river first would be fun."_

" _What if we went back to the room, and then went for a walk?" he suggested, snaking his arm around her waist._

 _He won out, and she really didn't mind. It had almost become a game to see how crazy she could drive him before he broke. When they returned to the room, he turned on the gas fireplace, poured each of them a glass of champagne, and opened the box of chocolate covered strawberries, while she changed into something more – comfortable._

" _I don't think I've seen this before," he said, running his hands along the smooth red silk fabric landing at her hips. He pulled her closer meeting his lips with hers._

" _I bought it just for you," she breathed, as his lips made contact with her neck._

" _A birthday gift?" he mumbled, against her skin, as his hands made their way to the thin straps._

" _One of them," she responded, with a slight hitch in her voice._

 _He made love to her slowly and passionately. Savoring every single moment._

 _Later on, they snuggled on the sofa wrapped in a blanket together in front of the fireplace drinking champagne and feeding each other the strawberries. She even stuck a candle in one of them for him to blow out._

" _Make a wish," she encouraged him, holding up the candle lit strawberry in her palms._

 _He paused looking into her eyes. Then his gaze moved to the small flickering flame, and he blew it out. "Do you want to know what I wished for?"_

" _No, it's bad luck to tell someone your wish."_

 _As he held her in his arms watching the flames from the fire dance before them, he kissed the top of her head. "This is the best birthday I've had in a long time. It means a lot to me that you'd go to the trouble of finding a way for us to be out in public together. If only for one night. Thank you."_

 _She turned her head to look up at him. "You're welcome." She said, leaning in to give him another passionate kiss. –_

That day had been a week before their unexpected trip to New York for the Ashbaugh case. Little had either of them known that night that they were going to be allowed an entire four days away together the following week.

Sitting in his office now, he thought maybe he would finally tell her what he had wished for that night. If their relationship continued to progress as he hoped, his wish would come true.

A knock came to his office door, pulling him out of his thoughts. "Will, a package came for you," his assistant Ashley said. She handed him the long brown box and left him alone again.

The return address label was for a company in Minnesota that specialized in making custom baseball bats. He opened the box and removed the packaging to reveal a hand-crafted bat with the Baltimore Orioles insignia and colors inscribed on it. He was speechless for a moment as he lifted the bat from the box to admire the handcrafted wood.

He used to have a bat like this. It had had its own special spot among his other baseball paraphernalia in his Chicago apartment. Most of which he'd never replaced.

He opened the note that was inside the box which simply read,

 _Happy Birthday – A_

He smiled at the memory that crossed his mind. One night when she'd been at his place, he'd planned a special baseball date night for them. He'd barbequed hotdogs, made her wear a baseball cap and jersey, while they'd watched one of the Cubs games on T.V. At one point she'd gotten up off the couch and grabbed the closest bat. The one that looked like this gift. She'd asked him to show her how to swing a bat. She already knew how, he'd showed her at Georgetown, and Peter had done the same thing with her years later when they'd gone out to hit a few balls as a family. But there was something extremely seductive about standing behind her, bodies pressed close, while he helped her get the correct positioning for her swing.

He sat back in his chair wondering how she'd ever remembered the design of that bat and where it had come from. He was looking forward to talking to her later that night. They had arranged to talk in the middle of the week on account of his birthday. That and it had been four weeks since their communication had been restricted, and nothing had happened to cause anyone concern. In the last few days after Finn had done his weekly sweep of her house for bugs, he thought it would be okay for her to use a burner phone again to contact Will. They still needed to use caution, but the situation seemed to be under control.

* * *

That evening Will and Chase were at the Marshall's. Ever since Chase had entered Will's life birthdays had become a much bigger occasion. Especially with Janie around. She insisted on making it a big deal. With cake, and balloons, and gifts. Will always told her it wasn't necessary. That she could help him spoil Chase each year for his birthday, but Janie wouldn't give in.

After the main event, the three adults sat in the kitchen talking while the two boys were off playing together.

"So, is the bat from Alicia?" Janie asked, with a happy little smirk on her lips. She'd become highly vested in Will's relationship. She loved the idea that he was finally dating someone seriously, and the whole situation with the long distance between them was very intriguing to her. She expected weekly updates, and a full report whenever he got back from one of his weekends with her. Janie told him it was payment for watching Chase while he was off romancing his girlfriend.

Under normal circumstances the constant questions might be annoying or seem a little over the top. But he liked having someone he could brag about Alicia too.

"Yes," he replied, with a grin, unable to hide the slight blush in his cheeks.

"That's a woman with good taste," Rick commented.

"She does have good taste," Will replied, with pride.

"Did she call to wish you a happy birthday yet?" Janie asked.

"No, not yet."

"When are we going to get meet this mystery woman whose taken hold of your heart? It's been how many months now? You know you can't hide her from me forever." Janie said,

Will inwardly sighed. "I don't know. It's complicated."

Janie took a sip of her drink, rolling her eyes. "This seems like a pretty serious relationship. What happens if you, or she, decides you want to be together…more permanently?"

Will knew full well Janie wanted this relationship to work. For Will, yes, but also so she would have a partner in crime. To help boss the guys around, and so they could go on couples dates together. Will wanted this too. He wanted things to be easier, less complicated. He'd love for Alicia to be there with him every day of the week. Will took a gulp of his beer before answering. "If we get to that point, we'll work it out."

Janie sighed. "Fine, but you have six months to produce this woman in the flesh for at least one evening, or I'll go in search of her."

"You won't be able to find her," Will argued, with a chuckle.

"Is that a challenge?" Janie asked. "I'll have you know, I've taken extensive notes on this woman from our conversations. I may not know what state she lives in, or where she works, but I'll bet with a little research I could find her."

"You don't even know her last name," Will laughed at Janie's enthusiasm.

"No, but how many top-notch lawyers with the name of Alicia, could there be on the east coast?"

Both men chuckled. "More than you would think," Will responded. Although he wasn't confident in the statement at all. "Fine, sometime in the next six months I'll let you meet her." He hoped he wasn't lying.

"That's all I ask," Janie said, patting him on the back as she walked past him to go to the other room where they'd be more comfortable.

After he and Chase got home, Chase sat down on the cushioned chair next to the couch where Will sat. "Dad, can I ask you something?"

"Sure,"

"Who's Alicia?"

It was an innocent question. But caused Will to nearly choke.

"I heard you, Janie, and Rick, talking tonight when I came downstairs to get a game controller."

Will always tried to be careful when they discussed Alicia, avoiding the use of her name as much as possible. But Janie had said it a few times earlier, and obviously Chase had overheard.

"Alicia, is…a friend." He was still trying to gather his thoughts. How much should he say?

"The kind of friend you date?" Chase pushed. "Dad, look I don't care if you're dating someone, I just didn't think you were. You haven't been out on a date in forever."

This made Will laugh a little as he sat back into the couch. "Alicia is a friend, and yes I'm dating her. But she lives far away. The past few times I've gone out of town, I've seen her. And she and I talk on the phone."

Chase scrunched up his nose in confusion. "How do you know her then?"

Will became serious. He briefly looked down at the floor before meeting Chase's gaze again to gather his thoughts. No more holding back the truth, he decided. "I've known Alicia for a very long time. We went to college together." He let that sink in for a few moments.

"But if you're in witness protection, and you've known her for that long, how…"

"Before I went into WITSEC Alicia and I worked together in Chicago. We dated a little. She thought I was dead like everyone else. But she works for the government now. And because of her position she found out I was still alive."

"If she can find out you're still alive, can't the men that tried to hurt you?"

Will felt like he and Chase had made good progress since their talk a month ago, but this had the potential to undo all of that. "No. Alicia only found out because she has access to classified information that the one person whose still alive and might recognize me will never be able to see. Alicia will keep my secret for as long as I ask her too."

"You're sure you can trust her?"

"Yes, I trust her more than any other woman I know."

Chase continued to stare at him in silence.

"I don't want you to worry about being safe. It's like we talked about before a few times," Will reassured him. "No one is looking for me."

"What is she like?" Chase asked.

Will told him a little about her and showed him one of the old photos he had of her.

"She's pretty," Chase said. "Do you love her?"

Chase wasn't going to back down. Will knew full well he was going to get grilled.

"Yes, I do. Very much."

Chase thought about that for a minute before his next question. "Does she like kids?"

"Yes," Will chuckled.

"What about pizza and baseball?"

"Yes,"

"Does she know how to play any video games?"

Will hesitated. "I…don't know."

"When can I meet her?"

"You want to meet her?" Will clarified.

"Yeah, I need to know if I can trust her like you do."

"I don't know when. But I'll ask her, okay?"

Chase only nodded. Clearly, he was taking all of this to heart, and trying to figure out if he'd like Alicia.

"Are you okay with this?" Will asked.

Chase sighed, looking tired. "Yeah, it's just a little weird, that's all. How do you know you love her?"

Will clasped his hands together and leaned forward. "Because I've spent enough time with and without her to know that when I am with her I'm very happy. And when I'm not with her, I miss her a whole lot, and wish she was with me." That was the simple answer anyway.

Chase questioned him some more, at least enough that his curiosity was satiated for the time being. He wished Will Happy Birthday one more time, and then went to bed.

Will wasn't completely certain how Chase felt about this new news, but hoped they would be able to work through it if any problems arose. His desire for Chase to meet Alicia had just grown a hundred times from an hour before.

* * *

"I'm sorry it's so late. We got home later than I planned," Will said, over the phone.

"Will, it's fine. I don't have anything going on at work until nine. I'll sleep a little longer in the morning."

"What about Finn?"

"I don't think he'll mind a later start. I usually have him out of the house by seven. He'd much prefer eight."

"How is it going with Finn?"

"The same as it was three days ago. He and I are very good actors. In fact, my assistant Angie started dating an agent Finn knows back in July, and they want to get together for a date night."

Will didn't know whether to laugh or feel jealous. "Just tell Finn if he tries to put the moves on you in front of these guys, I'll break his arm."

Alicia laughed out loud. "Don't worry. It's strictly business between us."

"How is the threat diversion coming along at work?"

She sighed heavily. "It's not. As far as I can tell there hasn't been any progress made on the case in the last four weeks. Of course, it's possible that I'm being left out of the loop."

"It's safe for you that way," he pointed out.

This was a sore topic between them, so she changed the subject. "How was your day? Please tell me you did something to celebrate."

"I did. Cake and everything. Thank you for the gift. I love it, Leesh."

"You're welcome."

"How did you ever remember the make of that bat, and the company it came from?"

"How could I forget that night? I still have the baseball cap you made me wear all evening."

"Really?" He was surprised.

"Yes, I held onto it with a few other things."

They fell into silence for a few moments. Each lost in their memories of that night long ago.

"Leesh, I told Chase about you."

She sat upright in bed and stared at the picture on the wall across the room. For some reason this caused her a slight panic.

"And…what does he think?" she said, slowly.

"I think he likes the idea of me dating someone, but he wants to meet you."

"I want to meet him, but…"

He wondered why she was hesitating. The last time they'd been together this is what she'd wanted. "What if he comes with me in October?"

There was a long, strained pause. "Will, I…don't think it's a good idea."

"Leesh, six weeks ago this is what you wanted. More commitment. To feel like we were moving forward. And now you're saying you don't want to meet Chase?" It frustrated him. He'd purposefully told Chase about his past, and now, also about her, because they had decided that it would allow for their relationship to feel more real. Add stability.

"No, Will, I want to meet him," she made clear. "I want to get to know him. Spend time with him. I just don't know that under my current circumstances it's a good idea. Finn feels like it's safe for us to do the trip, but he's insisting on coming along. He'll stay next door. I just, I don't want to worry Chase. You told me how he was a little nervous about your safety. I don't want to add to his anxiety over everything with a bodyguard following us around."

Will ran a hand through his hair. She was probably right. In fact, the more he thought about it, he knew she was right. "Yeah, okay. You make a good point."

She felt awful. He'd been the hesitant one when it came to Chase, and now that he was willing to let her in to that part of his life she was turning him down. "Will, I'm sorry," she said, softly.

"Leesh, it's fine."

"It's not, but it's our life right now. How would you feel about me talking to him? When we're together, maybe we could video chat with him using your phone or laptop? I know it wouldn't be the same as meeting in person, but it would be a start. Now that he knows about me, I don't want him to feel left out. I don't want him to feel like I'm taking you away from him. Thirteen is a vulnerable age. And even though it may seem like he's trying to pull away from you to find his independence, he still needs to know you're there for him. I don't want to ruin that."

Will glanced at the photo of he and Chase on the nightstand. It was touching and a relief that she felt so much concern about his relationship with his son. "That's a good idea. I'd like that, and he probably would too."

"Good. Then it's settled."

They were quiet for a moment. He decided to try and lighten the mood again. "So, Finn is coming along huh? That won't be the least bit awkward," he smirked.

She laughed under her breath. "We'll barely know he's there. He's only coming to keep an eye on things. Make sure nothing suspicious goes on. He said he was making arrangements with one of the U.S. Marshall's to join him, so they could take shifts."

"I guess we'll have to keep the noise to a minimum. You'll have to show a little restraint when I kiss that spot on your,"

"Okay, stop. Finn overhearing us in bed is not an image I want swimming around in my head," she said, more quietly, remembering that Finn was just down the hall in the guest room.

He couldn't help but laugh. "Speaking of being in bed together. I got distracted in my office today thinking about the last time we celebrated my birthday together."

She immediately recalled that night. "I remember. A week before our trip to New York."

"That was a good night,"

"It was. I have another birthday surprise for you when we see each other."

"I think you should tell me what it is now." He smiled, staring up at the ceiling from his position on the bed.

"I think I'll keep it a secret." She pressed the pillow in her arms firmly against her body. Waves of heat rushed through her veins. What was it with him? All he had to do was mention the idea of sex and her body decided it had a mind of its own. She blamed it on the distance and long droughts of physical contact between them. "But maybe…" she said, in a deeper throaty tone. "What are you wearing right now?"

He sighed, closing his eyes, knowing where this was headed. His body was already beginning to respond. "Pajama bottoms and t-shirt. Very sexy," he added.

"It is," she continued, in the same tone. "Where are you?"

"On my bed."

 **M Rating**

"Okay, now imagine this. It's late. I'm in bed snuggled up next to you in pajama bottoms and a tank top. We're sleeping. Are your eyes closed?"

"Yes," he responded.

"Good. I wake up from a dream about you. I'm already wet. I start to place soft kisses on your forehead, your cheeks, then your lips. Can you feel the kisses?"

He let out a quiet moan. "Yes. I woke up and kissed you back."

"We make out for a few minutes, becoming more awake. My hands start to move over your body."

He can almost feel her gentle touches.

"Then I straddle you. I take off my top. My breasts are exposed. I help you remove your t-shirt." They both removed their tops.

Another moan escaped his lips. "Your breasts are exquisite. My hands are touching them now. Can you feel it? Your nipples are getting firmer."

She let out a moan of her own as her hand went to her breast. "Yes." She closed her eyes as she lay on the bed beneath her soft sheets. "I feel you getting harder beneath me. I think it's time to take of those pajama bottoms," she said.

He removed his bottoms. "What are you wearing under your bottoms?" he asked.

She took her bottoms off and got comfortable again. "Black, lace," is all she said.

"Mmmm," he responded. "One of my favorites. My fingers are playing with your clit over the fabric. You're soaking wet, what do you want me to do now?"

Her hand clenched onto the duvet, her head tilted upwards as desire thickened her voice. "keep touching me. Don't stop," she breathed. Her hips moved subtly.

"I'm sliding the thong down your legs. Now I'm trailing kisses back up your thighs to where you want my lips the most. Can you feel my lips on your milky skin, Alicia?"

She gasped. "Yes, Will. Yes." She slipped off the lace fabric, her hand went to her core. She was aching for him.

They continued the banter for a little while. Telling each other exactly what they'd do. How they'd touch, kiss, suck, every body part that brought them closer to orgasm.

They were both moving slowly, doing their best to imagine the other there next to them. Finally, he couldn't take it any longer. "How badly do you want me inside you right now?" he asked, as his hand continued to stroke his erection.

"So bad. Please Will," she begged. "I need it now."

He increased the speed of his strokes. "Leesh, put a third finger inside of you. Feel the pressure. Find that spot. Move faster, flick your clit with your thumb. But wait, let's go together."

She grumbled out of frustration. He could hear the short rhythmic pants escaping her lips. "Faster Leesh, faster." Her body moved quicker. So did his. And finally, "Now Leesh, now."

She dropped the phone, quickly pulling a pillow over her face to muffle the sounds that escaped her lips. He hadn't managed to. She could hear him moaning at the pleasure as they both peaked.

 **End M rating. **

Once their breathing was under control again, she picked up the phone. "That was amazing."

"Our best phone session yet," he replied. He lay there completely content among his mangled sheets.

She giggled. "I have to agree. Happy Birthday, Will."


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N I hope some of you are still around. I'm so sorry for the long wait on the update. I'll try to do better in the coming weeks. I know some of you are patiently waiting for them to work through the ins and outs of actually ending up together. I promise we're getting there little by little. Thank you as always for everyone's support.**

The past few weeks had been, _interesting,_ Finn thought. It wasn't every day that a civilian was asked to go under cover. In fact, it rarely every happened. If it did it was usually for a brief period, a few hours, a day maybe, just long enough to put a wire on someone to get crucial evidence on a case.

As he watched Alicia getting some coffee from across the VIP lounge inside Boston's Logan international airport, he thought their situation would be an interesting experiment in psychology or social behavior. They'd kept up their dating façade for eight weeks now. In ways it was just another job for him - except that it really wasn't. It was more personal because they were friends. But he was able to look at the situation from a professional angle that she didn't have any context for. She hadn't had any training for undercover work. She hadn't gone through the rigorous system Will had to take on a new identity. So much of her life right now was shrouded in secrecy, and deceit that he wondered how much longer she'd be able to deal with it all.

She'd handled everything like a pro. On the outside she appeared to be calm and collected. Acted like this bump in the road hadn't really affected her. But recently she'd begun to crack a bit. Some of her annoyance, anxiety, and fears about the situation had peaked through her tough exterior. It was completely understandable that she'd be tired of the waiting. Tired of the constant invasion into her life that having round the clock security brought. Tired of feeling like she couldn't do what she wanted without asking permission first. Tired of wondering when it would end. Two weeks ago, she and Finn had attended the annual Department of Justice gala together. Of all the formal events in D.C. this was one she absolutely had to attend.

 _\- He couldn't help but think how amazing she looked in the dark navy evening gown. Her hair was pulled up, allowing her diamond earrings to sparkle in the light of the large ballroom where the gala was being held._

 _To keep up appearances she and Finn would periodically hold hands. When they were talking to a group of people he'd lightly place his hand at the small of her back. During dinner she made sure she sat close to him. And even got off a few lines of subtle flirtation for added effect._

 _He marveled at her ability to work a crowd. Smile, shake hands, carry on an intelligent conversation with every single person that approached her – no small number. Even handle the people he knew full well she didn't like with grace, and ease._

" _It's a practiced art. Perfected over a life time." She'd whispered to him at one point during the evening when he'd complimented her on it._

" _You'd make a good undercover agent," he said, sipping his drink, his other hand at the small of her back._

" _That's what I am right now, isn't it? The role I've played for the past six weeks." She raised her brow to him as she sipped her own drink._

 _He chuckled under his breath. "Yes, I suppose you have."_

 _Alicia smiled as Angie approached them with her FBI agent boyfriend in tow. "Angie, Agent Blake," she said. "Having fun?" She moved closer to Finn. They really had to put on the dating act for these two who knew them both quite well._

" _Ma'am, I really wish you'd stop addressing me as agent, and use my first name," the tall, mid-thirties man, with a notable southern accent replied, as he shook Finn's hand._

 _Everyone laughed as he continued. "I mean, Finn and I work together. See'ns how you two are dating, and I'm dat'n your assistant, it only seems right for you to call me Corey."_

 _Alicia couldn't disagree. "I'll tell you what. You stop calling me Ma'am, and I'll stop addressing you as agent when we aren't at work."_

" _Sounds fair, Ma'am, I mean Alicia."_

 _Angie had fallen head over heels for Corey almost as soon as she'd been introduced to him when he'd come in to talk to Alicia about a case at the end of June. He and Finn had worked a few cases together in previous years, and Corey was a member of one of the teams that Finn, as a senior agent, oversaw. "He's one of our most promising agents," Finn had told Alicia._

 _After talking for a few minutes, and Angie convincing them they should all go out to dinner together Sunday night, the two lovebirds made their way out onto the dance floor._

 _A few glasses of wine, and an hour later, Finn had convinced Alicia to dance._

" _You seem far away tonight," he commented, as they moved to the rhythm of the music. Despite her interactions with everyone, Finn had caught onto the fact that she'd been distracted all evening._

" _Angie and Corey seem happy together," she replied, ignoring his comment._

 _His eyes moved past a few people to the couple dancing near them. "They do. Corey's the perfect southern gentleman. Unless you've committed a crime. You don't ever want to be on the opposite side of a gun fight, or interrogation table from him. All that southern charm washes away, along with the accent."_

 _She lightly laughed. "I'll try to remember that. I'm happy for her. This is the longest relationship she's been in since our first year working together."_

 _She became quiet again. Her mind seemed to have drifted back to the place she'd been a few minutes before. She moved closer to Finn and rested her chin on his shoulder. He adjusted easily to the new closeness. At one point, about six years prior, he'd thought about asking her out, officially. He liked Alicia. He was attracted to her. He enjoyed her company. He'd even told her so. She'd considered it, and they had talked about it, but in the end, they'd concluded that remaining friends was the best option. That was why their current arrangement worked. They were friends without expectations. Things were always easy between them. She'd once told him that their relationship reminded her of the one she'd had with Will back in college. He'd decided that was quite a compliment and hadn't ever pushed things further._

" _I've never danced with Will. Not like this," she clarified, a few minutes later._

 _Finn was surprised. "Never?" he questioned, understanding where her mind had been drifting to during the evening._

" _There were a few times in college when we went to a club with some friends. But that's nothing like this. Years later when we attended the same formal events, we were always with someone else." Her eyes closed. She breathed in deeply. "I want to dance with Will like this someday," she said, almost fleetingly._

" _I'm sure you'll get the chance," he responded._

 _She nodded. "Finn, thank you. For everything. I'm grateful for your friendship. This would be very difficult if I had to do it with someone I didn't know."_

" _You're welcome," he said, brushing away the thought that maybe he was falling for her. That maybe this really was more personal than they, he, had intended. That his, professional code of conduct, was blurring a little._

 _By eleven Alicia was ready to leave. She'd been seen by everyone she thought needed to see her at the event. They arrived at her place twenty minutes later. He went to get out of the car, but she spoke up before he had the door open._

" _How much longer do you think we'll have to do this?" She was staring out the front window. "I mean I don't mind having you around. I like spending time with you. It's just…I didn't think it would take this long to find the mole." It was a rare moment of insecurity, and frustration that hardly anyone ever saw in her._

 _He sighed, sitting back in the seat. "I don't know. We still don't have any good leads on the mole. Whoever it is has covered their tracks well."_

 _She only nodded. "I realize this was my idea. I'm grateful for your willingness to do it. But I don't want to keep you from dating other people. I don't want to interfere with your happiness." She turned to meet his gaze. The sincerity in her eyes was evident._

" _Alicia, you're not," he said, honestly. "And you're not keeping me from dating," he admitted. "Don't worry about it, okay? I've been meaning to ask out a fellow agent, but she was assigned to a six-month operation in Houston last month. I'll ask her out when she comes back in March." He hoped this bit of information would satisfy her guilt._

" _Okay, thank you." She squeezed his hand before they got out of the car. -_

She walked back towards him, coffee in hand, and sat down in the chair next to him. She was scrolling through a text message. "Grace is asking my advice on a case. I'll have to call her later. I can't answer these questions through text message." A few moments later she laughed and held up the phone for Finn to see. Grace had sent her a selfie sitting in her current office surrounded by mountains of file boxes, and paper strewn all around her. "The life of associate," Alicia said, as she typed a response.

 _Grace_ , Finn thought. She'd added a little bit of stress to their lives just last weekend.

 _\- It was Saturday afternoon. Finn was on the couch reading. Alicia was in the den working, when his phone buzzed. The person on the other end of the line had his full attention within seconds._

" _Say that again," Finn said, heading towards the den._

" _Bluebird, just bought a ticket to D.C. She's going through airport security now. Do you want me to get on the plane with her?" It was one of the agents assigned to protect Grace._

 _Finn ran a hand through his hair. "She just went to the airport spur of the moment and bought a ticket?" he wanted to make sure he understood correctly._

" _Yes. When she loaded the overnight bag into her car, I assumed she was going to her boyfriends, or taking a short road trip overnight. But she drove straight to the airport. Do you want me to engage? Find out what her plan is?"_

 _Finn's gaze set on Alicia as he got closer to her. "No. If she's coming here it'll be to see her mother. If anyone is keeping tabs on her, they won't have time to formulate a plan before she gets on the plane. We can watch her while she's in D.C. Get through security, make sure she boards the plane, then take a break. I'll call when she's on her way back."_

 _He hung up a few moments later. "Did Grace call you?" he asked, Alicia._

 _She furrowed her brow and checked her phone for a missed call. 'No. I haven't talked to her since last week. Is she okay?" She immediately looked panicked._

" _She's fine. But she's about to board a flight to D.C."_

" _She's what?"_

 _He could almost see the anxiety set it. Her features tensed._

" _Something must be wrong. She wouldn't do that spur of the moment without calling me first." She quickly stood from the chair, scrolling through the numbers on her phone until she found Grace's. Finn took the phone from her and cancelled the call._

" _Finn!" she said, frustrated. "I need to call her. What if she's in trouble?"_

" _Alicia, no. My agent is following her. He'll make sure she gets on the plane. If you call her now she'll wonder how you knew about her flight. And then you'll have to tell her what's going on. Do you really want to do that? Maybe she's trying to surprise you."_

 _Alicia reached for her phone but gave in to his comments. "Okay, you're probably right."_

 _She relaxed some as she slumped back into her chair._

" _What are we going to do?" Alicia asked. "She doesn't know about our…situation. When we were in Chicago for Diane's retirement party, we told everyone that I found out you were in town and had invited you along. But that won't work here. There's evidence that two people are living here all over this house. Your clothes in the guest room closet, and your toothbrush in the bathroom, to name a few."_

 _He gave her a few options. She could tell Grace what was going on. Which Alicia refused to do. She didn't want Grace worrying. She could tell Grace that they were dating. Try and sell the same story they'd sold to everyone else. Or, move all of Finn's clothes, and toiletries to her room. If Grace asked about it, she could continue to play up the story that she was dating someone, but still wanted the identity of that person to remain a secret. Which was the truth. When Grace got there and saw Finn, Alicia could tell her she'd invited him over for dinner._

 _It had been a crazy few hours getting things set up, but by the time Grace arrived, Finn's things had been moved. They had decided to go with their dating story._

 _Grace was a little surprised to find Finn there when she arrived but didn't question Alicia's explanation. She even seemed a little excited about the news. The situation had only caused a few moments of awkwardness, which was good. Grace had fled to D.C. for a little breathing room, and to get some advice from her mother. Because Ben had gotten more serious about a marriage proposal, and it had freaked Grace out a bit. -_

Grace had gone home early Monday morning. Finn knew that lying to Grace had been hard for Alicia, and the next few days had been exhausting. With congress in session there had been numerous documents to go over. In addition, there were some federal financial fraud cases that were making their way through the federal court system she was keeping an eye on. So, it was no surprise that when she and Finn had finally gotten to her place at one in the morning the night before, she'd ended up venting some of her frustrations when Finn refused her request for the weekend.

 _-" I'm going to go to Massachusetts alone. I want to spend this weekend alone with Will. No agents, no surveillance, no twenty-minute notice when he and I decide we're going to walk along the shore or grab a bite to eat. I'm not doing it. You and this agent you've recruited to help can take the weekend off." She stood across the kitchen island from him. Her feet firmly planted on the wood floor. She was determined to have her way._

" _Alicia, you know I can't allow that. We talked about this. You and Will won't even know we're there."_

 _A tired, spiteful laugh escaped. "That's the thing Finn. We will know you're there. With your long-range scope watching the house. Nothing has happened in the eight weeks since we started this charade. Not one, single, thing to cause anyone the tiniest bit of concern for my safety. Nothing is going to happen," she argued. She knew she was begging, complaining, but she was so tired of all of it, she just wanted a break._

 _He sighed heavily. "You don't know that. I can't guarantee that. If something happened to you, it wouldn't be the AG, or my boss that I'd be worried about. I'd have to answer to Will. And he is the last person on this planet I want to answer to when it comes to you."_

 _He almost laughed at the thin line that formed on her lips. He had her with that comment, and she knew it._

" _What if I can convince Will it would be okay?" She wasn't going to give this up easily. She knew full well the power she held over Will. But she hadn't considered, in this moment, that Will held the same power over her._

 _He just smiled. "Go ahead and try," he pulled out his phone for her. "I'm sure he's still up. Call him and tell him what you just told me."_

 _For a split second he thought she might actually do it. He became serious again, placing the phone back in his pocket. "Alicia," he said, gently. "Will, would do almost anything for you. I don't doubt it. And that includes anything he has to do protect you. He knows what it's like to have someone threatening your life. There is no scenario on this planet where he'd agree to leaving you unprotected right now. I'm sorry. I really am. But this is how it has to be."_

 _She stared at him, then let out a long deep breath, giving in to the fight. "I know. When this is over, I'm going to punish both of you." She tried to sound angry and stern, but he caught the hint of playful sarcasm it was laced with._

" _I plan on running in the morning. Be ready at five. Then we need to leave here by six-thirty. I have a breakfast meeting at seven. You need to pick me up from work at one, so we don't miss our flight. Goodnight Finn," she said, as she walked past him towards the stairs._

 _He only smiled as he turned out the lights, and double checked the locks. "Four hours of sleep, likely followed by a five mile run - if he was lucky enough she'd keep it that short. She was definitely going to make him suffer for this. He chuckled to himself as he made his way up the stairs. Maybe he should call Will to warn him. She would likely find a way to punish him too. "Nah," he said, under his breath. "He deserves to suffer as much I do." -_

"I'm sorry for being so upset last night," she said, reaching into her bag for a book. "I know this is best. I'm just – wearing down."

"Alicia, don't worry about it. I understand that it gets to be frustrating sometimes."

She nodded. "Tell me again who this agent is helping you out this weekend."

"He's retired FBI. He runs his own private security firm now. It's based here in Boston."

"And you used to work together?"

"Yes, we were partners for six years. We started working together right after I left Chicago. I trust him more than any other agent I've ever worked with. I think you'll like him."

She nodded turning her attention to her book.

Finn spotted Will first. Alicia was distracted as she stood by the large windows staring outside. When the men made eye contact, Will, put his finger to his lips so Finn would keep his presence quiet.

Will walked up behind her, and reached his hands around her head covering her eyes. "Guess who?" he said.

Finn watched as a wide grin formed on Alicia's lips. She reached for Will's hands removing them from her eyes and turned towards him.

"You made it," she said, softly, placing a deep kiss to his lips, then wrapping him up in a tight hug. Will looked a little surprised at her public show of affection but responded in kind.

Finn noticed immediately how she relaxed into Will's embrace. It was as if all the built up tension of the past weeks had suddenly oozed from her body. She may not like the security detail, but a few days with Will looked like it was already doing her a world of good.

They exited the airport to find a man who appeared to be in his sixties, well-built, with gray hair, waiting for them with two cars. Finn had given in to this request from Alicia and would allow them to have their own car. He and Tony would follow in a separate vehicle.

"Have you found anything?" Finn asked, as he continued to follow Alicia down the highway. Unbeknownst to Alicia, Finn, with the permission of the AG, had asked Tony to look into things through his private security firm a few weeks ago, after the DOJ gala. He felt similar to Alicia in that it seemed like no one was making any progress into finding out who was behind the sex trafficking ring or the government mole.

Tony had heartily agreed to investigate. "We've spent the past two weeks trying to break down the money chain. But these guys are good. Highly skilled in technology. There hasn't been a transfer of funds since we talked. If we can catch and isolate one of those transfers as it's happening, we might find something. I have people monitoring it twenty-four hours a day."

This wasn't encouraging. "And what about Alicia?" Finn pressed. He'd also asked Tim to monitor Alicia's computer activity. He had a feeling she hadn't stopped digging into things, despite saying she would.

"She's not doing anything that would raise an eyebrow, but she's definitely not leaving it alone. Once a day she checks the status of the various cases she's supposed to stay away from among all the agencies. Again, I don't think it's anything to raise an eyebrow at. She checks on the status of a dozen other cases every day as well. It's part of her job. Which is probably why she doesn't try to hide the fact that she's doing it. But you may want to do some digging into something else that seems to have her attention."

Finn glanced at him before returning his gaze back to the road. "What's that?"

"She's been doing extensive research on six federal cases. Not just at work. It's practically all she's done on her personal laptop for the past two weeks."

"Why would that raise a red flag. That's what she does. Spend hours and hours scrutinizing cases. That's what makes her such a good attorney. No leaf unturned when she gets to court."

"I understand that, but all of these cases have been in the system for years. They were forgotten. A few formal charges were made, but they've been bogged down in the system. More so than usual," he emphasized. "I think someone was trying to bury them, so they'd never be found. Until three weeks ago. They were all assigned to the same attorney. As far as I can tell, he did everything he could to bury these cases."

"Who's the attorney? And why would Alicia suddenly have such interest in the cases?"

"A senior AUSA who died of a heart attack three weeks ago. Steve Terry."

The name seemed familiar to Finn, and then it hit him. "Alicia mentioned his death. He was pretty high up at the DOJ."

"How or why Alicia got a hold of these cases, I don't know. I also don't know if it has anything to do with our investigation. But she seems to be obsessed with them. It might be worth asking her about it."

Finn sighed. "That will be a fun conversation. Is there any chance this guy was the one behind the threatening note that was left for her, or that he was the one behind the trafficking ring, or drugs?"

"I haven't found a connection yet. He comes from wealth, and there haven't been any unusual payments, or withdrawals from his accounts in the past five years. But that doesn't mean he wasn't connected to it all somehow."

"All right. Keep digging. I'll ask Alicia about the cases next week. She'd probably strangle me in my sleep if I bother her with it while we're here," he said, light heartedly.

Tim chuckled. "I don't blame you. From what I've gathered of her in the past few weeks, she's not one to mess around with."

Finn smiled. "No, she isn't."

* * *

The hour drive from the airport to Rockport had passed by quickly. The broad smile that formed across Alicia's face when she'd first seen Will at the airport hadn't disappeared. However, he sensed something was bothering her, despite the easy, care-free conversation they'd been having. The fact that she'd wrapped him up in a hug that made him think she was holding on for dear life at the airport, hadn't gone unnoticed.

She had pointed out several landmarks along their way. Commenting several times about how breathtaking the deep, rich, fall colors of the landscape were.

The scenery didn't disappoint as they traveled along the coast line nearing Rockport. The contrast between the vast blue Atlantic ocean on one side, and the red, gold, and orange foliage on the other was worth the trip all on its own.

As they drove through the seaside town to get to Alicia's cottage, he better understood why she'd fallen in love with the place. It was small, yet big enough. The main part of town was clad with shingled colorful clapboard buildings. Giving one the sense that they were in a very old New England seaside town. One would think there wasn't much to do in such a place. But as Alicia had told him, this place was a hub for art galleries, and fine dining. Then of course there was the coast itself. Many parts of the coastline were covered in rocks, fitting perfectly with towns name. But there were also a few sandy beaches as well.

There were probably several other seaside towns similar to this one. But Rockport had been the one that Alicia had found and fallen in love with. Pointing things out to him around town as they drove past seemed to give her immense pleasure. As if she'd lived here for years. If this place could giver her so much joy, he was sure to love it too.

They turned off the main road and followed a narrow tree lined street to what felt like the edge of the continent. Just as he thought there couldn't possibly be any more road to follow the street curved. A short distance past that Alicia took a right and followed a narrow lane until she pulled up to the side of a quaint, gray two story cottage with white trim, and pitched rooflines.

"We're here," she beamed, as she put the car into park.

"From the road back there, you'd never guess there was enough land this direction for houses," he commented, opening his door.

The back of the house was surrounded by large trees. Taking his hand she led him around to the front if the house to reveal a large porch with wide open unobstructed views of the ocean a very short distance away.

He watched as she briefly closed her eyes taking in a few deep breaths of the fresh sea air. It was beautiful. She was beautiful, breathtaking with the fading sun at her back, a light breeze blowing through her hair.

She squeezed his hand, and leaned into him, as they continued to survey the coastline. "I'm so glad you're here."

He felt her relax against his body. He turned his head and pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head. "Me too."

As if jolted out of a daze, she pulled away from him, but didn't let go of his hand. "Finn, and Tony will be staying at that house over there," She pointed to her left. A ways off, past the tree line around the edge of the property, he could make out another house with a similar build.

"And old Mrs. Reynolds lives in that house." She pointed in the opposite direction. "She's lived here her whole life. I'm sure you'll have the pleasure of meeting her. When she notices the car during her morning walk, I'm sure she'll think she needs to bring us some sort of bake good. She wants everyone to feel at home."

"So, she's nosy?" he commented.

"No. She'll stay and chat if we invite her too, but she never seemed to expect an invitation. She really does just want everyone to feel welcomed in her town."

"Her town?" he said, with raised brow.

"Don't try to argue with her on that. Her ancestors have inhabited this town for two-hundred years," she laughed lightly, as a memory crossed her mind. "She and James sat on the porch for hours one day discussing the town, it's history, and her ancestors. The only thing that got either of them to move from their seats was that she needed to get home to water her flower beds before the sun went down."

They both laughed, as she turned him towards the house to go inside. "I'm pretty sure she won't think I'm all that interesting," he commented.

"I wouldn't be so sure. If I remember correctly, she has quite a love for baseball."

He chuckled again. "You're kidding right?" he said, as they entered the front room of the house.

She sighed with a smile as she turned to face him. "No! "Baseball is as American as apple pie." I've heard her say it more than once."

He lightly laughed moving closer to her. Wrapping her up in his embrace he pressed a warm kiss to her lips. Her hands went to the back of his neck pulling him closer. He'd missed her. He'd missed being near her. He'd gone nearly nine years without her and faired just fine. It was funny how eight weeks felt longer than a lifetime.

She broke the kiss, resting her head on his chest. "You look tired," he said, quietly, running his hand in circles over her back.

"I am." She pulled away. "We got home late last night, and I forced Finn out of bed early this morning to go running. In hind sight, maybe that wasn't my best plan. But I've had a few cups of coffee. I should be good the rest of the night. I don't want to waste any of my time with you. What do you want to do? There are several good restaurants around. We can go for a walk. We should make a run to the market and get a few things for the weekend."

She'd moved across the room and looked at him for an answer. "Leesh, you're tired. Let's keep it low key tonight." He moved to her again putting his hands on her hips. "I thought about what you said the last time we were together. That we've never known what it's like to be a couple in a normal relationship. I want to do that. These weekends we spend together could technically be considered vacations. But maybe it's time to use them more…practically. Still go sightseeing etcetera but treat them more like we would treat weekends at home together."

He glanced around the open space of the main floor. It looked comfortable and inviting. The light color palette was exactly what you'd expect in a cottage. But Alicia's hand in the decorating would be obvious to anyone who knew her. "We're at your home. Your, _place_ , I believe is what you called it. Let's be Will and Alicia the couple who have a house in Rockport Massachusetts. Instead of the crazy romantic couple who came here for a few days get-a-way."

The tired lines at her brow diminished. A gentle smile formed on her lips again. "I like the sound of that." She placed her hands on his chest and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "We can still be a crazy romantic couple though, right?" A seductive little smirk formed on her lips.

"The craziest," he responded.

"Then what should we do tonight?"

He turned her around, placing his hands on her shoulders and began a gentle massage. "We should grab something to eat. Someplace quiet. And then we come back here and watch a movie while we snuggle on that couch that looks like you could lay on and never want to get up."

He continued to massage her tense muscles. She closed her eyes drinking in the soothing affect of his ministrations. "Before we watch the movie, can we take a hot bath in my oversized soaking tub. I've been dreaming of it for weeks."

"Mmm," he hummed, pressing his body against hers. "I could definitely go for something like that." His hands moved slowly down her body as he trailed soft kisses along her neck. "I can't wait to see the rest of the house," he whispered, in her ear.

"I think you'll like the master suite," she commented, taking hold of his hand leading him towards the stairs at the back of the house. "You think that couch looks comfortable. Just wait until you lay in the king-sized bed. All the pillows…blankets…soft sheets. You can get buried in it for hours."

He squeezed her hand. "As long as you're buried in it with me, I don't care how long it takes to get back out."


	27. Chapter 27

Alicia's eyes fluttered open as she slowly woke buried amongst the soft sheets, down pillows and comforter. She hadn't slept so well in weeks. She hadn't felt this rested in forever. Breathing out a deep sigh of contentment, she lazily turned to face Will's sleeping body. She smiled gazing at his every feature, unable to resist reaching her hand to run her fingers gently through his hair.

 _Normal_ , she thought, his words from the previous night echoing in her mind. She'd like this to be normal. Waking up next to him, rested, peaceful, no rush to get out of bed. Be allowed a few minutes each morning to kiss and cuddle with the man who held her heart.

He reached his hand and took hers bringing it to his lips for a soft kiss before opening his eyes.

"Hi," she whispered, with a gentle smile.

"Hi," he responded, opening his eyes and moving his hand over the curves of her body. "You're right. This is the most comfortable bed I've ever slept in." He leaned in pressing a soft trail of kisses from her lips to her neck.

A contented sigh fell from her lips. Her eyes closed as his fingers grazed the bare skin under her soft cotton top. "You doubted me saying you'd never want to get out of this bed?" she questioned, relishing in the feel of his hand running over her body. Her breath caught as he swiftly pulled her on top of him.

"No," he responded, gently tugging on the hem of her shirt to pull it up over her head.

"I'll never get tired of waking up like this," she breathed, sometime later, coming down from the high.

He chuckled softly. "Me either."

Her gaze moved past him to the French doors that led out to the upper deck. A morning fog had set in. "It looks like a chilly morning. I'll go make us some coffee. I guarantee it's the best you've ever had." She leaned over giving him a quick peck on the lips, before trying to unravel herself from the blankets that were tangled around them.

"If this bed is any indication, I have a hard time doubting you on the coffee. But you do realize I live in one of the top four cities for best coffee in the country, right?" he smirked, leaning up on his elbow to watch her pull her pajamas back on. "I have extremely high coffee standards now."

She laughed, throwing a small pillow at him. "Well, Mr. Coffee guru, what I'm about to make you will be the best cup of coffee you've ever drunk. I had the woman who cleans this place grab some from my favorite boutique coffee shop in town." She raised a brow to him then turned to leave the room. "Get out of bed. We have things to do today," she smirked.

He laughed resting his head on the pillow again. "What if everything I want to do with you today consists of being in this bed?" he called after her.

She only chuckled as she went down the stairs at the end of the hall.

Stepping into the kitchen, she gazed out the window at the trees on the side of the house. She'd forgotten just how much she loved being here. Her own little place to escape to and hide away from the rest of the world. She felt completely at ease. Safe. She couldn't wipe the smile off her face over having Will here with her.

She started the coffee and reached into the cupboard for a bowl so she could make some Belgian waffles as Will padded into the room.

"Do you want me to make breakfast?" he asked, wrapping an arm around her waist, placing a kiss to her cheek.

"No, thank you. I found this great recipe for waffles I want you to try."

She handed him his mug of coffee and a set of keys. "Will you unlock the large closet next to the stairs, and get the waffle iron out for me, please? That's where I keep everything I don't want the renters using."

The entire bottom level of the house was open except for the bedroom and bathroom at the rear. Will made his way to the closet. Opening it up he discovered games, books, blankets, a few boxes on the top shelves, a set of dishes, and some towels. Everything one could possibly want for a comfortable stay.

"You have quite the game collection," he said, looking over the various games on the shelf. "Chase would love it," he added.

She looked over to him. "That's one of the things the kids like to do when they're here." She set the whisk down. "Do you think Chase would like it here?"

Will walked back to the kitchen with the waffle iron and sat on the stool at the island. "I think he'd love it, Leesh." He took a big gulp of his coffee.

"Maybe when we go shopping today, we could pick up a few things he'd like to have here. I mean if there's something we don't already have. A favorite game…"

Will moved off the stool and went to stand beside her, placing his hands at her hips. He was touched by her concern for Chase.

"Or a bat and ball," she continued, gazing up into his eyes. "I want him to feel comfortable here…for when you bring him the next time."

Will leaned forward, pressing his forehead to hers. "That would be great. Thank you. The coffee is wonderful."

She smiled. "I'm glad you like it."

* * *

They spent a lazy morning together enjoying each other's company, eating, doing the dishes, getting ready for the day. Will helped her with a few things that needed attention around the house – _normal,_ she thought again.

By the afternoon the fog had cleared. The sun cast an amber glow on all the colorful leaves, bringing with it a crisp fall breeze. They drove into the main part of town, their security detail following behind. Alicia wanted to stroll through some of the shops and art galleries before they bought a few groceries for the weekend. Will didn't seem to mind.

They were walking through one of Alicia's favorite galleries when they came to a canvas print that she seemed to particularly like.

"It's interesting how our interests change over time. I never used to be much of one for art or strolling through galleries. I've grown an appreciation for it over the past few years."

Will just smiled and shook his head. "That's not true. You've always had an interest in it."

She turned and looked at him with questioning brow. He wrapped his arm across her back as they continued walking.

"You don't remember me taking you to the Smithsonian one weekend during college, so I could see the baseball history exhibit, and having to practically drag you out of the art museum so we would make it to the exhibit before it closed?"

She laughed lightly. 'You're the one who thought we should see other things at the museum as we made our way to the baseball exhibit."

"Yes, and the only thing we saw other than the baseball exhibit was the first floor of the art museum. You've always liked art. Take for instance the pieces you hung in your office, and at your apartment. It was obvious you put more thought into it than most people."

Alicia paused in front of another large painting as Will continued. "I think you were so busy with life after college that you forgot about the piece of you that liked to understand what an artist was thinking or trying to portray in their work."

She was staring at the painting in front of them. "See, exactly like that. The way you're looking at this painting now. That's the same look you had thirty years ago. I don't think you found a new interest. I think you just rediscovered an old one."

Sometimes it caught her off guard how well he seemed to know her. She reached for his hand. "Just like I rediscovered you?" Her gaze moved to his eyes.

"Yes, I guess you could put it that way," he chuckled, as they began to walk again.

"I should show you some of Allison's work. She's very talented. She sold a few pieces to a gallery in Portland over the summer."

"I'd love to see them," he commented, as they walked back out to the street.

* * *

"How was school today?" Will asked Chase over the phone as Alicia straightened out the collar of his shirt. They were getting ready to go out for dinner. He had on jeans, a white shirt, and blue blazer. She wore a dark plum colored wrap dress.

She moved away from him to slip on her shoes, smiling to herself as she listened to his end of the conversation. He had gone into full father mode, a side of him she'd never known before, asking Chase about the test he'd taken earlier, giving him a few pointers for when he went to the batting cages the next morning, and threatening him with extra chores if he caused Rick and Janie any trouble while he was gone.

Their roles were reversed now. Will was the one with a teenaged child, and she was the one nervous about being introduced to that child. Those few awkward moments when Will had interacted with her children years ago flooded her mind. She was nervous about meeting Chase. He wasn't just one of her children's friends or member of one of their clubs at school. Chase was Will's son. It mattered a great deal what Chase would think of her because no matter how much she and Will loved each other, or how much they wanted to be together, if Chase didn't like her, she couldn't, wouldn't, stand in the way of their relationship.

"Leesh, you all right?" Will gently touched her shoulder, bringing her back out of her thoughts.

"Yes," she smiled, and stood next to him. She noticed he wasn't holding the phone to his ear any more.

He only half believed her but took hold of her hand so they could head out.

They ate at a bustling restaurant with ocean views and a large stone fireplace in the middle of the establishment. It was a chilly fall evening, but with the fire lit and the dimmed lighting all around, there was a warm romantic feel to the place.

"Chase is excited to meet you tomorrow," he said, cutting into his food with enthusiasm. He was clearly excited about her talking with his son. So different from how she'd felt when he'd asked her if she wanted him to meet Zach and Grace, _formally._

"He told me Janie wants to talk to you too. He was wondering if that would be all right." His eyes met hers as he took a bite of food into his mouth.

"Sure," she responded with a hint of shyness that surprised Will.

Her gaze dropped to her own food. "It's fine, if you think it's okay," she said, nervously.

Sensing her hesitation, he reached out and covered her hand with his own. "It's fine with me. I want you to meet the important people in my life." He paused briefly. "But somethings wrong. I can see it in your eyes."

She met his gaze again. "Nothing's wrong. I'm just…nervous," she admitted with a faint smile.

"Nervous?" he questioned. A second later he understood and smiled. "You're nervous about meeting Chase?" He said it as though the thought had never occurred to him.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Of course I'm nervous. What if I make a complete fool of myself talking to him tomorrow? You, of all people, should understand how I'm feeling," she smirked.

He laughed in response. "I understand it completely. The first time I met Zach was…interesting. It wasn't like I'd never talked to kids before. But somehow talking with your kids seemed more difficult than arguing a tough case in court."

"Yes, because you wanted to make a good impression." She raised her brow to him. "I'm a bit nervous about talking to Chase. I'm more worried he isn't going to like me. If he doesn't, this will never work. I'm not going to be that woman who comes in and ruins the relationship between a father and his perfectly adorable son."

He laughed lightly and squeezed her hand. "You don't have anything to worry about. He's going to love you." He looked so serious when he said it, she almost believed him.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I love you. I know you. And I know him. You two will get along just fine."

She was reassured some. He threaded his fingers through hers. "Trust me. It will be fine."

She nodded then pulled her hand away to continue eating. "You were always great with Zach and Grace. I know that first interaction with Zach at the office was awkward, but it was more so for you than him. The way you handled things with them in court the night before the election was perfect. You did your best to protect them that night, and it meant the world to me. I just…I thought you should know."

He nodded. "I really did want to meet them, _formally_ , spend some time getting to know them, back then. Not only because we were seeing each other, but because I knew how important they were to you. And I wanted to know what that part of your life was like. The part I never saw. The part I'd never experienced for myself. I was a bachelor through and through. I had no clue what it was like to be a parent," he said sincerely, holding her gaze.

"I know," she answered quietly. She put her fork down and took a sip of her wine, holding eye contact. "It still seems a little unreal to me that you have a teenager. I always thought you'd be a good father, despite all the girls in college and being coined Chicago's sixteenth most eligible bachelor," she smirked. "But in so many ways, this feels like we picked things back up about where we left them nine years ago. It's strange to have not been around when Chase came into your life." Her eyes glistened with warmth. "Is that what it was like for you when we reconnected after Peter's scandal?"

"Yeah, I guess it was."

They enjoyed the rest of their meal together, talking, enjoying the other's company in their own little world, even though every so often her gaze fell on the two men in suits across the restaurant from them.

Despite that, and her confessions of being nervous about talking to Chase, Will couldn't get over how relaxed she was. How relaxed she'd seemed all day. In all his years of knowing her, it was rare for Alicia to simply be in the moment, as if what she had planned for the next day, or week, or month didn't matter at all. He loved it. He loved how natural and normal it seemed to be together, here, doing exactly what they were doing.

Watching them, no one would ever know they hadn't spent the past thirty years together. Even their waitress took the liberty of assuming when she brought them a dessert they were going to share. "And here's a fork for your husband," she said after placing the slice of cheesecake in front of Alicia. Neither one corrected her. They both blushed a little and moved on.

The previous night, when Alicia had mentioned taking a nice long warm bath, it hadn't happened. She'd been too tired. Snuggling up with Will on the couch, letting him massage her tense shoulders and sore feet, and eating popcorn while they watched a movie, had been much more appealing. So, when he suggested they take a bath together in the large soaking tub tonight, she'd immediately agreed. He ran the water, adding a healthy amount of bubbles, while she lit a few candles and placed them around the large bathroom.

He moved in front of her, and slowly untied the knot that held her soft white silk robe in place.

"Do you remember the first time we took a bubble bath together?" she breathed as the robe slipped from her shoulders and his lips met the skin of her bare neck.

He smiled against her skin. "The presidential suite." He placed a kiss to her lips, then pulled away to remove his bottoms. "This tub is better. And the candles definitely make it more romantic," he commented, taking her hand as they climbed into the almost scalding hot water.

She slid down in front of him resting her back against his toned chest. His arms wrapped around her middle. "That was an exceptional night. One of the best we shared." she mused, closing her eyes enjoying their closeness.

"An exceptional moment that turned into hours. When I woke up the next morning, I could still hardly believe it had happened."

She shifted some, turning her head to meet his gaze. Her hand went to his chin. "A year after you…were gone, and everything fell apart I went back there. To the hotel. I stayed in the suite again."

He raised his brow to her. "Really?"

"Yes. Diane had given me the thumb drive. Told me I should try and relive all our moments together without the guilt. Make the memories what they were always intended to be – good. Make them part of my story instead of something I boxed up and left hidden in the back of the closet."

He nodded in understanding. "It was good advice," he commented.

Her gaze moved from him, back to the large window in front of them as she settled back into his embrace. "I was a wreck. Depression was setting in. My marriage was over. In ways, your death almost hurt worse then than it had a year earlier. I wanted to be close to you again. I just wanted one more moment. One more chance to look into your eyes and apologize. Some time to tell you everything." She squeezed his hand. "So, I did. I figured what better place to try and remember, tell you everything, than there?" She took in a deep breath. "I still can't believe I can tell you everything in person now. That it doesn't have to only exist in my head anymore."

"I want to know everything," he said, softly, placing a kiss on the top of her head as his hands ran smoothly over her body.

"Being there again was difficult, and yet very freeing. The space hadn't changed one bit, and it felt like déjà vu. I'd sit on the couch, or in the bed, stare out that large window in the bedroom with the amazing views. As I read through some of what you said, it seemed like you were there with me. The memories were so vivid, it ached. There were endless tears. I didn't think I'd ever stop crying. But Diane was right. I needed to think about our time together as something good, special, something that changed me for the better. I never regretted it, but I'd always felt a tinge of guilt. After shutting myself up in that room for twenty-four hours, I didn't feel guilty anymore. I wanted so badly for you to know that."

"And now I do," he whispered. His hands moved to her neck for a massage.

She closed her eyes, drinking in the soothing feel of his warm hands on her neck.

"I had a lot of fun that night," he said. "I was so nervous and yet excited. I could barely contain myself."

She laughed under her breath. "We were both nervous. I could barely wrap my head around the idea of what I was about to do."

"Then I couldn't get that key card to work,"

She giggled at the memory. "Then we went into the room. It was nearly as big as my apartment."

"I was doing my best to make you feel comfortable. I could tell how nervous and uneasy you felt."

"I was. I hadn't slept with another man in years. But you were perfect. Gentle, but not hesitant. Part of me wondered if once we were behind locked doors, things would move quickly. Almost in a frenzy. But it wasn't like that. Slow, passionate." She looked up into his eyes again. "Is was as if we'd been doing it for years, but the newness hadn't worn off."

"I guess that's one thing that surprised me. We always seemed to be in sync during the affair. There wasn't any of the awkwardness that comes with a new partner. We seemed to know, sense, what the other wanted." His gaze moved away from hers, his mind seeming to drift. "Making love to you during that time wasn't like anything I'd ever experienced before. Our bodies, minds, seemed to meld perfectly. It's still like that. It was always like that. Even when we were in a hurry."

She reached her fingers to his chin again and pressed her lips to his. He deepened the kiss, his hands moving more fervently over her body, which was quickly responding to his touch.

She broke the kiss for air. "Then we ordered room service."

"Champaign, and that dessert tray that had a little bit of everything. And we laughed and talked, and I thought at any moment you were going to say you had to go. But you didn't." He kissed her again.

"No, I didn't. For the first time in a long time I was doing something for me. Something I wanted." They were both silent for a few moments, basking in the memories.

"Do you remember why we ended up in the tub that night?"

"I was cold," she mused. The room temperature was turned down. I suggested you warm me up right there on the chaise in the front room."

"And I thought a nice warm shower might be fun first. But when we saw the size of the jetted tub,"

"We filled it with warm water and those scented bubbles." She glanced around the room illuminated with candlelight. "You're right. The candles are far more romantic than the dimmed lighting in that ensuite."

His lips pressed softly to her neck again. His hands made their way to her breasts. She moaned at the touch. "And then you…" her breath caught as one hand reached lower to her core.

"I wanted to make you fall apart while I watched. I wanted to burn every movement, every sound you made, the look on your face as you reached the high, into my memory," he breathed, into her ear as his fingers continued to play with her. "Just in case I never had another chance."

The warmth of the water and her body pressed against his, the sweet smell of the bubbles, and his ministrations, made her want to explode.

"Will you come apart for me now, Leesh?" he whispered. "Let me watch. Let me feel your body enjoy the moment."

"Yes!" she managed, with throaty tone, as her breathing increased, her body responding to his every touch.

"Don't hold back, Leesh," he encouraged, a few moments later, as her eyes fell shut, she gripped the sides of the tub. His hands moved faster, squeezed tighter, until she couldn't hold it in any longer. The sound of her voice echoed through the room as her body rode out the waves of pleasure.

Coming down from the high, she felt like they could drift away with the water. A few minutes later, she turned to straddle him, cupping his face in her hands. "I want every Friday nigt to be like this," she whispered as her lips met his again.

* * *

He missed this. He'd thought it a hundred times before, and he'd think it a thousand times again. Trial prep with Alicia was such a high. The way she concentrated on the details. The way she pulled at the hem of her light blue silk blouse, like she always did with the hem of her blazers, when she stood in front of a judge ready to question a witness. He wondered if she was even aware of all the little subtle things she did when questioning.

She was scheduled to be in court a week from Monday. _"Who better to help me prep than the best lawyer I know,"_ she'd argued two hours earlier. It had been tense at points. He'd played the role of defense attorney a little too well. Pointed out a minor flaw in one of her questions. Objected just because he could get away with it. Knowing it would drive her crazy. He wanted to see her roll her eyes and try not to yell at him for it. This passionate side of her was one of the first things that made him fall in love with Alicia Cavanaugh their 1L year. When they were finished, he silently wished he could sneak into court the following week and watch her.

"That's enough for now," she said, dropping her legal pad on the coffee table, collapsing back on the couch next to him. "I'm not a fan of all this financial jargon. I don't know why the company wouldn't take the deal on the tax violations. For that matter, I don't know why I have to be the one to argue this case."

He chuckled. "Because the government didn't want to leave it to some small fry attorney. This company is one of the wealthiest in the country. Depending on how the cards fall, it could effect the markets." He took her hand into his. "You'll be great."

"Of course I will," she smirked, and he laughed at her confidence. "I just don't like the case. It doesn't mean I won't win. I'll bet you ten dollars we get half way through the trial and the CEO will be ready to bargain."

"That would be the smart thing to do in my opinion."

"It seems like such a waste of time to go through the headache of a federal trial if it just ends in a settlement."

"Either way, you win," he pointed out.

"I do," she admitted, with a smile.

Will had his laptop open waiting for Chase to get online. A tone sounded alerting them to the incoming call. All thoughts of the trial vanished from Alicia's mind, replaced by nerves.

Will talked to Chase first. He asked how his time at the batting cages had gone earlier. A few minutes later it was her turn. She scooted closer to Will, hoping desperately that she didn't look as nervous as she felt.

The moment she laid eyes on Chase she fell in love. The boy's eyes were captivating. Even more so in person than in the photos she'd seen.

The first few minutes were a little awkward. Both Chase and Alicia seemed hesitant. Not quite sure what to say. But as time passed on, Will was relieved to see Alicia relax and Chase hold interest in their conversation. He'd been unwilling to admit to Alicia the night before that he was nervous about this. He really did think the two would get along, but there was always a chance they wouldn't. That being said, she hadn't loosened her grip on his hand the entire conversation.

"Your dad tells me you really like science."

"Yeah, it's the best. I'm in an honors science class this year. It's great because we get to do lots of lab experiments."

"Tell Alicia about the experiment you did last week," Will interjected.

Chase went on to tell her about something they'd done with chemistry and physics, and most of the terms he used went over Will's head. But Chase thought it was the greatest thing he'd done at school this year.

"That sounds pretty cool," she responded when he finished.

"Thanks. Dad can explain it in English later if you need. I gave him the version lawyers can understand after I told him what I just told you."

She couldn't help but laugh. "He just threw you under the bus," she smirked, glancing at Will. "Not many people are capable of that."

"No, he just threw both of us under that bus," Will argued.

This caused Alicia to laugh some more as she turned her attention back to Chase. It turned out she knew exactly what Chase had told her. Had understood all the terms he'd used.

"Dad, she's smarter than you," he teased, again.

Will only smiled, squeezing her hand. "Yes, Chase, she is."

"So, you guys used to work together?" he asked.

"Yes, we did," Alicia answered.

"I don't get all that lawyer stuff. Dad tries to explain it to me sometimes, and all I want to do is fall asleep."

Alicia chuckled again. "Well, maybe if I told you about some of it, I could make it more interesting than your dad, here," she patted his knee.

"I'm beginning to think this was a bad idea. All you two are ever going to do now is tease me," Will said, leaning back into the couch.

Chase just shook his head. "You should be used to it. She's just like Janie, Dad."

Will couldn't deny the simple fact. "I know. I'm hoping that once Janie and Alicia are in the same house together, I won't get picked on so much."

Chase laughed. "Yeah right. Good luck with that. It will be a thousand times worse."

Alicia was having a hard time keeping from bursting out in laughter. Never had she seen anyone throw back at Will as much as he dished out. She wondered if Will was aware of the fact the Chase clearly had him wrapped around his little finger.

They talked some more about things Chase liked to do. Alicia asked him about the latest and greatest video game release. It didn't matter that Zach was married and had a child. He still loved video games and still told Alicia about them simply because she'd listen. Which led them into a discussion about her children. Chase seemed enthused with the idea that Alicia had children. Even if they were older than he was.

Will was impressed, more so than he expected. He never doubted Alicia would do her best to connect with Chase, but he hadn't expected it at such a high degree so early on.

"Are you guys going to watch the playoff game tonight?" Chase asked.

Will hesitated. He hadn't even brought it up. He wanted to do whatever Alicia wanted this weekend. He highly doubted that watching a semi-final baseball game was on her list of things to do during the weekend. Before he could answer, she spoke up.

"We sure are. Do you think the Orioles or the Cubs will pull out with the win?"

Will was stunned that she even knew there was a game on later. Let alone who was playing and that it was the game in the series to determine who would be headed to the World Series. All he could think about was how he loved every little aspect of the woman sitting next to him.

"Orioles of course. And I'm not just saying that because they're Dad's favorite team. They have the better pitcher and batting average."

They got into a discussion about Will and Chase's baseball team for a few minutes. Then Will thought it was about time to sign off.

"Dad, if you don't let Janie talk to Alicia, she's going to kill you," Chase said.

Will sighed heavily. "I know. Go get her."

Chase went to find Janie.

"Why are you so worried about me talking to this woman?" Alicia asked.

"I'm sure it will be fine. But you can't say I didn't warn you."

Just then Chase, reappeared with Janie sitting next to him. She introduced herself. Alicia did the same.

"Will, you didn't tell me she was drop dead gorgeous. You only said she was the smartest, kindest person you knew." Janie said.

Both Will and Alicia blushed.

"I have so many questions for you," she continued, looking at Alicia. "But Will said I could only ask three today."

Alicia laughed. "Ask away."

"Explain to me how you keep this nut under control. Baseball has consumed my life ever since he came into it. I mean I understand the need for practices, and more practices, and all the equipment. I get that they want to watch their favorite team. But seriously five or six nights a week, from March through October they're watching a game, or checking scores. And every Saturday we have some sort of game, or another practice. I mean some weekends all I want to do is go to the spa and get a massage. Is it so much to ask that just one Saturday during those seven months be left open?"

Alicia couldn't keep from laughing. Janie was being overly dramatic, and they all knew it.

"I like her already," Alicia smirked, glancing at Will.

"I knew I was going regret this." He ran his hands over his face.

"Well, you're stuck with both of us now," Alicia pointed out.

"Alicia, you and I are going to be great friends. I can already tell," Janie said.

Will couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, Janie. I think one question was plenty for now. Alicia and I have things to do."

"You're lying. I know that look. But since I like Alicia, I'll let you go," she responded.

"Oh, I think we have time for one more question," Alicia said, simply to get a rise out of Will.

"No, really, it's okay," Janie said. "I just wanted to meet the woman who has clearly stolen Will's heart. It's about time. I'll stop worrying about him dying alone now."

"Janie," Will groaned.

Alicia cut in. "Well, I look forward to talking some more. And thank you so much for watching Chase so Will could be here. I appreciate it more than you'll ever know," she said sincerely.

Will closed the laptop and turned to face her. "He's perfect," she said.

"He likes you. I can tell. I told you there was nothing to worry about."

"So, we're really doing this," she commented. "I've met him. But I want to spend some time with him. And what about Zach and Grace?"

Will took her hand. "What do you want to do with Zach and Grace?"

"I need to tell them. Especially Grace. She came to D.C. unexpectedly last weekend. I didn't want to tell her what was going on because I didn't want to worry her. Now she thinks I'm dating Finn, and more than likely she went back to Chicago and told Cary. It's only a matter of time before she sees Diane and tells her. I want to tell Zach and Grace about you in person. This doesn't seem like the kind of thing that should happen over the phone."

"Do you want me to be there? When you tell them?"

"I…I don't know," she hesitated. "I need some time to think about it. The timing, the logistics."

"Okay." He squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"The bubble is going to get bigger. Are you sure it's okay for them to know?"

"Yes. I talked to Finn about it a few weeks ago. There's always going to be some risk. It's unavoidable. But the risk is very, very low. This is what I want. To be with you. And that means allowing other people into the bubble."

He was ready for her family to know the truth, but he knew she was hesitant. He couldn't blame her. "Leesh, how would you feel about coming to Portland for Thanksgiving?" The idea had been floating around in his mind for a few weeks. "You could spend Thanksgiving with Zach, but maybe stay with Chase and I for a day or two. Or…" he hesitated, wondering how she would react to his next comment.

"Maybe we could all spend some time together? You, Me, Chase, Zach and his wife?"

Her gaze fell. She didn't want to disappoint him, but, "I don't know Will. It feels like everything is moving quickly now. I don't know if…" She looked back up into his eyes. He didn't look upset, just hopeful. He was too patient, too understanding with her, and she knew it. She managed a smile again. "Okay, I'll consider it. Seriously consider it." She owed him that much. She owed him a more definitive answer, but hopefully he'd accept this for now.

"That's all I ask." He didn't want to talk about it anymore. He scooted closer, taking both of her hands into his. "You were planning on watching the game tonight?" His lips curved upwards.

The grin that formed on her lips brightened her whole face. "Yes!" she replied, glad to be moving to a different topic. "Remember I told you I had another birthday surprise for you?"

"How could I forget?"

"When I realized the game would be on this weekend, I incorporated it into the surprise." She raised a seductive brow to him.

"When do I get this surprise?"

She looked at her watch. "In a few hours." She stood reaching for his hand. "Let's go enjoy the outdoors for a while. See if my _bodyguards_ are up for a little drive."

 **A/N Thank you so much for reading. I know this chapter was long, but I didn't want to cut it off sooner. As always, I'd appreciate any feedback you're willing to share.**


	28. Saturday Nights

**A/N Thank you all for continuing to read this, and for the new follows this past week. I forgot to mention last time that we had passed the 200 mark for reviews! Wow! I'm so grateful to everyone who has taken the time to review and share your thoughts! Good Wife fans are definitely the best! I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

Will and Alicia sat comfortably together in the double seated rocking chair on the front porch. Enjoying the view of the ocean, their drinks, and unable to resist kissing each other every few minutes, or when there was a lull in the conversation, they hadn't noticed the gray-haired woman with a pie in her hands, come around the corner of the house.

"I was beginning to wonder if you'd decided to sell the house, Alicia. I'm glad to see you haven't," Mrs. Reynolds said, interrupting a kiss as she walked across the porch, aiming for the chair next to them.

Startled, Alicia quickly pulled away from Will, blushing. Clearing her throat, she said, "Mrs. Reynolds. It's nice to see you again."

Will could only chuckle at her reaction. She looked as though she was fourteen and had just been caught making out with her boyfriend by her father as she smoothed out the invisible wrinkles in her jeans and pulled her jacket more tightly around herself.

Mrs. Reynolds placed the pie in front of them on the small table that Will had his feet propped up on. "It's nice to see you too, dear." Her blue eyes moved from Alicia to Will. "Now, who's this handsome gentleman? And what have you done with James? I was hoping to talk to him about a few old books I came across in town a few months ago."

Will sat up straight, putting out his hand for her to shake. "I'm Will."

She reached her hand to his giving it a firm shake in response.

"James was offered a position at Oxford for a year. He left at the end of May. But I'm sure he'd love to discuss these books you've found. I'll give you his contact information before you leave," Alicia explained, squeezing Will's hand.

"And you didn't go with him?" the older woman asked, as though following one's respective male partner to help them further their career was ludicrous.

Will was about to jump in and defend Alicia, but she spoke up first.

"No," she chuckled. "I didn't want to quit my job. And James and I…" she glanced at Will. "We decided it was best we just remain friends."

A warm smile formed on Mrs. Reynolds lips. "Good for you dear. I'm glad you stuck to what you wanted. What was best for you," she commented, with a satisfied pat on Alicia's knee.

Will was surprised at the reaction. He'd expected Mrs. Reynolds to lecture Alicia on all the reasons it was a good idea for her to have followed James to Oxford, so he could further his career. Try to convince her that was what women were supposed to do, support the men in their lives no matter the cost to them. It was the exact opposite.

She continued. "Last spring a few real-estate mongrels tried to convince me to sell my property. I have five acres you know. They wanted to build an inn right on the ocean shore. They tried every trick in the book. Threatening me with legal issues such as leans on the property that don't exist, etcetera. When I told them I was friends with a lawyer who just happened to be the Associate Attorney General, not of Massachusetts but the United States, and that I was going to hire her to help me with the situation, they couldn't get off my front porch quick enough."

They all laughed. "I'd be happy to help if they, or anyone else, threatens the same thing in the future," Alicia said.

She nodded. "It's quite aggravating. These young know-it-all's come here thinking I'm about to croak any day. Think they can convince me to sell my property." A sly grin formed on her lips. "Little do they know the fight I'm willing to put up."

Alicia chuckled. "I'm sure they're surprised once they talk to you."

"I brought an apple pie over. I didn't know how many people were here with you. How are the kids? It's been over a year since you or any of them have been here."

Alicia filled her in on Zach and Grace while Will went into the house to get another glass, so they could pour Mrs. Reynolds some wine.

After he sat down again, Mrs. Reynolds interrogated him for the next thirty minutes making certain he was worthy of Alicia.

Alicia did everything she could to not burst out laughing several times. But once the subject of baseball came up Mrs. Reynolds decided Will was worthy of her company. They spent the next thirty minutes discussing baseball.

Shortly afterwards, she headed home. She didn't want to miss the opening pitch of the playoff game, and she didn't want to intrude on Will and Alicia anymore.

After she was out of sight, Alicia stood and carried the pie into the house. Will followed her with the empty wine glasses. "I like her," Will commented, placing the glasses in the sink.

"Me too." Alicia reached her arms around Will's neck. "And I think she likes you."

His hands went to her waist. "She wasn't what I was expecting."

"You mean blunt and a defender of women's rights?"

"Yeah, she reminded me a little of Diane."

Alicia couldn't help but laugh. "I imagine Diane will share some of her same qualities twenty-five years from now."

"Yes," he agreed. "I can't get over the fact that she threatened and got rid of those real-estate tycoons by flashing your reputation in front of them. You're the scary, mean, lawyer that no one wants to mess with." He moved closer pressing his body to hers.

"Yes, I am," she said, proudly. "Hopefully not too scary or mean for you though."

"Not too scary or mean for me. I used to be that lawyer, remember?"

"I remember." She leaned in and gave him a quick kiss. "Now, turn on the game. I'll be back down in a few minutes." She pulled away patting him gently on the chest before heading for the stairs.

She reappeared a few minutes later with a baseball cap on her head. Her sweater had been replaced with an Orioles jersey. He couldn't keep his eyes off her as she walked bare foot across the room and stopped in front of him.

"That is one of the sexiest outfits I've ever seen on you," he said, as his gaze wandered up and down her body.

"Really?" she questioned with raised brow. "You've seen me dressed like this several times. I used to wear one of your jerseys to games?"

"And I thought you looked just as sexy wearing a jersey then as you do now." The boyish grin and gleam in his eye made him look twenty-two again.

She blushed holding out another jersey for him. "I thought we should dress for the occasion," she said, glancing over her shoulder at the television.

He grabbed her by the waist pulling her down to the couch next to him. Pressing his lips to hers, he gently pushed her down against the soft cushions. He hovered above her, his hand went to the hem of her shirt. "I can't wait to get this back off of you," he breathed against her neck.

She giggled, tilting her head so he'd have better access to her neck. "What about the game?" she asked, breathless. "And dinner, and…the pie?" He covered her mouth with his to stop her rambling.

"There will be plenty of game to watch after I'm finished with you," he commented a few heated moments later, trying to pull the jersey up over her head.

As they lay in a tangled heap on the couch the Orioles hit a home run making the score two to zero. "You're good luck," he said, still breathing heavily, as he glanced at the television.

"You always used to say that in college," she said, trying to regain control of her own breathing.

"That's because it was true. It still is. Everything in my life is better with you in it."

Her hand brushed the side of his face. "Even though I bring with me a long list of complications?"

"Yes," he said quietly, gently kissing her cheek. "I'm really happy right now, Alicia. Happier than I've been in a long time."

She gripped onto his shoulders a little tighter. "Me too."

"I love the jerseys."

She smiled at him lovingly. "I'm glad. Happy birthday."

The remainder of the evening felt like a Saturday night back in college. Both of them on the couch in their jerseys, she'd opted to slip into a pair of cotton shorts instead of her jeans, and had her hair pulled up into a ponytail. Food was spread out all over the coffee table, beer for him, wine for her. They even invited Finn and Tony over for some pie and to watch the last few innings of the game.

The score was close the entire game, but in the end, the Orioles pulled ahead and won. Everyone stood and cheered as the last pitch was thrown and the batter truck out. Will wrapped his arms around Alicia and spun her around in the excitement. All he could think about in that moment was how he wanted every Saturday night to be like this.

As they lay tangled together in bed later, he couldn't help but think about how this weekend felt like starting over. It felt like they were taking back the time that had been lost over the past thirty years. He knew it wasn't really possible to start over, to go back. And he wouldn't want to. They had both done things, accomplished things, in their lives that they wouldn't want any other way. It only made him want her more. In ways it made him feel a bit anxious, a nagging sense that something was wrong. Something would happen to tear them apart again. There was so much he wanted to do with her, see with her, experience with her, but what if there wasn't time? He brushed away the thought. They were both healthy, still young in a sense. They would likely have many, many more years together.

He turned to face her kissing her forehead. She'd been talking non-stop since the game had ended about college, and baseball, and late night study sessions they never thought would end. And then her next question brought him completely back out of his thoughts.

"Why didn't you ever tell me how you felt back then?" Her eyes glowed a dark green in the dim light of the candles they had spread around the room as she looked at him.

"There were a million reasons, Leesh."

She propped herself up onto her elbows. "Like what? Will, I want to know. There have been several times over the years when I've questioned what would have been if I had been carrying your child instead of Peter's those last few weeks of college. If you and I had gotten married. What was it? Was I so busy studying, and trying to hold onto my best friend that I ignored all the signs? Was I really that clueless, that insensitive? We spent half of our law school life together." She stared across the room. "It was my fault wasn't it?"

He reached his hand to her jaw to force her to look at him. "It wasn't your fault. If you want to place blame, place it on me. We were good friends. Like you said years ago, we had whatever we had at Georgetown. It was messy and complicated, and a lot of fun. Stressful but fun. I was immature. I wasn't ready to settle down and have a wife, a family. You were."

"No." She cut him off. "I had to be ready because I got pregnant. There is not a day that goes by that I regret having either of my children. And I was in love with Peter, and the prospect of what a life would be like with him. But it all happened so fast. We'd only been dating for six months when I got pregnant with Zach. I'd known you for three years by then. Had spent more time with you than anyone else. I almost knew you better than I knew myself. I wasn't ready."

They sat up, and he shifted closer to her taking her hand. "You were. You were, are, a wonderful mother. You were an excellent wife. I never told you how I felt because I was scared. Afraid of changing things between us. We were both afraid to admit we had feelings for each other. I loved you. I'm assuming you loved me. But sometimes love between two people just isn't enough. There has to be more. We have more now." He leaned in and kissed her cheek. He didn't want her to feel guilty for something he knew she shouldn't. "You were probably right when you said, if it had been you and me instead of you and Peter back in college we probably would have only lasted a week. I know I denied that, but it may have been true. I would have ended up hurting you just as much or more than Peter."

"No, you wouldn't have," she protested.

"I may have," he said seriously. "I needed to play around a few more years, experiment, make some really stupid mistakes, get into some toxic relationships, before I figured out what it was I really wanted. I hate to think that I may have dragged you through all of that with me. You deserved a better man than the one I was after college. And you had one. It may not have turned out, but as much as I hate to admit it, I think we both ended up right where we were supposed to be after college. We wouldn't be the people we are now if we hadn't."

This seemed to ease her conscience. "You really think so?"

"Yes, I don't want you to worry about what would have been anymore. Let's think about now, and tomorrow, and next month."

She leaned in and kissed him. "And next year." Another kiss. "And the year after that," she continued.

He reached his hand threading his fingers through her hair resting it at the back of her neck. "I may not have made myself clear all those years ago. That will never happen again. I intend for you to know every day from now until forever that I love you."

"I love you too," she said, softly. "I want to have more Saturday nights like this."

They settled down under the covers, snuggling their bodies close. "We'll have lots of Saturday nights like this," he said, pulling her closer.

"Promise?" she asked, as her eyes started to flutter shut.

"I promise."


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N Hello everyone! A special shout out and thank you to peak . otp on Instagram for mentioning this story in your comments and posting a link for it aa few days ago! That meant a lot to me. I'm glad so many of you are enjoying this.**

 **A special welcome to the few new followers in the past few weeks! I hope everyone enjoys this chapter!**

They sat snuggled together in a blanket on the upper deck off the master suite. The sun rose above the water in the distance casting hues of blue, orange and yellow through the sky, making the scattered clouds shine a brilliant shade of lavender.

Alicia had dragged Will out of bed twenty minutes earlier to watch the sunrise. _"There isn't a fog cover this morning. It's going to be beautiful,"_ she'd whispered in his ear trying to gently wake him from a deep sleep by running her hand over his chest, pressing soft kisses to his lips. He couldn't refuse her in anything, he realized, and managed to pull his sleepy body out of bed.

Sitting with her now he had to admit the view was worth getting up for. The way the light reflected off the water. The way the sun made her porcelain skin glow. This place, _her place_ , was magical. He understood exactly why she'd fallen in love with it. The whole weekend had felt like they'd been swallowed up into their own little world. A world where loneliness didn't exist.

He was lonely when he wasn't with her. He had Chase. He had Rick and Janie. He had co-workers who he shared an occasional lunch with or drink after work. But being with Alicia filled a void of loneliness in his soul that had quite frankly existed since the day he fired her from his firm. It was a loneliness that no one could really understand.

He wrapped his arm around her more tightly. It wasn't like him to feel so needy with someone. Feeling like he couldn't get enough of her. That if they were to spend every moment of the next five years together it wouldn't be enough to satisfy the void completely. He wasn't certain he cared much for the crazy emotional person that had seemed to take over portions of his internal self in recent months.

He really despised the jealousy that had crept in. It was like a volcano ready to erupt. He was jealous of her job. Jealous that Finn got to see and spend time with her every single day. Jealous of her co-workers who got to see, every day, how brilliant she was. Jealous that he wasn't there when she came home from work every night.

Then it struck him what the real issue was. He was crazy, madly, in love with her. He always had been in love with her, but now that he could have her, his emotions had gone into overdrive.

"What do you want to do today?" she asked, taking another sip of her coffee.

He leaned over kissing the top of her head. "I did a little research and found a great area for hiking not too far away. We could go explore a little if you want."

Her lips curved upwards. "A man with a plan," she commented. "That sounds great."

They weren't in any hurry, so they stayed there snuggled together, drinking their coffee, and talking. "Tell me about your house," she said, glancing up into his eyes.

"My house?" he laughed. "There isn't much to tell. Three bedrooms, kitchen open to the main living area. The family room has a fireplace and television that's probably larger than we need, but it's great for watching sports."

"Two stories or one?" she asked.

"Two. There's a small deck off the master suite, and a large deck off the kitchen in back with a state of the art grill."

She smiled nodding her head. "A large television and grill. Sounds like everything two bachelors could possibly need," she teased lightly.

He laughed. "It's definitely obvious we don't have a woman living with us. I think that's one reason Chase likes going to the Marshall's. Janie has a way of making you feel at home. Sort of like a grandmother would. She's like the mother he never had."

"It sounds like they are close." She squeezed his hand.

"She treats him like her own son. It's been good for him to have a strong female role model in his life."

They fell silent for a few moments. He wondered what Alicia was thinking. Her interaction with Chase the day before had gone well. "A few months ago, he asked me if we were ever going to be a real family like the Marshal's. He's happy with the way things are. But he sees his friends with two parents and siblings, and I think he feels like he's missing something."

Her gaze had remained fixed on the horizon. "What did you tell him?"

He hesitated. "That I didn't know. That I'd like to have someone in our lives who I thought would be a good match for me, and a good mother for him. But that it was more complicated than it seemed. He understands better now that he knows about my past."

She didn't respond for a few moments but turned her head to look at him. "You're a good father."

"I don't know. I seem to question that on a weekly basis."

"A statement true of every parent."

She sat up leaned in to press her lips to his as she ran her fingers through his messy hair. "Let's get dressed and pack a lunch." She slid off the lounge chair and headed back into the house. As he followed after her he wondered how she'd feel about being a mother to another teenager. He already knew he wanted her to be someone Chase could count on. Someone he could be close too, but this weekend was definitely not the time to try and figure that all out.

* * *

Music played in the background as they cleaned up their breakfast when a knock came to the front door. It was Finn and Tony. "We're not planning on leaving for another hour," Alicia said, letting them into the house.

"We know," Finn responded. "We need to talk. Can we sit?" He pointed to the couch. The look on his face was completely serious. Very different from how he'd been the night before watching the game with them. Something was wrong she could tell.

"I think I'd rather stand," she responded, moving next to Will.

Finn put his hands in his pockets. "Someone broke into your house last night." The room filled with silence.

"How do you know?" Alicia asked, folding her arms across her chest.

"Because I set up a security camera before we left."

A thin line formed on her lips. She glanced down at the floor. "In case the same person who left that note last month came back." It was more a statement than a question. She didn't like all of this _spy_ business. Hidden cameras etcetera, but she understood why he'd done it.

"Yes."

She sighed heavily. "Do you know who it was?"

"No. It was too dark."

"Did they take anything?" Will asked, placing his hand on the small of her back. He could feel her relax a little at his touch.

"It's hard to know. I only set up a camera in the front room. They went in through the front door and headed straight for the den. With the French doors open to the room, and a little light from the outside window I could see them searching for something. But they were careful. When the police went in they said it looked like nothing had been touched. I have no idea if they found what they were looking for."

"That's where the safe is," Alicia commented. She decided to sit moving to the sofa.

"You think someone was looking for something specific? It wasn't just a burglar?" Will asked.

"Yes. A burglar would have ransacked the house taken anything of value. This person was in and out in five minutes. And they were only in the den." He looked at Alicia. "What do you keep in the safe?"

"Not much. A few important documents. A few items of expensive jewelry. My burner phone, but I have that with me."

Silence filled the room again. Tony had been quiet not saying much. Finn glanced at him and sat on the ottoman in front of Alicia. Will noticed he looked nervous, as if he was about to drop another bomb.

"Alicia," he hesitated.

She looked him in the eye. "What?" she said, with a hint of frustration, running her hands down her thighs. Will sat down next to her.

"Did you find a link between the old cases you've been digging into and the sex trafficking cases?"

Her eyes turned dark. "How do you know I've been researching a few cases that seem to have been conveniently forgotten by our legal system?"

Will could see the tension build in her body. She squeezed her hands shut, and the veins in her neck were more visible.

Finn knew she was going to be upset but he wasn't willing to back down. "That's the other reason we came over here. Those cases disappeared from the system early this morning."

"What do you mean they _disappeared?_ "

"Someone erased them from the data base. There isn't any evidence they existed."

She didn't know how to respond. She was confused, disappointed, and fuming with anger inside. "You didn't answer my first question," she said sternly. She stood up and moved across the room to the fireplace placing her hands on her hips.

The tension in the room was thick. Tony spoke up for the first time. "Alicia, did you ever happen to save a copy of those files to your work computer, or a thumb drive?"

Her gaze moved to Tony. "I saved a copy to a thumb drive."

"Where is the thumb drive?"

"In the safe in my office." She turned her attention back to Finn. "You've been spying on me?"

Finn stood. "It wasn't spying. I was trying to keep you safe and out of trouble." he defended. "You told everyone you were going to back away from the sex trafficking cases. But Alicia, I know you. You want to make this right. You want to save all those girls. It's in your nature to care and make a wrong a right. I knew you'd still try to look into things if you could. I just wanted to make sure that if you found something we could get right on it and keep you out of trouble. That's all."

"That's all!" she gawked, folding her arms across her chest. "I can't believe you did this. I can't believe I was such a fool in thinking I could trust you again. You've been monitoring my personal laptop? What else have you been _monitoring?_ " Her tone remained even, but she was furious.

Will stood and cut into the conversation. "Alicia, he was just trying to help."

"You're defending him?" she said, exasperated. She felt cornered by the three men standing in front of her.

"No, but I can see why he did it. You're not the only one who gets to feel a little betrayed here. You told me you were going to let go of those cases. Stay away from the mess."

"No, I never told you that. You asked me too. We argued about it, but I never agreed to it. I told Finn and everyone I work with that I'd drop it, but I never told you I would. Because you are the one person on this planet that I refuse to hide things from."

She looked back at the other two men, speaking up again before Will could respond. "Those old cases had a few things in common. There was a shipping company involved in all of them. I looked up the company. It's still on the books but it's been inactive for at least three years. Theoretically the company still owns a few boats that are docked at a harbor in Virginia. I was going to try and dig into it further. Go down to the dock and check the boats out one weekend. See if anyone knew anything. As crazy as you all think I am, I was going to tell you about it. I'm not stupid enough to go investigate that on my own. Yes, I think there is a link between those forgotten cases and the sex trafficking, but it's just a hunch. One that's maybe been verified by the break in." She didn't pause for even a second to let anyone speak. "I'll give you the thumb drive when we get back to D.C. But only if you agree to stop monitoring my laptop. Now get out of my house. We are done talking." She turned and headed for the staircase.

Despite the fact that Will was slightly concerned about all of this, he couldn't help but smile to himself. The way she could command a room. The way she could put three grown men in their place within a matter of seconds was just one more thing he loved about her.

She was sitting on the edge of the bed staring out the French doors to the deck when he entered the room ten minutes later. He sat down next to her threading his fingers through hers.

"I know what you're going to say. That I should have listened. That I should have let it go. That I should have told someone about the old cases that got dumped on my desk two weeks ago. That we were taught our second day of law school to never get emotionally involved in a case." She turned her head to look at him. "That may be true, but I'm not sorry I did it. I'm not going to apologize. That may upset you. We'll just have to work through it somehow if it does. Honestly Will, can you look me in the eye and tell me you would have done it any differently if you'd been in my shoes? You and Diane taught me to fight the battle. Not do what was easy."

He waited patiently until she was done. "Can I say something now?" he asked, with a slight smile on his lips.

"Yes, I'm sorry."

"This whole situation scares me."

"But,"

"Let me finish. It worries me that it doesn't seem to scare you."

"I never said it didn't make me nervous," she protested.

He let out his breath with a slight chuckle. Always the lawyer arguing every point, he thought.

"That being said, I do get it. And yes, I probably would have done the same thing. The smart thing to do now is to let Finn take it from here."

She sighed heavily. "I know." She stood and moved to lean against the door. "I don't think the intruder was after the thumb drive. There's no way anyone could know I have that. I think they were after the hard copy of the files."

"You have them?"

"Yes. Downstairs in my bag."

"You brought them with you?"

"I wanted you to look at them with me."

"You need to give them to Finn."

She turned to stare outside. "I will."

He moved behind her wrapping his arms around her waist, pressing his warm body to hers. "Please Alicia. Give Finn the files. Let him worry about it. Let him investigate. Once they make an arrest you could try the case."

She sensed his concern. Could hear the pleading in his voice. She turned in his arms and looked up at him. "You're really worried about this aren't you?"

He leaned in pressing his forehead to hers. "Yes. Someone threatened you. Someone broke into your house. This is serious. Please…for me…will you let this go?"

His pleading gaze had her captured. "Okay. But only because I love you. And only after you look at the files with me. You see things that other people don't. I just want your opinion."

He breathed out a deep breath looking at the floor. "Okay." He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and pulled away. "Let's get ready to go."

"Let's stay here. I really don't want to see Finn right now."

"I figured you'd feel that way. I convinced him they didn't need to come with us."

She was surprised. "How did you pull that off?"

"It wasn't that difficult. I told him if anything happened to you he could blame me."

She laughed rolling her eyes. "Somehow I think there was more to it than that."

"I'm just that convincing," he smirked, taking her hand to go back downstairs. He didn't tell her that it had been more difficult than that. When Finn had protested the idea, Will had reminded him that six months after he'd gone into protection he'd done some weapons and security training through the program. It had been a way for him to feel more safe in his new life. He wasn't going to tell Alicia that Tony had an extra hand gun he was going to let Will borrow for their outing. Alicia would never approve of it. No one really thought they would be in any danger, but it was good to take the precaution.

The area they hiked through was quiet and secluded near the coastline. The trail ran through a forested area with hemlock groves, and large trees filled with brilliant fall colored leaves. They walked for about three miles before they came to a clearing near the rocky shoreline, and decided it was a good place to rest and eat their picnic lunch.

All the stress of the morning had seemed to seep away. They had returned to their own little world. Will spread out a small blanket under a large tree. Alicia pulled out their lunch. It was bliss, talking, stealing kisses from each other, feeding each other fresh raspberries.

After eating, they laid down next to each other staring up at the blue sky through the leaves. "Do you remember doing this in the spring during college? Staring up at the sky through the cherry blossoms completely exhausted from studying?" she asked.

"Like it was yesterday," he responded quietly.

"We need to start working on a plan, Will," She said, a few silent moments later.

He propped himself up on his elbows and looked at her. "What do you mean?"

Her hazel orbs looked right into his eyes. "I'd like to start forming a plan for the future. I need some sort of stability in the constant chaos that seems to be my life these days." She sat up, and he followed suit. "What happens after I talk to Grace and Zach about you? After I resign from my position in a year? Which, quite frankly, I'm thinking of shortening that time line. I miss you. I don't like living so far apart. It's more difficult than I thought it would be. We need a plan even if it's just the beginnings of one."

"What do you want the plan to be? Alicia, you're at the height of your career. Any law firm in this country would hire you. I'm not going to stand in the way of your success. You have to decide what you want."

"Okay, but what do you want? You're always so concerned about me I never know what you want. If you could choose any path for say our next two years together, what would that look like?"

He looked out at the ocean in front of them. "You really want to know what I want?"

"Yes."

"Leesh, I'm head over heels in love with you. I don't like living so far apart either. If things were exactly like I wanted, I'd take you home with me tomorrow. You wouldn't rent an apartment there. You'd move in with us. We'd start our own firm. You could take all the litigation cases, and I could cover the corporate cases. We'd spend every single day together. Chase would love you. I know he would. And we could be a family. A real one. We'd spend Sundays with Zach and Allison. Grace would come visit. We could make love to each other when ever we wanted." He turned his gaze back to her. "We'd be so happy Leesh. I'd spend every day making you as happy as I possibly could. That's what I want. That's what I dream about."

He took her hand into his. "I'd ask you to marry me right now if I thought you'd say yes. If I thought it was the right time, but it's not. And it isn't fair for me to ask you to drop everything just to be with me. I won't. We have to figure out what our dream looks like together."

She'd asked the question, but she wasn't ready for the complete honesty in his answer. Her head was spinning. Marriage. Their own firm. Living together without really dating more. She should probably be terrified, but the truly scary thing was that none of it scared her, and that frightened her even more.

She just stared at him. He was certain he'd crossed a line in being so honest. _What was I thinking?_ _You don't just spill your whole heart like that_ , he thought to himself. He was sure he'd just set their future back a good year if he hadn't completely scared her off.

A cool breeze blew past them sending shivers down her spine. All she wanted in that moment was to feel the warmth of his body next to hers. She leaned in pressing a long lingering kiss to his lips.

A few moments later when their lips parted their foreheads touched. "What do you want Alicia?" he asked in a whisper.

"I want to be happy. I want to be with you. You make me happy. I don't know what I want to do with my career. I've worked so hard."

"I know."

She pulled back and placed her hands on his chest. "It makes sense for me to move to Portland after I finish up at the AG's office. The Portland legal community is booming. Zach is there, and there isn't any reason to unsettle Chase's current situation. So let's leave it there. It's the beginning of a plan which is what I wanted. I just needed to know you really wanted me there. I'll move to Portland sometime in the next year. We can decide if me getting my own place or moving in with you right away is a good decision after I've had some time to spend with Chase. I don't want him to feel like I'm invading his life or taking you away from him."

"I can live with that," he said, brushing stray strands of hair behind her ear.

* * *

In the early evening the weather had turned cold. A storm was blowing in. Will had made hot cocoa after they'd shared a candlelit dinner. Later in the evening they'd spread out soft quilts and pillows on the floor in front of the fireplace and made love to each other in the glow of the crackling fire.

Now they laid snuggled together under one of the quilts enjoying their last few hours together. Being held in his arms, his warm naked body pressed to hers brought with it a sense of calm and security she wanted to drown in.

"Leesh," he said softly. "Do you think you'll ever want to be married again?" The words seemed to hang in the air. She didn't respond just continued to stare at the fire in front of them. "I'd understand if you didn't. We don't have to be married to be together…I was just curious. You don't have to say if you don't want."

She shifted in his arms to her back and looked at him reaching her hand to his cheek. "I used to think I'd never want to be married again. I don't know that a piece of paper stating you're married to someone is really a good representation of the love two people can share. I made vows to a man thirty years ago that I thought were binding. I put trust in an institution that was supposed to be hard work but last a lifetime. Do I think that going through a formal list of steps simply to be able to tell people that I'm committed to one person for the rest of my life is a necessity? No. It's not about the legal binding of a marriage license." Her eyes lit up and a gentle smile crossed her lips. "If you're asking if I'd ever consider marrying you…my answer would be…yes. Because I love you, and I'd want that for you."

The broad smile that formed on his lips spoke volumes. She leaned in and kissed him again. "You wouldn't say yes if I asked you right now though?" His smile hadn't faded any.

"No," she said, with a light laugh, running her fingers through his hair. "Not today. But I wouldn't mind you showing me one more time tonight how much you love me." Her hand slid down his bare back.

He kissed the tip of her nose and moved on top of her again. "I think I can handle that."


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N Thank you so much for reading. I'll just apologize now for what happens in this chapter and hope you'll all still stick with me afterwards. :}**

An agency car had picked Finn up from a private airstrip in Portland a few minutes ago. He didn't feel like he was walking around in his own body anymore. He was exhausted. He'd hardly slept in three days. He was on his way to see Will to have what would definitely not be a pleasant conversation.

Will didn't know he was coming. Will didn't know what had gone on in the past few days. _Will_ …he thought. How would he tell Will that the woman he loved was…

 **Three days earlier**

" _Angie," Finn said, over the phone. "I'm glad you're still at the office. Alicia isn't answering her phone. Will you tell her I'll be there in about ten minutes to take her home?"_

 _Alicia's assistant dropped the pen in her hand and glanced at Alicia's office. "Finn, didn't she call you? She left around two. She wasn't feeling well. Corey was here and offered to take her home."_

 _Finn exited the freeway and turned the car back around to head to Alicia's. "No, she didn't call. I'll go to her place. Talk to you tomorrow."_

 _Something wasn't right. He could sense it. If Alicia had been sick, she would have called, or had Angie call. She'd been upset with him for two days. It had made for a long weekend, but she hadn't refused his protection._

 _They hadn't stayed at her house since the break in two weeks earlier. If she wasn't feeling well, it would make sense that she'd want to be in her own home, he thought, as he got closer to the house._

 _He brought the car to a stop in front of the house. It was dark. "Alicia,," he called, after entering._

 _There was still no sign of her two hours later. Angie was in a panic as well. Corey hadn't been answering his phone either. They had both seemingly disappeared. The FBI and local police began searching for their missing agent, and the AAG. Six hours late, on a deserted road in Virginia, Corey's car was discovered, burnt to a crisp with what appeared to be two bodies inside. -_

Sweat formed on Finn's brow as he rode the elevator up to Will's office. He couldn't keep still, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, loosening his tie because he felt like there wasn't enough air in the whole world to breathe.

After flashing his badge to Will's assistant, she led him straight to his office.

Will was on the phone with a client when a knock came to his door and Finn entered the room.

Surprised and confused at the sight of him, Will ended his call. "Uh, Steve, I'm going to need to call you back," He hung up the phone and stood from his desk. He knew something wasn't right as soon as he'd laid eyes on Finn.

"Finn," he stated, swallowing hard as he moved around his desk to shake Finn's hand.

"Will,"

Finn wanted to be anywhere but here. Doing his best to suppress his emotions, as he'd been trained to do, he managed to hold eye contact.

"When was the last time you spoke to Alicia?"

Will sighed heavily. "Five days ago. We…got into an argument. The call didn't end well." He turned and walked across the room running his hand over the back of his neck. 'I called her two nights ago…to try and fix things…she didn't answer and never called back. I just assumed she was still upset with me and would call when she was ready."

 _\- When his phone rang late Friday night he was excited to talk to her. Thanksgiving was only a few more weeks away, and he had made a few plans for her visit he wanted to tell her about._

" _Leesh," he said, enthusiastically._

" _How could you?" she fumed._

 _He sighed. He knew what this was about. He'd hoped she wouldn't be so upset. Clearly, he was wrong._

" _Alicia,"_

" _No, Will. I told you I would give those files to Finn. You had no right telling him I had them."_

" _Exactly. You told me you would give them to him two weeks ago. You promised you'd do it. I just assumed that he had them when I talked to him yesterday. Imagine my surprise when he didn't know what I was talking about."_

" _Those are my cases, Will. You had no right interfering. You're not my boss anymore!"_

" _That was a low blow, Alicia. You know I would never interfere with your work. But since it seems we're taking shots at one another, let's go back to the part where you promised me you were going to let this go. That you were going to give those files to Finn. You lied to me!"_

" _I didn't lie. I was going to give them to him this weekend. I've been so busy since I got back, I haven't had time to look into any of it."_

" _You didn't need time to look into any of it. You were going to drop this. Does Finn have the files now?"_

 _She laughed spitefully. "Really? That's the question you want to ask?" She knew she was taking this too far, but she was tired, and angry because she'd lost control of the whole situation with the cases._

" _Yes! It is. I need to know if you're going to hold up your end of the bargain, or if you're going to keep lying to me, and putting yourself in danger. You aren't safe! Do you understand that? Do you even want to understand that? Because, Alicia, I can't do this. I can't keep wondering every single day if you're safe or not." He ran a hand through his hair in frustration._

" _Stop talking to me like a child, Will. Yes, Finn has the files now. Thanks to you my work day was a living hell. I have the AG, and director of the FBI all over me now. And yes, I understand the danger. But you don't have much room to talk here. The danger didn't seem to matter to you nine years ago!"_

 _This was getting out of hand. He knew they needed to end the call and take time to cool off. They both had and would continue to say things they didn't really mean if they kept talking right now._

" _Alicia, I'm hanging up. We can discuss this more when we've both cooled off." –_

He'd hung up after that. He was regretting that decision now seeing the look on Finn's face. "What's wrong. Where's Alicia?" Worry and dread were seeping into his veins.

"I don't know," Finn admitted. "Sit down. We need to talk."

He recapped the events that had taken place up to when they had found the burnt vehicle.

Will was pale. A cold sweat rushed through him. His stomach churned, and he was suddenly aware of the fact that his lunch may come up at any second. "She's," he swallowed hard the lump in his throat. "Dead?" He felt faint.

"We don't think so," Finn quickly corrected.

Finn's words were the only thing that kept Will upright. "You don't think so?" he questioned in frustration. "Which is it? Is she dead, or isn't she?" How his body managed to stand and stay upright in that moment he wasn't sure.

"We think she's alive. Someone wanted us to believe she was dead, so we'd stop looking for her. For them. Late last night the medical examiner was able to confirm the bodies in the car weren't Alicia and Corey."

Will paced, hands on his hips. "Who has her? What do they want with her? It's this sex trafficking business isn't it? Do you know what those people are capable of? What they'll do to her?" He was growing more anxious by the second. "Why didn't you call me when she first went missing? I would have flown to D.C. to help look for her."

"I didn't call because I didn't want to tell you she was dead until I knew for sure. She'd not dead."

"Not yet," Will pointed out. "We have to find her before they decide they don't need her anymore."

"Will, I promise you we are doing everything we can to find her. Every federal agency is looking for her. We're monitoring all the airports, trains, busses, ports. The problem is we don't know where to look. By the time we discovered they were missing they had nearly an eight hour lead on us. Then we found the car which slowed things down. We have people going over security footage at airports, train stations, etcetera. We don't think they've taken her out of the country."

"They? Who's they?" Will demanded.

"There's a chance that Corey was the mole. When forensics came back on the bodies last night it was confirmed that Corey Blake was one of them. The real Corey Blake."

"What do you mean the real Corey Blake?"

"Twenty-six year old Corey Blake died seven years ago. Agent Blake, who's been working for the FBI the past six years, apparently assumed the dead man's identity. We don't know who Agent Blake really is. We don't know where he is, and we don't know who he's working with. He has to be working with someone. There's no way one man could pull off a kidnapping like this. Right now we have a team of experts trying to find the real identity of Agent Blake. Once we know that we can start digging further."

"So, you have absolutely no leads right now?" Will's frustration was turning to anger. "It had to have something to do with those files. Why aren't you interviewing every single person involved in those cases. Someone has to know something!"

"I promise you we are doing exactly that. We've been bringing people in all morning for interviews. We'll figure this out." He glanced at his watch. "I have to go. I have to catch a plane back to D.C. in an hour. Will, everyone is doing everything they can to find her. I will not stop looking until she's found. I promise."

"What am I supposed to do? I can't just sit here doing nothing. I should be out there looking for her too?" Will argued.

"No. I came here to tell you in person because you deserved at least that. But the best thing you can do right now is to stay here under the radar. Do not try to go digging into this. No one knows you exist. No one knows about your relationship with Alicia. If you do anything to make the authorities suspicious red flags will go up all over the place and you'll end up a suspect."

Will sighed heavily. "Fine. Did Alicia tell you about the shipping company that connected the old cases?"

"Yes, and we're looking into it."

"Looking into it," he said, sarcastically. He raised his hands in the air in frustration. "People need to be out there _looking_ for her!"

"They are, I promise."

"What if they don't find her soon? The things those people might do to her." He felt even more sick.

"Alicia will fight. She's the strongest and smartest woman I know. She won't give up."

Will folded his arms across his chest and turned around to stare out the window. "It's not her giving up that I'm worried about," he said, quietly.

Silence filled the room for a few moments. Finn knew exactly what he meant. If they really were dealing with the people he thought, drug and weapons dealers, Alicia could be in a world of trouble.

"I have to go. Will," he said apologetically. "I know this is difficult. I'm sorry. I really am."

All the adrenaline, the panic and frustration rushing through Will's body was turning to unbelievable sadness and dread. "Find her, please. You have to find her, Finn – alive." He swallowed hard the lump in his throat and turned back around to face Finn. "I can't live without her - not anymore."

Finn turned and left the room closing the door quietly behind him.

Will moved to the window. Leaning forward he placed both hands on the window sill. "Where are you, Leesh?"

* * *

She was miserable. Absolutely miserable. Cold, achy, hungry, and nauseous. Three days of being cooped up in a nine by nine storage closet on a boat, the constant up and down motion, had taken its toll on her.

A portion of the aches and pains were her own fault. She knew that. She'd put up a fight every time they'd moved her from one vehicle to the other that first night.

 _\- Alicia walked out of her office to hand Angie some files. "Corey, how are you?" she asked, reaching her hand out to him. "Good, real good. Just bringing Angie back from lunch."_

 _Alicia smiled at the blush that formed on Angie's cheeks. She knew that look. She could about guess the kind of lunch they'd had. The kind she used to share with Will. A tinge of pain hit her at the thought of Will. She was being stubborn. She should let it go. He was right, even if she hated to admit it. She had promised him she'd give Finn the files and let the whole thing with the sex trafficking cases go. Yet, she hadn't. She'd meant to, but… She sighed. She needed to call him apologize, profusely. Beg for his forgiveness. Tell him he was right in everything he'd said. She'd call him later, before she went to bed, she thought as she turned to go back into her office._

" _Alicia, do you have a minute?" Corey asked._

 _She turned back around. "Um, sure. Come on in." She gestured for him to follow her as she moved further into her office._

" _What can I do for you?" she asked, sitting down at her desk._

 _He didn't sit. She noticed immediately the change in his dementor._

" _You have something I need," he said, dropping his southern accent completely._

" _What's that?" she responded, wondering where this was going._

" _Where are the files, Alicia?"_

 _Before she had time to think he'd pulled his gun and was pointing it right at her._

 _For a few moments she couldn't breathe, gripping the arms of her chair. "Corey," she managed to say calmly._

" _It's not Corey. Where are the files? I searched your house and didn't find them. They have to be here. I know Terry's assistant brought them to you." He stepped closer to her desk. "Where are they?"_

 _She was shaking inside, scared out of her wits, but she couldn't let him know that. She had to remain calm. "You're the mole, aren't you?" She suddenly wondered how she could have overlooked it. He had been listed as one of the investigating agents on all but one of those old cases. He'd been involved in her CEO case from Houston early in the year. "You had the CEO killed in prison, didn't you?" She didn't need to say the name of her client. She knew he was aware of who she was referring too._

" _Where are the files?" he asked with more frustration, the gun never wavered from its position pointed right at her head. She stood up and began to move towards him. She thought of running for the door, but he'd most certainly shoot her before she got that far._

" _I don't have them anymore. I gave them to the FBI on Friday."_

" _I don't believe you. There hasn't been any word around the agency."_

" _Because they're keeping it quiet. Looks like all your fail safes are breaking down." She folded her arms across her chest._

 _A thin line formed on his lips. "You couldn't stay away from this could you? Even after I threatened you, and your family? You had to go poking your nose in places it didn't belong."_

" _What you and your associates are doing is wrong," she shot back._

" _Stop talking. This is what's going to happen. You're going to go out there and tell Angie you're not feeling well, and that you're taking the rest of the day off. I'll offer to take you home."_

" _And what if I don't? I could have Secret Service in here in a matter of seconds." That probably wasn't true. She'd have to make it out the door or be able to push the three-digit code into her phone before he stopped her. It was unlikely she'd be able to do either._

" _If you don't I'll have my associate put a bullet in your daughters head."_

 _Her blood ran cold as he pulled his phone from his pocket pressed one button and showed her the screen. Grace could be seen through a window sitting at her desk at work. Whoever had the camera was probably perched in the building across the street. Alicia was speechless. Corey had clearly planned this._

" _Gather your things. Tell Angie you're leaving – now."_

 _As they exited the parking garage Alicia gave some thought to reaching over and trying to take control of the steering wheel. But there was a chance that she'd end up dead by crashing the car, so she waited. They drove to her house. Corey told went to her bedroom and pulled out a t-shirt and yoga pants for her. Then forced her to change clothes in front of him._

 _They went out the back door. Walked about a block and then Corey forced her into the back of a windowless van and placed his handcuffs on her wrists._

" _Why are you doing this? I don't have what you want. No one will give those files to you. What do need them for? I won't tell anyone. Just let me go."_

 _A smug laugh fell from his lips. "If it were up to me, I would have already put a bullet in your head," he said, as he shoved a piece of fabric into her mouth to gag her. "Those files were the key to keeping the authorities away from our business. It's only a matter of time before they figure everything out. The only reason I'm keeping you alive is because the man in charge of this whole operation, wanted to meet you in person. Probably to look you in the eye before he kills you. You've really messed things up for us."_

 _They'd changed vans two more times during their four-hour drive to the port that she guessed was in the southern part of Virginia or North Carolina somewhere. Each time trying to fight the two men assigned to move her from one vehicle to the other, by kicking her legs, and doing her best to twist out of their grasp. They'd gotten smart in the last car transfer and tied her legs together._

 _After they had her below deck on the boat they stuck her with a needle full of a substance that caused her to go to sleep. When she woke up twelve hours later they were out on the water skirting along the coast._

 _Corey brought her some food. He'd allowed her on deck. The sea air was frigid, but she was grateful for it. "Where are we going?"_

 _Silence._

" _You won't get away with this. People are probably already out there looking for me."_

" _No one is looking. They all think we're dead." He handed her a bottle of water._

 _Her heart sank. "What do you mean?"_

" _My car was found in the middle of the night burnt to a crisp. Two bodies inside. A male and female who will very much match our descriptions. Why do you think I made you change out of your work clothes? It wasn't to make you more comfortable," he smirked._

" _They'll figure out the bodies aren't ours," she stated, with confidence._

" _Maybe, but that will take at least two days. We'll be long gone by then."_

" _Where are we going?" she asked again._

" _You ask too many questions."_

 _She'd been eyeing the shore from where she sat. If she jumped into the water it would be a long swim, but maybe she could do it._

 _It's early November. You'd freeze to death before you ever got close, she thought to herself. -_

The storage area was dark, filthy, and damp. They'd given her a blanket, but it didn't do much good. They'd only brought her food once a day. Her stomach ached with hunger.

She'd managed to hold it together rather remarkably until late last night when the endless sobs had assaulted her. All alone in the dark, with nothing to do but think, she hadn't been able to hold it in any longer. She cried for being so stubborn, for not letting things go when she should have. She cried for her kids, her family, and for Will. She'd caused a rift between them again, and now she didn't know if she'd have another chance to fix it.

The emotional storm had drained her. She was beginning to wear down. Now here she was hours later. Locked up. Not allowed above deck because she'd continued to put up a fight every time they brought her to her cell. She'd even managed to stab one of the men with a fork, drawing blood, at one point.

She sighed heavily leaning back against the hard wood wall and closing her eyes in an attempt to stop the nausea. Someone would find her, she thought to herself. Someone would save her. Or she'd figure out a way to escape herself. She had to, she didn't want to die.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N Hello everyone. Thank you all so much for all the reviews of the last chapter! I know some of you are wondering when we're going to get to the point where this story is a little less dramatic, complicated and focused more on Will and Alicia being back together, and working out the logistics of that. I'm sorry it's taken so long. But we're almost there. I promise lots of hopefully fulfilling chapters soon!**

 **Thank you and welcome to the new followers in the past few weeks!**

Finn sighed heavily as he slumped into the chair behind his desk at FBI headquarters. It had been six days since Alicia had gone missing. Finn was waiting to hear back on a possible lead as to where she might be.

As suspected, Colin was the mole. His real name was Jeremy Dobbs. He'd grown up in the foster care system and didn't have any close family. He'd put himself through school, had a college degree, and clean police record. Two years out of college he'd seemingly disappeared. Left his job at a Houston accounting firm without any word. It was as if he'd ceased to exist after that, until he showed up at the FBI three years later to train to be an agent.

After some more digging the feds discovered he had ties to a Columbian cartel. The cartel had set up the numerous shell companies to move around the large amounts of money being exchanged to various dealers. The CEO in Houston that Alicia was supposed to prosecute, but had ended up dead in prison, had worked for the cartel. He'd been blackmailed into doing it. After he was arrested Jeremy paid off a prison guard to kill him, and make it look like a suicide so the CEO wouldn't give up crucial cartel information.

The old cases Alicia had been digging into were also related to the cartels dealings. The five cases dealt with stolen diamonds, and large amounts of cocaine that could be traced directly back to the cartel. The attorney who had buried the cases was working for them and had managed to deter prosecution. The feds discovered this when they went to dig out the evidence for these cases from the federal evidence locker and discovered it missing. The security guard, who'd been threatened by the cartel, had removed the evidence, two days after Alicia went missing. He was caught a day later just before boarding a flight out of the country. He'd spilled all, out of desperation to stay alive and been admitted into the witness protection program.

When Finn and a few other agents went to check into the shipping company Alicia had uncovered, they ran into some snags. The shipping company didn't exist anymore. All of its cargo ships, and smaller vessels had been sold. The feds were combing through all the old logs that could be found to figure out where all the ships had ended up. It was taking an enormous amount of time. What they had discovered so far was that most of the ships had been sold to legitimate companies. But there were still a few unaccounted for.

As the cards continued to fall there were arrests being made every day of individuals among various government agencies who were suspected of being part of the enormous smuggling scheme. Most individuals had been bribed or blackmailed into doing small things to alter evidence or send a team of agents on a wild goose chase to keep them away from the larger operation.

However, Finn thought, whoever had trained Jeremy was good, very good. From what arrested individuals were saying Jeremy was one of only a few cartel lieutenants running things in the U.S.

The feds suspected that some of the sex trafficking rings they'd managed to dissmantle over the past year were also part of the cartels business since large amounts of money had been transferred through the shell company accounts the day before some of those busts had taken place.

To Finn it seemed like the cartels operation in the U.S. was crumbling from the inside. The shell companies had been shut down. There hadn't been any attempted money transfers since Jeremy and Alicia had disappeared. Thanks to individuals who'd been arrested the feds had been there to bust a large drug deal taking place in New Orleans. With luck they'd be able to prevent more of these kinds of deals from going down in the coming months.

Finn's only focus now was to find Jeremy. If they could find Jeremy, they could find Alicia. Or at least figure out what had happened to her. _Where her body was_ , he thought gloomily. With every passing day the odds that she was still alive went down. It was awful but a fact.

Sitting back in his chair he stared at the phone, willing it to ring. The DOD had authorized a covert mission to the cartel compound in Columbia to see if either Jeremy or Alicia was there. It was possible that Jeremy had managed to get himself and Alicia out of the country and gone to Columbia to disappear. If either one was spotted in the compound, the team of covert agents would move in and try to extract them. Hopefully the mission would turn up profitable. Alicia would be there, and they could bring her home.

He checked the time. Any minute and there should be word. Then he'd call Zach, Grace, Diane, and Will to give them the news. Good or bad.

Before coming back from Portland he'd briefly stopped and talked to Zach after meeting with Will. Zach had been angry. And unfortunately, there hadn't been enough time to explain everything to the extent that Finn would have liked. Such as the fact that Finn was really a federal agent, not the lawyer Zach knew him to be. On top of that the fact that as an agent he'd been unable to keep Zach's mother out of danger.

Finn had stopped in Chicago on his way home to speak with Grace. Grace was upset. On the verge of distraught. It was a little easier for her to piece things together after seeing Finn with Alicia in D.C. a few weeks earlier. While she understood the need to keep things discreet, she was upset with Alicia for not just telling her the truth. But her underlying concern was her mother's safety. She was sick with worry. After Finn had left Chicago, Grace had gone straight to Diane. Diane had almost become a second mother to her in recent years.

Diane had called Finn hours later and proceeded to lecture him for nearly five minutes straight before he could get a word in edgewise. Calling Diane, once he had news, was the call he dreaded the most if the news wasn't good.

In moments like those he almost wished he'd let other agents talk to Alicia's family. It would have been easier that way, but it wouldn't have right. They needed to know there was someone out there willing to fight to get Alicia back. He owed them, Alicia, at least that much.

Finally, the phone rang. After nearly twenty-four hours of surveillance there was no sign of Alicia or Jeremy at the compound. There was a lot of action going on and it looked like the cartel was getting ready to send out a new shipment of drugs but that was all.

Finn ran his hands over his face, took a huge gulp of coffee, and dialed the first number.

* * *

Janie watched Will from the kitchen. He was pacing back and forth on the back deck with his phone to his ear. She couldn't recall him ever looking so frustrated. He'd seemed tense and distracted all evening confirming what Rick had told her before Will and Chase had come over for dinner.

Will, Rick and the boys had gone to the batting cages earlier. When they got home, Rick said Will had been relentless, hitting ball after ball far longer than he normally did. Usually when they wen to the batting cages, Will would hit balls at a leisurely pace for a while and then help the boys. His shoulder couldn't take a lot of batting practice anymore.

" _He won't be able to move that arm tomorrow,"_ Rick had told her _. "I've never seen him attack the balls the way he did today."_

The two boys came into the kitchen. "Mom, can we watch a movie? It's not a school night," Brian asked.

"It's okay with me, but we need to check with Will," she said glancing out the back door. "Hey Chase, has your dad had a long week at work?"

"I don't think so, why?" He and Brian were digging in the cupboard for some microwave popcorn.

"No reason." Clearly Will had done a good job of keeping whatever was bothering him to himself. Or maybe something had just come up today.

Brian turned and looked at her. "You should have seen Will hitting the ball at the cages today. It was amazing! No wonder he used to play baseball in college. He's really good," the thirteen year old said enthusiastically.

Janie just smiled as she put the bag of popcorn into the microwave. A few minutes later she handed the boys the popcorn and told them she'd talk to Will about the movie.

A few minutes later while she loaded the last of the dishes into the dishwasher, she could hear Will yelling at whoever was on the phone. After he hung up she grabbed two beers from the fridge and slipped out the back door.

Finn hadn't deserved the tongue-lashing Will gave him the last few minutes of their phone conversation. Will knew that, but he was near a breaking point. After hanging up he had the urge to throw the phone across the yard but thought better of it at the last second. He needed the phone in case Finn tried to call back. Not to mention his shoulder was aching. Burning with pain. He'd pushed it way too far at the batting cages earlier. But better to take out his frustration on a ball than Chase.

He slumped down on the back steps needing to cool down, get his head back on straight, get his emotions under control again before he went back inside. Until now he'd managed to keep the darker thoughts about whet might have happened to Alicia in the back of his mind. He kept telling himself she was going to be okay. She'd fight the people who had taken her. She'd escape, or someone would find her. But the dark cloud that was surrounding him now couldn't be held off any longer.

He realized he was going to have to start preparing himself for the idea that she might be dead. He could barely breathe at the thought. He'd had to pretend everyone he knew and loved was dead nearly ten years ago. It was easier that way. But for her to actually be dead…

Completely engulfed in his thoughts he hadn't heard Janie come out the back door. She sat down next to him holding out a beer.

"Tough client?" she asked, pulling her jacket tightly around her in the cool evening air.

A part of him wanted to be alone right now, but in some ways, it was comforting to have her there. He took a long gulp of his drink. "No," he admitted, staring out at the large pine trees along the back fence.

"Well, I hope you weren't talking to Alicia like that. Because if you were, I might have to punch you."

She was trying to ease his tension, which he appreciated and managed a sad little laugh. "If I ever talk to Alicia like that, you should definitely punch me."

A few moments of silence passed before she spoke up again. "You want to talk about it?"

He felt hollow inside. He was angry, and scared, and frustrated. He felt helpless. He needed to do something to find Alicia. The past few days had been miserable. He hadn't slept well, he'd been distracted at work, and hadn't done a super job with Chase either, which only frustrated him more.

He took another drink of his beer. "That call was about Alicia."

Janie was confused. "About her? Is she sick or something?"

He thumbed the cold bottle in his hands debating how much to tell her. "No, she's not sick. You know how I told you she was really good at her job?"

Janie looked down at her hands. "Yeah,"

"Alicia works for the government."

"I know," Janie admitted, hesitantly.

Surprised, Will turned and looked at her.

"It wasn't hard to figure out who she was after I saw her over the video chat. About fifteen minutes spent doing a google search and I found her full name and photo. Assistant Attorney General…of the United States, it's pretty impressive Will. She's not just good at her job, she's one of the best from what I read of her bio on the DOJ website." A broad grin formed on her lips. "I'm still trying to figure out how a guy like you gets a woman like that!" she teased playfully.

He chuckled lightly and took another sip of his drink. "I don't know how I ended up getting a girl like her either," he admitted honestly.

"So," she pushed. "Alicia works for the government…."

He sighed placing the beer bottle on the step next to him, then clasped his hands. "She's…missing."

"Missing?" This definitely perked her interest.

"She got involved in something…dangerous…with her job, and…" The harsh reality that they may never find her was sinking in more and more with every passing hour. He swallowed the huge lump in his throat and looked at Janie. "Someone took her Monday afternoon. The feds are doing all they can to find her but…it's been six days and nothings turned up. That phone call was a fed telling me the lead they thought they had last night was a dead end."

Janie didn't know how to respond. This was way bigger than what she expected. Will understood the stunned look on her face and kept talking. He needed to talk. He needed someone to understand.

"I had a chance to be with Alicia twice in the past. Due to bad timing, crazy circumstances, and me being too chicken to tell her how I felt, it never worked out. We could never make things work. Now we have another chance. This time our timing is right, the stars aligned, or fate was finally in our favor. It doesn't matter what you call it. We had a chance, a real chance to be together this time, and…" He looked away shaking his head. "Now she's missing. She's probably being mistreated. Her life is in danger. She might even be," he couldn't bring himself to say dead out oud. "I can't do anything about it. I may never see her again, and the last conversation we had a week ago was a heated argument that we didn't resolve."

He stood up, hands on his hips and began to pace back and forth. "I screwed up again, I admit that. I should have stayed on the phone until we worked things out. But she makes me so frustrated sometimes. She's so stubborn, so independent, always fighting for what's right even when it's dangerous, or not very smart. She wouldn't listen to anyone who kept telling her to stay out of this mess. She wouldn't listen to me!" He stopped moving and looked right at Janie taking in a deep breath. "I'm so angry at her, and yet all of those things are the reasons I love her. I love her because she doesn't back down. She stands up for what she believes in. She kept fighting even though it was dangerous. Because of her there are a lot of people who've been arrested this week but…I just wish that for once she would have let it go. Let it be someone elses problem. This time she went too far." He ran a hand through his hair. "I don't even care about any of that. I just want her back. In one piece and…alive."

Janie was still staring at him but managed to pull it together. "Will, I'm so sorry…I-I don't even know what to say. It's awful, and really scary actually."

"Don't say anything. I haven't told Chase. I don't want him to worry. And the fewer people who know about it the better."

She understood, but, "Can I tell Rick?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, I know you don't keep secrets from each other, and I don't want to cause any problems between you two." He sat back down next to her.

"Janie, what if they don't find her? What if I never know what happened to her?"

She reached her arm and ran her hand over his back a few times. "You can't give up hope, Will. You can't. Not until they find her."

He nodded and they sat there quietly for a few minutes breathing in the cool night air.

"Why don't you leave Chase here tonight?" she offered, breaking the silence. "They just started a movie, and maybe…you could use some alone time. Or maybe that would just make things worse. What can I do to help?"

"You're already helping. Just keep doing what you're doing. I would appreciate some alone time if you don't mind keeping Chase overnight."

"We don't mind," she reassured him.

"I owe you," he said, with a hint of relief.

"You can pay me back by bringing Alicia over for dinner…once she's home safe and sound."

They went back into the house. Chase was thrilled to spend the night. Will walked home. He was exhausted. All the emotional turmoil in the past few days had drained him.

When he got home he turned on the television and poured himself a glass of scotch. He went into the den and pulled out his photos of Alicia from the safe. He went back to the family room and propped himself up on the couch. An NBA game played in the background as he drank his scotch and thumbed through the photos.

He held up a picture of her that he'd taken during their affair. It was one of his favorites. Her sitting cross legged on his couch one morning, no makeup on, wearing yoga pants and one of his t-shirts. A shy smile across her lips that made her eyes sparkle.

 _-They'd worked late the night before. Since Peter had the kids for the weekend, he'd convinced her to come to his place when they left the office._

 _It didn't ever seem to matter how late it was when they finally found themselves alone and behind locked doors in the past weeks. They still managed to come up with enough energy to make love to each other before falling asleep._

 _The next day they had more work to do at the office but Will insisted they spend a lazy morning together. He made coffee while she made pancakes._

" _You keep things in the oddest places in your kitchen," she remarked digging through a lower cabinet next to the oven for a measuring cup that was buried amongst the other kitchen utensils that really belonged in a drawer or caddy on the countertop._

" _I like where things are in my kitchen. I know where everything is." He handed her a mug of coffee when she stood back up._

 _She pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "I'm not saying you have to change it just for me. I'm only saying some things are in odd places." She turned her attention back to the mixing bowl._

" _Good, because I'm not moving anything," he said, wrapping his arm around her waist and kissing her cheek._

 _While they ate, they got into some ridiculous debate about constitutional law because of a decision that had recently come down from the Illinois supreme court._

 _They continued the debate on his sofa. When if became obvious he was losing the argument, and as was typical she was right, he gave up and leaned in to kiss her just to stop her talking._

" _Admit I'm right," she mumbled into the kiss._

" _Never," he mumbled back kissing that sensitive spot on her neck that he knew would frazzle her._

 _Her breath caught, and she couldn't help but smile. "I'll still be right no matter what you do to distract me."_

 _He couldn't hold in the laughter and pulled away from her. "Fine, you're right."_

 _She nodded her head with a satisfied smile. It was one of those moments when he realized just how much power she held over him. He'd probably be willing to agree the world was flat if she wanted him too._

 _There was something about her sitting there, in his shirt, pleased with herself as the morning sun cast a glow over her beautiful skin. He wanted to capture the moment. Freeze time. Make it last._

" _Don't move," he said, reaching for his phone._

" _What? Why?" she laughed, then realized what he was going to do. "Will, no!" she protested, reaching across him to try and take the phone out of his hand. But his arms were too long, and he held it out of her reach._

" _Just one," he said, still attempting to keep the phone from her. "Leesh, you look perfect sitting there." He figured he was going to lose the argument but gave it a shot anyway. To his surprise she backed down. It probably helped that she seemed to be in a playful mood._

" _Fine, but you have to be in the photo too," she insisted._

" _Let's compromise. Let me get one of you alone, and then we'll take one with both of us."_

 _Her hands went to her hips. They sat in silence staring at each other for a few moments. "Okay, you want to negotiate?" she mused. "I agree to your little photo shoot, and you agree to whatever I want in bed for the rest of the day. Before and after work," she clarified._

 _This sounded like a fair deal to him. Pleasuring her in bed wasn't something he had to think twice about. "Deal. You get what ever you want in bed for the rest of the day. But I get three shots of you alone not just one."_

 _She thought about it for a split second then held out her hand for him to shake so they could close the deal._

 _She let him take the pictures, and despite her protests she didn't seem to mind too much. After he'd taken his allotted three, she even posed for him a few times. Then they took some of the two of them together._

 _By the end of the night he almost wondered if he should have tried to negotiate for a little more. Aside from fulfilling her every desire while they had sex, she'd managed to get him to give her a nice, long, full body massage, dinner in bed, and she'd made him watch a truly sappy romantic comedy while they snuggled together beneath his sheets. –_

He set the pictures on the coffee table, then glanced around the room. All he wanted was her there, safe, in his house, upstairs in his bed, so they could snuggle together and watch a movie. He wanted what had been the exception nearly thirteen years ago to be their normal.

He drank the last bit of his scotch and went upstairs to try and get some sleep. "Don't die on me, Leesh," he whispered, as he settled under the covers staring at the empty space next to him. "Stay strong. You have too. This is not how our story ends."

* * *

Two days later, Will was getting ready to leave work when his phone buzzed.

"Finn,"

"They found her Will."

Will sank back down into his chair. "Is she…" he gulped, a cold sweat formed on his brow.

"She's alive. She's in bad shape, but she's alive."


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N Wow, I hope a few of you are still around. The past month totally got away from me. I am so sorry for the delay in updating. The good news is that my littles have gone back to school, so that means more time to write. Thank you so much for continuing to read, and review.**

Will let out an audible sigh of relief, leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. Alicia was alive, but, _in bad shape_. What did that mean? It made him sick to think about what she may have been through in the past nine days.

"Where is she? And just how bad a shape is she in?" he asked Finn.

"She's at a hospital in Cape Canaveral. They found her on a cargo ship today along with some other women - girls," he corrected. "They'd all been given strong doses of sleeping medication. That's how they transport them from one country to another without having to feed them very often, and to keep them under control."

Will gritted his teeth shaking his head. "So, it was the human traffickers who had her?"

"Yes,"

"She was drugged. Is she okay other than that?"

Finn sighed heavily which did nothing to ease Will's anxiety. "She's severely dehydrated and it's caused…problems."

"Problems?" Will pushed. His stomach was in knots.

"She was barely alive when they found her. Either the person who administered the sleeping medication didn't know how sick she was, or…they were planning on dumping her body in the middle of the ocean somewhere and trying to show a little mercy by putting her to sleep. The condition she was in, she never would have made it to Columbia where the ship was headed. The concern now is her kidney function."

Will was trying to remain to calm. Telling himself the doctors had it under control. That they would make her better, and that she would be fine.

"Okay, anything else?" he asked.

He heard Finn sigh on the other end of the line. That could only mean there was more.

"What?" Will snapped.

"According to my people down there she's got bruises all over her body."

"According to your people?" Will interrupted with raised tone. "Aren't you there with her, protecting her? Won't these guys come after her again?"

"I'm on a plane headed there now. Will, I promise you she's safe. When the feds realized who she was they sent a security team with her to the hospital. She's in a secure room in a private wing. No one is allowed near her unless they're cleared by our team. That includes medical personnel. Everyone that wasn't shot and killed on that ship when the feds raided it has been taken into custody, including Jeremy. She is safe. She will continue to be safe." He paused. "Will, she's alive. Let's focus on that."

Will ran a hand over his face. Finn was right. If she'd ended up dead…he couldn't think about that now. There was still one question burning in his mind that Finn hadn't answered.

"Tell me this," he said hesitantly. "Was she sexually assaulted?" Another long pause, and Will feared the answer.

"She's got a lot of bruising down there, but no tearing. The doctors are saying it's inconclusive right now. They did a rape kit just in case. Alicia's still very groggy going in and out of consciousness. Every time she wakes up for a few minutes they can't get her to talk. We won't know exactly what happened until she's awake and lucid."

In the back of Will's mind, he wondered if she'd ever be lucid again. There wasn't any part of this that led him to believe she would be awake and well enough for questioning any time soon. His hands were clenched in fists. "I'm coming. I'll catch the next flight out of here." A rush of adrenaline hit, and he stood up gathering his things again. He wanted to see her. He wanted to be there for her and help in any way he could.

"No. Will, you need to stay put. They won't let you near her."

"Yes, they will!" he responded angrily. "Because you're going to find a way to get me in there! I don't care about the red tape, or the fact that no one knows who I am. I'm coming!"

Finn knew he could get Will through security, but that wasn't his main concern. "And what are you going to do when you get there, and Grace and Diane are sitting at her bedside? They've already boarded a plane. And I'm sure Zach won't be very far behind."

This didn't hinder Will's decision one bit. "I have a six-hour flight to figure it out. I'm coming!" He hung up before Finn could object any further.

* * *

The abyss of regret, loss and loneliness had almost been unbearable over the past…days. She'd tried to remain strong. Despite the uncontrollable sea sickness and aches and pains she's suffered at her own hand and others…she'd been determined to stay alive. As she lay in the hospital bed, she realized she'd done exactly that, stayed alive, but only barely.

It hadn't been easy. She'd rationed the little bit of food and water they'd brought to her each day. She'd thought that by rationing the water, drinking only a bit at a time, despite how desperately thirsty she was, would keep her from becoming too dehydrated. But trying to fight the men as they'd moved her from the small boat to the cargo ship, she'd realized just how weak she was.

The two days locked up in the dark cargo container had been terrifying and miserable. As the long hours had dragged on she could feel her body weakening, shutting down.

Barely conscious when someone poked a needle in her arm, she didn't fight her body falling into sleep. The warm, painless sensation that had run through her body as the medication took over had been easy to succumb to.

Days from now she'd probably be able to verify for everyone that was the reason they'd had such a difficult time bringing her out of the medicated sleep. Being in a painless state, having never ending pleasant dreams run through her mind was a much better place to be in than the excruciating pain and medicated fog she felt every time she came to consciousness in the hospital bed.

As the hours went on, she began to feel less pain. Breathing seemed to be easier, and late into the evening when she woke to find Grace staring down at her with red swollen eyes, she pushed herself to find a tiny thread of strength to stay awake just a little longer.

Her voice was groggy and hoarse, but she managed to squeeze Grace's hand, tell her she loved her, that she was sorry for the mess before she fell asleep again.

Finn hadn't lost sight of her since his arrival at the hospital. He'd demanded hourly updates from the doctors. Managed to hold off all the people from different agencies that wanted to question Alicia once she was awake. He'd watched outside the glass wall to her room as Grace had spoken to her, Diane watching in the background. Not long after, Zach arrived. Alicia woke again for a few minutes.

Around midnight the doctors informed them Alicia was making progress. Her kidneys were doing better, they weren't out of the woods yet, but they were more optimistic she would recover.

Near one in the morning Finn convinced the other three that going to their hotel and getting some sleep would be beneficial.

"I'll be here all night. I promise to call if things take a turn for the worse," he said, as they all stood. "With any luck she'll be much better in the morning."

Diane looked skeptical glancing towards Alicia. She told Zach and Grace to go ahead she'd be right down. Once they left the room, she turned her attention to Finn.

"You have whoever did this in custody?" Diane folded her arms across her chest, now not seeming the least bit tired.

"Yes," Finn confirmed.

"Good. I assume once she's doing better there will be people from fifteen different agencies wanting to question her?"

"Yes, but I'll do my best to keep that to a minimum for a few days. We still don't know for certain why they took her. Everything that's happened in the past ten days has caused upheaval in several agencies. Not to mention given us several leads and breaks into ongoing sex trafficking cases.

Diane just nodded. "As of right now I represent Alicia. No one questions her unless I'm present. The feds screwed up. I won't allow any of the blame for this to fall on her."

Finn understood the concern. The government sometimes had creative ways of placing blame where it didn't belong. And while he trusted the system, it was a good idea for Alicia to have outside council.

"I think that's a good idea."

"Good. I'll see you in the morning." Diane turned and walked out of the room.

A few hours later Alicia opened her eyes blinking a few times to gain more focus. The events of the previous day, or days, were a foggy blur. Her body ached all over, but for the first time in at least a week she wasn't nauseous.

She sensed the presence of someone in the room and turned her head to find Finn reclined in the chair next to her staring up at the ceiling. As she shifted more, Finn's gaze moved to her.

"Hey," he said, softly.

"Hey," she replied, with a hoarse voice. "My throat is dry. Will you get me some water, please?"

He reached for the cup of cold water on the table next to him and held it to her lips. She took a few long sips of the cold liquid then laid her head back against the pillows. She had a million questions for him. Like how they'd managed to find her, but that could wait. Knowing the kids were safe, there was only one thing at the front of her mind.

"Thank you," she said.

He nodded. "How are you feeling?"

"Terrible. But better than I have in a few days." She wanted to cry. She was tired of trying to be strong, and brave, and all that other lousy stuff she'd been telling herself for the past week. She swallowed hard to keep down the tears.

"Finn…" She reached her hand for his that was rested on the bed next to her.

"Yeah, what do you need? Another pillow, a blanket. I can get a nurse."

All of that sounded good. She was uncomfortable, cold, and her pain level was high, but that wasn't what she wanted most. "I need Will. He was so upset the last time we talked. It was all my fault. I need to tell him I'm sorry. And…I just…I know it's probably not a good idea to have him here, but…" She was exhausted. She leaned back on the pillow and closed her eyes. She couldn't do this alone. She knew Finn and Diane and the kids would all be there to support her, but it wouldn't be the same as having Will there for her emotional support. She saw a future with him. She hoped that's what he still wanted. If that was going to work, he had to know everything. There were things that had happened to her in the past ten days that she wanted to talk to him about. She needed him to help her make sense of some of it.

She sighed inwardly. When had she become so needy? Then she decided she wasn't needy. This was her wanting to discuss things with her best friend. With the person who'd been in her life for longer than she could remember. And when it came right down to it, the real reason she wanted Will there was that she missed him, terribly. She wanted someone to hold her, tell her it would be okay, and keep her safe.

"Please, Finn. See if he'll come."

She sounded exhausted and desperate. He squeezed her hand. "He's on a plane right now."

She opened her eyes and looked at him. "Really?"

The relief was written all over her face. Finn nodded. "He'll be here in a few hours. He's been worried sick. He called me twice a day while you were missing. He insisted on coming. We'll just have to figure out how to get him in here without Diane and the kids seeing him."

"I'll tell them," she said, without hesitating. "I was going to anyway. It was already part of the plan." She felt a headache coming on and was unclear whether it was due to her injuries or the stress of what the day might bring.

"Okay," Finn knew it was inevitable that this day would come where the people closest to Alicia would find out about Will. He knew he could no longer control the chain of events that may unfold because of it. He was relieved a little in that when it came right down to it, Will probably wasn't in much danger any more.

He looked at Alicia again. She was already drifting back to sleep.

* * *

Finn brought Will through security and they watched outside her room as the doctors checked her over for their morning rounds. Will watched with heavy heart when Alicia winced as they changed the small bandage on her forehead, and the ones around her wrists and ankles.

"They had her wrists and ankles bound with rope," Finn said, feeling the need to explain some of her injuries.

Will felt anxious as the exam continued. Finn hadn't exaggerated when he said she had bruises all over her body. Although surprisingly her face was free of bruising. She only had the one small cut on her forehead.

Alicia knew the doctors and nurses were trying to be gentle, but her whole body hurt. With the new dressings on, the exam complete, and a new dose of pain medication running through her IV, she just wanted to sleep. Just before she went to close her eyes, she saw Will entering the room.

She held his gaze as he reached the bed. The relief in having him there pushed her over the edge as he gently took her hand into his. Relentless tears poured from her eyes and ran down her cheeks. She squeezed his hand as tight as she could.

He sat on the edge of the bed, his own eyes clouding with tears, and wrapped his free arm around her as best he could. She pulled him closer, burying her head against his chest.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "This was all my fault."

He pulled back, placing his hand on her cheek, wiping at the tears and placed his forehead to hers. "I'm sorry too. And yes, I'm still a bit upset with you, but Alicia, this was not your fault."

The tears began to slow, but she didn't loosen her grip on his hand. "I was so scared, Will."

"You're safe now." He let out a deep sigh of relief. "I was so worried, Leesh. When I thought there was a chance you were dead, I…the world seemed to tip upside down."

She pulled away and leaned back against the pillows. "We have to stop doing that to each other." A little smile formed on her lips.

"I agree," he said, keeping hold of her hand. "How are you?"

"Awful. Everything hurts. I don't know if I can do this," she admitted. "I don't know if I can face it. I'm so angry at…them. How can anyone treat another human being like this? I'm tired of trying to fight."

"You can do this," he encouraged. "The hard part is over. And it isn't a race. You can take as much time as you need to heal. And you won't have to do it alone. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

"But Will, there are things that happened that," tears began to fall down her cheeks again. "And what about Chase? Your job?"

"Alicia, stop. I'm here for whatever you need. We will work through it together. Chase is fine. Work is slow right now. You're stuck with me whether you like it or not."

"Okay. I'm so glad you're here," she admitted.

"There's no place I'd rather be." He wiped away a few more of her tears and leaned closer pressing a long, soft kiss to her lips. She'd missed this. The love, the passion. The way he looked at her even though her body was damaged. More damaged than he knew in that moment.

He moved to the chair next to her bed. "I need to rest for a while," she said. "I don't think Diane and the kids will be here for another few hours. Will you stay?"

"Yes," he chuckled. "What did I just say?" He shifted to get more comfortable.

"I'll tell them today. About you. That will make things easier. I don't want to only see you when they aren't here."

"Okay," he said, quietly. "That's what I want to. We're really doing this then?" He was excited and apprehensive. Things were going to change, he knew that. He'd been planning for this over the past few months, but it was still a little daunting. Once they started down this path there wouldn't be any going back.

She smiled. "We're really doing this."

Finn sat outside her room. The curtains were pulled, and the door was shut to give Will and Alicia some privacy, and some quiet while she tried to sleep. About an hour later Diane and the kids appeared just down the hall – an hour earlier than he'd expected. Finn stood nervously to greet them.

"You're early," he said, trying to sound casual.

"It was hard to sleep. And none of us are really hungry yet, so we thought we'd come see Mom for a few hours," Grace said.

"Can we go in?" Zach asked.

"Uh, not right now. She's trying to sleep, and she didn't want to be disturbed." It was the quickest thing he could come up with. However, he inwardly slapped himself for such a lame excuse, and sounding so hesitant as he'd said it. He was definitely not on his game this morning. The lack of sleep was clearly catching up to him.

Diane glanced at the curtains and noticed the shadow of someone moving in the room. Between that and Finn's tone she didn't believe him. "There's someone in there with her," she looked Finn right in the eye. "Who's in there? If it was a doctor you would have just said so." Then she became upset. "Is someone in there questioning her?" she asked indignantly. "I told you no one was to question her without me being present."

Finn put his hands up in defense. "Diane, it's not what you think. It's not someone who's come to question her."

Diane glanced back and forth between him and the door. "I don't believe you." After everything that had happened the past few weeks, she was skeptical of almost everything Finn told them. She pushed past him and opened the door before he could stop her. Zach and Grace followed.

The first thing Diane noticed after entering was that Alicia was sleeping. The second thing she noticed was how incredibly familiar the man with his back turned to her seemed.

As the figure by the window slowly turned to face her it felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. This wasn't possible, she thought, just moments before she passed out, dropping to the floor.


	33. Chapter 33

There was very little that surprised Diane Lockhart at this point in her life. She thought she'd seen it all, from politics, to her career, to her personal life. But this had to take the cake. There was nothing that would ever surprise her more than seeing a man, she thought had been dead for nearly a decade, standing in front of her. She still couldn't process it, which is why she hadn't said anything in the time that had passed since she'd come to after blacking out.

The medical staff had made sure she was okay. Now she and Will were alone in the room across from Alicia. After asking her how she was, getting no response, he began to try and explain. She just listened, trying to grasp onto this seeming miracle standing in front of her, and regain some semblance of reality.

Finally, Will said, "Diane, I know what a shock this must be, but will you please just say something?"

Feeling mostly recovered, she stood up and folded her arms across her chest. "Say something? I have plenty to say. It's only a matter of deciding where to start," she said, with an angry edge in her tone.

"I understand you're angry," he responded.

"Angry? Angry doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. What were you thinking getting into bed with the FBI? Lamond Bishop? Known crime families? Do you know what a mess you left me with? New York and LA branches that couldn't stand on their own two feet. I didn't have anyone in my corner. It almost ended my career!"

"Diane, I,"

"No, you don't get to speak yet."

Will thought about interrupting again, but he knew the look on her face, and knew full well not to interrupt. Some things never changed.

"Forget all the mess with my professional career. You were the closest thing I had to family other than Kurt. Remember, we were the old married couple minus the sex? Losing you was devastating for me, but I moved on. I joined Cary and Alicia, and we built up a strong firm together." She glanced in the direction of Alicia's room.

"I was devastated when you were gone, but do you have any clue as to what your death did to Alicia?"

"Some,"

"Well, I know exactly how it affected her. I watched a strong, competent woman walk right off the edge of a cliff. A year after your death she found out Peter had cheated on her again, gotten another woman pregnant, and as a little icing on the cake Eli decided to tell her what you said in some voicemail that was five years old." She sat on the edge of the bed and looked Will in the eye calming her tone a little.

"Do you know what it's like to watch someone who's given up – completely? She sat in her office for over an hour and she didn't move. She stared out the window, pale, wouldn't speak. We almost called the paramedics. I don't ever want to know where her mind went while she sat there because I can only imagine it was pure hell."

"Diane, I know this caused a lot of people a whole lot of pain. I'm deeply sorry for that. But I didn't have another choice."

A thin line formed on her lips and she shook her head. "How could you do this to her? Show up out of the blue after nearly ten years. Is it your fault this happened to her?" She pointed in the direction of Alicia's room.

"What? No! Diane, listen,"

"She was happy Will. Finally, after some long, hard months in therapy, moving her whole life to a new city so she wouldn't be reminded of you everywhere she went, she was able to crawl back over the cliff. She was strong and competent again. After years she finally found someone to love her. Someone who treated her like she always deserved. She was happy. And then…"

She paused. It was like a lightbulb turning on inside her head. Suddenly things started making sense, and it only infuriated her more. "This didn't just happen did it?" she said, accusingly. "She's known you were alive for over a year now, hasn't she?"

She half turned away from him. "That's why she brought me all of your things last year. She was trying to ignore it. But she couldn't. You're the reason she broke up with James six months ago."

"Yes. But it's not that simple," he defended. "First of all, I am not the reason she's gotten into this mess. In fact, I did everything I could to keep her out of this. It was a mutual decision made between Alicia and I to see each other again. She broke up with James because she wanted to be with me. But I didn't try push or bully her into that decision. I was happy she'd found someone to love her and to treat her like she deserved. But ultimately, she chose me, and I chose her. As hard as it is to believe that I'm capable of commitment, I'm committed to her, to us, our relationship. If it were up to me, I'd marry her today. That's how committed I am. I've always loved her. I've wanted her for thirty years, and I'm not giving up this time."

She turned to fully face him again, looking him up and down. He wasn't sure if she was trying to assess the truthfulness in his words, or simply still trying to wrap her head around the fact that he was alive.

He took a few steps closer to her, holding out his hand for her to take. "Diane, I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for all of it," he admitted sincerely.

She accepted the gesture and took his hand into hers. "It will take some time for me to forgive you," she responded.

"I can live with that."

She reached her free hand to straighten the collar of his shirt. "I thought my days of worrying about you two were long over. I'll have to call Kurt and give him the bad news." A smile began to break on her lips.

"Things are different this time. We grew up," he responded, as a gentle smile began to form on his own lips.

Her hand remained fixed on his chest. "Just one thing," she said, in a stern but quiet tone. "If you hurt her again, I'll kill you myself. Do you understand?"

He couldn't hold in the light chuckle. "Yes." He leaned in and wrapped his arms around her for a hug.

Her eyes filled with tears. "I can't believe you're alive," she breathed.

They let go of one another a few moments later and turned towards the door. Diane brushed away the few tears that had slipped down her cheeks. "Let's check on Alicia and then go get some coffee," she said. "I want to know everything."

"That sounds great. We can start by talking about my son," he grinned, as he reached to open the door, and then laughed as she stopped dead in her tracks, staring at him in disbelief.

"Your what?"

* * *

Alicia woke back up with all the commotion in the room when Diane passed out. Will and Finn had followed the doctor and nurse into the other room to check on her, leaving Alicia alone with Zach and Grace.

Her two adult children were stunned at the revelation that Will was alive but didn't have nearly the same reaction as Diane. They sat next to Alicia's bed while she explained what had gone on the past year.

"I'm sorry for lying to you two, but it was necessary until Will and I figured out if we really wanted to try and pursue a relationship." _Ironic,_ she thought, since she'd always been the one to insist on honesty between the three of them.

"You've always expected us to be honest with you. I feel like we've all done a good job of that over the years, which is why I don't get all of this," Zach said, frustrated. "This isn't like you. All the lies the past few months. Everything from work to your personal life. You've been living a different life from the one we thought you were."

Grace agreed with her brother. Alicia hated the disappointment she saw in both of them, and knew it was her own fault.

"Not all of it," she defended. "I understand you're both upset, and that's okay. But I did it because I was trying to protect you - and Will. The threatening note I received said they'd hurt you if I told anyone. I wasn't going to risk that. And like I already said, I didn't want to expose Will if things weren't going to work between us."

She reached to take a hold of each of their hands. "I'm sorry. I really am. I hated every minute of it when I had to lie to you. But I'd do it again to keep all of you safe. I hope you'll be able to understand and accept that eventually."

"I think we can all live with that," Zach said, glancing at his sister.

"So, you and Will are really together?" Grace clarified, not looking all that enthusiastic about it.

"Yes. We're still working through some things. Figuring things out. But he makes me happy – content – in ways that I haven't felt in years."

Grace still looked skeptical. "I want you to be happy. I just don't want to see you get hurt again."

Alicia smiled. "I know you don't. But Grace, you know better than anyone else how I feel about Will because you were there when he died. You were there after the divorce and when I started therapy. Sweetie, you remember during the summer when we were talking about Ben, and figuring out whether you loved him or not?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Well, all of those questions I told you to ask yourself weren't just hypothetical. I was asking myself the same things about Will. Did I miss him when he wasn't with me? How did I feel when he walked into a room? Did our time apart bring relief or feel like an eternity? And would I regret it if I didn't give a relationship with him a chance? The answer to that is yes. It may seem like I just jumped into this, but I haven't. We've had numerous discussions on whether it was a good idea or not. When it came right down to it, we both realized we still have deep feelings for each other. That after all these years we wanted a real chance."

She teared up a bit. "I know this is a lot to take in. It's very complicated, but this is what I want right now. The important thing for both of you to know right now is that Will makes me happy. I know he loves me, and I care deeply for him. Okay?"

Zach and Grace both nodded affirmatively.

"Mom, what do I tell Allison?" Zach asked.

"You tell her the truth, Zach. She's family. I trust her as much as I trust you. I'll decide when to tell Owen, and your grandmother. It might be best for Diane to tell Cary and Kalinda."

Her gaze moved back to Grace. "Ben seems to have his head on straight. I'm going to ask you to use your discretion with him. He probably doesn't need to know all of Will's background right now."

Grace nodded and Alicia squeezed her hand. "How is Ben?"

Grace couldn't hide the flush that rose on her cheeks. "He's really good. We're really good. Things are getting more serious between us. He keeps texting me for updates on you."

Just then Will and Diane entered the room and awkwardness filled the air again.

"How's everything going in here?" Will asked, hesitantly.

"Okay," Alicia confirmed, with a smile, attempting to ease some of the tension.

Zach stood up and moved to Will to shake his hand. "Will, it's good to see you again."

Alicia was grateful for the gesture. Even more so when Grace stood to do the same.

"It's good to see both of you as well," Will said, as he shook Grace's hand. "From what your Mom has told me, you two have grown up to be pretty successful adults. Not that I ever doubted it."

"I'm surprised she's had any time to say much about us. Everyone I talk to says she never shuts up about her grandson." Zach laughed looking towards his mother.

Everyone chuckled. "Well, I can't argue with that," Will confirmed, "but even I have to admit he's a pretty cute kid."

They talked casually for a few more minutes before Diane and Will excused themselves to give Zach and Grace some more time alone with Alicia.

Later on, while Alicia was sleeping, Will offered to go get coffee for everyone from someplace besides the hospital cafeteria. There was a coffee shop just down the street. Grace offered to go with him. Will was a bit surprised at the gesture, but he wasn't going to refuse the offer. If he and Alicia were really going to make this work, he needed to get to know her children better.

"This must be pretty strange for you and Zach, huh?" Will said, as they continued down the street.

"Yeah, it is."

"Diane tells me you're already a pretty fantastic lawyer. Doesn't surprise me. You had your mom as an example."

"Yeah," Grace admitted with a smile. "I am pretty good. And I was top of my class just like she was."

Will laughed under his breath. "And just as humble about it as she was, I can see."

Grace nodded. "Will, can we talk for a minute?"

 _Ah here it comes_ , he thought to himself. The real reason she wanted to come with him. "Sure."

They slowed their pace and found a spot to talk away from other pedestrians.

Grace looked him in the eye with her arms folded across her chest. The look on her face made Will think how much she looked like Alicia.

"You're right. This whole situation is strange. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad you're alive. I'm glad that Mom is happy, but you hurt her, deeply. And before you say anything, I know it was partially her fault. She hurt you too. But I don't think you've ever seen the true effect your actions have had on her from the moment she started working for you. Nor did you see the effect your…death had on her. You weren't there to see the blank looks, the days spent in bed, the struggle she tried to hide from everyone, the months she spent in therapy. I was there. I was the one living with her."

Will was impressed with her blunt honesty. "Grace, you're right. It makes sense that you'd be concerned and even angry at me. You're worried I'm going to hurt her again. That we've gotten back on the same merry-go-round we've always been on and nothing's changed. Is that about right?"

"Yes. I've watched Mom go through the cycle over and over with you. She's happy and then something happens and it's hard on her. Emotionally I mean. Every time something happened with you in the past, the consequences grew worse. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't trust you. Mom seems to think that this time things are different. That it will work out. I hope for her sake that's true. She deserves someone who will give her everything in a relationship she's ever wanted. If that person is you, great. She's waited long enough for a happy ending. Hopefully, over time, I'll be able to come to trust you, but I can't right now. I just thought you should know exactly where I stand."

"I appreciate the honesty. And I can accept the idea that you don't trust me right now. I hope I can change that over time. Just know this. I love your mom. I've never loved anyone else as much as I love her. I'm committed to her. You're right. She deserves everything she's ever wanted, and I'm going to do my best to give her that for the rest of my life."

Grace nodded. "Okay. As long as we're on the same page."

"I think we are."

"She is glad you're here, I can tell. So, I'm willing to give you a few points for that." Grace smiled and started walking towards the coffee shop.

"Nothing could have kept me away," Will replied, walking along with her.

* * *

All day long, representatives from various government agencies had been showing up and lurking around the halls outside Alicia's room. No one was oblivious to it. Especially not Alicia. She seemed to be able to sense every time a new face peered in on her through the window.

Finn and Diane had done their best to keep everyone out of her room. She was in no condition or mood, physically or mentally, to sit through a strenuous line of questioning. In fact, as the day progressed, she felt worse. Her body ached from her injuries. The nausea that had disappeared the previous day was coming back. She appreciated the support everyone was giving her, but what she really wanted was to be left alone so she could sleep for more than thirty minutes at a time.

She was barely paying attention to the conversation going on around her when Finn entered the room.

"Alicia, Elizabeth's here. I told her you weren't seeing anyone, but that you might make an exception for her."

"Of course, Finn. It's fine. I'm happy to see her." She attempted to shift to a better sitting position, but as she did her whole body ached. She took in a deep breath to keep from crying out in pain.

Will was immediately at her side, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Just stay there. I'll raise the bed. You don't need to try and sit up by yourself." He pushed the button to raise the head of the bed up. Grace helped put another pillow behind her for support.

"Thank you," she said, as the Attorney General entered the room.

"Zach, Grace, why don't you two go find something to eat and head back to the hotel. After I talk to Elizabeth, I'm going to try and sleep. I won't be all that entertaining the rest of the night."

"But Mom," Grace tried to protest.

"Grace, I'll be fine. The doctors are here to monitor my injuries. I practically have an army out in the hall to protect me. I'm tired. I really just want to sleep."

Grace wanted to protest further, but Zach gently took her arm. "She's right Grace. We won't be much help tonight."

"Why don't you two decide on a place for dinner, and I'll meet you there in about forty-five minutes." Diane suggested.

After the kids left, introductions were made. Elizabeth enjoyed meeting Will, the man Alicia had mentioned a few times, but never given many details on. There wasn't any discussion on Will's past. _Thankfully,_ Alicia thought. She wasn't up for a long discussion about her history with Will, or the fact that he was currently a part of WITSEC. Elizabeth and Diane were very similar, and the two women got off on a few tangents regarding policy and decided to meet for drinks later.

Then the discussion turned into the one Alicia was hoping to avoid for a little longer.

"Alicia, what happened? Elizabeth asked. "just start from the beginning."

Her head hurt. The nausea was getting worse. She didn't want to do this right now. She gripped the sheets beneath her hands. A move that didn't go unnoticed by Will. She had to put a stop to the questions and all the peering eyes outside her room.

"Elizabeth, I appreciate the concern. And I know you're asking as a friend, and not an investigator, but I don't want to talk about it right now."

She glanced towards the wall of windows and wasn't surprised to find several pairs of eyes looking in. "Tell all of them to come in," she said, pointing towards the men outside her room.

"Alicia, I don't think," Diane spoke up.

Alicia interrupted her. "Diane, it's okay. There's something I want to say, and I want all of them to hear it." She turned her head and looked at Will. "Can you raise me up a little more, please?"

He nodded, helping her get comfortable again. Once everyone was in the room she began. "I know you all want a statement. You all have a list of questions your bosses want asked and answered. Some of you are those bosses. She glanced from the director of the FBI to Elizabeth. I realize that you think I have information that's time sensitive, and crucial to your ongoing investigations, but let me make something very clear." She paused for a few moments to close her eyes and try to swallow the pain that seemed to be increasing in its intensity every minute.

She opened her eyes again and began to speak. "I don't know anything. I was abducted from my office at gun point. I spent the next eight hours tied up in the back of cars and vans, and the next nine days locked up on two separate boats. The only person I knew was Colin, or Jeremy, or whatever his name really is. I never heard anyone else's name. I don't know who they work for. I don't know where any of their operations take place. I don't know any of their future plans. I figured out after a while that their plan for me was to be sold in the human trafficking market. I'm too old for the sex trafficking business. But someone thought I had plenty of years left for manual labor. They never told me where that cargo ship was headed, or who would be there to pick me up when it docked at its destination."

The sense of urgency in the room had been replaced by a somber mood.

"I know how this works. You all want your own sit down. You want me to tell my story a dozen times to fifteen different people. I'm not going to do that. Next week, after I've recovered some more, I'll come back to D.C. I'll sit in a large conference room in the DOJ at a time of my choosing. I'll run through my recollection of events – once," she clarified. "You can record my testimony. Then I'll answer any questions that I can to the best of my ability, but then it's over. After that I don't talk about this ever again. I won't answer any more questions. I'm not pressing charges. I'm not going to be anyone's star witness. If you subpoena me, I'll take the fifth. It's my intention to stay as far away from this as I can."

She glanced at Diane. "Ms. Lockhart is my attorney. Any other business you think you have with me goes through her by phone or email. There won't be any ambushes outside this hospital. Now all of you get out, and let me recover in peace."

A few of the men tried to protest, but Elizabeth intervened. "That will be all. If your respective bosses have a problem with it, they can call me."

After they were gone Diane and Will sat down next to her again.

"Was that the truth?" Diane asked. "Do you really not know anything about the people who took you, or their operations?"

Alicia sighed heavily. "Yes, for the most part. When we were in the vehicles, they made me wear earbuds and played music so I couldn't listen in on their conversations. When we were on the boats, I was isolated from everyone for…bad behavior." A spiteful laugh fell from her lips.

"Bad behavior?" Will questioned.

"Yes. I fought back. I wasn't immediately subservient to their demands. They weren't used to that. Half the bruises on my body were self-inflicted."

Will shuttered at the thought of what her being subservient may have entailed.

Then the emotions hit Alicia like a ton of bricks. The confident woman who'd just brushed off half the government had tears streaming down her face.

Will reached for her hand. Her gaze fell on the blankets covering her legs. "I fought for as long as I could. But then I got so sick. When they moved me to the cargo ship I…" a few sobs escaped.

"Leesh, it's okay," Will said, trying to comfort her.

"I realized I was too weak to fight anymore. My body was shutting down. There was nothing I could do. It was terrifying! I had lost what little bit of control I had left."

She inhaled, involuntarily sitting up some more tightening her grip on Will's hand as pain rippled through her body. "Get a nurse," she cried urgently. "I'm going to be sick." Along with the pain, panic spread through her body as images of the past ten days crashed through her mind.

Diane rushed out of the room. Will was doing his best to help, running his hand soothingly in circles over her back. "What do you need?" he asked, gently.

"You don't have to stay here to watch this. It's not," she inhaled, closing her eyes trying to concentrate on lessening the nausea. "It's not going to be pretty."

"Alicia, I'm not going anywhere. Tell me what you need."

More tears spilled from her eyes as Diane and the nurse rushed into the room. "Just hold my hand," she said, gripping onto his tight enough to nearly cut off the circulation.

His free hand continued rubbing her back. Diane held her hair back as the nurse held the bed pan for her. After losing the small amount of contents in her stomach, she laid back against the pillows letting out a cry of excruciating pain.

It was ripped him apart watching her go through this. "What's going on?" Will asked the nurse, who was now making adjustments to Alicia's IV. "Why is she in so much pain?"

Another nurse had entered the room and was checking all of Alicia's vitals. "Her ribs are bruised. The pressure placed on them from the vomiting is extremely painful. We're giving her something to help with the pain, but it will take a few minutes to kick in. Just try to help her relax."

Alicia's cries had turned to silent tears. Beads of sweat had formed on her brow, and she was quivering from the pain. Her pleading eyes were fixed on him.

He moved closer to her so that maybe she'd be able to focus on him and nothing else. "Take some deep breaths, Leesh. Just breathe. Think about the cottage, and the beach, and the fresh sea air. Breathe it in."

The pain seemed unbearable. Part of her wanted to yell at him for thinking these imagery exercises would work, but having him there, holding her hand, not shying away while she puked, was actually having a calming effect on her. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine the scene he was quietly telling her about.

A few minutes later the pain began to subside. Breathing was getting easier. She could feel the tension in her body easing. Exhaustion was taking over.

Diane wiped her face with a warm washcloth. Will continued to hold her hand and talk to her.

She opened her eyes and stared into his. He shuttered inside at her dark painful gaze, and briefly wondered how much fight she really had left in her. The thought scared him to death. He gently brushed his hand over her forehead pushing back the sweaty locks.

"It's going to be okay," he said, softly, trying to reassure her. "Is the pain easing?"

"Yes, I'm tired," she said, flatly.

He leaned in closer. "Close your eyes and go to sleep," he whispered, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. "I'll be here when you wake up."

He stayed by her side, holding her hand while she slept. Diane and Finn came back into the room with the doctor a few minutes later looking fairly glum.

"You can estimate how long she's had some of her injuries, right?" Will asked, quietly.

"Yes, by the coloring of bruising, the healing of her open wounds, etcetera," the doctor answered.

He stood up and moved closer to the group at the foot of the bed. He felt like his heart was going to leap out of his chest. He was aching for her. He was angry at the men who'd done this to her. "How long do think her ribs have been bruised? How long has she had to suffer through pain like that without medication? She said herself she'd been sick for days. Isn't there anything else you can do to make her feel better, recover faster?" He knew the doctors were doing everything they could. He just hated to see her like this.

"I assure you we're doing everything we can to make her as comfortable as possible. Some of her injuries are extensive. It's just going to take time. The bruising on her ribs, if I had to make a guess, is about a week old."

Will sighed running his hand through his hair as he glanced back towards Alicia.

"She's strong I can see that. It will be painful, but she'll heal just fine physically. I'm going to recommend she talk to a psychologist before I release her. I'm concerned about her emotional stability. She's been through a traumatic experience. She refuses to talk about the injuries or how she got them. She brushes it off, and says it'll be fine. That it doesn't matter how she got them. It only matters that they heal. I can see she's trying to push past all of this and move on. But I'm worried it's going to catch up with her if she doesn't get some of it out. Which brings me back to the discussion we were having in the hall."

Will looked to Diane for clarification. She folded her arms across her chest and glanced at Alicia. "The results of the rape kit are back," she said.

From the look on her face Will knew it wasn't good news. In that moment he felt sorrow like he hadn't in a very long time, but he was determined to be there for her. He was in this for the long run. He just hoped he'd be able to convince Alicia, and that she'd be willing to accept his help.

 **A/N Thank you all for reading. I'm sorry for leaving you with a bit of a cliff hanger, but this chapter was getting super long, and I figured you'd rather have an update than have to wait a few more days. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!**


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N Thank you all for reading, and for the wonderful reviews of the last chapter. And happy 10** **th** **anniversary to this show that's been such an inspiration to so many. I can't believe it's been ten years since the showed aired for the first time. Where did the time go?**

Alicia's eyes felt heavy as she pried them open against the morning light streaming through the hospital room. Whatever they'd given her the night before, to ease the excruciating pain, had put her to sleep, but it hadn't been a peaceful one, the type she longed for. It had left her in a foggy medicated state where her muscles were sluggish, and her mind kept wandering to places she'd rather forget.

She slowly turned her head and found Will asleep in the chair next to her. She vaguely remembered waking at some point during the night broken out in a cold sweat, and shivering. She could still see the concerned look on Will's face as he ran a gentle hand over her sweaty forehead and pushed the call button to get a nurse.

" _She's running a fever,"_ the nurse had said. _"Alicia, are you cold?"_

Both Will and the nurse had looked down at her for an answer, but she was too groggy to respond. She'd closed her eyes again and a few moments later felt the warmth of a heated blanket covering her body, and Will's breath near her ear telling her to rest, that he'd make sure they took care of her…that he loved her.

He and the nurse thought the cold sweat and shivers were from a fever, and maybe they had been. But she wasn't going to rule out the effect her dreams were having on her body. Recollections really, of the past two weeks.

"Your muscles will hurt for weeks if you keep sleeping in that chair." She smiled as he stretched and tried to wipe the tiredness from his features.

He chuckled. "Nothing a good cup of coffee can't fix. How are you this morning?"

"Achy, in a little bit of pain, and feeling like I'm once again having to pull my body out of a dense fog. Otherwise, fine. One of these days I'd like to wake up in the morning and not feel like I'm recovering from a drug overdose."

She was trying to make light of it, but he didn't seem to find it the least bit entertaining.

"You were in really bad shape last night. I'm sure they gave you the max amount of pain meds."

"I know. And I was grateful to have the pain gone, but I don't like feeling this way. Not being able to think clearly." She looked down at the IV in her arm. "I'm tired of this." She was cranky. She could feel it in her bones. She was tired of feeling sick and being in pain whenever she moved. She was tired of the hospital even if she was only two days into her sentence, as she liked to think of it.

He reached for her hand and smiled. "I know exactly what you need."

She couldn't help but smile back and feel a little less cross when his eyes beamed with enthusiasm like that. "What, besides you figuring out a way to break me out of here?"

"There won't be any of that for a few more days." They were interrupted by the doctor and a nurse. After asking a few questions as to how she felt the doctor told her it was time for her morning checkup and bandage change.

"Great. My favorite time of day," she said with heavy sarcasm.

"I'm going to step out for a few minutes unless you want me to stay," Will said.

She squeezed his hand. "No, it's fine. Go find some decent coffee."

He stood and leaned over to press a soft kiss to her forehead. "I'll be back soon."

She was reluctant to let him go, partially because she really wanted to go with him. Leave this place and go far, far away. Instead she released his hand and watched him leave the room.

"How much longer will I have to be here?" she asked a few minutes later as they unwrapped the bandages around her ankles.

"Two or three days I suspect," the doctor responded. "I want to keep the IV in through tonight and then monitor you for at least twenty-four hours before I'll be willing to release you. We need to make certain your kidneys are functioning properly. I'd also like to see some of these bruises fade a bit more, and make sure you don't run any more high fevers like you did in the middle of the night."

He moved to the chair next to her while the nurse continued the bandaging. "Alicia, have you thought about talking to someone. A professional I mean. You've been through a traumatic experience. Even if you think you're okay, it still might be a good idea."

She caught the hint of skepticism in his tone. "Yes, I have thought about it. And once I'm released and settled back into some sort of routine, I'll go see someone. I learned the value of therapy a number of years ago. But I assure you I'm fine for now. I have people who support me. You don't need to worry."

It was all true. She felt fine, as well as anyone could under the circumstances, she told herself. And despite not wanting to talk about what had happened to her, she knew she probably should see a professional just to rule out any long-lasting mental affects this may have put on her. She kept telling herself it had only been ten days. Yes, there had been guns, and rough men, and…other things, but she could move past this. She wanted to move past this. Get back to her life. She sighed. Get back to the way things were before threatening letters, and faking relationships had entered her life.

The doctor nodded but looked skeptical. It irritated her. "Are we done here?" she asked. "I'd like to rest again before my children get here. And no more strong pain meds. I don't like feeling so out of it. I'll deal with the pain on less medication."

"Yes, for now." He stood and left the room leaving the nurse to bandage her other ankle.

Will returned with Diane and the kids a while later. "Here I brought you something." He set a take-out container on her lap and a large orange juice on the small table next to her.

She opened the container to find a heap of fresh pancakes topped with berries. She still didn't have much of an appetite, but the food smelled delicious, and would be a far cry from than the hospital food that had showed up a few minutes prior.

"Thank you," she said.

"And I brought you this," he beamed, handing her a paperback copy of a John Adams biography by David McCullough.

She looked at him with raised brow. How had he remembered after all these years? This was definitely one of her favorite books. And the best biography she'd ever read.

"In case you get bored," he continued. "You once told me how inspiring it was."

"Yes, it is. I can't believe you still remember that."

"How could I forget?" he said a little more quietly, and with a hint of seduction in his voice he hoped only she would catch onto.

It only took her a moment to recall the instance when she'd told him about the it early on in their affair when they were representing the author of a book and had to argue against British lawyers and judge.

In the middle of the trial he'd told her he was having American Revolutionary fantasies that, "turn me on." She'd promptly told him she could _dress up._

A few days later, once the trial was over, and they had a free night together. She'd surprised him _in costume_ at a colonial style boutique hotel. After reveling in his fantasy for a while, they lay cuddled up together beneath the thick quilt on the bed. She'd gone on and on about the biography. How inspiring it was and the ingenious foresight of one of the country's founding fathers.

"I even read it a few years ago," he said smugly.

She couldn't help but laugh under her breath. "You - read this?" She held up the book with a questioning look.

"I've had more time over the past years to read something besides legal books. And it did come _highly_ recommended.

"Thank you," she breathed, with a gentle smile that he hadn't seen for weeks.

* * *

A few hours later, the conversation turned to Alicia's recovery plan. "Mom, what are you going to do when you leave the hospital?" Grace asked with evident concern.

Alicia shifted as best she could to a more comfortable position. "I'm going back to D.C. If things go as I hope, I'll give my testimony on Tuesday or Wednesday, and then I don't know. I thought I might go up to the cottage for a while. I'm not planning on going back to work until after the new year."

Everyone exchanged looks. "Mom, I think it would be good to have someone around for a while until you've recovered some more," Zach said. "You were going to come to Portland for Thanksgiving. Why don't you still come and stay with Allison and me until you're fully recovered? Allison would be there during the day in case you need anything." He glanced at Will. "And you'd be close to Will."

She sighed inwardly. "Zach, I don't know. I'm not feeling very festive right now, and it's a lot to ask of you and Allison."

"Mom, it's not. We'll keep Thanksgiving low key. We have plenty of room. Allison gets along with you great. And Alex would love to have his grandma around for a while."

"It's a good idea, Alicia," Diane pushed.

"I'll think about it, okay? I've literally been cooped up for a few weeks now. I want to be somewhere I feel like I can breathe. The cottage has been that place for me for a long time. It's not that I don't enjoy being with all of you…it's just…I'll think about it."

It wasn't that she'd mind spending time with Zach and Allison. Being close to Will would definitely be a bonus, but she wasn't used to needing to be taken care of. She had figured out long before now that she'd likely need someone around for a few weeks to help her. She was still so weak. She just didn't like the idea of having to depend on someone else for her care. She didn't want someone doting over her every minute of the day.

"Mom, at least let us hire someone for a few days to come and help while you're in D.C. Even if it's only to do some cooking and cleaning. I'd come, but I have to be in court Monday. Zach has a huge project at work. That has to be finished by next Wednesday." Grace offered.

"I could come stay for a few days," Diane said. "I'll need to be there when the feds question you, anyway."

"No, Diane, I couldn't ask that of you. You've already been a great help. Go home and spend some time with Kurt for a few days."

"What about Owen?" Zach suggested.

"Oh, no!" Alicia objected vociferously. "I love Owen very much. But he won't let me do anything. He'll drive me crazy. Guys, really, I'll be fine. I still have a few days in the hospital. I'm much better than I was two days ago, and I'll be even better two days from now."

"I'll come and stay with you," Will chimed in. "I can work remotely. If you decide you don't want to go to Portland later in the week for the holiday, I'll have Chase fly to D.C. He's been begging me for two years to take him to the Smithsonian."

Alicia raised her brow at him lifting her hands in objection. "Will, no. You aren't supposed to show your face in D.C. let alone,"

"Alicia, it's not up for negotiation. I'm doing this. I'm not worried about being in D.C. It'll be fine."

She was about to object again when Finn entered the room.

"Alicia, can we talk for a minute?"

She was grateful for the distraction. "Yes. Kids why don't you guys go get some fresh air for a while? After I talk to Finn I'm going to try and rest."

After the kids had gone, Finn pulled up a chair next to Will and sat down. "The results from the rape kit came back last night."

Diane and Will shared a knowing look. They knew what those results said but thought it might be a good idea to wait for Alicia to open up about it. Diane briefly thought about stopping Finn but didn't.

"We want to add rape and sexual assault to the charges we have stacked up against the men we've arrested. If I show you some photos do you think you can identify the men who,"

"Stop!" Alicia said bitterly, holding up her hand. At the mere mention of rape her stomach was in knots. "What rape kit? I never agreed to that. Who authorized it without my consent?"

This infuriated her. She realized she was barely conscious when they brought her in to ask for her consent, but she never wanted to have a kit run. Partially because she wasn't planning on testifying when this all went to trial. Also because viewed much of what had happened to her as being her fault. She'd consented to most of the sexual activity. She'd had too.

On top of that, she hadn't decided yet whether she was going to tell anyone that part of the story. Well, that wasn't really true, she knew she'd have to tell Will, but it was going to be on her terms. This had ruined it. Now he knew, Diane knew, the feds obviously knew. Her right to keep this to herself had been violated.

A thin line formed on her lips as she folded her arms across her chest. The pitying look, she'd whole-heartedly wanted to avoid, was now spread across the faces in the room.

Finn broke the deafening silence that had filled the room. "I don't know. I think they assumed that under the circumstances you were found in, it was…a good idea. You didn't want to have a kit done?"

This surprised everyone. The Alicia they all knew would have done her best to convince any woman in these circumstances to have a kit done so they could prosecute the man who'd done it.

Her gaze moved to the outside window. The sun was out, the sky was blue, and all she wanted was to be out there. Far away from here. "No," she swallowed. "There was no need to run a rape kit," she said, flatly.

"But Alicia, the results say,"

"It doesn't matter what the results say. They're not…accurate." She refused to look at anyone in the room.

Finn shifted in his seat, looking at Diane and Will for support.

"You don't remember?" Diane asked with concern, giving her the benefit of the doubt.

This horrified Will even more. The idea that maybe she'd been taken advantage of after they'd drugged her was appalling. Although, maybe merciful in that she couldn't remember it. A conviction would be more difficult if she couldn't identify her attackers.

"There's nothing to remember. It's not what you all think." She continued in an even, distant, disturbingly calm tone as flashes of what had happened to her raced through her mind. "Throw away the results. It won't hold up in court."

No one understood her thinking in this. Unless she really couldn't remember the rapes, or she was threatened if she admitted the truth to anyone.

"Alicia, did they threaten you if you told anyone?" Finn asked. "There were two different semen samples found. Or maybe it's as Diane said, you don't remember the assaults?"

Will reached and placed his hand gently on her leg. This jostled her out of her thoughts, and she turned her head to look at him. "Leesh, it's okay. They can't hurt you anymore."

"You're right, they can't." She looked at Finn. "Get rid of the results. They're not accurate. I'm not discussing this anymore."

She sighed running a hand over her face. "I'm tired. My body hurts. I'd like to be alone for a while. Will you please all just go? Let me rest."

All of them wanted to object, but did as they were asked, and filed out of the room closing the door behind them.

She wanted to throw something, but there wasn't anything to throw. She did her best to muffle the sob that fell from her lips seconds later. She allowed a few silent tears to stream down her face before she wiped them away in frustration. Shifting in the uncomfortable bed she rested her head against the pillow holding another one close to her body in an attempt to fall asleep. In that moment she wanted to be swallowed up into a dark hole and never come out.

Out in the hall Diane turned to Finn. "Don't get rid of the results just yet. She may changer her mind once she's recovered. It would be good to have them if she does."

Finn nodded and turned to go back down the hall.

Diane sat next to Will just outside Alicia's room.

"If I remember correctly, semen will only show up on a test if it's less than five days old, right?" Will asked.

"Yes," Diane confirmed.

"So, we know she was raped at least twice in the five days before they found her." A look of dread filled his eyes. "What about the days before that?"

Diane sighed, leaning back in her chair. "It must have been awful."

"I want to get my hands on these creeps and strangle them. Make them suffer as much as she did." Will said, running his hand in frustration through his hair.

"Me too. We'll hope the judicial system comes through for her." She reached her hand to cover Will's. "She's going to need you to be supportive through this. If she thinks for one second you blame her for what happened, or that she's less than what she was before, she'll bolt, and she won't come back."

"I know. I'd never do that to her. I'm frustrated because she wouldn't let it go, but it's not her fault what they did to her. And I'd never say anything or look at her in a way that would make her feel anything less than beautiful. She's stronger than I ever will be. I just hope I can make her realize all of that. Know that she can trust me."

Diane smiled at her old partner. "If anyone can help her through this it's you. But the tricky part will be, as you said, getting her to trust you. Getting her to trust anyone."

* * *

She felt a sense of gloom throughout the rest of the day. Sad, tired, drained. Embarrassed even though she knew she shouldn't. Everyone had been wonderful and supportive, but it didn't seem to do much for her mood. Zach and Grace had dinner with her. Will and Diane went back to the hotel for a while.

Will had come back after the kids had gone and been nothing but wonderful. He even read the John Adams book to her for a while, allowing her mind to focus on something besides her current circumstances. She was comforted by the normalcy of it, and his obvious care for her.

Later on, she told him he should go and get a good night sleep, but he'd insisted on staying.

She watched some TV for a while, then turned it off and shifted to her side and stared at him as he worked on his laptop in the dim light of the room.

Her sense of guilt and anguish was growing as thick as mud. She had to tell him what happened. She didn't want him wondering. Coming up with his own assumptions. Although it was probably too late for that. She wanted to give him an out to their relationship if he wanted one. If he couldn't deal with her actions or bear with the thought that she was definitely used goods now. She felt like she'd betrayed him and that was one of the most difficult parts of this.

He could feel her eyes on him and reached to take her hand as he finished up one last thing for work. It was ice cold. He closed the laptop and set in down, wishing he could make her feel better.

"You okay? He reached his left hand over and ran it gently over her arm.

She swallowed and looked away. "I was thirsty," she said, so quietly he almost didn't hear her.

"You need a drink?" Letting go of her, he reached for the glass of water on the table next to her.

She cleared her throat. "No. On the boat. I was thirsty and…hungry and…so cold." She took in a deep breath as he shifted back to face her taking her hand again.

He looked at her with love and gentleness and it only made this harder. "They barely gave me any food or water. I had a thin blanket, but that didn't do much to keep me warm."

He shook his head running his thumb gently over her hand.

"I tried to ration what I had. I tried, Will, I really did, but it wasn't enough."

She sounded as though she was trying to justify to him what she'd had to do to survive. He couldn't understand why she'd feel the need to do so.

"I'm sure you did everything you could." He reached his free hand brushing the loose locks away from her face.

"It's what they do, you know? It's their way of controlling you. Once we were on the boat I tried to argue with them, put up a fight…that was the first time." She inhaled deeply, swallowing hard to hold in the tears that were about to burst. "That time was the worst." Instinctively, she reached her hand and touched her lip. The color of her eyes went dark. Her stomach was in knots again.

"That was the first time they raped you?" It was more of a statement than question.

"Yes." She continued in a subdued, flat tone. "It was rough. It hurt so much I thought I'd been split in two. When I screamed Jeremy slapped me across the face splitting my lip. He said if I wasn't quiet, I'd regret it even more. That I belonged to them now and was going to do what they wanted." A few tears escaped, sliding down her cheeks. "When he was done, two more of the men took their turn." Her voice cracked. She pulled her hand away from Will and sat up.

"Every few days one of them would…" she couldn't bring herself to say it out loud. "They said it was payment for food and water. It was barely enough to stay alive. I was so sea sick. I knew I wasn't taking in enough to make up for the lost fluids."

He moved to the edge of the bed threading his hands with hers. "Leesh, you were so strong. You fought hard. You didn't give up."

She inhaled shaking her head as more tears spilled from her eyes. "No, I did. That's the problem, Will. I did give up. I gave into them. I stopped trying to fight them off. It wasn't as bad that way. It didn't hurt as much if I just relaxed my body, closed my eyes and laid there while they…"

Her hand flew to her mouth as a sob escaped. "Jeremy didn't like it like that. He wanted a fight. That's how my ribs got bruised. He wanted me to react." The filter was off now. Her guard was down. She continued as a way to get it all out. Thinking that maybe she wouldn't have to repeat any of it ever again. She certainly didn't want to.

He sat there holding her hands, listening, as his body filled with heartache and anger.

"At some point I realized I wasn't going to survive if I didn't have more water. I asked for more." She finally met his gaze. "I had too," she said desperately. "They said I knew what the price for that would be, and I did. They asked if I was sure that's what I wanted. As if I had a choice. And they did it. Two instead of one."

He shifted closer to her. His hands moving to her arms as she continued to tell him what happened. A few minutes later she finished, stating once again it was her fault. "Alicia, it's okay. What they did to you was cruel. It's wasn't your fault."

"But I feel like some of it was. Like I should have tried to fight every single time. I betrayed you by not fighting. I'm so sorry, Will."

She brought her arms up crossing them over her chest and began to quiver as more tears flowed from her eyes.

Will grabbed an extra blanket from the foot of the bed and wrapped it around her. She looked terrified. As though she'd stepped into another world. He couldn't even believe she'd think he'd be upset with her about this. That she thought she needed to apologize for something so awful. He pulled her into him, cradling her head against his chest, and wrapped his arms around her.

"Leesh, you don't have anything to apologize for. I'm not angry at you. You didn't betray me. You survived. You were brave. Don't ever believe I think any less of you because of what happened these past two weeks. You fought to come back to me, the kids. You fought, and you won. It may not feel like it right now, but you beat them."

He let her cry in his arms for a few minutes until the tears began to subside. Her head still buried in his chest, she gripped his wrist. "You really don't hate me for this?"

He bent his head and kissed the top of hers. "Not one little bit. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'll never hate you or blame you for any of it."

She pulled away, and he reached to move strands of hair from her face, then leaned in pressing his forehead to hers. For a few brief moments it felt like they were all alone in their own little world. A world she never wanted to leave.

"I love you. I want to be with you. I'm not going anywhere." He hoped desperately she'd believe him.

Her lips curved upwards a little bit. "Okay," she said gratefully. "I need to lie back down. I wish you could lie here with me. Keep me warm. Make me feel safe again." She wiped away the last of the tears.

He eyed the bed then looked back at her with those dark chocolate eyes that only showed love. "I think we could manage it for a while."

He helped her get settled back onto her side, covered her with the blankets, and then lay down next to her wrapping his arm over her body. Snuggling as close to her as he could without irritating any of her injuries.

Her body flooded with relief and warmth as he wrapped her up next to him. She wished her injuries were healed and that they were lying in bed together somewhere else. Somewhere she could sleep in peace for a very long time enjoying his warmth, listening to his steady reassuring breaths against her skin.

"Will," she said quietly, squeezing his hand that rested near her chest.

"Yeah," he breathed, next to her ear.

"Don't tell anyone. Please…I just want to move past this. The feds know there was rape, but I'm not going to share any of the details with them. I'm not going to sit on a witness stand with those men staring back at me. I never want to see any them again. Please, promise me you won't. Not even Diane."

"I promise. Leesh, all you need to do right now is rest and heal. Don't worry about anything else. It's all going to work out. We'll get through this together."

For the first time in a so long she felt her body falling into comfortable sleep, safe in the knowledge that he was there. That he wanted to be there and wasn't going to leave her because of what had happened.


	35. Chapter 35

Will inwardly heaved a sigh of relief as the hostess seated he and Chase at their favorite pizza restaurant. Following an energetic teenager around town for most of the afternoon had taken more out of him than he thought it should have.

He'd come home late the previous night. Alicia had insisted on it.

 _-They were alone together in her hospital room the morning after she'd told him about the rapes. "Will, you should go home."_

" _Leesh, we already discussed this. I'm coming to D.C. with you." He closed his laptop and looked at her wondering when she'd stop trying to give him an out. He wasn't leaving her. He needed to figure out how to convince her of that._

 _She reached for his hand. "I know. And I appreciate your willingness to do so, but I'm not going home for two more days. There's not much to do here. Grace and Zach are planning on staying until I leave Sunday. And Owen," she sighed rolling her eyes, "is going to be there when I get home." She squeezed his hand. "I'm grateful you're here, but Chase needs you too. If you wait to travel with me back to Portland next week, it will have been nearly nine days since he saw you last. I don't want him thinking that I'm more important to you than he is."_

 _Will sighed. "You're both important to me." He wished in that moment that Chase and Alicia were in the same city. It would make things a lot easier._

" _I know. But he's young, and vulnerable, and trust is a huge thing at his age. He needs his father."_

" _Does that mean you've decided go and stay with Zach after your debriefing next week?" He wanted to make sure he'd understood her comment correctly._

" _Yes," she said, in a tone that was almost convincing. "As much as I hate to admit it, I'm going to need some help for a few weeks." -_

After a little more debate, things had been settled. He'd flown home to spend the weekend with Chase and would fly to D.C. Monday to be with her. Alicia had jumped on the idea knowing that after a few hours with Owen hovering over her she'd need a break. She and Will would fly to Portland together Wednesday night.

 _Things will be so much easier with her here_ , he thought to himself. He missed her, and it had only been a day since he'd seen her. After thinking he'd lost her for good – again - the previous week, he was more sensitive to his feelings towards her. He could still almost feel the touch of her lips pressed to his in the few quiet moments before he'd left the hospital.

-" _Are you sure you'll be all right?" he asked quietly, pressing his forehead to hers._

" _Yes," she responded, mustering up a smile to reassure him._

" _I already miss you," he breathed._

" _I'll miss you too." She reached her hand to his cheek and kissed him one last time. "Now go. You'll miss your flight." -_

He knew she was in good hands, but he was still worried about her. The slightly sad, lingering look she gave him just before he left the room, as if she'd suddenly regretted insisting he leave, certainly hadn't done much to ease his anxiety.

"Dad, we need to order."

Chase's words brought him out of his thoughts allowing him to focus on the present.

He enjoyed this one on one time with Chase. They'd spent the afternoon at an indoor amusement park. Chase had done well on some recent exams so Will told him he could choose what they did for the afternoon. They played arcade games. A round of miniature golf, which Chase won and would likely never let Will live down. And then they'd played two games of bowling, which Will won, before they'd headed to the pizza place.

Chase pulled his phone out just as the pizza arrived. "Put that away. You know the rule." It was one of several conditions Will had insisted on when Chase was finally allowed to have his own phone about a year and a half earlier, no phone while they ate.

"I know. I'll put it away in just a sec. I want to send Brian this photo," he chuckled, holding up the phone for Will to see. It was photo proof of his win over Will at miniature golf.

Will couldn't help but laugh and roll his eyes.

"Maybe next time we can could go with the Marshall's and have a competition. Me and Brian against you and Rick." He hit send and looked back up at Will as he pocketed the phone. "Maybe Janie and Alicia could be on a team."

Will almost choked on the bite of food in his mouth.

"Does Alicia like to play miniature golf?"

Will swallowed and took a quick sip of his drink before answering. "I don't know. We can ask her."

"Okay." He took a bite of his food and looked at Will again.

"You'll be back for Thanksgiving, right?"

"Yes. I'll be home late Wednesday night. I know I've been gone a lot recently. I appreciate how good you've been about it. I don't want you to feel like I don't care as much about you now that Alicia and I are together. It's just that with her getting hurt and everything I need to be there for her too."

"It's fine," he said. "I like staying at the Marshall's. And I'm kind of glad you have a real girlfriend."

Will chuckled at the idea of a real girlfriend. He hadn't really thought about their relationship in terms of girlfriend or boyfriend. It was such a foreign concept for them. They'd always been _friends_ , _co-workers_ , or simply, _together,_ but never specifically labeled as girlfriend/boyfriend.

"You're being really grown up about this. I appreciate it. And after this week things will calm down. Alicia will be here at least until the first of the year. We can all spend some time together. You two can get to know each other. But if you ever start to feel ignored, or you're not okay with something when Alicia's around I want you to tell me, all right?"

"Okay." He looked down fingering his food. "I don't mind you going, but do you think I could go with you sometime? Do you think Alicia would mind?"

Will smiled. "Yes, you can come with me sometime. This week wouldn't be good because she's still recovering. But I think she'd love to have you another time. When I went to see her in Massachusetts, she asked if there were any games or things she could get to keep at her house for you."

Will's answer seemed to satisfy him. He turned his attention back to his food and the NBA basketball game playing on a screen near them.

* * *

Alicia had hoped to feel much better than she actually did when they released her from the hospital. When Finn finally parked the car in her driveway, she was exhausted and in a lot of pain. All she wanted to do was bury herself under the soft blankets of her bed and sleep.

Owen was ready and waiting when they entered the house.

"Hey Sis." He gently embraced her. She wrapped her arms around his neck taking in the comfort of his familiar embrace.

After pulling away, he insisted on carrying her things upstairs, told her to sit, that dinner would be ready soon, and invited Finn to stay and eat with them.

"No, thank you. I've got work to do back at the office." He turned to Alicia taking her coat from her. "Is there anything I can do for you before I leave?"

She shifted to fully face him giving his arm a gentle squeeze. "No. Thank you for everything. I'm going to go upstairs and lie down. I'm exhausted."

They stood there staring at each other for a few brief moments. "Okay. If you're sure." Finn said quietly.

"I'm sure." She managed a tired smile. When he made no effort to move, she sensed there was something else on his mind.

"Alicia…I'm sorry. I was supposed to protect you and,"

"Finn, don't. There's no need to apologize. It wasn't your fault. Jeremy pulled a gun on me in my office. The one place I was under the most protection. There wasn't anything you could have done."

He nodded. "Okay. If you need anything let me know. There will be agents posted in the car outside around the clock to keep an eye on things. Anyone who comes to the house will have to be cleared by them first. I'll come pick you and Diane up Tuesday afternoon for the debriefing."

Normally she would have rolled her eyes and told him she didn't want the protection. After the past few weeks of hell, she didn't argue.

After he left, she moved further into the house. She was overjoyed to be home but didn't know quite what to expect. Finn had told her the FBI had been through the house when she went missing dusting for prints, looking for evidence. She expected things to be out of place. For her sanctuary to feel different somehow. Afterall, her home had been a crime scene of sorts.

The thought sent shivers down her spine. The men who took her had been here. Invaded her personal space. She wondered if they'd taken anything. She hadn't paid much attention to them because she was focused on Jeremy who had taken her upstairs and forced her to change clothes. Clothes that had been put on another woman and burned in a car somewhere in Virginia. She placed her hand over her bandaged right wrist. Her watch…Jeremy had taken that too.

She felt faint. Her knees were going weak. Owen reappeared just in time to catch her as she slumped against the wall.

"Whoa, let's get you to the couch."

Once she was settled, he sat down next to her. "You know, you're looking a little rough around the edges there, Sis." He smiled trying to lighten the mood. She rolled her eyes.

"If I only look a little rough around the edges, I'll take it."

"I bet a little sustenance, that wasn't made at the hospital, will do you a world of good."

She raised her brow to him. "You cooked?"

"Would it be so surprising if I had?"

She raised her brow and smiled as if it should be obvious. "Yes!"

Feigning hurt he nodded his head. "Well, I'm glad to see that your opinion of my cooking abilities hasn't changed much in thirty years."

"When have you ever cooked for me?" she questioned.

"What about all those times I cooked for Grace and Zach after you separated from Peter?"

She rolled her eyes. "Frozen lasagna, pizza and takeout don't count as cooking."

"Uh huh, glad to see my efforts were appreciated. I'll call and cancel the takeout. And maybe I should take all the food including the three pints of mint chocolate chip ice cream I bought for you back to the store."

"Owen, I do appreciate it."

He grinned. "Okay, but I'm still not going to tell you where I hid all the alcohol."

She groaned leaning back into the couch cushions. "I could really use a drink right now."

"No alcohol for at least two weeks. Doctors orders."

"Sometimes I hate you," she grumbled lightly.

"I know," he smirked.

She glanced around the room and into the open kitchen space. It appeared to be spotless. The faint scent of wood polish and disinfectant filled the air. There were even fresh flowers in vases on the coffee table and kitchen island. "The feds did a good job cleaning up. I expected…not this when I got home."

"The feds had nothing to do with it. Finn hired someone to come in and clean yesterday. He didn't want you to see the house like it was. He cleaned up the mess in the den. But those thugs broke a few things, and the feds didn't leave it as clean as he'd hoped after their investigation."

 _Investigation_ , she thoroughly disliked being a subject in this particular investigation.

"I'll have to thank him." She ran her hands over her arms to try and warm up. The weather outside was gray and cold, and the temperature in the house was lower than what she usually kept it at. She grabbed a throw next to her and wrapped it around her shoulders.

"The flowers were a nice touch."

"You have yours truly to thank for those. Also, I went out and bought you some new pillows and soft sheets for your bed. I also grabbed a few different kinds of vitamins while I was out. You know, to build up your immune system."

A soft smile crossed her lips as she reached over and squeezed his leg. "You didn't have to do all that." She was a little bit surprised at how extensive his preparations had been for her arrival.

"Yeah, I did. You've taken care of me more times than I can count. It's my turn to return the favor."

She reached over and hugged him again. "Thank you." She pulled away and slumped against the soft cushions. "I'm going up to bed once I have enough energy to climb the stairs."

"You should eat first."

"I'm not hungry. Maybe later."

"Alicia, you really should eat something."

At his insistence she found the energy to stand up. "Not now." She turned and headed for the stairs.

When she entered her room at the end of the hall, she reached to the doorjamb for support. Flashes of Jeremy rummaging through her drawers and closet flashed through her mind. She closed her eyes. " _Just breathe, Alicia, it's all in the past,"_ she told herself, taking in a few deep breaths. A few moments later she gained back her senses and sat on the bed removing her shoes. She turned and looked out the window. The sun was going down. Darkness was filling the space. She was glad Owen was there to fill the emptiness of the house. She'd be even more grateful when Will got there so she'd have someone to sleep next to. She reached to turn on the lamp and crawled under the covers burying herself in their soft warmth.

A few hours later Owen brought some food up for her, and then sat on the edge of the bed diligently changing the bandages around her wrists. She winced at the sting from the ointment he gently rubbed on the wounds.

It was difficult to see her like this. Bruises that had turned to awful shades of green and yellow. Trying to hide the fact that her ribs hurt every time she moved from laying down to sitting or standing. He didn't even want to try and imagine the state she'd been in six days earlier.

"Alicia, I can't believe…How are you – really?"

"Owen, I'm fine. Mending."

"Yeah, but Alicia, they abducted you. Beat you. This isn't something you just brush under the rug and pretend you're fine about."

"But I am fine. The bruises are fading. My ribs and other minor injuries will heal. I'll go see a therapist once I'm settled in Portland. I'm handling it. I don't know why everyone thinks I should be a complete wreck. Please, can we talk about something else?"

It was his tendency to keep pushing her until she told him the truth. He could see right through her. He knew full well she was suffering more than she was letting on, but he decided to back down.

"There, as good as new," he said, finishing up the bandaging. "You should eat now."

"I'm not hungry."

He sighed. "There's ice cream if you eat some of this first," he reminded her, trying to be funny, but sounding more like an adult talking to a child.

She rolled her eyes. "Owen, I'll eat when I'm hungry."

"Eat," he insisted. "Or I'll call Mom."

She glared at him. "You wouldn't."

He whipped out his phone and moved off the bed. "I'm dialing," he chuckled.

She reached for a pillow and threw it at him immediately regretting it when a pain shot through her shoulder. "Fine. I'll eat, on one condition. You don't call Mom. I'm getting a headache. I can't deal with her right now."

A satisfied smirk found its way to his lips. "Good." He plopped himself on the bed next to her. "We could watch a movie. I brought all your favorites." He pointed the stack of DVD's next to the television across the room."

An hour later they were both comfortably settled on her bed watching some sappy romance that he was clearly only tolerating for her benefit.

"So, you and Finn were really never a thing?" He put a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

"No. It was all an act for the case."

"Hmm." His gaze was back on the screen, but she knew him. He was questioning it.

"Hmm, what?"

"It's just the way he was with you today. The way he looks at you. Are you sure there isn't something more there? Maybe…while you two were – pretending – nothing, became - something? I mean you two have been friends for a really long time."

"There's nothing there. Finn and I are friends. That's all." At least that's the way she felt. Surely Finn felt the same way. He knew she was in love with Will. He had to know that with Will in the picture she wasn't thinking of getting into a relationship with anyone else. She brushed away the thought. It was ridiculous. She and Finn had been friends for years. If he'd ever wanted there to be more between them, he would have said so long before now. But… She sighed at the thought of Will. it was time to tell Owen he was alive. That Will was the one she was dating. He'd be there in less than eighteen hours.

"Owen, there's something I need to tell you."

* * *

After being cleared by the two agents outside Alicia's house, Will knocked on the front door. It was clear when Owen opened it that this was a bit of a shock.

"Wow. You really are alive." He reached out his hand to shake Will's.

"I really am," Will said, taking his hand.

Owen moved aside so he could enter the house. "Not that I didn't believe Alicia, but wow, it's a little bit of a crazy story. And with all the medication she's on…"

Will chuckled setting down his luggage. "I won't tell her you said that. How are you Owen?"

"Oh, you know, good. Just trying to figure out what to do with my somewhat cranky,"

"Ahhm," Alicia cleared her throat as she came down the stairs. "I am not cranky."

Her eyes brightened as soon as they met Will's. His heart skipped a beat at seeing her in the loose top and pants she wore. This would never get old.

"Hi," she said, softly, practically falling into his embrace wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him in as tight as she could.

"Hi." He responded holding her close. "Leesh, you didn't have to come down just to greet me." He was glad to see her standing on her own two feet but could tell she was still hurting in the way she moved.

"I wanted too. I've been in bed all morning." The sheer comfort of being held by him without the incumbering hospital equipment was bliss. Maybe it was ridiculous to think, but with Will here she felt safe. She knew she was safe with Owen and the agents outside, but with Will it was different. She wouldn't worry so much. He wouldn't push her to do things she didn't want to. He'd simply be there to support her. He'd hold her like no one else could.

If Owen hadn't been standing right behind them, she would have kissed him to fill the longing void in her heart. Instead she reluctantly pulled away so he could remove his coat.

Over the next few hours they all talked which consisted mostly of Owen and Will catching up. The two men got along well. A welcomed comfort for her.

"I'm going to go back upstairs for a while," she said, late in the afternoon. "The bed is more comfortable, and I want to lie down."

"I'll come up with you," Will said, helping her up from the couch, allowing her to lean on him as they ascended up the stairs.

He helped her get settled in the bed. "Is there anything you need? Another pillow, some more medication?"

"No. You and Owen have waited on me hand and foot." She reached out taking his arm and pulled him down to the bed next to her. "I would like it if you'd lay next to me for a while."

He leaned forward kissing the tip of her nose. "I think I can handle that."

He removed his shoes and climbed under the covers next to her. Gently placing his arm across her.

The warmth his body provided pressed against hers was a welcome comfort. Having him here was as good as she'd imagined. She was a bit startled when a rush of flutters and heat spread through her body as he shifted closer. She sighed blissfully. He'd always seemed to have this effect on her. Even more since they'd reconnected last spring.

However, the moment of bliss was interrupted by her thoughts. In the back of her mind she didn't think she was supposed to feel this way just days after being brutally harmed. That instead she was supposed to feel broken, and she did in ways. Wasn't the idea of being intimate so soon after being raped somehow terribly wrong? She'd read over, heard, several accounts of women who'd been raped over the years. To those women the thought of having sex again was terrifying. Many of them had partners who couldn't handle the idea that they'd been raped and had ended up leaving them. Or if their partners had stayed it had been a long rocky road to becoming intimate again.

In ways she did feel these things. She was nervous about it. She felt self-conscious, worried that when she and Will did have sex again, he'd look at her differently. That somehow making love to each other would never be the same. That she'd never be for him what she'd been before. A feeling of deep loss crept over her. The brief moment of euphoria she'd felt just moments before had vanished.

He felt her whole body tense in his embrace. He wondered if she'd suddenly experiences a surge of pain. "Leesh, you okay?" He squeezed her hand propping himself up on his elbow.

She nodded against the pillow unwilling to look at him. "Yes, I'm just – tired."

He knew immediately she was lying. "Leesh, what's wrong?" He gently tugged on her shoulder, so she'd turn and look at him.

Once she had, he leaned in and kissed her forehead. "What ever it is you can tell me."

"It's nothing. My mind is just going places I don't want it to go, that's all. I just need to sleep for a while."

"You're sure?" He was skeptical she was telling him the whole truth but didn't know how much to push.

"I'm sure." She managed to curve her lips upwards into a little smile. "It's really good to have you here."

"I'm happy to be here. I want to be here. I hope you know that."

She reached her hand to his cheek. "I do."

She looked so perfect in that quiet moment it made his heart flutter. They may have a lot of struggles ahead, but in his mind it would all be worth it just to have her.

She was sleeping soundly an hour later when Will headed back downstairs.

"I thought I'd make something for dinner." Will said, opening the refrigerator to see what they had. "What do you think she'd like?"

"I have no idea. I've offered her just about everything, but she won't take more than a few bites of anything. She says she's not hungry. That nothing sounds good. I've always been much better at getting her to drink."

Will frowned. "You do know she can't have alcohol because of her medication, right?"

Owen laughed and rolled his eyes. "Yes, Doctor Gardner, I realize that." He reached past Will into the refrigerator and proudly pulled out a container of dark purple liquid. "I stocked the fridge with grape juice."

Will chuckled. "Smart. But that doesn't solve the issue of getting her to eat."

"Yeah, well, it's one of her defense mechanisms. It's something she can control when she feels like everything else is in chaos."

"Look at you, spewing wisdom," Will commented.

"Yeah, well, don't expect it too often. Alicia's usually the wise one."

Will placed his hands on the edge of the counter. "Maybe her stomach's still bothering her. I know that was some of the issue last week."

Owen nodded. "So, tell me…how's she really doing? I can see in her face she's not being straight with me when I ask."

Will sighed. "She's…hurting. Physically, mentally… in just about every way possible."

He nodded. "The only other time I've seen her like this was after you…you know, _died."_

"So, I've been told. She hasn't hidden physically from me yet. Although that would have proven quite difficult in the hospital. But she does keep trying to give me an out. As if she still expects me to leave her, somehow. It's frustrating. I wish I could convince her I'm not going anywhere."

"Well that's kind of what she's used to. People, more specifically men, leaving her. Including you. I mean she obviously adores you. That was clear this afternoon. But you didn't fight for her before… So why should she believe you will this time?"

Will pondered his words for a few moments, suddenly feeling a lot of regret about the past. He thought of letting her choose Peter at Georgetown. Lying to her about his voicemail where he'd finally told her he loved her. Letting her end their affair without putting up a fight.

"Owen, believe me, I know I've made plenty of mistakes when it comes to Alicia. If I could go back in time, I'd do it all differently. But I've learned from those mistakes. And all I want to do is make up for them. Every time I didn't fight for her, I ended up regretting it. I'm not going to let that happen again."

Owen was impressed as he let Will's words sink in for a minute. Then he looked back at Will with hope and optimism. "Maybe Alicia couldn't physically hide from you in the hospital, but she could have mentally distanced herself. She could have shut you out completely, but obviously she hasn't. She might not believe you're here to stay quite yet… But she hasn't ruled out the possibility either. Considering everything she's been through in her life, I think that says a lot."

"Thank you…I think," Will said. "She may have opened up more to me, but I can tell she's still holding a lot of it in."

"That may be, but I think you've got a better shot than anyone else. it's all about trust with Alicia. If you can get her to trust you – completely – she'll never leave you. But if that trust gets broken or never repaired…it might be a different story."

Will was grateful for Owen's seeming confidence in his relationship with Alicia.

* * *

She stood at the bottom of the stairs quietly watching in amusement as Will and Owen were cooking in the kitchen. She wasn't quite sure when Will had slipped out of bed and come down, but from the look of things it had been a while. The kitchen was a bit of a mess. Her heart warmed watching the two of them together.

"The key to good pancakes is the ingredients," Will was explaining as he poured some batter onto the griddle. "You greased this with butter, right?"

"Uh – no," Owen said, reaching for the stick of butter. "That was next. I've been busy making these eggs to your specifications."

Will chuckled. "Sorry, if I've taken over."

"Oh, I don't mind. If you think Alicia will eat your pancakes and eggs, I'm happy to make them however you want. Maybe we should spike them with something,"

"I don't think that's a good idea under the circumstances,"

She watched as Will masterfully flipped a few pancakes over. Owen turned his attention back to the eggs as she made her way closer to them.

"I hope someone's planning on cleaning up when you two are finished." She moved next to Will and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. "It smells good." It wasn't even a lie. Nothing had sounded good for days. But smelling the aroma of the pancakes in the air made her stomach rumble.

Will slid one hand over her lower back and flipped over the last of the pancakes.

She leaned against him for a few moments. It felt so good to be here at home with Will and Owen. She was finally feeling like she could relax. Like she could take in a few deep breaths without suffocating.

Late that night a light snow had begun to fall. She and Will sat snuggled together in her bed. Light from the fireplace across the room cast a soft glow throughout the room.

"Colonial style homes aren't usually my thing," he said. "I might be convinced otherwise after seeing this place. The arch in the entryway as you come into the house. All the detail in the ceilings and moldings. The built-in book shelves in every room. The light color palette doesn't make it feel old." He pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. "Fireplace in the bedroom is a nice touch."

She nodded resting her head against his shoulder. "James picked it out. I was so busy before we moved, I left it up to him to find a place. I was a little nervous when he told me how old it was. Nineteenth century, I thought I'd be living in a brick building with no heat or indoor plumbing. I was pleasantly surprised the first time we came to see it. I've fallen in love with it since."

"Do you ever hear from him?"

"Yes, sometimes. He called Saturday to see how I was. After not hearing back from me a few weeks ago he called Finn." She glanced up at him as his arm tightened around her. He suddenly looked very distant. "Does it bother you that we still communicate with each other?" She squeezed his hand.

"No," he said quietly. "It's just a bit odd to think about the very separate lives we led a few years ago."

She sat up more and turned to face him gently placing her hand at the side of his face. "You're not jealous are you?" she asked, a slight upward curve of her lips but with a look of worry in her eyes.

He smiled covering her hand with his. "I, no. I just. Okay, maybe a little," he admitted. "Not now, but jealous of what you had with him."

She smiled exhaling under her breath. "What I had with him was very good. But what I have with you…it's…more. It's sometimes crazy, and messy, and…complicated. But it's what I want. It's what I've wanted for a very long time." She reached her other hand and cupped his face bringing it closer to her own. "You have me now. I love you. Not anyone else, okay?"

"I know," he responded, exhaling a breath of relief. "I love you too."

She closed the small distance between them pressing a long lingering kiss to his lips. Afterwards, they settled comfortably on the pillows. Her head rested on his shoulder.

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" he asked.

She sighed, not wanting to think about it. "I don't think you're ever ready for something like this. I just want to get it over with."

He pulled her closer placing another soft kiss on her head. "It'll be okay Leesh," he said, reassuringly. "It may not seem like it right now. But it will be."

 **A/N Thank you all so much for reading! I always love reading your thoughts. A big thanks to pphantast for her ideas and help with some of this chapter and dialog between Owen and Will. Also a huge thanks to my faithful beta Goodwifefan who's always willing to help me with this craziness.**


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N Hello everyone! Thank you for the new follows and to those of you who are still with me on this one.**

 **Just a few quick notes. The law school at Georgetown isn't actually located on Georgetown's main campus. It's about 3 miles or 5 km away. A small campus all its own consisting of the main law school building, two law libraries, an international law building, and some student housing. So, in this chapter when Will and Alicia are walking around campus it's only the law school campus.**

 **One more thing. The "kissing tradition" near the end of the chapter is not an actual tradition at Georgetown. It's something I made up based on a tradition at the university I attended. Georgetown has a few of these old traditions that all involved alcohol {which I found funny since Alicia is such a wine connoisseur} but nothing really romantic.**

 **Enjoy!**

Alicia stared out the window of the black SUV heading back to her house. The brown, leafless trees, and gray sky seemed appropriate for the day and her current mood.

The day had started off well. She'd felt a little better than she had the day before. Not so weak, in a little less pain. She knew the debriefing might be difficult, but her spirits were high, and she'd been confident in her ability to answer any questions they threw at her. She was after all an attorney. Well trained in the art of questioning.

Things started to go downhill almost as soon as she, Diane and Finn set foot in the DOJ. She'd wanted to grab a few things from her office before the debriefing. That had been a mistake. When she'd stepped into her office, flashes of memory hit her so hard she had to close her eyes and hold onto the wall for support. It had been awful remembering Jeremy confronting her, pointing a gun at her and eventually harshly grabbing her arm and forcing her to walk out of the room with a gun to her back.

The memories had only made the debriefing more difficult. What she'd assumed would take about an hour had turned into almost three, and it had been rough. The telling of everything she could remember, trapped in a room surrounded by men in suits, except for Diane and Elizabeth, she'd felt trapped. They'd scrutinized every detail. Asked what felt like a thousand questions, many of which seemed redundant. It felt like they were trying to trip her up, catch her a lie. They insisted they were only attempting to get a clear picture of what had happened.

-" _I told you three times what happened. I gave you the names of a few of the men who were involved in the abduction," she said, doing her best to remain calm_.

" _They never mentioned the cartel? Jeremy never told you the name of the man whom he said wanted to talk to you? His only reason for keeping you alive?" The agent who asked her the question was probably her age, but with a full head of gray hair looked about ten years older, and he was clearly skeptical of her answer._

" _Again," she emphasized, "no."_

" _And at no point during the seven days spent on that boat before they moved you to the cargo ship did they mention you were going to be sold on the black market into human trafficking?"_

 _A thin line formed on her lips. She was exhausted. The temperature in the room was uncomfortable. "No. I figured it out after a few days. Just as I specified thirty minutes ago."_

" _Because they were rationing your food? Keeping you locked up etcetera?"_

 _She couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Yes."_

" _I think Alicia's made these points quite clear," Diane spoke up in her defense._

 _The agent nodded. "Yes, she has. I'm just making sure we have all our bases covered."_

" _Gentlemen, I've given you my statement. I've spent far more time here than I think was necessary. You were hoping I had information that would help further your investigations," Her eyes moved to one side of the table. "Help solidify your cases so the people you have behind bars will stay there."_

 _She glanced to the other side of the table. "I've given you all my files for this case. From what I've seen and heard here today, you have enough evidence to keep them behind bars for a very long time. You don't need me. You won't need my testimony in court."_

 _Diane cut in. "Alicia's given you a fair statement. She doesn't want to be involved in the case any further. I think we're done here."_

 _She thought that would be the end of it, but there was one more person who wanted his five minutes. "Just one more issue. I don't think it will take long."_

 _Diane and Alicia briefly made eye contact. Diane could see the tiredness in her and was about to protest but Alicia turned back to the agent and nodded._

" _Five minutes," she stated, folding her hands in her lap again._

 _The agent spread out a number of head shots in front of her. At the sight of them, her already aching, tired body tensed._

" _Alicia," he said, gently. "There's one thing you've left out of your statement. It's understandable you don't want to talk about it."_

 _She shifted uncomfortably in her chair. The air in the room was suddenly too thin. She could barely breathe._

" _We want to make sure the men who raped you are properly charged. Can you iden_ tify any of your attackers?"

 _She folded her arms across her chest, her gaze moving to the door. A few long moments later Diane lightly touched her arm. "Alicia, I know you don't want to talk about it, but…the extra charges would guarantee those men stay behind bars for the rest of their lives."_

 _She felt sick, trapped, just like she had for weeks. She took in a deep breath and managed to look at the photos again. She didn't have to look long. She'd recognized the men as soon as the agent had laid out the photos. "There was Jeremy, this one, this one, and this one." She_ _pointed to each with a shaky hand. A sense of fear, anger, she wasn't sure filled her body. Cursing under her breath she told herself to pull it together. No one could hurt her now. She knew that. So why did she feel so scared and anxious? She hoped that would be it. She'd identified them. They could do whatever they wanted with the information._

 _The agent informed her that two of the four men she'd pointed out were dead. This should have been a comfort, brought her some sort of relief, but it didn't._

" _We just need to ask a few questions about the assaults, and we'd like your permission to use the rape kit as evidence."_

 _This upset her. She'd told Finn to get rid of the rape kit. He clearly hadn't. She sighed inwardly doing her best to think like a lawyer not a victim. In retrospect it was probably a good idea to keep the rape kit. The rational side of her knew they'd need it to make a solid case against the two men who were still alive. But if she gave them permission, she'd likely have to discuss some of the details from her assault. She didn't want to recount those awful moments. She'd told them about the beatings, and her efforts to fight back. Wasn't that enough?_

 _Too caught up in her own thoughts she barely processed Diane's words, and soon she was being shuffled out of the room and taken to the small conference room down the hall. Only Diane and a female agent were allowed in the room while the agent recorded her account. -_

She'd felt nauseated for the past hour. When they reached her house, she was out of the car before they'd even come to a complete stop in the driveway. Entering the house, she shrugged off her coat and left it hung over the banister with her purse as she went up the stairs. She barely registered Will's voice calling her name. She closed the door to the bedroom and sat on the bed, hands clutching the edge, to see if she could calm her stomach.

Will looked at Diane and Finn who'd just entered. "I take it things didn't go well?"

Diane sighed, as she pulled off her gloves. "No. She did as well as you could expect, but it was rough on her. As we suspected, they questioned her on everything. I think there were points where she doubted her own testimony. They know she's not at fault for any of this, but I don't think they're absolutely convinced she doesn't know anything about the operations of the cartel or the trafficking."

He glanced anxiously towards the stairs.

"It was too soon, Will. We should have put them off a few more weeks. Given her more time to recover."

He nodded heading up the stairs and entered her room closing the door once again behind him.

The black blazer she'd worn had been carelessly tossed on the bed. Her heels were similarly strewn on the floor next to the dresser. He found her rummaging through the closet. Her bare bruised arms and shoulders were a stark contrast to the white silk sleeveless top she had on. The tension he sensed in the small space was palpable.

"Leesh, do you want to talk?" He shoved his hands in his pockets hoping she'd open up to him.

She brushed a few loose strands of hair behind her ear as she crouched down to shuffle through a box in the corner of the closet. "I…I don't know."

She closed the box, came out of the closet and began going through the drawers of her dresser, clearly growing more and more agitated as she opened each drawer unable to find what she was looking for.

"What are you looking for?" He took a few steps closer to her.

"My Georgetown sweatshirt. The one…yours," she said, anxiously. She sighed heavily as she closed the last drawer and moved across the room to the large window. "It's not here."

Her hand trembled as she went to remove the bandages around her wrists.

Moving in front of her he gently reached for her arm to help with the bandages. Her whole body began to quiver. Her skin went pale. "Why don't you sit down?" he said, softly, worried her knees might give out.

"I don't want to sit down," she said, with a hint of bitterness. She pulled away from his grasp and continued the unbandaging.

"Okay, you don't have to sit, but let me help with that." He closed the gap between them and watched as her gaze settled on her healing wounds.

She'd avoided looking in the mirror since she'd come home when her bruised and battered body was exposed. It was too difficult. But after her debriefing today, looking at the jagged marks on her wrists infuriated her. She was so full of emotion she felt like she'd burst.

When her eyes met his they'd gone dark. He hesitantly reached for her again, but she stepped back. "You're upset. It's okay. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult today was for you but let me help."

She took a few more steps back because of the rage that was bubbling inside her. She wanted to hit someone, but she didn't want it to be him.

"Leesh," he said, gently, stepping towards her again.

"I feel trapped." She gritted her teeth. "Like I can barely breathe. The bandages!" she said, angrily, tearing away the last bit from her skin. "Being locked up in a dark space for nearly two weeks. And I know the hospital was a necessity, but I barely had any more freedom there hooked up to all the machines. Doctors, nurses, government agents constantly watching."

She took in a deep breath to try and hold in the tears. "And now I'm here, home…but I'm still trapped. I can't go running because of the injuries." A few tears managed to escape rolling down her cheeks. "Twenty-four-hour protection right outside my door." She pointed towards the window. "Memories flooding my mind of things that happened right here I'd rather forget! Being forced to _retell_ what happened to me _over and over_ , and left feeling like they only believe half of what I say!"

She took a few paces back and forth her arms stiff at her sides then turned and looked right at him. "I'm so angry right now I feel like a bomb ready to explode. I'm not a violent person, Will, but I want to harm the men who did this to me. I want them to suffer!" she practically yelled, bringing her hands up as if she were strangling someone.

"I want them to know what it's like to be in excruciating pain for days. To be controlled and taken advantage of. To know what it's like to have to fight for every breath!" Tears streamed down her face. Her hands were clenched in tight fists.

He did the only thing he could think of in that moment. Moving to her, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him. She didn't pull away. "They are going to pay for what they did to you."

She shook her head, grasping onto his shirt. "No, they'll never experience what I have. Two of them are dead," she said, spitefully. "They got off easy. The other two will sit in prison for the next fifty years and their cells will be nothing like what mine was. They'll have clothes, plenty of food to eat, water to drink. They'll never have taken from them what they took from me."

She was exhausted, completely emotionally drained. "They never will," she said, through her tears in a hoarse whisper. Her body gave way to the emotional exhaustion. She slipped out of Will's grasp and sat on the edge of the bed. He sat next to her wrapping his arm around her pulling her into his chest.

The tears continued to silently flow down her cheeks. "I'm cold, and tired, and I want to put on my Georgetown sweatshirt," she glanced up at him, "because it's warm and I wear it when I'm having a bad day…He must have grabbed it with my other clothes that night. Now what am I supposed to wear when I feel this way? I need that sweatshirt because it was Wi…yours, and it was one of the only things I had left when you were gone, and," she bolted from the bed and headed straight for the bathroom. Everything was crashing down around her. The nausea was at a peak and she couldn't hold it in any longer.

Will followed her pulling her hair away from her face just in time. He would have done anything in that moment to take the pain away from her.

She slumped to the floor leaning against the wall. Closing her eyes she took in some long deep breaths to see if she could will some of the pain away.

Will sat next to her gently wiping her face with a cool washcloth. Then he took her hand into his.

"I'm sorry about all this." she whispered, eyes still closed her head leaning against the wall feeling guilty he had to witness any of this. She felt like a complete wreck. "And I know it sounds silly, the sweatshirt, I just…it reminds me of you. It always made me feel better. It was a comfort thing."

He squeezed her hand and leaned over to kiss the top of her head. "You don't have anything to be sorry for, and it's not silly. I'm sorry you have to go through this."

They sat there for a few minutes her head resting on his shoulder. "Are you feeling any better?" he asked.

The built-up adrenaline from the past few hours was oozing away. Heavy fatigue was setting in. She opened her eyes and met his gaze. "The nausea is gone, but my body hurts so much right now I can barely breathe. I want to take a warm shower then climb into bed and sleep – maybe forever. But I don't think I have the strength to get back up off the floor right now."

"Let me do the work for a while," he said softly.

She was too worn down to protest as he lifted her off the floor and carried her to the bed. He put new clean bandages around her wrists.

"One more day and I don't think you'll need these anymore."

"Do you think there will be a scar?"

"No, I think you'll be as good as new," he smiled reassuringly.

He helped her change into some comfortable clothes, and then moved across the room and pulled a hoodie out of his bag.

Sitting down next to her he slipped it over her head. His company logo was printed on the front. He leaned in and pressed soft kiss to her forehead. "It's not Georgetown, but it's warm. And mine," he pointed out with a gentle smile.

"It is," she said, feeling much warmer. She took in a deep relaxing breath inhaling the faint scent of the fabric that could only belong to him. A sense of warmth and much needed calm flooded over her. "Thank you," she said, looking down at her hands. "You must think I've gone completely crazy."

He took one of her hands into his. His other went to her chin gently forcing her to look at him. "No. I'd never think that. You've been through something horrible. The way you're reacting is completely normal. Healthy even. The only thing I'm thinking is how strong, and brave, and absolutely beautiful you are."

"I don't feel like any of those things right now," she whispered.

"Maybe not right now, but I'm going to do everything I can to help you feel those things again. Until then I'll be right here to support you in anyway I can."

He slid off the bed and pulled the soft blankets over her. "I'll go get your medication, and some warm tea. If you're up for it later, maybe we can go out for a drive or something. Just you and me. Get you out of the house for some fresh air."

She looked up at him skeptically.

He shrugged. "I happen to know a few good places in D.C. I did live here once," he chuckled.

"It's changed quite a bit since you lived here," she smiled.

"I'm sure we can manage."

* * *

Several hours later, as promised, Will took her for a drive. As they winded through the streets near the law school campus, memories of late night study sessions and weekend adventures flooded her mind.

Will pulled up in front of the main law school building. "You didn't forget how to get here after all these years," she teased.

"I don't think I'll ever forget. No matter how hard I try," he chuckled. "I swore I'd never enter the law library again after graduation." He stared at the large illuminated clock tower not far from where they were parked. The look in his eyes as he stared out the window made her think he must be having the same rush of memories from their past she was.

"Let's get out and walk for a few minutes," she proposed.

"Are you sure you're up for it?"

He had every right to be concerned. Her condition of a few hours before would have led one to believe she should still be at home in bed. She reached over and squeezed his hand. "I'll be fine. Someone gave me some strong pain meds and let me sleep for a few hours earlier." She smiled raising her brow to him. "Come on. I haven't had a good walk in weeks."

"Okay. But if you get tired, or are any kind of pain, you have to tell me so we can come back."

They walked around the law school campus passing the main building where a majority of their classes had been held. "Do you remember there being a moment when you knew you wanted to become a litigator instead of choosing another branch of law?" she asked, pulling her coat more tightly around her body.

"Criminal procedures, and the mock trial, I think. Professor Stone made it real for me. I liked everything about it. The idea of debating and arguing in court. All the rules and the way they worked. It always made sense to me."

She nodded. "I really disliked that class."

"No, you disliked the professor. You loved the class material."

She laughed lightly as they walked, reaching out to take his hand. "He was prejudice against women, and he almost derailed my climb to top of our class."

Will laughed out loud. "You mean your reign as law school queen?"

She rolled her eyes. "It wasn't like that," she defended.

"I know, but it's still fun to tease you about it. He wasn't prejudice against women. He just didn't like having a student in class who could match his intelligence and completely derail his lectures by asking questions that were above the rest of our heads. ' _Office hours, Ms. Cavanaugh,'_ he'd always say. And instead of accepting that, you'd say something like, ' _Isn't this relevant to the procedures we're discussing? Don't you think it's important for the future litigators in this class to understand these laws completely_?'" He tried sounding as serious as she always had in class, but he couldn't keep from laughing.

"I was just being thorough," she laughed.

"Yes, but Stone didn't like it. I'll never forget the day he handed back our mid-terms and he'd docked you a bunch of points for one of your answers to an essay question. I don't think I'd ever seen you so upset."

"I was right about that question," she defended. "And he raised my grade after I went and argued my case with him."

He reached his arm across her back and pulled her closer. "You've always been good at arguing your case. That's one of the things that made me fall in love with you."

"That's also one of the reasons we were friends. You were good at it too, unlike most of the other law students I knew."

It was fun to walk around the campus together reminiscing about old professors, students, and agonizingly long study sessions she'd forced him to endure. It almost allowed her to forget for a while the real adult world they lived in now.

"I don't think I fully appreciated the education we got here until I was out in the workforce. All the great guest lecturers we heard. The diversity of students and professors. The second largest university law library in the nation."

"Me either," she responded. "I gave a lecture to the law students here a few months after I started working for the DOJ. It was…surreal to think I'd become one of those people. Someone students would actually want to listen too. There wasn't anything special or magical about me. The way you think guest lecturers are when you're a student."

They'd made it back around to the old clock tower. He turned to face her taking both of her hands into his. "And just think ten years from now one of those female law students will be sitting in her boss's office saying the same thing you once told Diane and I about a lecture Stern had given. That she found you inspiring."

She smiled, but shyly looked away. "I don't know about that."

"You don't give yourself enough credit, Leesh. I bet there are female law students all over this country who look up to you. Who want to be as accomplished as you are."

Her gaze went back to him. "Stop, now you're just embarrassing me."

He stepped closer. "I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true." His gaze moved to the large clock face several feet above them. "Being here reminds me of something I never had the chance to do in law school." He let go of one of her hands and pulled her to start walking around the clock tower.

"What's that?" she asked, contentedly.

"Tradition says that if a couple walks around the clock tower three times and then kiss, their love will last forever."

His eyes beamed as they came to a stop in front of the clock. He wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her close to his warm body.

"You never did this during law school?" she questioned skeptically. "You never once had a girl convince you to kiss her by the tower?"

"Plenty tried," he breathed, just inches from her face. "But there was only one girl I was ever interested in kissing here."

Their lips met in a warm, loving kiss. The lingering stress from the day melted away as her hand reached behind his neck to pull him closer. At other points during their relationship, the kiss would have probably been filled with passion, heat, and a longing for much more. Tonight it was a symbol of all they'd been through to get here. A symbol of their lasting love. It made her feel warm and safe.

A few short moments later they broke apart to the applause of some students walking by. Alicia blushed. Will took her hand and turned them towards the parking lot nodding his head in satisfaction at the attention.

"Let's go find something to eat," she said.

"I have the perfect place in mind," he responded, with a mischievous grin.

She stopped and looked at him. "Oh no, we are not going to that awful diner you used to love."

He pulled her close kissing the top of her head. "Not there," he chuckled. "Even I don't think my stomach could digest that greasy food anymore. I was thinking of that quiet little Italian place you always wanted to go?"

"The one where you always thought the crowd was too old for college students?" She raised a knowing brow to him.

"Yeah, that one. The truth is I thought it would be a great place to eat. But I was waiting to take you there on a real date so it would mean something."

She nodded turning to face him. "It would mean a lot to me now if we went." She leaned in giving him one more warm kiss.


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N Hello everyone! I hope there are still some out there wanting to read this after my long break. Thank you all again for the wonderful reviews and all the feedback. I really appreciate it! Let me know what you all want to see from here on out. There are several ways I can take this to a happy ending, but I want this be enjoyable for all my readers.**

"I'm not quite sure how to act around you when Chase is with us," Will said, over the phone as he stared into the bathroom mirror combing through his hair.

"What do you mean?" Alicia responded, smiling into the phone.

"I've never been very… _affectionate_ with women in front of him for all the reasons we've discussed." He thought briefly she probably didn't believe him. The Will she knew ten years ago never had a problem showing affection towards a woman in public.

"This is different. We're different. So, what do I do? Act like we always do? Put my arm over your shoulder at dinner? Hold your hand? Kiss your cheek when we meet at the restaurant? Or do I refrain from all of it until he gets to know you better?" He nervously unbuttoned the top button to his shirt that he'd just seconds before fastened staring back at his reflection. He hoped desperately he didn't look as nervous as he felt.

"I'm going to leave that up to you." She smiled at Alison across the room. "I think you should do whatever you think will be most comfortable for him."

He sighed heavily. "I like the way we are. I want him to know this is different. That I really care about you. I'm just…nervous," he admitted.

She couldn't help but smile doing her best to not laugh at the irony of the whole situation. "Nervous? You?"

"Yeah," he chuckled under his breath. "This is far more nerve wracking than arguing a big case in court."

"Mmhm," she chuckled. "The butterflies in your stomach are making you nauseous. Your hearts pounding so fast it feels like it found its way to your throat making it difficult to breathe properly. You feel like jumping out of your skin to get away from the panic that's creeping in? Is that about right?"

"Yeah, that's a pretty accurate description." He was excited for Alicia to meet Chase, but there were so many ifs he felt like he was going crazy. Would the two people he loved most in the world get along? Would they like each other? Would Chase really be okay adding another person to their duo? He shook his head. He was getting ahead of himself trying to read too much into one dinner.

"It's kind of nice having the tables turned," she said. "That's exactly how I felt when you met Zach for the first time." She ran a hand over the sweaters Alison had laid out on the bed for her. The truth was she was nervous too. After pulling half the clothes in the closet out unable to decide on what to wear, she'd asked Alison for her opinion. It mattered a great deal to her what Chase thought of her. She didn't want to get off on the wrong foot by wearing something he'd consider _uncool_.

Will chuckled spritzing on some cologne. "I made a complete fool of myself that afternoon."

"I don't think he noticed. I on the other hand, came close to a full blown panic attack."

"Really?" he said, surprised.

"Yes, and you asking me later if I thought you should meet the kids formally didn't help. If I allowed you to come over for a, meet the kids dinner, that meant I would have to admit that our _thing_ was more than just friendship and really great sex. In the back of my mind I knew it was more, but I wasn't willing to admit it."

"I get it. I was admittedly disappointed at the time, but I understood."

"You always did. You were far more patient with me over the years than I ever deserved. You rarely got anything in return," she mused, with a little guilt.

"Well, you can pay me back by helping me out tonight."

"Okay, see you soon."

After hanging up he continued to stare into the mirror. Janie had been right the day before when she told him he looked exhausted. He was. It didn't help that he was once again nursing a sore shoulder, and tight thigh muscles from a heart pounding run and trip to the batting cages. Unfortunately, a long hot shower and shave hadn't improved any of these things very much. It felt like the past few weeks had been nothing but a constant internal attack on his emotions. Keeping it all together was a bit challenging.

 _Was being with her, having this relationship with her, worth all of it?_ He thought to himself. _Yes,_ only because he believed this time it would work. This time it would last. This time was different.

* * *

They met at the restaurant. The same pizza parlor Chase and Will had been at the week before. It was family style with wood burning pizza ovens, yet appealing to a broad crowd with multiple television screens and live music on weekends. He'd let Chase pick the place in an attempt to make him feel more comfortable with Alicia.

She looked amazing in a soft cream colored sweater and skinny jeans as she approached them. Out of habit Will slid his arm across her lower back when he introduced her to Chase. Chase didn't seem to think anything of it. _Off to a good start,_ he thought.

He knew there were two ways this night would go. Chase was by nature shy, especially around adults he didn't know. It was possible Chase would be quiet and reserved all night, but if he felt comfortable, he'd engage fully in the conversation.

To Will's relief, Chase was engrossed in the conversation after only a few minutes. Alicia seemed a natural when it came to communicating with teens. It shouldn't surprise him so much. She'd always been able to communicate well with everyone who crossed her path. It certainly didn't hurt that she had a son. It warmed his heart that she seemed genuinely interested in what Chase had to say.

"I know you play baseball, but I don't think your dad ever told me what position you play," Alicia said, after they ordered their food.

"I'm a pitcher," Chase responded.

"Just like your dad was. I bet you're pretty good." She glanced at Will with a gentle smile that brought back memories of his college playing days.

"Yeah, I do okay. I'm going to go to some baseball camps in the spring to help improve my pitching techniques. I want to try out for the high school junior varsity team next year, but it's pretty competitive. I need to improve my pitching speed and some of my pitches. There's this other camp at the beginning of the summer where some of the top MLB players come run clinics and do one-on-one practice sessions with the participants. It's in Seattle at the Mariners' practice facility. Dad said I could go if I earn some of the cost."

"That sounds like a fair deal," Alicia responded.

"Yeah, but it's like a billion dollars and trying to get a job when you're thirteen is nearly impossible," he said with emphasis, shooting Will a piercing look.

Will couldn't help but laugh under his breath. "I told you all you'd need to do were some extra chores at home. And in the spring a few of the neighbors offered to pay you for some help with their spring clean-ups." He leaned forward clasping his hands together on the table. "It's not impossible. It's just going to take some extra work and patience."

Chase sighed turning his attention back to Alicia. "Was he really as good a player as he tells everyone? I mean I never met anyone who knew him back then." He leaned slightly over the table. "He told me he used to be good enough to play in the Minors before he hurt his shoulder. I mean he's good. He knows the game, but the Minors?"

Alicia managed to hold in the laughter at Chase's skepticism. She turned and looked at Will squeezing his leg under the table. "Yes," she said softly, "he really was that good." She looked back to Chase. "But he was good because he practiced really hard. That wasn't easy to do in law school. In the spring of our first year he would drag me to the practice field in the middle of our study sessions so he could work on his pitches. I'd sit in the bleachers working on outlines, or class readings while he practiced."

"I drug you?" Will said, chuckling in his defense. "I never forced you to come."

"Mostly true. The fresh air was good for me. And I liked watching you pitch. But it's a better story if I say you drug me."

"Did you go to all his games?" Chase asked.

"No, not all, but I did see quite a few of them. I was there the night he hurt his shoulder. Has he ever told you the story?"

"Yeah, a thousand times. That's why we have to do so many warmup drills at practice. And why he won't let me pitch every game. He doesn't want me to _overuse_ my muscles."

Alicia and Chase continued talking. Will's mind wandered back to the night he'd torn his rotator cuff during a game.

 _\- It was the bottom of the eighth inning. Georgetown was ahead four to two. His shoulder had been hurting more than usual during the game, but he brushed it off. He wound up and threw a pitch to strike the batter out. As the ball left his hand, he heard a popping sound and then felt excruciating pain._

 _He was transported to the hospital by ambulance. Alicia got there as quickly as she could, rushing into the ER, insisting she stay with him despite his protests._

" _Leesh, they're going to bandage me up, give me some meds, and I'll go home and sleep it off. You don't need to stay. I'll be fine."_

 _He couldn't help but laugh through the pain at the incredulous look on her face._

 _Placing her hands on her hips, she frowned at him. "Bandage you up and send you home? Will, you tore your rotator cuff. You're probably going to need surgery. You won't have use of that arm for weeks. You're going to need some help."_

 _It was then that the reality of the situation started sinking in. No use of his arm for weeks? The season would be over in five weeks, and he was at the top of his game. He couldn't sit out now._

 _In the end he did need surgery. Alicia stayed at the hospital with him all night and all of the following day. In the following few days she'd gone to class but stayed at his apartment the rest of the time nursing him back to health, making sure he kept up in class, typing papers he dictated to her and going over lectures he missed. She made him food, or ordered in, and was constantly making sure he was comfortable by adding pillows under his arm, making sure he took his medication, and making certain he didn't do anything that would irritate his shoulder. The thing is she was the only person during his recovery that didn't drive him batty. In fact, he liked having her around. She knew when to leave him alone. She wasn't offended when he snapped at her out of frustration from his lack of movement and ability to do things. She was the only one who could handle all of his mood swings._

 _He went back to class two weeks later, but the injury had shattered his dreams of playing in the big leagues. She was the one he went to six weeks later in the middle of the night after a devastating doctor appointment that had led him to a bar for a few drinks and then aimlessly wandering the streets before ending up on her doorstep._

 _After knocking several times, she finally cracked the door glaring at him in her pajamas. "Will, it's the middle of the night," she said, groggily, trying to wake up. Her eyes scanned his body. "Are you drunk?"_

 _He was a little drunk. She could probably smell it on his breath. He certainly didn't look very good after wandering around in the rain. He was exhausted, in pain, and in need of his best friend._

" _Leesh, I…" He looked down doing his best to hold in the emotions, but it was too much._

 _She opened the door further looking concerned. "You what? What's wrong?"_

" _I'm done. Finished. I won't ever pitch again." He hoped desperately the raindrops running down his face would conceal the tears that had sprung from his eyes. Will Gardner never cried. And he certainly didn't want anyone seeing him do it now. But that was the thing about Alicia. He could let down all his defenses around her._

" _Come on," was all she said, taking his hand and pulling him into her apartment. He shed his wet clothes in the bathroom while she dug through her closet for an old pair of sweats Owen had left after a visit and Will's hoodies she'd worn home a few days earlier._

 _After he changed she put him in her bed, made him some warm tea, gave him some aspirin, and climbed into bed next to him, letting him rest his head against her shoulder. "I'm really sorry, Will. I know that was your dream."_

" _I don't know what I'm going to do now," he admitted in complete defeat, swallowing back the tears._

" _You'll turn to plan B. Be the best defense lawyer this country's ever seen."_

 _That was all that was said between them in the darkness as the rain continued to splatter against the window. It was comforting to lay there snuggled under the soft blankets next to her warm body. For the first time in hours felt like maybe his whole world hadn't ended." -_

When the pizza arrived, Chase was skeptical that Alicia would actually want to eat what he and Will had ordered. Plain old pepperoni pizza. Nothing fancy, no vegetables, no special sauce, which is what every other adult woman he knew always seemed to want, if they even ate pizza at all. The few women who'd ever eaten out with them didn't even like pizza. Janie was the same as all the others. She'd just have salad when they ordered in or went out for pizza.

"You're really going to eat the pizza?" he blurted out, before thinking he maybe shouldn't ask such a question to someone he hardly knew.

Will and Alicia exchanged a quick look of amusement. "This is the best kind isn't it?" she responded.

"Yeah, but most girls don't like pizza. And if they do, they want to put all kinds of weird stuff on it."

Will couldn't help but laugh under his breath. "That's one of the reasons I liked Alicia back in law school. She was always willing to share a pepperoni pizza with me any time of day."

"There was one night I thought we should try something different. My roommate really liked chicken on her pizza."

Will groaned placing his hands on his stomach. "Do we really have to discuss this?"

"Why? What happened?" Chase asked, eagerly.

"I ordered a specialty pizza, barbeque chicken. Your dad and I both ended up with food poisoning."

"It was awful," Will added.

Alicia chuckled. "You and I spent the entire next day practically dead on your couch. I was too sick to get back to my own apartment."

Will's eyes lit up. "Yeah, as sick as I was though it was kind of fun spending the day with you watching movies, drinking ginger ale, and ignoring school."

"It was," she responded with a gentle smile.

Later on, Alicia asked Chase about school. "Do you still like your science class?"

"Yeah, my teacher's pretty cool. We get to do lots of experiments during class."

"Have you thought about what you want to be when you're older?"

"Yeah, I want to do something in the science field if I can't be a pro baseball player."

Will interjected. "Chase and his friend Brian think they have it all worked out. They're both going pro. They'll buy a huge mansion together and play video games all day when they aren't at practice." He and Alicia shared a look of amusement at the enthusiastic, but naïve aspirations of the thirteen-year-old.

Alicia nodded her head. "And what's your favorite video game right now?"

Chase sat back placing his hand to his chin. "That's a hard one. I always like to get the newest version of MLB {major league baseball} but Brian and I like to play Underworld, Avengers, Madden, Spy 16. Have you ever heard of any of those?"

Alicia shook her head. "A few sound familiar. My son Zach still likes to play video games. I bet he's heard of all of them."

"Cool."

Despite the stress he felt, Will couldn't ignore the feeling that after years of yearning for a sense of wholeness, completion, within the little family he'd created with Chase, he may be close to attaining it now. He couldn't get over how normal it felt to be here on a Friday night with his son and the woman he'd always wanted to be the mother of his children. The only person he'd ever wanted to share this kind of domestic life with. He'd thought up so many versions of this over the past thirty years it was hard to believe this was real.

Part of him wanted to take Chase and Alicia to a new city and start over completely. The witness protection lifestyle was in his blood now. Despite the isolation it posed, it wouldn't really matter to him if the two people he loved most were with him. They'd never do it of course, but the idea of being the Browns, or the Hansens, or Smiths, the couple who'd just moved from a little town in Montana and had been married for twenty years with a thirteen-year-old son, was very appealing. It seemed so simple compared to the current reality.

He sat back lifting his arm to drape it across Alicia's shoulders, but then thinking twice of it, scratched his head instead. He'd gone to hold her hand several times during the night, but had avoided it, hoping Chase hadn't noticed his few awkward movements. Things had gone well, but he was still apprehensive about showing too much affection.

"Is Alicia coming home with us to watch the game?" Chase interrupted his thoughts.

Will looked at Alicia. They hadn't made any plans for after dinner. They wanted to see how dinner went first, and Will didn't know how Alicia would be feeling physically. She'd called him from Zach's late the night before to talk, in an effort to keep her mind off the pain.

"It's up to her," he responded.

"I'd enjoy that," she replied.

* * *

"Would you two like to come over to Zach and Alison's for dinner and games on Sunday?" she asked, just before Chase went up to his room for the night.

Chase looked at Will across the kitchen bar with a hint of anxiousness. "We were going to put the tree up that night, and watch a Christmas movie," he said. "It's tradition. We always do it the Sunday after Thanksgiving."

Will set the empty popcorn bowl in the sink. "Maybe we could do that in the afternoon, and go to Zach and Alison's in the evening," He didn't think a little compromise was a bad idea.

Chase's shoulders slumped in disappointment. Alicia gently reached and squeezed Will's arm. "No, it's fine. Traditions are important. We can do it next weekend?"

Chase immediately perked up giving Alicia a grateful look. _She's already won him over,_ Will thought. Give it a few weeks, and it will be her and Chase against him. He could almost feel the power shift happening right in front of his eyes.

"Dad, can we do it? Please? Alicia could come over here Sunday and help us."

Will glanced at Alicia who nodded. "Okay. Did you want to tell her what the rules are, or were you going to leave that up to me?" The truth was, Will was thrilled Chase wanted Alicia to join them for their annual tree decorating night.

"Rules?" Alicia questioned with raised brow, leaning against the counter next to Will.

"Yeah," Chase said. "We only listen to Christmas music. You can't use your phone unless there's an emergency. You have to wear a Santa hat. And we have to watch a Christmas movie we've never seen before."

Alicia looked surprised at how elaborate it all seemed. Will couldn't blame her. Ten years ago, the thought of him wearing a Santa hat and decorating cookies would have never crossed her mind.

"That sounds great. Although, I don't own a Santa hat."

Will got a mischievous grin on his lips. "I'll make sure I have one for you."

"Cool! Goodnight," Chase said, turning to go up to bed, but then spun back around looking at Will. "And Dad, it's okay with me if you hold her hand. You look kind of funny trying to avoid it."

Will blushed. Alicia had to do everything she could to not laugh out loud as Chase turned and went up to bed.

Once he was out of sight Alicia chuckled turning to face him. Will sighed with embarrassment. "He's a sharp kid. What can I say?"

Alicia nodded. "He is. Not surprising with you as his father. But Cookie decorating, Santa hats. You do all of that?" she questioned, pointing her finger at him.

He straightened up as though he were about to cross a witness in court. "Yes," he answered proudly, closing the gap between and wrapping his arms around her waist. "We also make hot chocolate, and Chase get's to open a gift."

"It sounds…"

"Over the top," he said.

"No. I was going to say fun."

He moved closer. "As you can imagine Chase never really celebrated Christmas before I adopted him. He'd usually get one present each year that had been donated to the school he attended. Our first Christmas together after the adoption I probably went overboard, but he was so young I wanted him to have the whole Christmas experience. I thought he'd grow out of wanting to decorate sugar cookies, and wearing the hats, but he never has. So, we do the same thing every year. Put up the tree. Eat take out and a bunch of junk while we watch a movie."

Her eyes sparkled as a gentle smile crossed her lips.

"Yesterday when we were at the Marshall's for Thanksgiving, I over heard him complaining to Brian that he couldn't hang out on Sunday because he had to help with the tree, and that I was forcing him to watch some sappy Christmas film afterwards."

"But he seems so excited about it," Alicia said with surprise.

Will chuckled. "He is excited. And as you saw, it's important to him. But admitting to your friends that you'd rather stay home and hang out with your dad than spend the evening playing video games isn't exactly cool."

She wrapped her arms around his neck. "You've done a wonderful job raising him. He's perfect," she said, softly. "You probably don't see it, but he acts just like you sometimes. He walks like you. The way you two discuss sports together. The way he negotiated with you a few times tonight. That dark brown hair. He may not share your DNA, but he's definitely your son."

He leaned in and pressed his warm lips to hers. He wanted nothing more in that moment than to melt right into her. His body yearned for her. Despite all the challenges he wanted to feel close to her. But there was so much they needed to discuss. And even if he wanted to move this further, he knew he couldn't. She was still healing, and mending. They were both still trying to make sense of everything that had happened to her.

The kiss lingered for a few moments before they pulled apart for air. He looked into her hazel eyes, keeping his arms around her waist. "I really like having you here in my house," he said, softly.

"I've enjoyed being here," she responded with a content sigh.

"Would it be too presumptuous to say I wish you were always here?"

It took a few moments for her to respond, and he was sure he'd ruined the moment. But she slid her hands across his back and closed the small gap between them.

"No, it wouldn't be too presumptuous."


End file.
